Schrodinger’s Slut. Or why it matters what you wear.

16 Feb

Hey, remember this?

 

http://judgybitch.com/2012/12/07/to-phd-or-not-to-phd-that-is-the-question/

 

I’m going for it, and I have a class lined up this fall to teach. It will be my first time back in a lecture hall in 12 years, and I’m really looking forward to it. The time commitment is incredibly reasonable – two 90 minutes sessions per week plus some established office hours, and Mr. JB and I will set our schedules so that one of us is always at home.

 

prof

 

I will transition slowly to full time over the next three years, at which point our youngest child will be 7 years old, and our family should be able to accommodate me working full time as a professor, especially given that so much of the work can be done at home.

 

The future looks bright, folks!

 

At some point in the next 12 months, I will have to write a series of comprehensive exams, which will cover the core theories and research methodologies of my discipline. There will be four THREE hour exams. Just me and a sheet of paper and whatever I can stuff in my brain between now and then. I will be writing with a group of other PhD candidates, although they won’t necessarily be in my disciplinary area.

 

So obviously, I’m thinking about what I should wear.

 

I’m really torn: should I go with this battery powered flashing LED Rubik’s cube shirt:

 

rubiks

 

Or the dancing ladies one?

 

ladies

 

I’m familiar with the theatre in which I will be writing these exams, and I know that it will be flooded with natural light, so I’m thinking that these sequin pants will be just the thing:

 

sequin pants

 

And to top it off, of course I will be wearing my glow in the dark pink cowboy hat!

 

cowboy hat

 

Ladies and gentlemen, that is what you call an EPIC SARTORIAL WIN!

 

win

 

What’s that you say? That the flashing lights and sequins and colors might be visually distracting to the other test writers? That their brains are specifically wired to notice sparkly, flashy things and that it could even set off seizures?

 

http://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/aboutepilepsy/whatisepilepsy/triggers/photosensitiveepilepsy

 

Yeah? Too bad.

 

I’m sorry, but it is not MY responsibility to consider what effect my test writing outfit has on other people. I cannot be held accountable for how THEY might react. If my fellow candidates find flashing lights and sun-drenched sequins and super-cool neon cowboy hats distracting THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM.

 

Actually, scratch all that sparkly shit. I think I’m going to wear this:

 

sexy prof

 

Trust me, I would look awesome in that outfit. Except no heels. Fuck that.

 

Yeah, it might cause some involuntary reactions in the people around me, and it might be really distracting and cause my fellow test writers to lose their focus, but life’s a jungle people! If they get distracted and write a shitty exam, well, so much the better for me.

 

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER PEOPLE REACT.

 

This is essentially the argument Amanda Marcotte makes regarding school dress codes for girls at Double XX today. Le sigh. What the fuck is wrong with Amanda Marcotte anyways?

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/02/15/dress_codes_for_girls_they_don_t_teach_self_respect_only_respecting_girls.html

 

According to Amanda, girls should be able to wear skirts so short their panties show, and if boys find that disrupting, well, too bad. What we need to do is just IGNORE all the bodies around us and just focus on minds. Girl’s minds, of course. How boy’s mind’s react to provocative clothing and overt displays of sexuality are none of Amanda’s concern. The fact that such reactions are A) involuntary and B) distracting is not relevant. Who cares how boys perform in school anyways, amirite?

 

 

I recommend that …[we don’t]… measure girls by their hemlines by not measuring them by their hemlines. Try ignoring their bodies completely and getting directly to the work of cherishing those minds and those hearts instead

 

Yep. Show us your panties girls, and we’ll just focus on your hearts and minds. Hearts that clearly don’t give a shit about other people and minds that are so mired in narcissism and self-delusion that they can’t comprehend another person’s perspective.

 

panties

 

Sounds like excellent training for female adulthood.

 

Let’s back up a little bit. Yesterday, CleverGuy, JudgyAsshole and PrinceCharming were over for dinner and a postprandial game of Monopoly. Yeah, we’re a pretty lively bunch.

 

monopoly

 

We got to talking about the concept of Schrodinger’s Rapist and why it’s such a stupid metaphor to express the also incredibly stupid idea that all men should be treated as potential rapists.

 

http://judgybitch.com/2013/02/10/katie-roiphe-thinks-online-relationships-are-more-real-than-real-ones-explaining-once-again-why-she-is-single/

 

What we really enjoyed about the whole concept is that MEN should pay attention to how they are dressed and how they are acting in order to counter women’s fear that they might be raped. But women should NOT have to pay attention to what they are wearing or how they are acting because patriarchy. Or something.

 

So we came up without own little thought experiment, and it goes like this:

 

Schrodinger’s Slut

 

Assume that all women are sluts and want to have sex with you. Everyone is either LUCKY or UNLUCKY, and no one has any idea what the fuck is going on. Your state of luckiness (man or woman, good or bad) depends upon what clothes you are wearing!

 

 

See? Brilliant!

 

We’ll mash them all up together in an act of unparalleled genius and call it Schrodinger’s Clusterfuck.

 

All men are rapists and all women are sluts and the only way to tell one from the other is to check out what people are wearing and how they are acting.

 

pout

 

But that’s not fair is it? We have to take other people’s feelings and reactions into account when we move through the world? We have to consider how other people might respond to our actions and choices? We have to step outside our own personal little world-view and try and see reality from someone’s else’s perspective?

 

Clearly, that’s bullshit.

 

You know, I think I’ve changed my mind about what I’m going to wear to my exam. I think I’ll go with this:

 

kkk

 

Come on now! It’s just a piece of clothing. And if people react negatively to my sense of fashion and appropriateness, well, that’s their problem, right?

 

I can’t be held responsible for how other people react. And I sure as hell can’t PREDICT how other people will react.

 

The cat, she is dead AND alive, at the same time. Everything else is just random.

 

cat

 

Right?

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

24 Responses to “Schrodinger’s Slut. Or why it matters what you wear.”

  1. culdesachero February 16, 2013 at 14:41 #

    So, are you really saying that to emphasize one aspect of yourself, it might be necessary to de-emphasize other aspects of yourself?

    I am sorry, but that sounds a little too much like math or reason. You’re just trying to oppress women more by making them face consequences. Furthermore, I don’t believe that a school of higher learning has actually invited you to bring such oppressive reason within it’s safe(r) environment. Is this a humanities department? Unbelievable!

    Good luck in school JB.

    Like

  2. baldandangry February 16, 2013 at 14:43 #

    Congrats on working towards your doctorate. Dr. Judgybitch has an interesting ring to it. Or Judgybitch, PhD. Oh and I’d vote for the glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat.

    Like

  3. judgybitch February 16, 2013 at 14:49 #

    Humanities? Good god,no!

    I’ll be teaching the Intro Management course in the Faculty of Business, and earning my PhD in Innovation and Entrepreneurship.

    I really look forward to all the cross-disciplinary committee work, though. The women’s studies profs are in for one hell of a wake up call when Dr. JB is in the house.

    Like

  4. culdesachero February 16, 2013 at 15:57 #

    I hope they take detailed minutes. I would pay to read the transcripts of those meetings.

    They won’t know what hit’em.

    Like

  5. Marlo Rocci February 16, 2013 at 16:16 #

    So here’s my deal: IF it’s okay for feminists to suggest that all men are rapists and that society should conform to this presupposition, then it’s equally okay for non-feminists to suggest that all women who dress like sluts are looking for sex all the time, and all that screaming and resisting they do is just an odd form of foreplay.

    *shakes head*

    Although this appears to be what is going on in Egypt right now. Women wearing western dress are assumed to be sluts and are publicly raped. So I do have a bit of a problem with asserting that women should feel shame about their clothing. I’m against JB on this one. The fact that the same clothing that would get you raped in Egypt does not generally have the same effect in the States suggests that men can evolve and be better.

    I sort of view the ultimate in male good behavior and the society we should be striving for is one where women are so safe that one could walk downtown in the middle of the night nude and not be threatened. So I measure how safe a society is for women by how short the miniskirts are. The less threatened women feel by men, the more nude they become. You could almost call it a crime index. The pantyflash crime index.

    Like

  6. Leap of a Beta February 17, 2013 at 00:16 #

    And what would be keeping those women safe? Cops lives being laid down? Men acting for those women?

    What women wear in public is directly tied to two things: what the environment (weather) demands and what kind of commitment to her current/future husband is expected of her by society. Women will wear the sluttiest outfits they can get away with without being criticized for it. So, if you want a woman to be able to chose to walk down the street nude you woulf have to have a society that is completely without sexual morals

    Like

  7. Alex February 17, 2013 at 01:57 #

    should videotape the reactions your first few days. hilarious thinking about the looks they have when they’ll receive their wake-up call

    Like

  8. Ter February 17, 2013 at 06:16 #

    Re Schrodinger’s Clusterfuck to assume “All men are rapists…”

    I’m sure you’ve heard of the ‘One Billion Rising’ against violence against women recently. Apparently one billion women “will be raped or beaten” which is equivalent to 1 in 3 women throughout the entire world.

    That would mean that approximately one billion men are rapists or woman-beaters so maybe Clusterfuck has some legs! Well, it would mean that 1 in 3 men throughout the world are rapists or woman-beaters – but I’m sure Schrodinger would be satisfied with this number.

    It’s beyond me how anyone could believe this “one billion” number, but hey, if a nation’s leader says so, such as Australia’s Prime Minister Julia Gillard, then it must be true!

    Disturbing.

    Like

  9. Liz February 17, 2013 at 13:01 #

    Congrats on the job, JB. The schedule seems perfect!

    Bona fortuna! Good luck! Bonne chance! Oodgay ucklay. (heh, ucklay sounds like a bad experience…silly piglatin)

    Like

  10. wdodman March 27, 2013 at 20:57 #

    There are serial rapists.

    On a side note, they don’t say which gender is delivering all these beatings.

    Like

  11. Ter March 27, 2013 at 23:35 #

    Re: “There are serial rapists.”
    Of course there are, but do you really think that comes even close to explaining the number ‘1 in 3’? It’s still ridiculously beyond credible.

    Like

  12. Mina April 30, 2013 at 16:27 #

    I am no prude but I have zero idea why women don’t dress like they have some self-respect. My kids grew up on the horse farm and in Pony Club, with very conservative dress codes (or you don’t get to play, participate or compete – yes they send kids home for not having their shoulders covered or having a ring in their nose or God forbid a pair of breeches with a belt loop but NO BELT, the horror.) I grew up the same way. We aren’t really what I’d consider to be a conservatiive family so I just can’t understand why girls dress so slutty. As in: Totally do not get. At all. OTOH I understand why guys are constantly getting the wrong message. Things are really messed up, it’s sad. I feel bad for my daughters.

    Like

  13. LC April 30, 2013 at 16:32 #

    I don’t believe anyone deserves to be raped because of what they’re wearing or that “they’re asking for it,” but if you go out dressed like a tramp, you are going to attract attention. And you just might attract the attention of someone bad that you might not have otherwise done if dressed in a conservative fashion. Think about it. Lots of these serial rapist murderers have a thing against prostitutes and purposely target those types of women. Why would anyone want to put herself in that category?

    Like

  14. Nergal April 30, 2013 at 23:45 #

    ‘Struth.

    The sluts have a thing for violent men who target sluts for rape and murder, and the violent rapists and murderers have a thing for the sluts,if by “thing” you mean knife or gun, feminists go out of their way to help get them together and when predictable results happen,they blame “society”, that is, every other man and woman who were minding their own business and doing what’s right.

    Like

  15. Goober May 1, 2013 at 14:55 #

    Depends on the definition of rape, which they are constantly broadening.

    Like

  16. Ferrum Itzal April 2, 2014 at 22:04 #

    Isn’t this saying that women can earn a rape by wearing clothing that triggers a man’s sexual response? We know that men are visual creatures, and that’s why women are wearing “sexy” clothes, so it’s entirely reasonable to assume that women do bear some responsibility for their rape if they decide to walk around half naked, accentuating the sexual assets.

    Or, did I read your wrong, JB?

    I’ve told many of my lady friends to either dress modestly or hope they don’t run into that one mis-wired guy that takes their slutty outfit as an open invitation.

    Like

  17. Jason Wexler September 21, 2014 at 19:15 #

    I once intentionally read a Harry Potter/Star Trek crossover furry slash fic, and your comment is still the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. A women can already walk down the street nude in the middle of the night in most locales, and she faces greater risk from being arrested for indecency, or being run over by a car (the middle of the street, and not the sidewalk, really??) than she does of experiencing rape or other forms of assault. Women who are afraid to be out in public places at night, aren’t particularly thoughtful, even ignoring that street violence is very rare and is disproportionately directed between men; public places are much safer because potential assaulters believe other people will see them commit crimes and therefore don’t. Your test would be more valid if it were a naked women in her isolated rural house randomly dialing the phone and inviting strangers over; or perhaps wandering nude through an isolated remote woods where the football team is known to go after games to get drunk and blow each other, while she screams “I’m a naughty slut, someone please rape me!”; all to no ill effect. After all if your comment wasn’t tongue in cheek sarcasm (a possibility I hadn’t considered when I had started typing) then I can reasonably assume you want to live in the kind of consequence free femtopia that JB was so rightly denegrating in the article. Yes you have to take responsibility for your actions, and yes you have to be aware of how your actions effect others as well, no free ride.

    Like

  18. George Makedon September 28, 2014 at 20:13 #

    Your -” maggina” – distorted and brain washed mode of thinking , entails two grave possibilities : either the pornification of society ( 40 shades of porn ? ) , which is happening already , and-or- the castration of manhood , which is happening already !

    Like

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