Jezebel solves the problem of women’s inequality! It’s about bloody time.

17 Feb

As we all know, we are currently living through a cultural crisis in which women are demonstrably coming up short against male achievements and are thus still not equal to men. This is obviously a huge problem, particularly
in terms of the eventual and inevitable triumph of feminism, a theory that insists men and women ARE completely and absolutely equal in every measurable term, except for those terms in which we are not, but ….






Those terms don’t count anyways. Pipe down, lads. The ladies are speaking now.


Jezebel has an excellent suggestion for how ladies can actively counter the obviously blatant lie that we are NOT equal to men: humanities degrees are to be severely restricted, the school system is to be revamped to focus on science and mathematics and girls are to undergo rigorous training in all STEM fields and start going head to head with men on the basis of intellect and intelligence.




Put your tits away, girls. It’s time to start getting serious about inventing, producing and creating useful shit that benefits all of humanity. Enough with your fucking nail polish and urban anthropology and filing papers alphabetically.


We’re going to Mars, ladies! Who wants to sign up for the cold fusion team?




Oh shit.


Wrong article.




In actual fact, Jezebel thinks that the way forward to women’s equality lies in teaching women to ….


Wait for it….


It’s pretty good….




I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Judgy Bitch, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”


Nope. Not kidding.


To not let women fart is to not let them be fully human. To be free to fart it up with the menfolk is a sign of acceptance, not disintegrating social norms. And the feeling that women need to hide their farts is all part of the intense, building pressure to wax, pamper, perfume, and mask the realities of our own humanness. It’s all part of a system that shames us into feeling, yet again, like how we actually are is never, ever, ever as sweet-smelling as it should be. It’s enough to shame the most bulletproof secure among us into holding in a lifetime’s worth of farts just to fit in.


head desk


You know, I think I’ve really been doing this human thing wrong. I’ve been operating under the basic premise that to be human is to acknowledge the presence of other people in my world, and to behave in a way that suggests I believe them to have some basic entitlements to respect and courtesy, which oddly includes the right to NOT have to breathe in sulfuric gases that have just escaped my ass!


Goodness me! Well, that was a giant fail. Turns out I should have been ripping giant stinky ones the whole time, because anything less is a denial of my basic HUMANITY.




Of course, we all know that MEN fart wherever and whenever they please. Meeting the President? Let ‘er rip! Conference with the boss? Start with a Bronx cheer. Chatting up a chick at the bar? Impress her by dropping the cabbage bomb.


Yep. Men everywhere, farting at all times. Hanging out with men is like living in an open sewer. I love the smell of ass gas in the elevator!




I’m seriously not sure what to make of this kind of advice. Young women are growing up in a culture that tells them it’s okay to be fat, dress like a slut, not give a shit about how they look, not care about what men think EVEN IF THEY HAPPEN TO LIKE MEN AND WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE, and now this: feel free to fart as an expression of your basic humanity.


Do I really have to explain what is wrong with this advice? One doesn’t deliberately fart in front of other people because it is rude, it is gross, it is disrespectful, it is crass, it is deeply unpleasant and it suggests that you do NOT give one fuck about other people.





Charming. To the lady above, I hope you love being single, too.


Just the sort of advice women need MORE of: care less about other people.


You know, I realize that passing wind is a perfectly natural bodily function, but so is taking a dump. That doesn’t mean I should do it in public and impose the accompanying aromas on other people because fuck them anyways.




This is Tracy Moore, the lady who wrote the article at Jezebel. Try not to get on an elevator with her. She might feel the need to prove she is human.


I have a feeling that might really stink.


fart 3


Lots of love,




19 Responses to “Jezebel solves the problem of women’s inequality! It’s about bloody time.”

  1. Mike Buchanan February 17, 2013 at 17:04 #

    Priceless! Thanks JB.

    Mike Buchanan

    (and the women who love them)


  2. Alex February 17, 2013 at 17:15 #

    i wonder how many are still reading the relationship pieces from jezebel after reading this. i say we give them 40 years so they can see how well their shit goes when they look 70


  3. nomisandry February 17, 2013 at 18:27 #

    🙂 🙂 🙂 LMAO, Oh my god, I am laughing so hard , I think I just ripped one, Sorry & thank U JudgyBitch.


  4. Liz February 17, 2013 at 19:51 #

    Hey I think this stuff should be encouraged! The better for evolutionary losers to stay evolutionary losers….genetic race… Ready, set…. Let ‘er rip! Ladies not farting go to the front now…


  5. Liz February 17, 2013 at 22:42 #

    I hope cats like farts (for the cats’ sakes).


  6. nightskyradio February 17, 2013 at 23:08 #

    “This is Tracy Moore…”

    Moore is less.


  7. Ter February 17, 2013 at 23:24 #

    Oh geez. Clearly feminists are running out of ideas when they start promoting liberal farting as an issue of equality. I guess people who come to this blog already know that, but I’m stunned that even a feminist could think of something this ridiculous. Oh well, live and learn.


  8. Kitsunegari February 18, 2013 at 00:58 #

    That is a vile and contemptible lie.

    Everyone knows girls don’t poop. Or fart. Ever!


  9. Marlo Rocci February 18, 2013 at 03:07 #

    …because American women haven’t already done enough to make themselves thoroughly un-dateable. There are a still a few women getting dates with men. Jezebel will fix that.


  10. driversuz February 18, 2013 at 03:43 #

    I’m over here snickering like a ten-year-old….


  11. culdesachero February 18, 2013 at 13:55 #

    Can Jezzie convince the ladies on my train to stop wearing the obnoxious perfume and start farting more? The perfume gives me a headache. Farts only last a minute and have no lasting affect.


  12. Erudite Knight February 18, 2013 at 15:39 #

    How great, they are making undesirable women even more so…


  13. realityforever February 18, 2013 at 21:51 #

    Just when you thought that Feminists couldn’t sink any lower or become anymore stupid & insane, they surprise you by sinking even lower. This is their only talent.


  14. Mark March 3, 2013 at 00:21 #

    My parents own a cat that has chronic flatulence. It seems to bother them more than it bothers the cat. But then again, ‘everybody likes their own brand,’ as they say.

    I actually think they may be on to something. Perhaps men should start breaking wind around women more often? Women are, I hear, subconsciously attracted to flatulent men. See…:


  15. Orphan March 12, 2013 at 00:01 #

    After years of fighting for equality women have finally arrived. They have broken the last barrier, and its the wind.


  16. Passerby September 13, 2013 at 04:17 #

    Y’know, there was this lovely quote from the book My Mind Went All To Pieces, “The trouble with my wife is that she wants to be a man, but she doesn’t want to be a gentleman.”

    Fits this perfectly.


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