Ladies, there is a difference between flirting and cockteasing. One makes you fun and sassy, the other makes you a cunt, so stop doing it!

Mr. JudgyBitch and I have a very close friend who is single, educated, successful and very conventionally attractive.  Tall and lithe and blonde with blue eyes framed by lashes so long they regularly send me into fits of jealousy.  Our friend has some strong opinions (which is why we are such good friends) and his tolerance for women’s shit hovers somewhere around rock bottom.  Ladies who like to bring the drama will find themselves on the other side of his door before they finish weeping and saying “you think I’m fat, don’t you?”

 

We call him JudgyAsshole. JA, for short.

Don’t let the name throw you.  JA is one hell of a great guy.  He is our back-up for all the kid shit we deal with, taking our son to dance lessons and our daughters to karate and picking up our kids from school when we can’t and babysitting so Mr. JudgyBitch and I can go out for dinner and a movie.  He loves his mom (always a sign of a good man who likes women in general) and he is funny and smart and charming as hell.

He’s also very good looking.  Did I mention that?  This means that women flirt with him ALL THE TIME.  Hell, I flirt with him and I am a happily married woman.  The other day, for example, he sent me a text complaining that the temperature in his office was too high and that he was hot.  “Why yes,” I texted him back, “you ARE hot!” Blush.

 

You see, flirting is all about affirmation of another person.  Flirting lets another person know you like them, you think they are appealing, you find them attractive and THAT’S IT.  There is no suggestion of anything more than an acknowledgement.  Flirting is a way of making other people, and yourself, feel good. It’s fun and harmless and innocent.  Ladies love to flirt with JA, and he flirts right back and it usually ends with everyone blushing and feeling great about themselves.

All good.

Cockteasing is another thing altogether.  Cockteasing isn’t about another person, it’s about the teaser.  It’s ego gratification at the expense of someone else’s feelings. And it’s a really bitchy thing to do.

Here’s an example:  JA met a lovely, attractive, funny woman at yoga (yes, ladies, he does yoga.  He also works out at a crazy gym where he hits tires with sledgehammers and carries around heavy things for no good reason.  Message me if you’re interested).  They had seen each other around before and got to chatting after yoga and eventually exchanged mobile numbers.

Time went by and they texted – just light hearted, getting to know you stuff.  JA found her interesting and appealing, but kept things light and didn’t ask her out.  He waited.  And then yesterday it happened:  she texted him and asked him to meet her at a party. Great!  Sounds like a date.  Doesn’t it?

So JA went to the party aaaaaaaaand, she has a boyfriend.  Of six years.

What the fuck?  Exactly.  See, this woman enjoyed the attention from JA.  She liked the feeling of gratification and acknowledgement of her ability to attract a highly desirable man.  She liked feeling the power of her looks and charm.  She liked everything about her interactions with JA, and even though there was no possibility of a relationship, she happily led him on because it made her feel good.  And don’t give me any bullshit about how she invited him expressly to tell him she had a boyfriend.  Total crock.  If she wanted him to know she would have worked the words “my boyfriend” into any number of conversations or texts.

Who wants to bet she didn’t think her boyfriend would be showing up at the party?  She was probably planning on cheating on him and got cut off at the pass.  Wouldn’t surprise me.

The important part here is that she encouraged his attraction, omitted a pretty salient detail and invited him to a party where it was reasonable to expect they might explore their attraction further.  And she did it for her own gratification and without a single thought for JA or how he might feel about playing that particular game. That’s a cocktease.  Now let’s be clear:  no one is ever under any obligation to explore any relationship further than they want to, but LYING (and yes, omission is a lie) and LEADING ON are total bitch moves.

And ladies, if you want an awesome man like JA or really any relationship with another person at all, you’re going to have to follow a few simple rules.  The first one is DON’T BE A SELFISH CUNT.  And that is what cockteasing is, at the end of the day.  You, being selfish and a total cunt.  So stop doing it.

Lots of love,

JB