I’m not pretty enough for you? Go fuck yourself.

24 Feb

First, let me update you on the outcome of the BigAss Scrabble Tournament ™ I played in yesterday. It was kind of interesting, really.

My first opponent Played.






We had a little hourglass timer, but he was concentrating sooooooo hard,

he failed to notice that his time had run out, even when I pointed it out. I could have been a giant bitch about it, but I kind of felt sorry for TurtleMan because he really was trying.


See?  I’m not always a bitch.

Most Scrabble games take somewhere around 14 – 18 turns to complete.  In one hour, we managed 8 turns and I was kicking his ass resoundingly.  295 to 131.

295 halfway through the game is a great score.  But we ran out of time, I won by default, and I didn’t get to play out the whole game. I had TWO separate bingos, but I couldn’t play them.


My next opponent was also a pretty shitty player.

And I apparently lack a truly competitive spirit, because I ended up coaching her on what to play so her loss wouldn’t be quite so humiliating.  She showed me her letters and I told her where to play them and I still BOMBED her, winning by more than 100 points.

There goes my reputation as an unrelenting bitch.

I plan on restoring it, though.

But first, let’s get to that discussion of beauty I mentioned yesterday.

Eminem and Christina Aguilera both recorded songs called “Beautiful”, and I think the two songs perfectly encapsulate the difference between Victim Culture™ and Get Over It Snowflake Culture™.

Women, in particular, are encouraged to view themselves as victims.  Of anything and everything, and one of the central concepts in Victim Culture™ is that if you ARE in fact, a victim, well, there must be someone to blame for that.  And it’s not you!  No way!

Christina’s song and the accompanying video is very explicitly about gender and how gender is linked to our ideas about what constitutes beauty.  It features two gay men kissing, a cross-dressing man, an anorexic girl, a skinny boy trying desperately to grow some muscles, a punk rocker and several other characters.  Christina is trying to promote the idea that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and on the surface, that’s a lovely idea.

I have no problem with gay men and drag queens and skinny boys thinking they are beautiful and therefore worthy of respect and dignity, because they are.  No question about it.  What I do have a problem with is how Christina spins that completely understandable desire into a deep well of narcissism and self-absorption.


Don’t look at me.

In the video, she huddles in the corner of a derelict room like she’s expecting some violent blow at any minute.  When she DOES finally get on her feet, what does she do?  She goes and looks at herself in a mirror.  Christina’s concept of beauty is all about appearance.

Don’t look at me.  Look at me.

For Christina, being beautiful comes down to one thing:  what you look like.  The characters in her video preen in front of mirrors, engage in public tongue kissing (yuck – get a room!), compare themselves to images in a magazine and essentially exist in their own little worlds with no reference at all to a wider culture.  Ultimately, the anorexic girl smashes her mirror and the girl reading magazines throws them in the fire, but the general sense and feeling of the whole video is paranoia and egotism and vanity.

I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can’t bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can’t bring me down

Uhm, no.  You are NOT beautiful in every single way, because no one is.  Promoting the idea that everything about yourself is perfect, no matter what anyone else says is the very definition of narcissism.  According to Christina, listening to criticism or stopping to consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, you might be able to improve on your natural graces and talents is an attack on your right to define yourself according to whatever personal terms of reference you happen to desire.

Don’t look at me.

In Christina’s song, beauty is whatever you say it is, you should never listen to criticism and the appropriate response to any criticism is to crawl into a corner and weep like the maltreated victim you are.


Now, let’s contrast that with Eminem’s song.

The very first thing Eminem does is link his concept of beauty to the broader culture.  He explicitly defines beauty as something bigger than any one individual or any one perspective.

His message is basically the same thing:  don’t ever let them say you’re not beautiful, they can all get fucked, just stay true to you


But his concept of “you” exists in a broader society undergoing some tremendous, confusing, violent and destructive transformations.  He doesn’t stand around contemplating his special snowflakeness in a mirror.  He stands in the middle of stadium, being torn apart by a wrecking crew, and rages against forces much greater than himself.  He locates himself in a world that contains more than just his own perception of himself.


Now, we all know that I consider Eminem a truly great musical artist, but I also want to give him props for being intelligent and demonstrating an emotional depth and complexity that seems to me to be very typical of how men approach the world in general.


Women start with the idea that they are the only ones who exist.  “I’m perfect and beautiful because I say I am and if you tell me I’m not I’m going sit in a corner and cry”.  Men, on the other hand, appear to take for granted that they live in a bigger world and are required to define themselves in the context of that world.  And if you tell them they’re not beautiful, the answer is “get fucked”.

Personally, I’ll take Eminem’s version of Beautiful any day.

Now, here’s the point.  Me and Pixie finished shooting our first YouTube show, and I’m going to be taking a giant (probably stupid) leap into the great void, where I anticipate that I will more or less immediately confront other people’s ideas about beauty and how much I have.

The truth is, not much.  Oh well.  So sad, too bad.





Ugly ugly ugly.




(with love PPP)

Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.  If you can’t argue the point, it’s always fun to post insults. I don’t know why, but it always surprises me when the fat ugly whore comments come from women.  I especially like it when women post in exquisite detail how they hope I get raped and murdered.  There’s something particularly satisfying, though, about scrolling through a 1200 word description of your own demise and then hitting the trash button! Hey, thanks for taking the time, bitch.  And goodbye.

Welcome to the sisterhood?

Haters gonna hate.  It won’t shut me up.  Go ahead.  Tell me I’m not beautiful.  I won’t sit in a corner and cry, I guarantee it.

I’m not pretty enough for you?  Get fucked.

fuck off

Lots of love,


26 Responses to “I’m not pretty enough for you? Go fuck yourself.”

  1. Ashley February 24, 2013 at 18:10 #

    Interesting take on both songs. The only thing I don’t agree with is that Christina’s intention by being “beautiful in every single way” doesn’t translate (at least not to me) to being “perfect.” Instead, I take it as being imperfect and being ok with that.


  2. judgybitch February 24, 2013 at 18:24 #

    Either way, the definition comes down to your own perception of yourself, with no reference to the external world, except in terms of how it “victimizes” people.

    No one is perfect. Everybody can improve themselves.

    I think there’s something very destructive in telling people they are perfect just the way they are.

    What if you’re an asshole?

    Or a bitch?



  3. Dean Esmay February 24, 2013 at 18:38 #

    I’ve seen your picture. I can find 18 ways from Sunday I could, from my own personal perspective think you could be called less than perfect. (And don’t even get me started on how >I< could improve my appearance). There's something very unhealthy about the culture of beauty when we all have unrealistic expectations about our own looks or others' looks, but the great irony is how many people who hate the culture of obsession of unrealistic expectations (for women not men) are the first to go after a woman for her looks. On the other hand, they've done it to me too–you know, I'm fat, and ugly, and I shouldn't have a beard, whatever–and they seem disappointed somehow when I don't much care what they think of how I look. Because I don't. And isn't that the attitude we should be encouraging? If people attack you for how you look, shouldn't you be able to say "who told you I should care what you think how I look?"

    By the way, I will never, ever play you at Scrabble. I don't know why but I suck at Scrabble. I am an exceptionally good speller, have been such I was a kid, I can write quite well, and yet put me in front of a Scrabble board and I freeze up trying to find anything past three letters. I wind up doing things like putting an "s' on the end of someone else's word to make it plural or something. Hopeless. I'd be one of the 'tards you'd have to help just to make it fun. No idea why. 😉


  4. Ashley February 24, 2013 at 18:39 #

    Yeah, I see what you’re saying. We should all seek beauty in ourselves inward and out, know we are not perfect, but not let ourselves become vain and narcissistic.


  5. Dean Esmay February 24, 2013 at 18:40 #

    (And no, don’t take that as an attack, you’re a perfectly lovely woman, just, by unrealistic expectations I could decide to say you’re not. Why, your skin isn’t dark enough! Your hair could be a different way I like better. Maybe I’d like your eyes bigger. Or smaller. Whatever. The point is, while everything isn’t subjective it still is subjective and it’s so damned shallow to go after appearance, appearance, appearance.)


  6. judgybitch February 24, 2013 at 18:51 #

    It’s almost always people who disagree with what I’m saying but have no coherent argument to refute mine.

    That’s when the “you’re an ugly whore” shit comes out.

    I’m kind of looking forward to it.


  7. sqt February 24, 2013 at 19:23 #

    I never much cared for the Aguilera song because it always seemed so precious and has such a false message. The culture we live in now, despite all the “acceptance” we’re supposed to have toward everything, is as shallow as ever and the ones who are the worst for going for the superficial attacks are the ones who claim to be the most tolerant.

    You will probably get bombarded with jerks telling you that you’re unattractive, but it’ll have nothing to do with your looks. It has to do with your message. If you’re not in lockstep with the feminist doctrine you will torn apart in every way possible so as to undermine your credibility. They can’t really attack you on a logical level, so it’ll be all about the emotional triggers. But you clearly know that.


  8. nekkidsoul February 24, 2013 at 20:13 #

    Frankly, I don’t give a.shit what you look like. I just love the way you see the world and express yourself. And I have to agree, I’ll take eminem’s version any day. Fucking awesome post lady!!

    (Oh and good luck on your leap into the void!!)


  9. princesspixiepointless February 24, 2013 at 20:46 #

    Really? Even when I say it?


  10. princesspixiepointless February 24, 2013 at 20:51 #


    Love the beard. Hot.
    JB totally cheats/does the Jedi mind melt at scrabble. So, good call.

    Thanks for the support.

    Vdo will be up soon, (Feb 28? )


  11. judgybitch February 24, 2013 at 20:52 #

    Especially when you say it!

    It’s usually just after I’ve called you a fat drunk bitch.

    What argument can you marshall aganst that one, eh?


    That’s when you text me shots of pig’s asses. Which is really gross.

    Stop it.


  12. princesspixiepointless February 24, 2013 at 21:05 #

    I thought it made you happy…
    you know, reminded you of your happy childhood on the farm…


  13. TMG February 24, 2013 at 21:48 #

    We need to have the ability to accept criticism, analyze ourselves, and be willing to evolve. “F U I’m not changing” isn’t necessarily any better than “I’m a snowflake.”


  14. angelowal February 24, 2013 at 22:06 #

    Hey, congrats on the Scrabble smear. Just one little query: Could it be that the 1st guy you played was my son? Gawd, the 3-min. timer was invented for him. He’s so slow with his turn that I have to take time out to re-shave my legs. I really, really tried to be a good, patient parent but I hated playing games with him and habitually cheated to let him win just to get the game over before I jumped off my balcony……..

    Hugs xx


  15. judgybitch February 24, 2013 at 22:11 #

    Nope. It wasn’t your son, but I know the pain of playing with him.

    We’ve been playing Monopoly lately. He’s a smart little capitalist, that one!


  16. Erudite Knight February 25, 2013 at 02:18 #

    If you call them ugly, then you are mean, you call them hot, and then you are shallow.
    Ahh, love that hypocrisy.


  17. combs2jc February 25, 2013 at 05:29 #

    My opinion of beauty is that it truly is in the eye of the beholder. I am tired of the PC crap saying we are supposed to “be in love” with ONLY a woman’s mind, while it seems that they think the only beautiful female minds belong too women who are ugly outside because they are ugly inside. My opinion … who you are attracted too is in your DNA … it’s preservation of the species. I don’t give a damn what those liberals say I will never think a hateful 300 pound woman is beautiful and i will never appologize because of which women I find attractive.


  18. Marlo Rocci February 25, 2013 at 06:46 #

    Consider this: There wouldn’t be the word beautiful if everyone was it. Let’s face it, not everyone gets first prize.


  19. realityforever February 25, 2013 at 17:55 #

    The ‘Beautiful’ song by Agu- whatever (like it matters) came out in 2002 – I remember it well, because of it’s nauseating implications. It did it’s job well- by that, what I mean is that it is now completely impossible for a man to insult a female (especially under 30) anymore. You can call them fat, ugly, stupid, smelly, a whore, you name it- and they’ll just stare blankly at you.

    The reason for this is partly their complete disrespect for men & their opinions -but more significantly is the fact that U.S. females are now so far removed from anything approaching ‘human’ that they do not respond to normal human interaction. Criticism from a male is regarded as ‘abuse.’ There couldn’t possibly be any truth to anything a man says because he is wrong before he even opens his mouth (to these things we now call women).

    Women approach the world from the perspective “I have something everyone wants” namely their vagina. Men have to approach the world from the perspective of “this is what I can DO for you” and are on display and judged and assessed. Women today, on the other hand, have no such desire or compunction to feel they need to improve or even maintain anything about themselves, which is why they never grow as people and half of them let themselves completely go psychically.

    Ironically, *I* don’t care anymore what women think about me – why should I care what such an alien creature thinks about me? Any interaction with them is just bizarre and random anyway. In the last 10 years all the women who rejected me did so for the most mentally ill and frivilous reasons as well as all of the women who have had sex with me- women today are so mentally ill, it’s nothing more than a crap shoot.


  20. Alex March 1, 2013 at 02:54 #

    found this article about scrabble and monopoly (a few others), figured i’d put it here instead of a later post due to relevance deals.




  21. judgybitch March 1, 2013 at 02:58 #

    Oh I can totally see how Monopoly started as a game to demonstrate the dangers of property ownderhsip!

    I had to pay CleverGuy $2000 for his hotels on Boardwalk, or wherever it was. Mortgaged everything to the hilt.

    Then he screwed me on an offer to buy my railroads.

    Dastardly game.

    When he’s not looking, I rob the bank.


  22. angelowal March 1, 2013 at 04:52 #

    Awww, say it aint so! Although I did hear a rumour that you are an incorrigible cheater when it comes to board games 😉


  23. Sarah June 12, 2013 at 18:53 #

    Not that it matters (and I know my comment is really late; I discovered your site three days ago and have been reading backwards since then), but I am at a loss as to how anyone could call you ugly (also just watched your first video). The vast majority of people are really only ugly if they try (or not try, in the case of being fat). Most people are, shockingly, average and a little trying can go a long way. You are most definitely above average. Your response is perfect.


  24. Heather October 9, 2013 at 18:50 #

    Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting right there next to you going, ‘Damn That was freakin awesome’…this is an old post but I just had to do it.


  25. Jack Strawb February 28, 2015 at 13:09 #

    It also divorces evaluation from behavior. I’ve long been convinced that self-esteem is only valid if generated by doing estimable things.


  26. Jack Strawb February 28, 2015 at 13:10 #

    Why? Why “seek beauty in ourselves…”? Why not seek value, ethics, character, charity…? And no, those are not synonyms, even approximately.


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