The moment I knew feminism was a crock of shit

14 Jan


When I originally started university, I was enrolled in the Sociology of Work and Industry specialization, thinking that I would complete a degree that would give me some sort of qualifications for employment. I wanted to get a head start on my program, so I took my first course during summer school and it took me all of twelve weeks to figure out that a professor’s job is pretty much the best one you could possibly have. Professors have more or less complete control over how and when and what they work on, and they are free to follow their own interests. I watched with complete envy as professors strolled into class late, gave lackadaisical lectures, rambled on about their own ideas and then went to the pub with us to grab a few beers and discuss some esoteric bullshit in further detail.


Going to university was a revelation for me. Suddenly, pointing out in exquisite detail exactly why people were stupid and their arguments were retarded was not some awkward social flaw, it was the key to getting those participation marks! Explaining in graphic detail why other’s people’s ideas were ludicrous was called an essay! Being all judgy and bitchy was the entire point!

Needless to say, I loved it.

True story: I once made a girl cry in class by calling her stupid (not in that exact word, of course). For one of my electives, I took Women in Christianity (hey – bird course!) and some little chicky thing got up to explain the virgin birth as an example of parthenogenesis. Basically, that means self-fertilization. An ovum develops into an embryo without sperm, commonly occurring in insects and plants. Leaving aside the fact that insects and plants ARE NOT HUMANS, obviously the offspring would have to be genetically identical to the parent. Where would any new genetic information come from? So not five minutes into what was supposed to be a 30 minute presentation, I put up my hand and said, “Wait! Are you saying Jesus was a WOMAN”?

She thought about that for two seconds, realized her entire argument was a colossal piece of shit and burst into tears.


Yeah, I’m a bitch. And kind of judgy, too.

So I knew that I would never leave the university. I would go on take graduate work, then post-graduate work and snag me an office of my own. I became very good friends with an untenured history professor who cemented my resolve to become a professor. She had to “work” quite hard, but her thesis was on farm girls and what they actually did, and to me, spending hours in the library pouring over agricultural records didn’t seem much like work at all.

farm girls

It seemed like heaven.

FarmGirl’s thesis was eventually published as a book (earning her tenure) and she is now compiling a historical record of the evolution of the butter churn. For well over $100 000/year. What a great fucking job. FarmGirl encouraged me to choose something that really interested me, and so after careful consideration, I decided that sitting on my ass watching movies for the rest of my life seemed like an excellent use of my time and intellect. So I left sociology for the Department of Film Theory, and so began my journey deep into the heart of feminism.


Naively, I thought a degree in Film Theory would involve film and theory. Little did I know that the theory was a rather specific one: men suck and women are awesome. AKA feminism. Well, okay. I was just a teenager myself, having walked away from a marriage proposal from an awesome guy because I was suspicious that being married and having children might ruin my life – that’s what all the ladies around me were saying. “Don’t do it! You have your whole life in front of you! Don’t throw it away on a man, even if he is kind of fantastic”.

So down the rabbit hole I went. My first “theory” was written by Laura Mulvey, called “Visual and Other Pleasures”. The theory is that when men look first in a film, that gaze is controlling (bastards!) and turns women into objects (assholes!) and then when women DO look first, they get punished (misogynists!). We watched an Alfred Hitchcock film and then sat about railing about what dicks men are. Sadly, the class was overwhelming male, and I wonder what has happened to those men? Sitting through class after class, learning that men are cruel and useless and stupid.

laura mulvey

Throughout the four long years of my indoctrination, I was always a bit nervous and embarrassed and dare I say ashamed of the things I was learning. I have three brothers, and going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and summer holidays was always a stark reminder that my life was filled with men and they were nothing like the men I was learning to fear and hate at school. There was always something a bit off with all the theories. It wasn’t until my fourth year, when I confronted Moniqe Wittig that the bulb suddenly blared into full spectrum light.


Essentially, Wittig’s argument is that only lesbians are truly women and that only lesbians experience true freedom. Taking as a starting point the idea that freedom is central to the definition of humanity, Wittig is basically arguing for the end of the human race. If the only way to experience freedom is to be a lesbian, men are instantly irrelevant. Without men, there are no children. Without children, there is no future. It’s PD James and the End of Men.

That’s when I knew the whole theory was just a giant crock of shit. My last essay was “Feminism as Nihilism” and I think I made the professor cry, but you know what? Fuck her. Fuck all of them. Fuck their ugly theories and their hatred of men and their cavalier attitudes towards the flesh and blood men who sat in front of them taking notes on their own extinction. Fuck my whole four years of useless squabbling and arguing and pointless pedantic pedagogy.


I left university and decided to go to work. And with a degree in Film Theory – yeah, that worked out well. I know how to make awesome lattes and frappacinos. Thanks feminism!


So we know what happens next: I go to MBA school and walk away with an MRS and every day I breathe a sigh of relief that I escaped a life of endless whining and complaining and imagining myself a victim and railing over at Jezebel about what a bunch of fuckers men are!

In retrospect, I should have married that lovely boy when I was 19. I should have done dishes for a decade and thought about my future and what I wanted and why.

I’m very lucky that things worked out for me so beautifully. For many women, that isn’t the case. They bought the “men suck, women are awesome” theory of reality and find themselves living lives they hate with men they don’t respect and children they never see. How sad.

And how splendid is the irony that in just a few short years, I WILL be a professor? In the Faculty of Business. The one faculty where women’s studies majors fear to tread. We try to limit our bullshit to currency swaps and derivatives pricing.

One thing that strikes me, looking back at four years of Catherine McKinnon, Andrea Dworkin, Luce Irigaray, Germaine Greer and Kate Millet.





Why are all these bitches so ugly?

Could be a theory there.

Lots of love,


21 Responses to “The moment I knew feminism was a crock of shit”

  1. M3 January 14, 2013 at 21:53 #

    “Why are all these bitches so ugly?”
    I do so love your way with words!

    “Could be a theory there.”
    The theory that if one is sufficiently ugly enough to know that no man would ever have you, you rationalize that being lesbian is the only true path in life and what all women, even the pretty ones, should strive for?


  2. judgybitch January 14, 2013 at 21:58 #

    Makes ya wonder, doesn’t it? Google Dworkin. She’s the one who wrote that all heterosexual sex was rape.

    How the hell would she know?


  3. M3 January 14, 2013 at 22:06 #

    True that. I’ve always speculated that women like her constantly scream about rape and rape hysteria because deep down inside they are trying to convince themselves that men out there find her sexually desirable. One would dare say she would almost wish a man would wan to rape her, but no man would be able to get it up to perform with her.

    I shouldn’t joke about rape, it’s a horrible thing. But Dworkin is a piece of work. I read that line from her years ago. Really wanted to let my misogyny loose all over her.


  4. judgybitch January 14, 2013 at 22:39 #

    Hmm. Does that fact that some of us really enjoy a good round of the rape game PROVE her thesis?

    Bet that would have blown her little chubby mind!


  5. princesspixiepointless January 15, 2013 at 13:40 #

    Ok, a few bat ugly theorists do not speak of the whole Lesbian population.
    The majority of Lesbians I know, are over the top absolute stunning beauties,fun
    and very clever. Being a Lesbian is about being attracted to Women. It does not come
    from finding men attractive and being turned down so long that you decide to bat for
    the other team. Women have standards to.


  6. Liz January 15, 2013 at 20:23 #

    You put your brain cells through some lonely times in those classrooms, JB.
    In fact, that many empty heads could create a vacuum and suck yours out! Glad you made it through okay. 🙂


  7. aspasialibertine January 19, 2013 at 19:47 #

    Exact same issue in the art history department at my university. I had TWO ultra-feminist professors, though one was very laid back and cool and showed tons of nudity and sexual pictures and performance art without moralizing it. She talked about the “dreaded male gaze” but didn’t present it as Holy Writ.

    The other professor, different story. Naturally, I wrote about prostitutes in that one. 🙂 I still got an A. Luckily, the other professors in the department weren’t that way.


  8. Ayurvedic Yogi April 15, 2013 at 00:27 #

    ” So not five minutes into what was supposed to be a 30 minute presentation, I put up my hand and said, “Wait! Are you saying Jesus was a WOMAN”?

    She thought about that for two seconds, realized her entire argument was a colossal piece of shit and burst into tears.”

    Oh come on now, I can’t believe this.^^^

    Sociology of Work and Industry and Film Theory are both fluff courses.

    “I left university and decided to go to work. And with a degree in Film Theory – yeah, that worked out well. I know how to make awesome lattes and frappacinos. Thanks feminism!”

    You can’t blame Feminism for your personal decision to take fluff courses that have no real economic value.


  9. Hiram J Goldstein II (@HiramJGoldstein) April 15, 2013 at 18:07 #

    Anecdotes are no substitute for data. 75% of lesbians are obese. That’s even fatter than American women in general.


  10. Laceagate April 30, 2013 at 04:08 #

    You can sure blame feminism for influencing and ultimately liberalizing curriculum. Seriously, what planet do you live on? Are you so unawares of the fact the modern typical college is a breeding ground for feminist indoctrination? Are you are clueless? University education stopped providing real education a long time ago. You know something is very wrong when a required class has the teacher saying that there are no real differences between men and women, other than genital physiology. Wait, excuse me?

    There are few degree programs which haven’t bowed down to this same bent. Thank you, STEM.


  11. Joe May 10, 2013 at 16:03 #

    I never understood the idea of feminism until you pointed out (in hilarious fashion) “why are all these bitches so ugly?” I now fully understand feminism. Plus I don’t understand why women think it is an atrocity for mothers to stay home and raise children while their husbands work. I was raised in that scenario and I cannot thank my mother enough for not dumping me into daycare all damn day while she went to work. I think if your going to have kids someone needs to stay home even if it is the father ( I would LOVE to be a stay at home dad).


  12. Jack June 24, 2013 at 14:07 #

    Thanks for this.


  13. Matt June 24, 2013 at 21:02 #

    I loved it! I currently write on a pseudo-debate site that is falling apart because of a few feminists (4th wave or something). They make sweeping generalizing sexist statements about men “if you’re a man, you probably…”, which is dictionary defintion of sexisim. And yet, they can’t articulate their own positions with anything other than “white, male privilege” and “you’re a misogynist” when they are challenged. I have actually thought to myself that I feel sorry for them. I loved to see you write that. I’m married to a beautiful & amazing woman and we have a beautiful daughter. My wife doesn’t need to put down men to feel good about herself. Hopefully, we will teach our daughter that she doesn’t have to either (and can still be who she wants to be).



  14. Exfernal June 24, 2013 at 23:06 #

    “Harald Eia, a Norwegian documentarian, introduced in 2010 a television show called “Hjernevask” (“Brainwashing”) which contrasted cultural determinist models of human behavior with nature-nurture interactionist perspectives. Specially the question of gender, and what is referred to as the gender paradox has provoked controversy, and as a result of Eia’s television program, The Nordic Gender Institute (NIKK) was closed by the Norwegian government.”

    This documentary (subtitled at DailyMotion) seems worth watching.


  15. Scotty G. May 6, 2014 at 04:07 #

    I read “One Is Not Born a Woman,” by Monique Wittig (1981) from the link that you provided to that Feminist Theory Reading Group blog…. Wow! what a self-serving, degenerate trainwreck of a philosophy that was!

    I left a response in their comment section, currently awaiting moderation, and I don’t expect it to get approved for viewing. Here’s what I wrote:

    It’s too bad that the vast majority of the Second-Wave lesbian separatists didn’t attempt their “sexless” utopia in Antarctica, and let the penguins deal with their misandry, psychobabble, and vitriol…. counterproductive, sterile, and misguided were their actions and philosophies.

    Oh, how poorly will history regard this pack of miscreant, genetic dead-ends as a temporary blip in the ancient natural art of sexual dimorphism, millions of years old and on course for a million years more.

    The inventive, pioneering, and protective endeavors of a majority of straight, masculine males will remain the bedrock of civilization in the future, as it always had in the past. Heterosexuality will remain the normative intercourse among the vast majority of humanity, defining themselves as cisgendered males and females.

    All other genders and sexual orientations will remain a very small minority, given their freedom to pursue happiness within their own subcultures, but in the future society as a whole will inoculate itself from any LGBTQIA influence that seeks to (again) undermine the sexual dimorphism that is recognized and appreciated by the vast majority of its straight, breeding citizens with degenerate theories like “gender is a social construct,” “All PIV is rape,” “males are becoming obsolete,” and “only lesbianism can liberate a woman from her own biological oppression.”

    You mad?

    Also, I noticed that the ever-lovely Witchwind (the genius behind the “All PIV is rape” masterpiece) also posted her wisdom in the comment section as well.



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