Would I want my daughters to be hookers? No, but that doesn’t mean I hate prostitutes. I wouldn’t want them to be lawyers, either.

19 Nov

I had one of those “put your money where your mouth is” moments when I read a very moving coming out story from a young prostitute in Australia (where prostitution is legal).  It’s worth re-printing at length.

“Where is all this money coming from Grace? You’re only seventeen, you can’t be earning this from the bakery. What are you doing? I don’t believe you’re selling drugs, but it’s the only thing I can think of. You are saying you’re going to parties you aren’t attending, you’re not our daughter anymore, you’ve turned into something else.”

 

My mother paced the kitchen as I sat at the table playing with the runner, twisting its tassels between my fingers.

 

“No I’m not selling drugs mum, I’m a prostitute. I f*ck men for a living.”

 

My mother visibly retched, as my father leant against the back wall for support. I’ve never seen him grow so old in a moment since.

 

“Oh god, I’m going to vomit,” mum said. She steadied herself on the door frame, half running to the toilet.

 

My father began to cry. I’d never seen my father cry before.

 

A highly successful manager, and alpha male, he always dominated and led his men. He could walk into a pub and have a bar surrounding him in a few minutes, engaging, talking. People were attracted to my father like moths to a flame. There was something strong, good and fiercely independent about him that women flirted with and men followed.

 

“You’re my daughter Grace. How, f*ck. How can you let them do that do you? What did I do wrong? Oh god. Why? Why the f*ck are you doing this? Oh sh*t, I need to sit down. How can you be a whore? Don’t you know how they see you? How they talk, oh god, I feel sick. Please tell me I’m dreaming, for the love of god please tell me I’m dreaming.”

 

“No I’m not selling drugs mum, I’m a prostitute. I fuck men for a living.”

 

“I’m sorry daddy,” I responded. I could hear my mother retching in the ensuite up the hallway, her convulsions only broken by her sobs.

 

“Oh Grace, god, I love you so much, why? Why are you doing this?”

 

Tears continued to roll down the face of the only man I’d ever loved at that stage. It broke my heart.

 

“How? How the f*ck are you doing this? How can they let you do this? You’re f*cking seventeen for God’s sake, you’re not a f*cking whore.” I had never heard him swear so much in my company.

 

“I just rang them up, had an interview. They didn’t ask for ID.”

 

“Oh god. Is this some sick nightmare? How long have you been working?”

 

“A few months.”

 

“You know you’ve broken your mother’s heart? We gave you everything, love, a home, values, a good upbringing, fuck I even worked my ass off to give you a good school. You are so intelligent, what, are you going to throw all these scholarships, all these programs, all this time, all these people who just think you can be everything you can be, and you want to be a f*cking whore?”

 

“Dad, it’s not like that.”

 

My mother emerged from the bathroom, bloodshot eyes and as old as my father. For the first time I was no longer their daughter, but a very alien stranger.

 

Finally my mother spoke.

 

“Please leave Grace, you need to move out if you are going to keep doing this. This is not what we brought you up to be. We love you, but cannot have you under our roof any longer if this is to continue. “ I looked at my father.

 

“Please leave, for we do not know what you have become.”

 

http://www.mamamia.com.au/health-wellbeing/sex-workers-the-fight-for-recognition-rights-and-language/

 

You can read more of Grace’s wonderful writing at her NSFW website:

http://gracebellavue.com/

And more about coming out stories at The Honest Courtesan, by the very smart, very articulate Maggie McNeill.

http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/all-in-the-family/

In fact, Maggie is so smart and so well-spoken, she may not even be a whore!  The whole thing could be an elaborate front for…well, I don’t know.  But a clever, lucid hooker?  Pretty suspicious, amirite?

Back to Grace.

When I read Grace’s story, all my compassion was for Grace.  Why were her parents reacting so strongly?  How could they be so cruel? Would they really prefer if she were a drug dealer?  Did they not think Grace could make her own decisions about who and where and why to have sex?  How could they kick her out?  What is wrong with them?!?

And then of course, my next thought was, well JudgyBitch, what if seven years from now PinkyPinkyPie came and said those exact words to you.

I wouldn’t like it.  I wouldn’t like it one bit.  But not for the same reasons as Grace’s parents. I wouldn’t think she had failed morally.  I wouldn’t think I had done a bad job with her.  I wouldn’t think she was stupid or naïve or psychologically damaged in some way.  In fact, I might even admire her entrepreneurial spirit.

What I would hate is the stigma.  The world is not kind to sex workers, and it seems to be one of the sole areas where women are denied autonomy over their own bodies, where it is acceptable to call them stupid and vulnerable and simple and abused and understand them as nothing more than tools, objects deployed by other people to satisfy the desires and needs of men.

And no doubt, that IS the case for horribly abused, drug addicted, mired in poverty, trafficked whores, but the problem there is that they are abused, addicted, poor and trafficked.  Not that they are whores.  Grace is not one of those women.  She is a beautiful, intelligent, talented woman who understands the value of her beauty and sensuality and sexuality and claims the right to determine the price of that.  And why the hell shouldn’t she?

It’s mostly middle aged women who object to young, gorgeous prostitutes, isn’t it?  Now why would that be?  Possibly because they know competing with someone like Grace might be awfully difficult?  And yes, it is difficult.  But not impossible.  It requires some effort though.  JudgyBitch is no longer 17 years old and nubile and lovely like Grace, but she isn’t altogether too concerned about Grace, because despite the extra years and the toll having three children has taken on her body, she is still slender and takes care of what little beauty she has, and she makes Mr. JB the center of her world, which reduces his interest in exquisite ladies like Grace.  Although quite frankly, I wouldn’t have a huge problem with Mr.JB paying Grace a visit next time he’s in Adelaide, as long as I get an equal amount of cash to buy those new black leather UGG boots I’ve had my eye on.

Win-win!

Not everyone sees women as having the absolute right to determine the value of their own bodies, though, and that forms the basis of my objection to having my daughters work in the sex industry. I would hate the vitriol, the hatred, the victimization narrative, the assumption that they are damaged, immoral, and incapable of making their own decisions.  I would hate the sneering looks of contempt, the assumption that they are sluts or wanton or depraved.  I would hate all of that.  I would like to see a world where it is safe for a young woman to decide the value of her own body.  Until that happens, no, I wouldn’t like my daughters to be whores.

Of course, I wouldn’t like them to be personal injury lawyers either.  Ambulance chasing, money-grubbing, corrupt ghouls.  Ugh.  On second thought, maybe there are worse things to be than a whore.

Lots of love,

JB

14 Responses to “Would I want my daughters to be hookers? No, but that doesn’t mean I hate prostitutes. I wouldn’t want them to be lawyers, either.”

  1. Shanky November 20, 2012 at 16:54 #

    I’ve been reading your blog for some time now. While I like most of what you say, I must disagree with you on this post. I am a libertarian too but I see a lot of value in banning/ shaming prostitution and polygamy in society.

    The victims of prostitution are the women of the future, the victims of polygamy are the men of the future.

    In a society where prostitution becomes legal and socially accepted, more and more men will meet their sexual needs through prostitution. Mass market economics means that prices will come down in time (this has already been observed in porn) encouraging more men to avail of these services. After a few generations, as a result of this intense sexual competition, even decent ladies will find it increasingly difficult to attract a man for marriage.

    In a society where polygamy becomes legal and socially accepted, more and more women will only marry rich men (think Hugh Hefner). After a few generations, as a result of this intense competition, even decent hard working middle-class men will find it increasingly difficult to marry. This will result in violence; Islamic terrorism can be attributed to the prevalence of polygamy in Afghanistan.

    This is the reason why most economically successful civilizations of the world have banned both prostitution and polygamy in the past. Those who ignore history’s mistakes are doomed to repeat them.

    Like

  2. GrimGhost December 5, 2012 at 06:01 #

    Prostitution == polygamy? No.

    You’re right that if prostitution were completely decriminalized, its price would come down. But only so far. A date might or not have sex with you after you spend the money on her, but a prostitute would guarantee the sex, and she could charge a premium for that guarantee. Very few men would see prostitutes often, or could afford to.

    Your post presumes that men are brutes, and the other thing that they consider when deciding to marry is the question of sex. As a man, I call such a belief both stupid and insulting. But hell, if you’re going to think the worst of malekind, you’re not going far enough! If one of us will pass up marrying because a wife has the right to refuse sex, do you think we’re going to be any happier with prostitutes? Brute men want sexual exclusiveness and economic dependence in their women, and prostitutes are zero-for-two in that regard!

    Meanwhile, the idea that today’s crop of “platinum p*ssy” feminists would agree to be the second or third wife of a penis-person? It is to laugh!

    There is one and only one good reason to ban prostitution: so that frigid wives with feminist rationalizations can sexually monopolize their husbands. That’s not a “nice” reason, but it’s the honest one. Every other “reason” to ban prostitution is sophistry.

    If a woman has the right to her own body enough that she may rip a fetus out of her womb, then she has the right to charge a man to put his penis into her womb. The logic or the two, stand or fall together.

    If you argue that she’s not competent to decide whether to prostitute her body, then she’s not competent to vote or sign contracts either. If we decide that she’s competent but it doesn’t matter because “the good of society” has priority, then we should set “the good of society” above men as well, and set up a benevolent dictatorship.

    Like

  3. princesspixiepointless December 5, 2012 at 10:53 #

    Hello Grim Ghost. I don’t think that decriminalizing prostitution would drive the price down, (maybe on the black market it would) the contrary it would drive the minimum prices up, to cover VAT, or GST,PST depending on where you are living, plus all the add-ons that most of us working joe’s have to pay. What truly drives the prices of prostitution down is desperation, competition and flooded markets. When the EuroZone came into proper effect in the late 1990’s, Britain was flooded with sex workers from struggling European countries, and the market truly bottomed out. Here I am talking about ‘small safe brothels”, the ones men would call from the phone boxes, ones with a handful of girls working in them, with a Madam or pimp and a few maids. More women, desperate to either feed their families of a work related drug habit, would begin to do more for less, thus driving the competition and prices down. Ten years later this is the norm. Which is sad. However, which may also keep a lot of young girls out of the business as the cost/benefits is just not work the risk. I am not referring to the world of curb walkers, or high end escorts or call girls. Those are the extremes of the profession.

    Also you mentioned “Your post presumes that men are brutes, and the other thing that they consider when deciding to marry is the question of sex”“As a man, I call such a belief both stupid and insulting.”

    Do you not think SEX is an important and intimate part of marriage? As a woman, part of being with my husband and deciding not to go elsewhere, is sexual compatibility and sexual enjoyment of each other. Both having simiilar (not absolute and never changing) needs and desires for the other to fufill? (PPP)

    Like

  4. GrimGhost December 5, 2012 at 13:16 #

    >> Also you mentioned “Your post presumes that men are brutes, and the other thing that they consider when deciding to marry is the question of sex”“As a man, I call such a belief both stupid and insulting.”

    > Do you not think SEX is an important and intimate part of marriage? As a woman, part of being with my husband and deciding not to go elsewhere, is sexual compatibility and sexual enjoyment of each other. Both having simiilar (not absolute and never changing) needs and desires for the other to fufill?

    PPP, I goofed in my earlier post, typing “other thing” when I meant “only thing.”

    Yes, sex is important in marriage for a man. In fact, based on my own experience, I would advise a man who knows (or suspects) that he is sexually incompatible with his fiancée to call off the wedding. Because a husband who is sexually unhappy has NO HONORABLE OPTIONS, and that is hell.

    I have to say, I burn with envy for Mr. JB and for “Maggie’s Man” (Maggie McNeill’s husband), whose wives make the extra effort to give their husbands fantastic sex lives.

    But what I meant with my “stupid and insulting” comment is that the relationship that a man has with his wife, WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING RIGHT, outside the bedroom is better and deeper than he ever had with a girlfriend, or that he has with male friends.

    My wife divorced me a quarter-century ago, and I don’t think about her much these days. But when I do, what I miss is the companionship that we had at first.

    Like

  5. Anonymous January 12, 2013 at 16:56 #

    Fuck off, you’re full of shit. So, the single and sole reason you wouldn’t want your own daughters to be whoring themselves out is because of the stigma? Other than that you would be proud, right? Yeah, yeah.

    Like

  6. judgybitch January 12, 2013 at 19:21 #

    Wait! Are you accusing me of hyperbole to make a point that stigmatizing sex workers is what hurts them?

    Get out!

    Like

  7. wonderfull society April 30, 2013 at 16:28 #

    making prostitution legal means making others to see your daughter ,sister ,mother,girlfriend or any girl as sex object,,,,,,,and on the other side we talk about respecting womens making them free from eveteasing,rape and sexual crimes…….reply me anyone but i hope u respect my words

    Like

  8. JBfan August 17, 2013 at 08:36 #

    Yeah, treating prostitutes as criminals really worked well for Catherine Eddowes in 1888 didn’t it? Here in the uk, prostitution is legal, but advertising it isn’t which seems there is room for improvement, but better than outright illegality. If that girl had been my daughter, my biggest concern would be her safety and well being, and I’d demand that she stop, but I’d never kick her out, her parents should hang their heads in shame, not her.

    Like

  9. JBfan August 17, 2013 at 08:49 #

    Oh, and FYI JB, what the fuck do you mean “what little beauty”? I’ve seen your YouTube videos, you’re a really good looking lass, there are girls half your age who’d kill to look like you 😉

    Like

  10. Aphrodite November 13, 2013 at 16:58 #

    Well, well….reading stories about parents who throw their children out because of prostitution makes me angry…so angry.
    One, because those people don’t seem to care the least about their child’s feelings and motives.
    What do these people want to reach by throwing Grace out? Make her quit prostitution? It wouldn’t work in my case.
    Do these people actually LOVE their daughter?
    I doubt. To me, it only seemed ‘conditional love’.
    That kind of ‘love’ that’s reserved for ‘good’ daughters and sons.
    Parents expect their children to be good, to be succesfull, and to be perfect.
    Yes, they WANT that, We all want our children to be happy and succesfull.
    But what if they turn out to be someone totally different?
    Do we have to reject them as if we’ve never known them?
    Do we have to regret the day they were born?
    NO, because that’s what you could have expected TOO.
    People wouldn’t be people if there wasn’t any chance they would turn out into something ‘unsuitable’. That’s one thing I learned from my human education.
    AND…by the way, what did Grace do wrong to HER parents? In my eyes, nothing.
    And their eyes, a lot. Prostituting herself…what a shame….
    But prostitution has never heard her parents in a direct way.
    Not in the same way as f.ex. you’d abuse your mother (and/or father)
    héhé, my feelings are out. This is a very personal issue to me.
    But I’ve had the luck to have a mother who supported and protected me.
    Funny enough, our bond became better after she’d found out. That was her way to protect me. 😉

    Like

  11. Aphrodite November 13, 2013 at 17:00 #

    I meant humane education.
    OMG, and ‘hurt’ instead of ‘heard’.
    Excuse me.

    Like

  12. Aphrodite November 16, 2013 at 10:12 #

    Reblogged this on Writings from a woman of pleasure and commented:
    A touching post on prostitution and family.
    And yes, JB has a hart, somewhere 😉

    Like

  13. lanthanumentertainment November 25, 2013 at 01:25 #

    Personally, I would be angry at my daughter and try to make her stop. But never kick her out because of that. And if she really wanted to continue, then I really cannot do anything about it now do I? It’s her life after all… Of course as long as she does it as safe as possible

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: