Want to protect yourself from domestic abuse? Be a stay at home wife and mother.

2 Dec


Today the Daily Mail is reporting that women who have careers outside the home are much more likely to suffer domestic abuse at the hands of their partners than women who are full time stay at home wives and mothers.  60% of career ladies reported their partners roughing them up, while only 30% of SAHMs said the same thing.


Hmm.  Well, first of all, let’s take a look at what constitutes abuse, shall we? According to the study’s authors, abusive actions included having something thrown at them, being pushed, grabbed or shoved, slapped, hit, kicked or bitten or threatened with a gun or knife.  Yikes!  Those last few items are pretty scary indeed.  Knives and guns and biting and kicking – good lord.  That’s some pretty serious fighting.  What about having something thrown at you?  I guess it depends on what it is, doesn’t it?  A basket of laundry that’s been sitting on the table for two weeks is one thing.  A bowling trophy is another.  Being pushed or shoved or grabbed doesn’t sound particularly pleasant, but it’s a bit much to define it as abuse.


And of course, the great big blind spot in this study is HOW OFTEN ARE THE MEN SUBJECT TO DOMESTIC ABUSE?  Ladies may not be quick to threaten with guns or knives (that’s a fight they are likely to lose) but they don’t throw things, shove their partners, grab them or push them out of the way?  Bullshit.  If we’re defining abuse as those actions, then let’s take a survey of men and see how often the ladies are dishing out what they damn well better be prepared to take.


The researchers who conducted the study (women of course) have a theory about why career ladies are more likely to be on the receiving end of a shove.  Raise your hand if you think it’s MEN’S FAULT!


Of course it is, silly.  Get ready for a ride in the WAHMBULANCE! Men are mean.  Bastards!  Ladies with jobs threaten authority and power in a marriage.  Men don’t like that, so they throw shit at their partners.  Because men are stupid!  Men suck!  Big meanies!


The usual sneering contempt for women who stay at home and care for their families comes through loud and clear(we’re domestic workers, ladies – not wives and mothers), and there is an interesting kernel of truth hidden inside the venom.

“When women are home-bound through their role as domestic workers, they lack connections to co-workers and the social capital that is produced through those connections, in addition to wages, job prestige, resources, and thus, power. In turn, they must rely solely on their male partner for financial sustenance and can benefit from the distinction that his employment brings the couple”.

Ladies who work have prestige, money, power and social connections.  All the things men are accused of having and abusing.  Women, apparently, never abuse their power or connections.  And they certainly never shove their big mean partners around.  Nu-uh.  Doesn’t happen.  La la la I can’t hear you.

Is it possible that having two partners both working full time is a really shitty, stressful, unfulfilling awful way to live, and that when families are set up with two earners, both partners are equally likely to strike out in frustration and anger and disillusionment and just plain old exhaustion?  Most families deal with the anguish of two earners by buying a whole lot of shit they don’t need, that won’t make them feel better and that is destroying our planet.


“Dual-income parents get to spend so very little time with their children on the average weekday, usually four or fewer waking hours. This becomes a source of guilt for many parents, and buying their children toys, clothes and other possessions is a way to achieve temporary happiness during this limited timespan.”


Hey, I have an idea.  Let’s change the fundamental rules of the game.  Stay at home with your children, buy less stuff, reduce competition in the domestic labor force (which will cause existing wages to go up to a family wage again) and when you get frustrated with how things are going, don’t shove your partner!


Unless you’re ready to get shoved right back.

Lots of love,


9 Responses to “Want to protect yourself from domestic abuse? Be a stay at home wife and mother.”

  1. Chaos Cow December 2, 2012 at 15:57 #

    300 women is certainly a fair representation of the female population for an accurate study of domestic violence. I’m sold.

    These studies fail to ask questions a grammar school student wold ask. Why are they working? Extra needed income? Pursuing a “career”? Drug money? Whats their profession? Convenience store cashier? CEO? Prostitute?

    I would guess women working as prostitutes to support a drug habit are far more likely to be the “victims” of domestic violence than the executive pursuing a high level career.

    Also let’s not forget, definitions of domestic violence are expanding all the time to include things such as ignoring your wife (of course wife because men never get the cold shoulder) not fulfilling your domestic responsibilities and keeping money away from a financially irresponsible spouse.

    And if these women are working how were they home taking telephone polls? I would view people who take part in telephone (seriously, who owns a land line anymore?) surveys as lonely people who are in desperate need of attention. And besides, everyone always tells the truth to random callers, ESPECIALLY when discussing domestic violence. A lonely attention starved woman would never make up a victim story to gain that attention.


  2. driversuz December 2, 2012 at 22:18 #

    Well now surely, a telephone poll MUST be at least as reliable as say, Facebook poll!


  3. judgybitch December 2, 2012 at 22:29 #


    I just asked Mr. JB if he needed any laundry done for tomorrow and HE IGNORED ME.

    I’ve been abused! Someone call me! Poll me! I’ll give it straight up.


  4. ... December 4, 2012 at 05:35 #

    or maybe evil career women are more likely to report their abusing low-life partners as they likely are more likely to have a strong network outside of the home? I’d take a large bet that SAHM who has a bf or husband that spends his evenings downing 12 packs and bruising her up isn’t going to have much courage or OPPORTUNITY to ring the warning bells. also where exactly is SAHM going to get the cash to leave that sob?

    JB you have some half interesting views here & I get that you are trying to be provocative, but downplaying domestic violence is bizarre whether its violence against woman or a man.


  5. Ter January 11, 2013 at 04:36 #

    Actually, in Australia, relatively recent changes to domestic violence laws now include items such as emotional abuse. This includes insults and shouting that are damaging to self-esteem.

    I think this may help explain why some surveys have such alarmingly high numbers of women who are victims of domestic violence (they usually don’t include men in domestic violence surveys – but as you already know, men never get shouted at, or insulted – unless they deserve it, of course).


  6. Ter January 11, 2013 at 04:42 #

    Following on from my previous comment, here’s a relevant quote from Australia’s National Council for Single Mothers and their Children:
    “Domestic violence is often not recognized by others, particularly if it is the more subtle psychological and emotional abuse. A Woman herself may not recognize that what is happening is domestic violence.”
    ..so, pay attention because you may not even realize that you’re a domestic violence victim!
    Source: http://www.ncsmc.org.au/wsas/violence_and_abuse/definition_of_domestic_violence.htm


  7. Ter January 11, 2013 at 04:52 #

    OK, sorry to keep revisiting with a 3rd comment (last one for this post!), but I think the following is too good to pass up! On the page I referenced in previous comment, apparently, it is abusive if the man (presumably, since it’s on the National Council for Single Mothers and their Children site):
    – is “sulking”
    – commits suicide
    – is “Making all the ‘big’ decisions”
    – “Refused to do housework or child care”


  8. Erik Norén October 21, 2013 at 01:41 #

    I heard somewhere that someone (sorry) was regarding it as abusive for a man to use logic on his partner.



  1. Lightning Round – 2012/12/05 « Free Northerner - December 5, 2012

    […] yourself from abuse: be a stay at home mother. Related: Economic abuse? […]


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