Engagement rings. A word of caution.

9 Jan

So, at the risk of sounding like a whiny, unappreciative bitch, let me preface this by saying that Mr. JB and I have talked about this often, and he understands how I feel.  Just so you know.

 

Two great friends of ours, GentleGiant (6’4 former varsity basketball player) and LusciousLocks (stunning Irish girl with red hair halfway down her back), have recently become engaged, and we could not be happier for the two of them.  They are a lovely couple, and more importantly, she is a sensible, down to earth girl with her feet firmly on the ground (and a great fan of sensible shoes, so you know I approve of her enormously). With her gorgeous green eyes and red hair, Giant decided the best possible ring for her would be an emerald, set in silver, and the ring is really quite gorgeous.

 

It looks something like this:

-4

 

Lusicous is completely thrilled with the ring and wouldn’t change a thing about it.  It’s not a traditional choice, but it suits her perfectly and clearly, Giant put a lot of thought into it.  We drank pink champagne to celebrate their engagement and all the ladies lined up to admire the ring.

 

-2

 

All of which led me to start wondering:  when young women are out earning their male counterparts, why is it that so many of them still expect an engagement ring?  Traditionally, a ring was evidence that a man COULD support a wife, but when women make more money than men, what is the point of an engagement ring?

 

Sadly, I think it has just become another way for women to signal their status to one another.  A big rock means you have his balls in your purse and you get what you want, dammit!

 

-5

 

I don’t know a single woman with a big honking diamond ring who isn’t also a complete cunt.  Sad, but true.  Like this bitch: she basically harangues her soon to be husband for YEARS about her stupid ring, and then when he finally buys one, it’s too small, the wrong cut, the wrong size, blah blah blah.

 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/show-me-your-gt-size-4-fingers-half-carat-rings

 

Most of the women I really and truly like either have no engagement ring at all, or have a modest ring, usually inherited from family.

 

Here’s where it gets tricky:  the only jewellery I wear is my wedding band, and a fairly substantial diamond engagement ring.  Just under one carat, with titanium claws, set in a broad gold band.  It looks like this:

 

-1

 

And I pretty much hate it.  It puts me solidly in the superficial, materialist bitch camp, which I don’t much like.  It’s pretty safe to assume that when you see a woman sporting a big diamond, she wanted it, cares about it, and takes pride in signalling her superiority to other women.  And that is so not me.

 

-6

 

I also dislike conspicuous displays of wealth. In the town where we live, there are plenty of people just scraping by.  They drive beat up cars and wear hand me down clothes and look worried and stressed in the grocery store, and I really don’t like walking around with several thousands of dollars sparkling on my ring finger.  It feels like a really shitty, insensitive thing to do.

 

So how did I end up with this beautiful ring?  Here’s the story.

 

A long time ago, Mr. JB’s grandfather, King JB met a pretty young thing and decided he wanted to get married.  Instead of going to the proper WASPY jeweller, like all the other gents at the country club (yes, they really DID belong to a posh country club), the King decided to make use of the services of a young Polish guy who survived the horrors of WWII.  The jeweller, whom we’ll call Walter, wasn’t the proper choice, but the King liked him, had some inkling of what he had been through, and decided if anyone was going to make some money, it would be Walter.

 

-8

 

When it came time for Mr. JB’s father to propose to the Dowager, he went to the King to ask for permission (still a thing back then), and on the advice of the King, he also purchased a small diamond from Walter. As time went on, Walter grew old and frail, but remained good friends with both the King and the Duke.  When Mr. JB was young man of 22 years, it became clear that Walter would soon be departing the world, having sold his rocks to many, many happy couples.  Mr.JB decided that his future wife would also have a ring provided by Walter, and just before Walter died, Mr. JB sat down with him and selected a stone.  The highest weight and clarity that he could afford at the time.  And then he tucked that diamond away, and waited to meet the woman who would one day wear it.

 

-3

 

He never dreamed that she would be the very last person in the world to give a shit about diamonds.

 

While I hate what the ring means to OTHER people, I love what it means to Mr. JB, and to his family.  It joins me to a tradition that is both lovely and comforting.  In general, I would say that the desire for a big engagement ring is probably a really bad sign, but I also know that the desire can come from some very deep and complicated places.  Variable semantic hieroglyphic valance.  How’s that for some amazing bullshit academic speak? Yeah, those four years I spent in liberal arts made me such a GREAT communicator, don’t you think?

 

One thing can mean many things.  My ring stands for a love that crosses time, cultures, generations, class.  And for those reasons, I love it.

 

And the titanium claws? Yeah, Mr. JB figured it would take me about one second to knock the stone out of regular gold claws (I can be a bit rough on my things), so he had the stone set in the hardest metal he could buy.  Remarkably, I HAVE managed to put a chip in one of the claws (I banged it against a metal pole running for a train in Osaka).

 

-7

 

I’m not too worried about it.  After all, it’s just some compressed carbon. Plenty more where that came from.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

46 Responses to “Engagement rings. A word of caution.”

  1. princesspixiepointless January 9, 2013 at 20:40 #

    It’s sweet that you thought those titanium claws were cuz your were a wee bit clumsy, Both Mr.JB and I know, you would have pawned that shit the minute you could hawked that diamond! Kidding of course. It is because you are such a delicate and beautiful clumsy mother fucking flower… x x x

    Like

  2. princesspixiepointless January 9, 2013 at 20:45 #

    On a similar note, Mr.PPP got me an eternity ring about 4 years back. I couldn’t wear it. Not that i didn’t appreciate it, but girl covered in paint just didn’t feel right with diamonds on her hands. Plus all that new diamond acquisition shit. Pearls and amethysts or something not born off the back of near like slave labour. Anyway, he was smart enough to know my abberance to fancy rings, and got it so It’s pretty on one side and just a plain silver band on the other.
    Not nearly as romantic as the traditional multi generational diamond seller surviving the WWII, but there you go.

    x x x Magpie.

    Like

  3. Liz January 9, 2013 at 22:03 #

    I haven’t worn my engagement ring since our second year of marriage (I worked in a medical lab then and it was a pain to take off everyday…not a glove-friendly item) since then I’ve taken to wearing only my wedding band. But I’m with you on the big stone (we were both fulltime engineering students and my husband delivered pizzas even when we married…yeah, it wasn’t large, but it has a lot of sentimental value for me), sweet family story about your ring. 🙂

    We were engaged for a while before I got the ring, but we basically got engaged on the first date (we were friends for a couple of months before dating…but definitely never friend-zoned each other) when I moved in. And of course his parents and mine never thought it would last so the ring was more for them than us. Per the big day, another waste of money. We eloped.

    Like

  4. judgybitch January 9, 2013 at 22:06 #

    Mr. JB wanted to elope, but he’s an only child and I couldn’t do that to his mother. So we had 12 people at our wedding and went for pizza and beer afterwards.

    It was perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.

    Like

  5. happycrow January 10, 2013 at 01:10 #

    Not wearing a wedding ring right now, b/c I”m apparently allergic to the form of gold, and the gorgeous titanium one vanished, and… yikes. The engagement ring, on the other hand, was a HEEEEEYOOOOOGE (no) sparkling (not even) diamond (piece of petrified wood) that we got from some upscale (counter while taking her across the US for the first time and stopped at the Painted Desert gift shop).

    Fortunately, my wife feels about diamonds exactly how I do. Her reaction to being given a diamond would be to want to hit me with an axe (no, she’s not a raving bitch — far from, actually). Anything else, even day-glo plastic, that’s different.

    Like

  6. Odysseus January 10, 2013 at 05:37 #

    I proposed to my wife when she offered me a penny for my thoughts(I still have that penny), since she also doesn’t like diamonds we found a Black-Hills Gold ring which is all the more precious to us for it’s copper impurities.

    Like

  7. JAL January 10, 2013 at 19:30 #

    You should come to New York. A little under a carat is nothing. I have an egagement ring about that size. Other women have looked down at it with pity. 😉 There are also pregnant women who register in advance at expensive jewelers such as Tiffany or Cartier for what are known as “push presents.” That way hubby will know *exactly* what to get them. (the wife “pushes” out the baby, and the husband rewards her with shiny bling. Rolling my eyes.)

    Like

  8. Kai January 10, 2013 at 20:18 #

    I think diamonds are the easiest way to get a woman’s true colours to show.
    It seems quite simple to me. You can be an ‘equal’ woman, with all the same rights and responsibilities as men get, but in return, you don’t get the bonuses that women have traditionally received. If you want your women-rights, you don’t get the ones that men have. But nearly every ‘modern, independent, equal’ woman I meet still expects a man to spend a huge chunk of money on an unreciprocated shiny rock in order to marry her.
    The cognitive dissonance is blinding.
    I lost a lot of respect for my female friendsish when everyone started getting married and they started up with ring expectations, and the traditional showing off of the diamonds and bragging.

    I didn’t wear rings, and owned no jewellery worth over $20 (I lose that stuff far more than I wear it). My husband was well aware of my feelings about diamonds and engagement rings (and even proposals, which I have no use for), and bought me nothing to bribe me to marry him, ignoring the advice of everyone telling him that of course I wanted a ring, just like every other woman who ‘pretends’ she doesn’t.
    The classic “Oh you’re engaged! let’s see the ring!” was sickening.
    I couldn’t have worn a diamond even with that kind of family meaning, so I can imagine the difficulty there, even though that’s an amazing story from your husband.

    Like

  9. judgybitch January 10, 2013 at 22:13 #

    Kai,

    I agree with you that the request for a ring is a GIANT flashing warning sign. If a woman really cares and really wants one, she should pay for it herself. But what kind of woman wants to waste family resources on something like that?

    Definitely a danger sign. My ring was purchased YEARS before Mr. JB even met me, otherwise I would never have wanted such a thing.

    Like

  10. judgybitch January 10, 2013 at 22:18 #

    Do you still get a “push” present if you schedule your c-section? I’d say “hell no”.

    Like

  11. Kai January 10, 2013 at 22:42 #

    Yours has a beautiful story, and is definitely a completely different thing from the women who have a salary expectation.
    The women who want an expensive ring and an expensive wedding seem to be tipping their hand that they’re in it for their day-as-a-princess rather than lifetime-as-a-wife, given where they think resources should be spent.
    But it’s amazing just how many women (nearly every single one I’ve met), no matter how they feel about other things, can’t seem to rethink the engagement ring, nor understand what they’re signifying.

    Like

  12. Anonymous January 11, 2013 at 15:56 #

    I suspect that the sort of women who schedule c-sections for non medical reasons are exactly the same ones who expect expensive push presents.

    Like

  13. sqt February 22, 2013 at 18:22 #

    Those wedding bee boards are depressing. I recently got what I thought was a major upgrade after 15 years of marriage to a sweet, pretty cluster halo ring. It’s not cheap, but not expensive either. I had carte blanche to get what I wanted, but there’s no way I could justify a ton of money on a ring that’s only purpose in life is to signal to other women how much money my husband can afford to spend on me.

    I have worn a quarter carat solitaire for about 18 years and never gave it much thought. Everyone I know has these huge rocks and they claim they just wanted them because they’re “classic” etc. I call B.S. on that. If cluster rings suddenly rose in value and cost more than solitaires everyone would want one. It’s not about substance, it’s all about keeping up with the Joneses. One thing I’ve noticed too is that lots of women will get giant moissanite or white sapphires, that cost significantly less than real diamonds, just so they can get the giant rock. It’s weird to me that they claim they hate clusters because they’re “trying to look more expensive” but think nothing of passing off a cheap stone as something it isn’t. I think a cluster is a much more honest choice because it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to see that it isn’t one stone. And maybe that’s the rub- these gals aren’t brave enough to let the world see that they can’t afford a giant ass ring.

    Like

  14. Sylvia Jordan February 28, 2013 at 09:23 #

    Personally, I view unique diamond engagement rings as a statement of a guy’s love to a woman. Yes, the engagement ring was supposed to be a symbol that a guy is financially stable to support his wife. But today, it’s more of an assertion of his love to a lady. The bigger the rock or the more expensive the ring, it can be concluded that he spent a lot of time, money, and effort for it to prove his love to his girl. Pesonally, I’m contented with whatever my guy gives me.

    Like

  15. Erik Norén October 23, 2013 at 16:06 #

    Funnily eniugh, don’t feminists also complain about engagement rings? ( or is it wedding rings?) But from the perspective that the man is blaying claim” to the woman.

    Like

  16. Lulubelle January 22, 2014 at 20:48 #

    Wow a lot of strong opinions here. My take is a bit different. I married the same man twice with a large chunk of time in-between.

    The first time I bought my own small engagement/wedding ring. I was treated pretty crappy by hubby, who expected me to take care of the money, the house and the kids. He had no respect for me and we had horrible arguments. His drinking and drug use finally did it and we divorced.

    Flash forward 8 years. We started dating again, we had stayed friends for our kids, so this was not a suddenly we came across each other and started dating thing. He was getting his act together and I was willing to give it a try. I would not marry him again without an official ring. Mind you its still not big and was something he could afford but I was not helping him out this time. I wanted him to put something into this in order to appreciate what he had.

    Wouldn’t you know we have been together for 8 years of bliss. Having to invest something in me, both time and money, seems to have have given him a much healthier outlook on our relationship. No it was not overly expensive, under 1k. No I don’t brag or show it off. That is not what it’s for. It represents our commitment. No he doesn’t buy me other jewelry, I buy my own. For me, however each person both men and women, having to really be committed enough to contribute financially and with time and love, is important. It’s a symbol of the total commitment marriage is all about. It’s serious it’s lifelong and needs to be thought out. It’s the same with anything. I wouldn’t give a kitten or puppy away for free either. My mother thought me that when you do that that person may not be who you would want to adopt the little animal. Not that you charge a lot, just enough to weed out the bad.

    For those of you who don’t believe the same, thats great, each to his own. thats just my outlook and experience. BTW, since your ring has such beautiful meaning behind it, enjoy it and don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks! Who cares what others think. I could care less what some woman has on her hand and I don’t really care if anyone has an opinion or no opinion on what I have on mine. It’s personal between the two people who are committing to each other.

    Like

  17. Aspen March 3, 2014 at 10:33 #

    I completely understand what you mean. Sometimes women are materialistic and do choose to “make a point” with their diamonds, and of course that “look at me” behavior is never attractive. That being said…the engagement ring and corresponding wedding band is the one piece of jewelry a woman will likely keep and wear for the rest of her life, so I can also understand why someone would want it to be “exactly what they want” and special.

    I love the idea of the emerald/silver. Its beautiful, unique and means something to the woman who chose it , thus it becomes the perfect choice for her…and I can appreciate that beauty.

    Your ring is also very lovely. Why hate it? I don’t think it puts you in the “materialistic bitch camp” at all! Its not huge, tacky, flashy…Its actually quite modest by most standards! I can assure you that most people would not look at your set and judge you as materialistic! Your ring is the key to your story. Love it, appreciate it, and be proud to show it off…its part of you! 🙂

    Like

  18. XO March 14, 2014 at 14:50 #

    Well… at least you admit you’re a judgy bitch 🙂 I don’t think it’s right to be bratty about the ring… and it is important to buy what you can afford as a couple. However, not all chicks with expensive diamonds are huge bitches. I know several… and my engagement ring is fairly substantial. I don’t think most people would label me as a bitch, but who knows right? We spent next to nothing on our wedding. That just wasn’t a priority for us. It was important to us to get my a nice ring, though… I will be wearing it for the next 40+ years, after all. I guess posts like this are designed to get attention. Well done!

    Like

  19. Connie D. March 30, 2014 at 02:33 #

    I don’t think it’s fair to assume all women with huge engagement rings are bitchy. It is gross that our society has made the huge diamond engagement ring a priority though. The fact you’re getting married is the important part, not the ring. When I got engaged, my husband didn’t make much money. He proposed without the ring and told me he had saved up as much as he could and that I could choose whatever I wanted. I thought it was really sweet. My aunt and uncle own a small jewelry store, so we got a great family deal. I also chose a diamond from my grandma’s wedding ring to save more money. Honestly I would’ve been happy with just a simple wedding band, but my family kind of pressured me into getting something flashy because they thought I would regret just “settling” for a wedding band. My aunt aunt and uncle like to show off their wealth and I definitely do not, but my husband wanted to get me something nice to show off to other people! I figured…ehh..whatever sparkly is nice. It’s been 6 months and I regret listening to them! It’s so weird but I feel like people judge me for my engagement and wedding ring because they look expensive and I’m only 25. I appreciate what I have but it does feel awkward when I see women twice my age with smaller diamonds giving me the death glare. I also felt like getting an engagement ring was stupid because I chose it, I could’ve just got the wedding ring and called it good. My aunt and uncle insisted I get one and after I got my the ring, my husband had to go down on one knee and ask me to marry him properly……why? The proposal was intimate, just the two of us, and I wouldn’t have changed anything about it. The only reason he didn’t choose my ring was because he was driving himself crazy trying to decide what I wanted…haha

    Like

  20. Ferrum Itzal April 17, 2014 at 03:38 #

    I recently found out about man-made diamonds and asked several lady friends if would accept a man-made diamond engagement ring over a natural diamond….. The unanimous answer wasn’t no, but hell no.

    They all thought it was incredibly cheap of the man to even think about a man-made diamond even if it was completely indistinguishable from a natural diamond (not a CZ). Oddly enough, they are all very bad women

    Better to make the fiance struggle and save to buy a $2,000 ring than a $500 one that looks exactly the same….. and he’d better have a decent honeymoon planned, too.

    Like

  21. Bea April 26, 2014 at 20:00 #

    I agree. It is ignorant and ridiculous to generalize about women who have big rings. Sometimes women like to be snarky when other women have what they want. I refuse to feel guilty about having a large ring, just because some jealous fools feel like hating.

    Like

  22. DOC May 12, 2014 at 01:15 #

    This is clearly an older post, but since I’m new to the blog, I thought some additional comments might provide “food for thought.” Since I work in the jewelry business — and I wasn’t always in jewelry (for you judgy folks, hold off your dismissal of what follows if you can) — I have observed that engagement ring size varies a lot across the country, but YES the expectations and rings themselves are getting bigger. For example, national average of an engagement ring diamond is approx. half a carat…so I’ve seen in big(ger) cities that most men and women want to be “above average” and tend to end up at approx. one carat (center stone). I think it’s because engagement rings are still assumed to “cost two months’ salary” and salaries are higher in big cities. Of course it might be ego, consumerism or other driving forces resulting in this trend, but YES rings and expectations are getter bigger. Now, here is where I part ways with JB. My version of “large” is different because I’ve been raised and only lived in big cities — and honestly the photo of JB’s ring is NOT big (despite what she thinks) and really it doesn’t even look like 1ct. She can take comfort in knowing that in a great many places in our wonderful country, her ring would be seen as small and conservative.

    Here’s a thought: JB should recognize that her situation regarding “a giant rock” could resemble many other women (who don’t pick out their rings either, and kind of have to gracefully accept what they are given — like JB herself) and therefore be less judgy of others. One of my good buddies is wearing a 4.20ct (you read it right) and she (like JB) isn’t materialistic and also had no part in the choice of the ring. Unlike JB though, she isn’t superficial, she has never looked down (or up for that matter) at me or anyone else despite appearances — and yes JB proved herself superficial because by blogging her opinions about “other women” based only on assumptions (especially in the case of jewelry) is really superficial. C’mon JB — I expect more of you — you’re clearly clever in your posts but on this topic you just sound like you want others not to dislike you because of your ring — like everyone should make an exception to see past the surface when looking at you, despite you clearly not being willing to do so yourself for others. We all know judging a book by it’s cover isn’t smart or classy, things that I believe JB is (or can be) — it would be more thought provoking if JB were judgy about someone based on actions or thoughts — not appearances.

    I’m not married, don’t own a lot of jewelry either, most of what I do own is silver (or cheap and cheerful as my sister would say). I’d like to say I wouldn’t turn down what was given to me either way — but I don’t have the grace that other women have, I think I’d hate a Marquis diamond in yellow gold, surrounded by baguettes. Does that make me superficial?Does it make me honest that I think a ring described above is visually off-putting? I hope when the time is right I’m given gorgeous ring (in my own mind/opinion) — hope to elope and I guess if we run into each other on the street, you’ll scowl at and dismiss me because of my ring and we’ll have both missed out on the opportunity to become something more than strangers. What a bummer so see what compressed carbon has done to you…

    Like

  23. judgybitch May 12, 2014 at 01:27 #

    Good eye, sir. My ring is .83 which I think is fucking perfect because my relationship with my husband is 83% perfect so it’s a literal representation of how our marriage works. And that’s as good as it gets, IMHO.

    The part about “big rock” has to do with relativity. Where we live, .83 ostentatious. If I travel a few hours to a big city, it’s pathetic, but not here. The point is that I would never, in a million years, choose an ostentatious display of wealth as a means to lord it over others. That happened quite by accident and my message is probably 90% self-serving (please don’t judge me, says the judgy bitch) and 10% warning: the need to lord it over others with an obvious display of wealth is troubling.

    Women who want big engagement rings are worth a pause. I have one, but I never asked for it, “big” is relative and I would have been just as happy without it.

    I’m trying, in a perhaps very clumsy way, to communicate that my ring truly was a gift, that had far more to do with my husband’s family history than anything else.

    A woman who demands a big hunk of carbon is a woman worth thinking very, very carefully about.

    That was what I intended to communicate.

    Like

  24. DOC May 15, 2014 at 03:08 #

    I like that your relationship is 83% perfect, you’re doing as good if not better than the rest of us. I agree the need to lord wealth over others is an unattractive characteristic…but I dunno who doesn’t participate in that behavior from time to time. It reminds me of your post on luxury items, a behavior in which many of us partake. Even though it isn’t our intention to be obnoxious in our display, isn’t that what’s happening anyhow?

    This begs the question: if I work and request a big diamond, is it in my right to do so, since I’ll be earning and contributing to the household (what I really mean is can a person be justified in asking for that since they will probably be helping to reverse the debt it has caused). In theory my income and savings will help to make up for chunk of money that was meant to be the down payment on the house. I think most women end up paying for their own engagement rings nowadays anyway…because most people combine incomes at the time of engagement and most people finance a ring, they don’t buy it straight out. Plus, I think most women who want a big rock want it as verification that their man thinks of them as highly as they hoped he would.

    But then again, is it bad to ask for a big rock as a show of the man’s ability to provide (and like in your luxury goods post, his illustration of his value of his partner)? Some women ask instead to be able to stay home from work (stay at home wives, stay at home moms) as a show of the man’s ability to provide and his perception of investment in family (those valuable assets). I mean a big rock might cost you 20K….staying home loses you at least 40K (per year, whereas the rock is a one time deal…typically). Don’t we typically see families with one income as a luxurious lifestyle that many of us can’t afford? Are those folks lording their wealth over the rest of us? I dunno, I like creature comforts…I’m not very creative and don’t think I could make my own soap and lotion, I like being able to buy that fancy shit, which is just a different branch of the same “carbon hunk” tree, it’s just that my soaps and lotions aren’t on visible display like other luxury items (engagement rings).

    I think the problem with the engagement ring theory is that it applies to almost every aspect of our lives, from our clothes and cars to our backyard pools or kitchen appliances. What we choose to spend our money on for luxury eventually lumps us all into the same category of: guilty for wanting the creature comforts. Let’s not assume that women who want a big ring want it in order to intimidate or lord their wealth over neighbors or whatever, let’s say that they probably just want it for very personal reasons. In which case I have to remember and apply the childhood saying “people in glass houses…” You know, my parents live in a country where this type of conversation would be absurd, it just reminds me that these are only the problems of a first world country. Thanks for the conversation, but I’m moving on.

    Like

  25. micheal kors bag June 19, 2014 at 22:52 #

    A valid argument here is that uniforms can pose as an added burden on low income families, where the clothes that children wear are often hand me downs.

    Like

  26. judgybitch June 19, 2014 at 22:54 #

    Why can’t uniforms be hand me downs?

    Like

  27. Jeff July 31, 2014 at 12:28 #

    I gave my wife a 1 carat solitaire. Where we live that is quite large. She insisted that she didn’t care and would be happy with no diamond at all. However, it’s not just women who want the big ring to lord over other women. It’s also a status symbol for the husband. Just like a dog pee’s on a telephone poll, I was marking my territory. It was a noticeable “Stay Away” to other men. 🙂 It was also a sappy “you’re important to me” message to my wife. Even though she didn’t want it – and maybe because of this – I wanted to get her something nice. Of course, I also ordered it online from a New York dealer and did not pay ridiculous retail prices. I also explained that to my wife which made her happy. She thought paying too much was foolish. It’s a very attractive quality.

    Nice story about your ring, JB. I enjoyed it.

    Like

  28. 92redrevolver August 16, 2014 at 09:06 #

    Is it really childish that I giggled about generalising ‘women who have big rings’?

    Probably…

    Like

  29. 92redrevolver August 16, 2014 at 09:19 #

    Stay at home parents (not necessarily mothers) will save the family a lot of money. More time to cook meals, ability to be more thrifty (learn to properly fix clothes, etc.) ability to maintain child care duties etc.

    If you’re paying for extra stuff to go out and earn extra money, but the earning the money bit doesn’t actually satisfy you, and you get a lot more joy from being a homemaker…then what’s the problem? It’s just my opinion that both sexes should have the opportunity to do this. A woman shouldn’t feel she has to, any more than a man should feel he shouldn’t…if you see what I mean…

    Like

  30. Ellen August 24, 2014 at 14:05 #

    I am one of those women with a big honking diamond. I wear it pretty often, not every day. It is from my second husband and I am very good to him. My first husband gave me a teeny little rock o’ love. I hated it. But I pretended I was thrilled and loved him up for it because I loved him, but I was hurt because I knew he was cheap, not because he couldn’t afford it. The rest of his money went to the race track. He’d drop more cash in one day at the track than he paid for the ring. Lets not be quick to judge. I have been married to the “big diamond” guy for 28 years and going strong. My “boulder” will go to my daughter, who has a teeny little rock o’ love but it came from a good man who does his best, not a cheap scheming, compulsive gambler.
    BTW – my ring is absolutely stunning, and I still feel glorious when I wear it.

    Like

  31. judgybitch August 24, 2014 at 14:13 #

    I had to have mine cut off in the ER and I feel naked now without them 😦

    Like

  32. etmalthusianism August 31, 2014 at 06:17 #

    Push? for what? For MGTOW it sounds like.

    Like

  33. etmalthusianism August 31, 2014 at 06:26 #

    All diamonds are blood diamonds. The working conditions of miners in Africa, the wars fought over the mines, the ruthless price hikes by the De Beers cartel, and the blood sweat and tears paid by the man in the west buying one just to please an entitlement narcissist.

    Myself I never went near marriage and was never an issue for me.

    Like

  34. etmalthusianism August 31, 2014 at 06:41 #

    How shallow are these people? Diamonds are just a manifestation of what some birds do in nature. A gift of a twig for the nest or an insect for food to a prospective partner. A few minutes labour. Not the equivalent of 2 months labour expected of prospective male humans. These grasping women are animals – only more expensive.

    Like

  35. Jack Strawb October 16, 2014 at 11:15 #

    I would be surprised to learn that any of the three (four?) women I cam perilously close to marrying would have wanted rings. Aren’t there couples who just shrug about rings and do something else? How ingrained is this?

    Like

  36. Vera December 14, 2014 at 03:07 #

    I have a “big, honkin’ diamond” engagement ring. I wore it proudly for the first two years of marriage. Ooooh did I feel like the rich bitch then. After I accidentally sliced my baby daughter’s face with it, it got tossed into the silver case. I haven’t put it on in the last 9 years. I see other moms with their big ole honkin’ rings and I just think to myself “You’re a terrible mother”.
    🙂

    Like

  37. The Jack Russell Terrorist December 16, 2014 at 22:01 #

    The marketing campaign in the 1940s by the diamond industry sure was successful unfortunately. I would buy a sapphire or a ruby instead of a diamond. I remember buying Emerson, Lake and Palmer cd “Tarkus” and seeing a track called “Bitches Crystal”. The first thing I thought it must be about diamonds.

    Like

  38. Kyle McKenna January 10, 2015 at 08:22 #

    Emeralds (if they’re real) are the worst possible choice for a daily-wear ring. Because the genuine ones are quite fragile and usually treated/filled etc. They’re simply not a durable stone, and no realistic ‘fakes’ have come along that are particularly convincing. A large, non-treated, good-color, non-included emerald is extraordinarily rare.

    Like

  39. sydney jewellers January 30, 2015 at 06:23 #

    A diamond ring with titanium claws, that’s a rare ring you have. It was interesting to read about the story of your engagement ring. A simple and elegant diamond ring that is given with love is more precious than an expensive ring just to show off.

    Like

  40. Derpifer February 5, 2015 at 22:35 #

    The radical notion that women are adults…isn’t that a little presumptuous? Sure many can be but, hasn’t feminism pretty much demonstrated that most either can’t or don’t want to be? So if by default women are accountable only to some man, be it uncle sam (feminism) or her husband/father (patriarchy), how can exceptions to this rule, like yourself, make their preference known to all interactors? Some wardrobe convention?

    Like

  41. John February 24, 2015 at 19:18 #

    Diamonds are central to the most successful marketing ploy of all time

    http://blog.priceonomics.com/post/45768546804/diamonds-are-bullshit

    The funniest thing is that many women, despite that knowledge, will react with “so what you cheap bastard, I want that ring!” which sounds to me like “I’m not letting reason and sensible financial thinking stand it the way of me fulfilling my princess dreams! And what would the neighbors say.”

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Valentine’s Day is bullshit. Except for chocolates. I’ll take those. « judgybitch - February 11, 2013

    […] http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/09/engagement-rings-a-word-of-caution/ […]

    Like

  2. Oh, crap! It looks like I am a superficial “Sex in the City” twat after all. How luxury goods work when it comes to women. | judgybitch - July 26, 2013

    […] http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/09/engagement-rings-a-word-of-caution/ […]

    Like

  3. Yes, Nurse Ratchet, men are stronger than women. Please get over that. | judgybitch - July 29, 2014

    […] news is that it doesn’t really hurt – that can’t be good.  I was in the ER today to have my wedding rings removed which is kind of sad, but rings do not a marriage make.  In order to remove rings the nursing […]

    Like

  4. Silver Luxury Weight Wedding Rings For Him Cheap - Rings for Men - October 29, 2014

    […] Engagement rings . A word of caution. | judgybitch – Not wearing a wedding ring right now, b/c I”m apparently allergic to the form of gold, and the gorgeous titanium one vanished, and… yikes…. […]

    Like

  5. Cz Engagement Ring Weddingbee | My Engagement Ring - December 1, 2014

    […] Engagement rings . A word of caution. | judgybitch – I haven’t worn my engagement ring since our second year of marriage (I worked in a medical lab then and it was a pain to take off everyday…not a glove-friendly …… […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: