For those of you following the stories, here is what is happening with Dr.K and LostBoy:
So Beauty has a lawyer and continues to “threaten” to begin divorce proceedings. Dr.K remains silent on the topic, but he antagonizes Beauty with small transgressions of her “rules”, to keep her anger simmering, always walking that fine line between irritating her but avoiding outright emotional and physical abuse.
In a conversation with Mr.JB, he said that he was finally coming to grips with the truth that he is married to an angry, violent, mentally ill woman, and that he is, in fact, being abused. It’s a source of deep shame, and he is reluctant to parade all the gory details in front of the court, because he doesn’t want the stigma.
He may not have to. Dr.K has convinced Beauty to buy another house in their affluent neighborhood, which is close to the hospital where they both work. Many doctors fly in to provide specialized services or to cover rounds so that the regular medical staff get some time off, and Dr.K has told Beauty that they will rent out the house to these locum physicians. She thinks it’s a great idea.
So they are picking out a second house, and over time, they will furnish the house and get it ready for use by doctors, who generally stay in hotels. Of course, Dr.K has no intention of renting the house out. It will become his residence once the divorce has been initiated. Living in the same neighborhood will result in minimal disruption to his children’s lives, which will form a key part of the custody arrangement.
In the jurisdiction where Dr.K lives, when divorce proceedings are filed, custody is generally given to the mother and a date to determine a permanent arrangement is set in the future. That date can be delayed for all sorts of reasons, and it is not uncommon for a year to pass before fathers get even partial custody of their children.
Dr.K can show that he has made arrangements that would result in little disruption to the children’s lives.
The courts also require that both parents take classes to help them understand the impact of their decision on their children, and to teach them how to negotiate with one another fairly and without adding more trauma to their children’s lives.
Dr.K is taking those classes secretly. Beauty thinks he is at the gym. By the time the divorce is filed, he will have a furnished house and he will have completed his court mandated classes, and his lawyer believes those two things give him an excellent chance of being awarded 50% custody until a more permanent arrangement can be settled on, which is also likely to go in his favor. If the 50% arrangement works for the interim, it will likely be made permanent.
This strategy has a drawback, though. It will cause Beauty to lose her fucking mind.
That could be a good thing, because she will show her true colors in front of the court. But it could also be a very bad thing, if she truly goes off the deep end and decides to kill either Dr.K or the children.
It’s a risk, but Dr.K is going to take it. With any luck, Beauty will prove her madness to the court and Dr.K will get full custody, although that is a very long shot. You have to be a spectacularly shitty mother before the courts award custody to fathers. It’s a profound unfairness, but also the reality. Mothers, no matter how insane, are almost always presumed to be the most important parent.
So the next six weeks will be all about buying a new house and getting it furnished, and finishing the last of the classes. As soon as those things are done, he will file for the divorce.
Now for LostBoy.
He’s gone. He just disappeared. That must be one of the saddest things about being a foster child – how abruptly your life can change. I don’t know whether he didn’t have a chance to come and tell us he was leaving, or if he didn’t want to, but either way, it’s terribly sad.
I also discovered that I have been pronouncing his name incorrectly. His name was something like Josiah, which I pronounced Jo-ZI-ah. In actual fact, it’s pronounced Jo-ZAY-uh.
The poor little duck never corrected me once, and never once heard his name spoken correctly in our home. That makes me feel weepy.
I, too, have a name that has a very common pronunciation, and then an ethnic pronunciation that is less frequently heard but instantly recognizable. It’s not some weird made up pronunciation. Something like Anna, which is usually pronounced Ah-na, but in Eastern Europe, more commonly pronounced UH-nuh.
I don’t get too fussed about how people say my name, and I will often introduce myself with the more common pronunciation because it’s just easier to remember. Anyone who spends any time with me quickly gets the correct pronunciation, and I figure casual conversations are not invitations for a linguistics lecture. It’s kind of a pet peeve of mine when people get all pissy because you don’t automatically know how to pronounce their names. I’m sorry I didn’t know Marcia was pronounced Mar-SEE-ah and not MAR-sha. Get over yourself.
But in the case of LostBoy, I’m very sorry I never heard the right way to say his name, and that he never corrected me. The next time I see him (and I will, eventually), I will say his name properly, and I will apologize for not bothering to ask him before what he likes to be called.
Well, today wasn’t very bitchy, was it? I’ll speed it up to turbo tomorrow. Until then…
Lots of love,