Katie Roiphe thinks online relationships are more real than real ones, explaining once again, why she is single.

10 Feb


I have a love hate relationship with Katie Roiphe, ever since she published her first book, The Morning After: Sex, Fear and Feminism, in which she argues, among other things, that expanding the definition of sexual assault to include any kind of sex a woman is later unhappy with ultimately results in a culture that fails to take rape seriously.  Whiny, boo-hoo bitches who wake up ashamed have made it nigh unto impossible for victims of violent sexual assault to secure justice, or even just have anyone believe they didn’t consent to be dragged in a back alley and raped.



One of the triumphs of feminism:  when every sexual encounter can potentially be defined as rape, every man becomes a potential rapist.  Schrödinger’s rapist is a popular meme, playing off of Schrödinger’s cat, a thought experiment in physics in which cat in a box is either dead or alive, depending upon a random interaction between subatomic particles which may or may not have triggered the release of lethal radioactivity.


The general idea captured by Schrödinger’s Rapist is that every man should be treated as a rapist, no matter what the circumstances.  Check out this little piece and allow me to draw attention to one passage in particular, addressed to MEN, the potential rapists:

“…you must be aware of what signals you are sending by your appearance and the environment.”


Wait a minute!?  Are you saying that the clothing you are wearing and your general appearance and attitude can convey signals to people that they may or may not interpret correctly??  It’s neat how that applies to men, ALL MEN ALL THE TIME, but never to women.


Let’s get back to Katie.  In this piece at Slate, she argues that online flirtations and relationships conducted across a computer screen are MORE real than relationships in real life.



It’s interesting that in all three examples she cites, it’s the man who is the cheating, dirty, scumbag and the woman who is the innocent, unsuspecting, put-upon victim.  Actually scratch that.  It’s not interesting at all.  It’s getting downright wearisome to listen to the message over and over again.  Yeah, yeah, we get it Katie.  Men suck.

Just what is it about cheating online that seems so much more real to Katie?

Received wisdom tells us online communications are unreal, fake, and distant, but they can, in fact, be the opposite; they can represent very intense fantasies, distilled versions of romantic yearning, including its darker, more narcissistic sides, honest articulations, for better or for worse, of the inner life.

So relationships that are REAL, according to Katie, involve intense fantasies, romantic yearning, narcissism and the inner life.  Hers, one presumes.

face palm

Oh, Katie.  You’re operating on a set of assumptions that virtually guarantees you will never have a relationship of any length or meaning with anyone in your life.

woman alone

Real relationships don’t involve fantasies.  They are all about facing the nitty gritty details of life with humor and cheer and compromise and most of all, an infallible sense of being together in the storm.  You can’t imagine away your partner’s flaws, nor your own.  You have to face them, and try to keep your head and stay rational and sane even when you feel like you will lose your mind if he fails once again to break down the empty cereal box before piling it up on all the other recycling.

You hear that, Mr. JB?  BREAK DOWN THE BOXES.  That’s how you prevent an unwieldy pile of cardboard from sliding down the back stairs!


Real relationships may start with romantic yearning, but what are you yearning for?  For love?  Acceptance?  Affection?  Physical pleasure?  Those things develop over time and grow more intense the longer you are together.  They require the physical presence of another person and can never be replicated by a name on a screen or words on a page.  Words can portray the intensity of feelings, but they cannot substitute for feelings themselves.


Narcissism and the inner life.  There’s the nail in the coffin, darling.  The key to happy relationships that last forever is that you always, always put the other person’s happiness first.  And that applies to both people in a relationship.  My happiness comes before his, his happiness comes before mine.

It’s the opposite of narcissism.  Selflessness.

For the past seventy years, feminists have been shrieking at women to reject this definition of relationships.  Selflessness is just another word for oppressed.  No one’s happiness or well-being should come before a woman’s own.  The only acceptable priority for any woman is HERSELF.

women first

How’d that work out for ya?

Poor, Katie.  Sitting in her apartment, typing on her computer with her sperm donor kids out with the nanny, wondering why she doesn’t have a relationship.  She has all the qualifications:  fantasy, yearning, narcissism and a pre-occupation with her inner life.

Like the proverbial cat in a box, wondering if she will live or die based on seemingly random events.

Here’s my advice:  close the computer and get out into the real world.  Go and meet some real, live flesh and blood men, and when you find one you can love, make a choice:  put his happiness above your own.  Choose selflessness.


That’s how the cat gets out alive.

Every time.

Lots of love,


15 Responses to “Katie Roiphe thinks online relationships are more real than real ones, explaining once again, why she is single.”

  1. Mr.JB February 10, 2013 at 16:07 #

    Hello Wife,

    You know that one of the best methods of carbon sequestration is to bury paper, right?

    Mr. JB


  2. Marlo Rocci February 10, 2013 at 18:52 #

    Please don’t tell a woman like this to go out and meet someone. Let her stay buttoned up in her own little computer world. She’s just too messed up to deal with.


  3. Andy February 10, 2013 at 19:42 #

    Katie is an ugly bitch, hence has to be slutty to get some action. Now she wonders why no man wants her.

    I think we all know why.

    (no one wants to marry a spunkbucket)

    Love the blog.


  4. Rmaxd February 10, 2013 at 20:46 #

    lol …

    Mr JB keeping his pimp hand sharp …


  5. Alex February 10, 2013 at 20:57 #

    let’s hope she doesn’t get a decent following


  6. Master Blaster February 11, 2013 at 01:12 #

    Another crazy online dating bitch…..oh modern woman (female) how I want to be loved by you….



  7. combs2jc February 11, 2013 at 07:13 #

    I can’t believe I actually read her article … do me a favor JB do not link to anymore of her articles. I kept waiting for a punch-line thinking “this bitch can’t be that psychotic.” I actually tried to get to the bottom, but there were too many comments by females (they are NOT women) that were worse that her. Just as well I wouldn’t want to risk one of those crazy bitches actually tracking me down to attack me with mace for believeing they are crazy. Oh and one other thing, I haave never even heard of a t-shirt that says rape is funny much less seen one. I just wish females who thing this way would greet ALL men with “you are a potential rapists”, then I would be more than happy to go to the other side of the street to pass them.


  8. robertcrayle February 11, 2013 at 10:31 #

    Has anyone else noticed the sheer boneheaded scientific stupidity of Schrodinger’s Rapist? Did this “writer” even do high-school physics? She probably should have called this “Pascal’s Rapist” after Pascal’s Wager, which would still be a) immoral and bigoted and 2) a logical fallacy, but this is utter ridiculousness.



  9. Liz February 11, 2013 at 13:40 #

    If online imaginary rape is real…what about other forms of imaginary violence? I just released my suitcase velociraptor into Katie’s living room.


  10. robertcrayle February 11, 2013 at 14:59 #

    She doesn’t seem that ugly to me…
    It’s her writing and the audience she has I find oft-times a bit repulsive.


  11. M3 February 11, 2013 at 18:02 #

    “It’s the opposite of narcissism. Selflessness.

    For the past seventy years, feminists have been shrieking at women to reject this definition of relationships. Selflessness is just another word for oppressed.”

    This a thousand times over this.

    Feminism turned men into an afterthought, dehumanized and become lesser beings, who’s only worth is giving all and asking for nothing, unworthy of demanding anything in return.

    No need to be selfless in that regard. It’s always oppression when you have to step off your throne and actually wade among your subjects.


  12. realityforever February 16, 2013 at 10:49 #

    “…in all three examples she cites, it’s the man who is the cheating, dirty, scumbag and the woman who is the innocent, unsuspecting, put-upon victim.”

    Every single last woman I have dated in the last 12 years has lied to me about being either married, divorced or about having a bf. Apparently I’m the go to guy for extra marital sex- not exactly something to be proud of, but it only proves my point. Women don’t just cheat, they cheat far more than men because women have sex on tap and they;re much better at getting away with it.


  13. Luke February 18, 2013 at 06:33 #

    Two thoughts, one serious, one not:
    1) Q: Why does Mike Tyson always cry after sex? A: The mace. 🙂
    2) Graph showing numerically how every sex partner makes a woman an increasing frivorce risk:


  14. Luke February 18, 2013 at 06:36 #

    Mr. J.B. is exactly correct about recycling cellulose is a bad idea to anyone concerned about human-caused global warming. The U.S. doing a lot of landfilling cellulose (along with our reforestation) is why we’re actually a net reducer of CO2 in the atmosphere, unlike Europe, India, and China. THEY need and deserve the Kyoto Treaty; we do not.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: