Schrodinger’s Slut. Or why it matters what you wear.

Hey, remember this?

 

http://judgybitch.com/2012/12/07/to-phd-or-not-to-phd-that-is-the-question/

 

I’m going for it, and I have a class lined up this fall to teach. It will be my first time back in a lecture hall in 12 years, and I’m really looking forward to it. The time commitment is incredibly reasonable – two 90 minutes sessions per week plus some established office hours, and Mr. JB and I will set our schedules so that one of us is always at home.

 

 

I will transition slowly to full time over the next three years, at which point our youngest child will be 7 years old, and our family should be able to accommodate me working full time as a professor, especially given that so much of the work can be done at home.

 

The future looks bright, folks!

 

At some point in the next 12 months, I will have to write a series of comprehensive exams, which will cover the core theories and research methodologies of my discipline. There will be four THREE hour exams. Just me and a sheet of paper and whatever I can stuff in my brain between now and then. I will be writing with a group of other PhD candidates, although they won’t necessarily be in my disciplinary area.

 

So obviously, I’m thinking about what I should wear.

 

I’m really torn: should I go with this battery powered flashing LED Rubik’s cube shirt:

 

 

Or the dancing ladies one?

 

 

I’m familiar with the theatre in which I will be writing these exams, and I know that it will be flooded with natural light, so I’m thinking that these sequin pants will be just the thing:

 

 

And to top it off, of course I will be wearing my glow in the dark pink cowboy hat!

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, that is what you call an EPIC SARTORIAL WIN!

 

 

What’s that you say? That the flashing lights and sequins and colors might be visually distracting to the other test writers? That their brains are specifically wired to notice sparkly, flashy things and that it could even set off seizures?

 

http://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/aboutepilepsy/whatisepilepsy/triggers/photosensitiveepilepsy

 

Yeah? Too bad.

 

I’m sorry, but it is not MY responsibility to consider what effect my test writing outfit has on other people. I cannot be held accountable for how THEY might react. If my fellow candidates find flashing lights and sun-drenched sequins and super-cool neon cowboy hats distracting THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM.

 

Actually, scratch all that sparkly shit. I think I’m going to wear this:

 

 

Trust me, I would look awesome in that outfit. Except no heels. Fuck that.

 

Yeah, it might cause some involuntary reactions in the people around me, and it might be really distracting and cause my fellow test writers to lose their focus, but life’s a jungle people! If they get distracted and write a shitty exam, well, so much the better for me.

 

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER PEOPLE REACT.

 

This is essentially the argument Amanda Marcotte makes regarding school dress codes for girls at Double XX today. Le sigh. What the fuck is wrong with Amanda Marcotte anyways?

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/02/15/dress_codes_for_girls_they_don_t_teach_self_respect_only_respecting_girls.html

 

According to Amanda, girls should be able to wear skirts so short their panties show, and if boys find that disrupting, well, too bad. What we need to do is just IGNORE all the bodies around us and just focus on minds. Girl’s minds, of course. How boy’s mind’s react to provocative clothing and overt displays of sexuality are none of Amanda’s concern. The fact that such reactions are A) involuntary and B) distracting is not relevant. Who cares how boys perform in school anyways, amirite?

 

 

I recommend that …[we don’t]… measure girls by their hemlines by not measuring them by their hemlines. Try ignoring their bodies completely and getting directly to the work of cherishing those minds and those hearts instead

 

Yep. Show us your panties girls, and we’ll just focus on your hearts and minds. Hearts that clearly don’t give a shit about other people and minds that are so mired in narcissism and self-delusion that they can’t comprehend another person’s perspective.

 

 

Sounds like excellent training for female adulthood.

 

Let’s back up a little bit. Yesterday, CleverGuy, JudgyAsshole and PrinceCharming were over for dinner and a postprandial game of Monopoly. Yeah, we’re a pretty lively bunch.

 

 

We got to talking about the concept of Schrodinger’s Rapist and why it’s such a stupid metaphor to express the also incredibly stupid idea that all men should be treated as potential rapists.

 

http://judgybitch.com/2013/02/10/katie-roiphe-thinks-online-relationships-are-more-real-than-real-ones-explaining-once-again-why-she-is-single/

 

What we really enjoyed about the whole concept is that MEN should pay attention to how they are dressed and how they are acting in order to counter women’s fear that they might be raped. But women should NOT have to pay attention to what they are wearing or how they are acting because patriarchy. Or something.

 

So we came up without own little thought experiment, and it goes like this:

 

Schrodinger’s Slut

 

Assume that all women are sluts and want to have sex with you. Everyone is either LUCKY or UNLUCKY, and no one has any idea what the fuck is going on. Your state of luckiness (man or woman, good or bad) depends upon what clothes you are wearing!

 

 

See? Brilliant!

 

We’ll mash them all up together in an act of unparalleled genius and call it Schrodinger’s Clusterfuck.

 

All men are rapists and all women are sluts and the only way to tell one from the other is to check out what people are wearing and how they are acting.

 

 

But that’s not fair is it? We have to take other people’s feelings and reactions into account when we move through the world? We have to consider how other people might respond to our actions and choices? We have to step outside our own personal little world-view and try and see reality from someone’s else’s perspective?

 

Clearly, that’s bullshit.

 

You know, I think I’ve changed my mind about what I’m going to wear to my exam. I think I’ll go with this:

 

 

Come on now! It’s just a piece of clothing. And if people react negatively to my sense of fashion and appropriateness, well, that’s their problem, right?

 

I can’t be held responsible for how other people react. And I sure as hell can’t PREDICT how other people will react.

 

The cat, she is dead AND alive, at the same time. Everything else is just random.

 

 

Right?

 

Lots of love,

 

JB