In How To Be A Woman, Caitlin Moran has a number of whacked out theories about the current state of feminism and being a woman, but one that struck me as particularly obtuse was her stance on pubic hair. She is, in her words, “vagina-retro”, preferring NO personal grooming of her pubic area at all, and she urges other women to follow suit. Her theory is that it’s the porn industry that has caused this sudden craze for naked muffs. The camera captures the thrusting so much better when all that hair is out of the way.
Er, maybe, but that’s not why most women wax or shave or otherwise groom their pubic hair.
It’s because hair in your food is gross and if you plan on serving your clitoris as an appetizer, your dinner companion is likely to be a lot more enthusiastic when presented with smooth, soft skin. Who likes chewing on monkey fur, and damn, that stuff is terrible when it gets stuck in the back of your throat. Really, ladies, if the sausages were covered in hair from base to tip, how eager would you be to try out your deep-throat technique?
Yeah, not so much.
And I really fucking hate the whole “pedophile” argument. It’s so goddamn stupid I almost hesitate to respond, but since it comes up so often when the topic of waxing is discussed, I will relent on my no engaging fucking morons policy and explain why liking a smooth puss is NOT pedophilia.
First of all, what the hell do you think removing the hair from your legs, armpits or face is supposed to accomplish? To make you look more youthful, perhaps? Yeah. Exactly. If you shave your legs or like a man with a shaved face, you are responding to the same cues – youthfulness and more likely, just the pleasures of unadorned skin. Skin is nice. It’s lovely. Touching and stroking bare skin is one of the greatest pleasures in life. Holding someone while completely naked is a feeling of total bliss, skin to skin, body to body, your heat melting into another’s.
Part of a good, happy, healthy sex life is making sure your partner is comfortable and experiencing pleasures equal to yours. Part of being a good hostess is making sure you don’t serve canapés covered with hair if your guests aren’t really fond of that. Combine those two things, and you’ll find that a little trip to Brazil is just the perfect touch.
Let’s be clear – you don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to do. This is absolutely every individual woman’s personal decision. But if you plan on inviting a hungry dinner guest and then serving him some pizza that accidentally fell cheese side down on the rug, don’t be surprised if he finds himself not quite so very hungry.
And honestly, it doesn’t hurt THAT much. Suck it up, bitch. And then get him to do the same.
Lots of love,