Barbie comes out in favor of polygamy, and other twisted stories from Jezebel.

21 Nov

First, they went after pink Legos (they’re BAD!), then they went after Guess Who? (it’s sexist!) and now the awesome writers at Jezebel are going after dollhouses (they enforce gender norms!), proving that if you go looking for misery, you are sure to find it.

So what’s wrong with dollhouses?  Well, they involve little figures of humans (called dolls), who play in a house (called a dollhouse) and this is clearly, outrageously sexist!  Humans in a house?  Absurd!  How can this be allowed?  They’re HETERONORMATIVE!  What’s that you say?  That most humans are heterosexual?  Oh, get out of here with your facts and logic.  Only gay people live in houses.  Everyone knows that!

Interestingly enough, Jezebel LIKES the Barbie Malibu DreamHouse, because it’s filled with lady dolls and only one boy doll!   “[This] type of house, however, had themes of friendship and, dare I say, female-independence.  These houses had only women or, more often, a group of women and one man.  They gave the impression of female home-ownership and female-dominated social interaction.”

Whoo boy, did you get that one wrong, Jezebel.  The Malibu Dream House isn’t about female friendship and female-dominated social interaction.  It’s about POLYGAMY!  That man (let’s call him Ken, shall we?) is the husband and all those lovely, lithe Barbies in the house with him?  Yeah, those are his wives. All of them.  Ken is in the kitchen, having a meal that one of his wives prepared for him.  His other wives are lounging on the bed (in case he wants sex),  fixing their hair (in case he wants a blow job), working in the kitchen (in case he wants ANOTHER sandwich) and doing astronomy in a bikini on the roof because why the hell not?  It’s Malibu! It’s a Dream! In a House!

Hmm.  I wonder if MissBossyPants would like a Malibu Dream House for Christmas this year?  Polygamy is not really in line with our values, but hey, you never know.  It’s a known fact that playing with dollhouses causes fun and imagination and crazed feminist rantings about topics so fucking absurd it boggles the bloody mind.

Perhaps we’ll just stick with the pink Legos.  PinkyPinkyPie wants a butter churn (for real).  I think maybe an EasyBake oven is the way to go with her little sister.  You can never start too early!

Lots of love,


One Response to “Barbie comes out in favor of polygamy, and other twisted stories from Jezebel.”

  1. Anonymous November 21, 2012 at 13:07 #

    And when a better Ken comes along, this one is out to the curb with a hefty child support bourdon. Sorry Ken One, you are just too boring. Ken Two has nicer abs, a bigger salary and plays guitar. Hypergamy Barbie is awesome!


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