Of course you can blame the victim. Who else are you going to blame?

25 Feb

Do you have diabetes? Is that because you’re 200 pounds overweight and you maintain your heft with a steady diet of donuts, hotdogs and big gulp sodas?


Gosh, that’s too bad. It’s not your fault, though, sweetie. A nefarious plot between corn producers, the government and convenience store owners caused you to walk by that bag of unsalted almonds and bypass the bottle of water and head straight for the squeezy cheese and nachos. Nothing you can do about that.

There, there.

We can’t blame the victim, now, can we?


Did you grab your boyfriend’s phone and hit him in the face with your shoes and then he beat the shit out of you?


Not your fault. We’re not blaming the victim.

Did you get shit-faced at a football party and chase after some star players and then pass out and get treated like a little tramp?


That was completely unpredictable and you cannot be held responsible. No victim blaming, people!

Victim-blaming is MEAN! It’s an expression of privilege and an advantageous position in a hierarchy of power and it must never be used to further wound or injure people who have, by definition, already been hurt: that’s what VICTIM means.



Are you a working class male suffering from depression and a sense that your life has no meaning or value or direction? Did you deal with your crippling sense of dislocation and detachment by putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger?


Oh. Well, in that case, it IS your fault. You’re the sort of victim we CAN blame.


This is actually very upsetting.

Public policy needs to respond urgently to the problems that men and boys create and the problems that they experience, according to a new report by the Coalition on Men and Boys. This must take place alongside efforts to improve the position and status of women.

Taken from a report called Men, Suicide and Society: Why Disadvantaged Men in Mid-life Die by Suicide.


You can read an excellent critique of the article at A Voice for Men, that highlights some of the key problems with the whole report, but I want to address a slightly different issue.


The report links men’s suicide rate to masculinity and identifies that as a problem. Masculinity, or the idea of “manliness” is a destructive force in society that must be eradicated, thereby “solving” the male suicide problem. If men could just stop being men, they wouldn’t feel the need to kill themselves.

More accurately, they wouldn’t be so good at it.

That’s what I want to talk about.

While men commit suicide more often, women ATTEMPT suicide in greater numbers.


Once again, men are better at identifying a problem, isolating a solution, and carrying through. Part of that has to do with the fact that women attempt suicide as a cry for help. When the weight of their lives becomes too great to bear, they cry out for help.

save me

Save me, please.

I am in no way suggesting that women do not feel the same kind of despair or pain or emotional agony as men, but rather that they respond to that by seeking help in the form of “attempted suicide”. Women surrender themselves to the idea that their lives are out of control and they cannot manage anymore, and they take actions to ensure that someone will notice their pain and intervene.

Men take a completely different approach.

They identify a problem:

my life has become unbearable.

They isolate a solution:


They carry it out.


In the case of suicide, the results are maddeningly, saddeningly tragic. The fact that so many suicides occur amongst veterans is even more heartrending. More men have died by suicide than combat in the recent conflict in the Middle East. Soldiers, who risked their lives to carry out our government’s mandates (whether we agree with that mandate or not), who went at OUR BIDDING, return to confront pain so profound, they take their own lives.


This is a crisis not in masculinity, but in health care. Self-inflicted gunshots are a major and almost always lethal threat to men’s health. The idea that we should address this crisis by identifying masculinity as a problem is laughably, tragically stupid.

Men identify a problem, isolate a solution and carry through. With resounding and incontrovertible success, in most cases. Every single piece of technology, every tool, every device, every object or service we have in our modern world is a result of someone identifying a problem, isolating a solution and carrying through.

Those “someones” are almost always men.



Seeing masculinity as a threat, and something that needs to be undermined is a strategy guaranteed to take us back to the dark ages. It’s nihilism, pure and simple. The death of our culture.

The correct strategy to address the tragedy of male suicide is to intervene at the point that a “problem” is identified. Men who see themselves, their lives, their value, their contribution, their intrinsic worth as a human being as a “problem” ARE NOT HELPED by ideologies that define them as, yes, a problem.

I truly, deeply wonder if the researchers who wrote the report on male suicide are just blindingly stupid, or if they really do want men to die? Most suicides occur amongst middle-aged, white working  class men, the group hardest hit by dramatic changes in our economies and culture. Their jobs have been outsourced, their families have disintegrated, their livelihoods have disappeared and their ability to get the job done is no longer the machine that drives our society.

They’re not particularly useful, are they?


Oh, but they’re good at one thing: dying.

I usually try to end my posts with some smart-ass comment that mocks whatever it is I’m talking about, but today I just can’t do that.

All I really want to do is cry. I wish I could find every man sitting in a room with a loaded gun, wondering if anyone would even notice if he pulled the trigger and tell him:

I would. I would notice. Please don’t. The problem is not you. The problem is not that you’re a man. The problem is a world that has decided you’re useless. A world that exists BECAUSE of men, finding solutions to problems. It’s what men do. They solve problems.

Don’t solve this problem. Not this way.

Please don’t.

Lots of love,


20 Responses to “Of course you can blame the victim. Who else are you going to blame?”

  1. Korhomme (@Korhomme) February 25, 2013 at 16:30 #

    We usually think of depression as a diagnosis, an illness. I’m not convinced that this is correct. I’d rather think of it as a symptom, a pointer to unresolved internal problems. We don’t generally try to treat symptoms if we can treat the cause; but we do try to treat depression directly. This is perhaps why treatments aren’t universally successful; or at least not always successful in the longer term. And if depression is a symptom, then the cause(s) may well differ.


  2. ar10308 February 25, 2013 at 16:53 #

    Late 20s aren’t easy on a guy either. I lost a friend several years ago to his rifle.
    Granted, he had been an avid mountaineer who was struck with long-term Lyme’s Disease, but I can easily see how a man with his life ruined by divorce with 30-40 some years still to live could see nothing but a miserable abyss lined with cubicles or shitty jobs in front of him would face an almost unimaginable despair.


  3. Alex February 25, 2013 at 17:08 #

    we really should convince just about all men to stop contributing to society. society will go on for a few days and then the western world will truly see just how valuable men are. seeing masculinity as a problem that causes suicides undermines every man going through the stages that lead to it. we need some men-only suicide support groups and not bend to sheople pressuring to let women in, as it seems every time that happens, it turns into a disaster that doesn’t do jack shit to help the people it was meant to. not to be mean to you or the woman like you JB, but damn women.


  4. Marlo Rocci February 25, 2013 at 17:16 #

    I have to disagree with the final point here. Men are two things: We are either a force that contributes to and upholds society, or we’re a burden. Because women can produce children (and many women would only need one man’s contribution to this effort), they have an additional value to society. Because the individual man can become obsolete, our ability to decisively off ourselves is an additional value. If we can no longer contribute, then at least we can be good at removing ourselves from being an additional problem.

    Since it’s populations that evolve and not individuals, that men may have evolved a “suicide switch” to get rid of themselves when they become a burden seems not an unlikely feature. So the suicide rate amoung men is not something I see as a disease to be cured but rather as a natural behavioral feature of our species.


  5. judgybitch February 25, 2013 at 17:34 #


    The grandparent theory of evolution strongly suggests that men are never useless. Even when their physical powers have diminshed, their contribution to feeding weaned children is probably responsible for our overall intelligence as a species.


  6. Leap of a Beta February 25, 2013 at 17:57 #

    JB, you might find the stupidity behind the satire of this article overwhelming:



  7. judgybitch February 25, 2013 at 18:02 #

    Oh, you’re gonna love my YouTube show!

    It’s about this exact topic, but I’m not approaching it satirically.

    How fucking stupid. I really want to explain myself, but I’ll wait for Pixie to finish editing the show.

    It’s the perfect response to this kind of idiocy.


  8. Leap of a Beta February 25, 2013 at 18:05 #

    Oh lord. I was already excited about the youtube shooting, but now can’t wait.

    I personally can’t even think of where to begin to respond to such stupidity when I had someone link it on my facebook, so I thought I’d throw it your way and get some delicious humor I could throw in their faces.


  9. Marlo Rocci February 25, 2013 at 18:59 #

    I can see where a grandmother would be a benefit to society, but a grandfather would far less useful. They don’t have the child rearing skills that the women would have. And any knowledge they have to pass on will be increasingly obsolete in our modern world as the rate of change excellerates.

    And when you add the modern assertion that older men are a sexual danger to children, getting rid of the “useless” men becomes a more urgent situation. Driving these men to suicide through social isolation driven by fear may be a necessary or natural feature of human societies.

    In other words, it may be of greater benefit to train men how to commit suicide effectively than to try to get them to continue with lives of isolation and unemployment brought on by fear and obsolesence. “Will somebody think of the children” is really a battle cry to throw away older men.


  10. realityforever February 25, 2013 at 19:00 #

    “We usually think of depression as a diagnosis, an illness. I’m not convinced that this is correct.”

    And you are correct. This entire ploy that ‘depression’ is an illness unto itself is just a scheme thought up by pitchmen at Big Pharma decades ago. And of course all of their dangerous drugs actually cause more problems than they solve. All the shootings are evidence enough – with almost all of these beserkers being on psychiatric drugs, but most military men are on them nowadays as well already.

    I was trying to educate everyone I knew about these drugs TWENTY YEARS AGO – that all of them were based on theories and not hard science (such as it’s a fact antibiotics & penicillin kill off infections) but no one would listen to me, told me that I was nobody and what did I know? Now the public is just beginning to catch on to the fact that these drugs are not just ineffective, but actually make everything worse for the individual who is taking them – some even stating in their literature that they may cause suicidal thoughts.

    And the talk-type therapy has been completely taken over by women – turned into nothing more than one big female feelings based cryfest FOR women. And the whole profession has made every male characteristics a mental illness as well. Studies have shown that the average woman hasn’t the slightest clue and cannot even comprehend how a man thinks, so how on Earth could a female therapist even begin to address any male issues? Your average female isn’t even aware of the insane institutional forces working against males today, including female therapists.

    So the end result? There IS NO HELP FOR MEN- anywhere. There is no real place to turn – no solutions. The problem is with our society and how it has turned men into nothing more than appliances to be used until they are no longer useful and placed out on the curb like an old washing machine.

    Yes, employment is a grim prospect for men today and marriage & children are out of the question until deep, radical changes are made to the current divorce court laws and how it operates. So there really isn’t anything out there for men anymore. Myself personally? I’ve been out on the streets since I was 18 and all these years have made me incredibly hardened, and I have swallowed all the red pills in the last 10 years as well, so I can withstand just about anything. But your average man in the U.S. is a blue koolaid drinker who isn’t going to expecting what is just waiting to happen to him at any moment. You try to educate them, but all they’ll tell you is that you either hate women, are too negative, or just plain wrong. Then it happens. Next thing they put a gun to their head. Should have listened.


  11. realityforever February 25, 2013 at 19:58 #

    Any woman you meet- doesn’t matter how much she likes you – there is no future with her- she IS going to leave you and wipe you out financially. She didn’t have any respect for you before she even met you, so a ‘relationship’ or marriage with her is like starting a 10,000 mile road trip with four flat tires. It’s a hopeless one-way dead street and just as risky and devastating as gambling, taking drugs or dealing drugs.

    Any big company you go to work for (if you’re even lucky enough to even get hired being male) is going to be filled to the brim with Femarroids from Hell that are going to make you wish you were dead anyway- putting you in impossible situations to where no matter what you do, you’re fucked. And of course never ending false accusations.

    It’s practically to the point to where you almost can’t go outside without worrying about some bitch calling the police on you for looking ‘suspicious’ (meaning being outside and male) and you definitely NEVER want to even so much as make eye contact with a child EVER- not even the children of people you KNOW- never speak or look at children ever again until the day you DIE. False accusations and the hysteria over peadophiles is at an all time fever pitch high.

    So if I were to actually give any man advice who was considering taking his own life? I would tell them that need to begin to start looking at world (at least in the U.S.) as having nothing to offer you at all .. as a STARTING PLACE. In other words, when you walk out the door. Expect nothing – all that’s left is to create your own world and/or your own ideas and try to market them. That’s it.


  12. Ter February 25, 2013 at 20:17 #

    Firstly, I very much appreciate this article. It resonates with me – particularly with a dark chapter a while ago.

    In terms of men being exploited as utilities, I noticed even in today’s media (Australia) there’s a story on how a US web-site is becoming increasingly popular with Australian women in finding a solution to their financial problems – and sourcing the men to solve it for them.



  13. sqt February 25, 2013 at 20:53 #

    I would strongly disagree with your assessment regarding grandfathers. My grandfather was my main male role model during the first 7 years of my life (single mother who later remarried) and I think it was his influence that shaped my taste in men- for the better.

    My father-in-law (who, as a former fighter pilot who retired at Major General rank, is very alpha) is far and away more nurturing to my children than their grandmother. Grandmothers have their place, but kids benefit hugely from a grandfather’s love.


  14. Alex February 25, 2013 at 23:28 #

    Men certainly do not have a suicide switch, and once their physical prowess is gone they are far from useless. just look at all the old scientists and (i don’t really want to use him this way mind you) stephen hawking, especially him. he’s been physically useless since he was like 25, and look at what he’s accomplished. our bodies may dull, but our minds do not. i’d add labels i feel justified in using by your very negative attitude towards men, but i do not believe they’d get past the moderators. and here’s a counter argument i’m sure you’d love, how about we teach women to commit suicide properly? yeah, not as pleasant is it? *insert choice names here*


  15. Liz February 26, 2013 at 00:33 #

    I don’t know why you think a grandfather is not a useful person. My husband’s grandfather was his primary male influence growing up…his father was away often as a pilot, and his grandfather taught him to throw and catch, drove him to little league to play baseball, taught him about knives and fishing and how to tie knots.

    Maybe you are planning on being useless as an old adult but don’t paint others that way, it’s disrespectful to put it kindly.


  16. someguy February 26, 2013 at 02:43 #

    Wow who the fuck does this prick think he is? Men should be taught to commit suicide because they have become obsolete and useless? speak for yourself loser when you become wrinkly and old.

    In fact I can think a group of people that needs to be put down more urgently than useless men: useless shreaking hateful feminists. They say child bearing is oppression of women done by men so they avoid childbirth. Even the moderate ones delay child bearing till their late 30s and 40s. By this time risk of complications and the child developing some mental or physical deformity increases. This means the children they bear will require special care that the rest of society has to spend resources to provide. Meanwhile feminists spend their free-time peddling bullshit that fearmongers and belittles women to the point that gov’t has to spend billions to take care of and gives them the same level of entitlement and thoughts of feeling oppressed by men if asked to have children, while demonizing and destroying men’s sense of selfworth (even those men who contributes to society). So not only are feminists limited in usefulness, they also render others useless as well. Which is worse than sitting on the curb and doing nothing like most homeless “useless” men do. Seems by your logic we should just round up all the feminists and either teach them to kill themselves or put them to death.


  17. judgybitch February 26, 2013 at 03:05 #

    I hope you clicked through my link above, because the best theory we have about how humans evolved intelligence so rapidly is the “supplemental feeding” theory, whereby children who are weaned from breast milk, but still not capable of feeding themselves, are helped by the older members of their social group.

    Even the oldest men (or women) would have been tremendously valuable in helping those children survive.

    Our entire existence is owed to the efforts of the oldest members of the tribe helping to feed the youngest.

    Men have something to contribute until they draw their last breath. Know why?

    Because they’re humans, and humans have intrinsic value.

    Even the male ones.


  18. princesspixiepointless February 26, 2013 at 07:24 #

    Thank you!
    I’m excited too. I really want to leak a
    Little teeny tiny spoiler…but fuck. It’s just not ready yet…
    Maybe will throw a taster to you all on Friday…


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