This is Rebecca Dakin.
At the age of twenty-five, Rebecca decided she was sick and tired of making £100/week at some crappy job she hated, so she decided to give prostitution a whirl.
Her first client paid her £1 400 for the … ahem …. pleasure of her company, and Rebecca never looked back. Nine years and 900 men later, she is now an author of a book that offers sex tips and relationship advice for ladies called The Girlfriend Experience, and will soon be out promoting her new book, Why Husbands Stray.
Ultimately, says Rebecca, it comes down to sex.
‘If your man is not asking you for sex anymore, it means he’s seeking it elsewhere. He’s not going to accept being in a marriage without sex.’
Hmmm. Could she be right?
If you look up the reasons women give for initiating divorce (most of which are, in fact, initiated by women), you get some combination of the following rationales:
My marriage sucks and he ignores me
My marriage is abusive
I want what I want and fuck what he wants
I am not getting the kind of emotional coddling I want
Something is kinda, sorta, vaguely wrong with my life and it can’t be me so it must be him
I’m bored
I want flowers
I want bubble baths
I want chocolates
Do I look fat in these chocolate bubbles?
I want to talk about me more
I want him to talk about me more
Why can’t this just be about me?
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/why_women_file_divorce.htm
Only one of those reasons is a valid reason to get divorced: abuse. Although if he slapped you after you punched him in the face six times and tried to shove him down the stairs, you may have the word “abuser” defined incorrectly.
At any rate, you should still get a divorce, because it’s not nice to abuse or to be abused. And since most domestic violence is mutual, either one of you can take the first steps to ending that kind of marriage.
http://www.batteredmen.com/batsacks2way.htm
Most of the reasons women end marriages have to do with one aspect of marriage they find unsatisfying: intimacy. Women want a deep, emotional connection to their partner and are very unhappy when that connection isn’t there.
Fair enough. Most men want that, too.
So how do you encourage intimacy in marriage?
By setting up spreadsheets and pie charts to determine who is doing what work and then weeping over any perceived unfairness?
Yeah, no. That’s a good way to make certain you are headed for divorce court pronto.
By treating your spouse as your friend and then collapsing in despair when your interests no longer align perfectly?
http://judgybitch.com/2013/04/05/husband-%E2%89%A0-friend/
Uhnm, nope. That doesn’t appear to be a very great strategy either.
Let me think, now. There must be SOME way, some unique mechanism through which husbands and wives can build and maintain a deep sense of emotional connection and intimacy.
Wait, I know!
Yes, that’s it. Daily Scrabble!!!!
Okay, okay, I’m just kidding.
It’s far more complex than that.
Scrabble while wearing Star Trek uniforms! Oh man, how awesome would that be?
It’s really not that hard to figure out, is it? How do you keep a marriage connected? How do you nourish happiness and contentment? How do you create intimacy? How do you maintain love?
Rebecca is absolutely correct: sex.
Sadly, sexless marriage is not all that uncommon.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage
There’s even a fancy term for it: Hypoactive Sexual Desire.
And it’s mostly reported by women.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2872178/
Not tonight dear, I have a headache.
Apparently, you can treat the problem with a testosterone patch.
Although I wonder why the researchers didn’t consider treating the problem with just plain old testosterone. Most homes with a husband present have a ready supply of the stuff.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semen
The treatment for low sex drive is …. have sex!!
I’ll just wait here for my Nobel prize.
So Rebecca is correct: sex is what makes men stray. Specifically, a lack thereof. I’m sure there are OTHER reasons men stray, too, and she even details a few. Some guys just like the thrill of the chase. Some guys like variety. Some guys are married to bitches they can’t stand to be in the same room with, let alone fuck.
But most guys called her up because they wanted sex and they weren’t getting it at home.
Personally, I don’t consider sex with a prostitute infidelity. I consider it entertainment.
Mr. JB has a hilarious story he likes to tell about his experience with prostitutes in Mongolia. He was part of team negotiating with the mayor and some other town officials to bring a new power generator to Mongolia, and after a long day of site tours and dealing with specs, the whole group sat down to dinner.
Afterwards, the mayor brought in a selection of the finest prostitutes his town had to offer.
Mr. JB says he didn’t know if he should arm wrestle them or hitch them to a plow and break the field out back. Apparently, Mongolian men prefer some sturdy womanhood.
To be fair, there are lots of utterly gorgeous Mongolian women, but this was in the backwoods nowhere of Mongolia and the good looking ladies were either long gone or otherwise occupied.
He swears he spent the night in the hotel playing cards with some Norwegian engineers who were similarly unimpressed with the ladies of Mongolia, but that’s neither here nor there. It really doesn’t bother me.
Mr. JB has carte blanche to avail himself of the services of professional ladies, should he so desire. I have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy on that matter, but my GUESS would be that he never has, and probably never will.
That’s not owing to some deep reverence for the sanctity of marriage or an unassailable commitment to fidelity or even out of an abiding respect for me.
It’s because he’s really, really cheap.
$20 on flowers nearly kills him! $200 for a blowjob would annihilate him.
Not
Going
To
Happen
I’m just kidding. Okay, not really. But the number one reason Mr. JB doesn’t need prostitutes is because he has sex at home. After 15 years together, it’s tough to imagine how we could be closer, or more intimate. And it’s not just us.
This lady decided to have sex with her husband every day for a year, and it transformed her marriage from distant and squabbly to close and connected.
Intimacy. If it’s what you want, what you crave, what you need above all else, then it’s time to get naked and hit the sheets.
Think of all the money you’ll save on testosterone patches.
Not to mention hookers*!
Lots of love,
JB
*sorry ladies, but I doubt you’ll run out of clients anytime soon
judgybitch 
yet the narrative is still that he is the problem when it’s most likely her.there must be dozens of prostitutes with similar advice out there and those “intelligent and liberated” women still don’t get it. intelligent my ass, more like intelicant
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Rebecca is quite right.
And do a search for 52Seductions , blog and book 🙂
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Im sorry, you have no problem with your husband sleeping with a prostitute?
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Meh
Not really.
Admittedly, that’s an easy stance to take when I’m pretty certain he never would, because he really is quite tight with money.
And he has no incentive.
If I had incontrovertible evidence that he DID? It wouldn’t be any kind of deal breaker. Absolutely not.
I would be far more hurt and concerned if he had an emotional relationship with another woman. Plus, those non-professional relationships are the ones most likely to result in a trip to the clinic for antibiotics.
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My husband always tells me that he’s really easy to please- and he is. Food, sleep and sex. That’s all he says he needs, and not necessarily in that order.
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Going on 13 years in a no sex household.
Haven’t strayed but tempted.
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Good god.
Is there a medical reason for that?
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I notice you said “no sex household” instead of marriage. very telling because short of a crippling medical condition, if you haven’t bumped uglies in 13 years you don’t have a marriage or spouse, you have a room mate.
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It’s funny how well-fed, well-rested, and well-fucked can keep a relationship humming along. Ladies, cook a damn meal! COOK SOMETHING. Let him rest. Put out. It’s not that hard.
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okay that’s not fair. Why would someone tie someone else to them sexually and then NOT have sex with them? You would be well within your rights to ask for an open relationship.
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“Something is kinda, sorta, vaguely wrong with my life and it can’t be me so it must be him”
LMAO!!!
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Do the laundry and the world is your damn oyster!
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That’s heartbreaking. I read in another entry, you don’t consider monogamy and fidelity the same thing. Though, I’m almost positive men don’t agree when it comes to their wives having a “little entertainment on the side.”
It is an interesting stance. Feel free to write about it more. I’d read it.
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Monogamy and fidelity are NOT the same thing.
Monogamy means you have one spouse (at a time).
Fidelity means you don’t have sex with anyone other than your spouse.
And the reality is that most women don’t like having sex without emotional commitment. That’s why there are few male prostitutes for women. Well that, plus having sex with random men doesn’t appear to present much of a challenge for women who want to do that.
Emotional infidelity is much more troubling and threatening, to me, than physical.
The thought of just calling up some guy and paying him for sex just icks me out.
However, if Ben Affleck ever decides he would like us to seriously date, Mr. JB might be in trouble.
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LOL I know right? We must be part of a shrinking minority of women who doesn’t find doing laundry demeaning. I actually like doing laundry. I find it relaxing and can fold it while I’m watching TV.
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Jesus. Seriously?
I once asked my husband to go three days without. We were doing the gender selection thing and I hoped for something different (though I do love my all boy club). The book recommended a 72 hour wait. He couldn’t do even that.
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I find it tedious but I take pride in trying to make sure my husband doesn’t have to wash his own underwear. And he’ll never have to scrub a toilet on my watch.
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please tell me you use your hand at least. i don’t think i could go that long without some sort of release
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Is there the expectation of fidelity? Because I couldn’t ask my husband to be celibate for 13 years.
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I believe I’ve written about this before here….I owned a taxi for five years and for a while worked for an escort service. It was an eye-opener. Some of the guys went on dates with the women, some just watched movies at their apartments (and fell asleep), some just talked. Some of those who had sex with them were the kind no woman would go out with. They were the Undateables.
I also found all the girls were immature and mercenary. Almost all the guys were better than the girls. The girls had learned to make the guy feel special and wanted, which, if any woman can do it, will make her very popular. The hookers got big tips that way.
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In France a guy lost a lawsuit to his wife for not having sex with her for about that long (maybe 15 years?). So you could try suing her, lol. Maybe they’d put a new law in the books; sex quota for married couples. (Of course, I’m sure if the genders had been reversed in the French case, the guy would’ve been laughed out of the courtroom).
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This is why I like this blog. Spot on.
This comment may be a little long, but I think my experience is illustrative.
I’m divorced after nearly 18 years of marriage and over 20 being together. (There actually is a happy ending of sorts here, not to worry.)
There were times in the early years of my marriage when my ex would punch me in the arm. I became gradually too beta blue-pill to recognize it for what it was. In later years it stopped.
It was only after taking the Red Pill that I could look back and realize that I had unconscious Red Pill tendencies when I was single in my 20s and early parts of my marriage in my early 30s, but I gradually lost it.
I’ve always like cooking. I learned it early out of self defense (Mom always cooked, but was never the best at it–stories for another time) and took it up while living in an apartment with guys in college (I didn’t want to die: those guys would burn water). So I gradually ended up doing most of the cooking in marriage. I’m the type of cook that can come home, look in the fridge and pantry and come up with a tasty meal. The ex had to have everything planned out, so in our NYC lifestyle, I became the default kitchen bitch.
I also did most of the laundry. Of course, in NYC where we didn’t have a washer/dryer in our walk-up, you have to take it out. So Sunday became laundry day and I’d take it down to the laundromat and watch a ball game in the bar next door while it washed and dried. When we moved into a building with facilities, the pattern was already ingrained.
I also tended to have a slightly higher standard of cleanliness and over the years ended up doing a lot of the casual cleaning (she did the bathrooms, which was her Rubicon point).
All of that might have been fine, even if I came to resent it a bit after 10 years or so.
But when the sex dwindled to near zero, that was where the marital bond broke down. I never cheated, but I thought about it. We never really lacked for intimacy, but sex was, charitably, infrequent. There is fault on both sides here, and it started from the beginning. Her father was terminally ill when we got married, and collapsed at our wedding reception (and died weeks later), so the honeymoon was overshadowed. Our up-to-then vibrant sex life never really recovered.
As the marriage progressed, and I became more beta, sex became less and less frequent. Why? She got fat and I got fat with her. When it became apparent that we were not going to have children (another story), things got worse when I took it upon myself to rigorously lose the excess weight and she would have nothing to do with it, and living together became miserable for us both and, ultimately, decided to divorce.
So, everything in this post is spot on. Righteous truth. And a cautionary tale.
Now, the happy ending (so to speak).
About a year after we separated and I moved out, frustrated and confused about the new dating world, I discovered the Red Pill. It hurt. But I completely swallowed it. And gamed my divorce.
My ex is a sane woman, and we’d already agreed on material division of assets equitably. Ex insisted on a lawyer. The lawyer was shocked (really, you should have seen her face) when, signing the separation agreement in her office, we asked her to hurry up because we’d both taken the afternoon off and had reservations at a nice restaurant for lunch to acknowledge the day.
Since then, I’m enjoying my dating relationships, but am still good friends with the ex and still continue to run mild game on her. Shared history counts, especially since I’m getting my, uh, physical need met elsewhere.
But most of our friends consider us an oddity. It won’t work for most people (and I don’t care; it works for us). So, yes, taking marital advice from prostitutes is probably a good idea. Men aren’t that complicated. Food, sleep, some sports (my ex and I still go to baseball games together–it’s the Mets, who else will go on our season tickets?), and regular sex and men are happy.
But I’m still a better cook. Though to be fair, she did teach me to make a gumbo, which is freaking awesome…
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Literally, yes, technically, no. You cannot deny the fact that people use those two terms (monogamy and fidelity) interchangeably. That’s what I meant.
If I ignore everything else on your blog (rape, politics, religion) I agree mostly with your entries regarding marriage, being a good wife and mother. Honestly its the only reason I read your shit.
But no way in hell is it okay for husbands to fuck prostitutes. But to each their own. Really, to each their own.
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Awwwww
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I’m glad she didn’t screw you over in the divorce and that you could still be friends. That takes some maturity on the part of both sides.
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JB love your work. “do I look fat in these bubbles”……. made me giggle.
First time post. Hope you don’t mind…..Most of what I have read of yours was on AVFM. But I am going to read more of your posts here as I have only recently discovered your blog.
I remember reading in a self-help book for women years ago how to find out if your husband is cheating on you. When you suspect that he has just been ’at it’ you immediately demand sex. If he says no then you have conclusive proof of his infidelity. And this was a serious book back in the early eighties.
Why do men go to prostitutes? Charlie Sheen explained this to everyone extremely well. He pays them to go away. After-all most would give him the sex for free wouldn’t they? The sex with a prostitute is about him. No demands. Sex with any other woman costs just as much but is about them. (Not that that’s bad of course)
This is what might be going through a man’s mind.
(I usually have to remember my clipboard).
Dinner paid for….Check
Toys arranged… Check
Prose warm up… Check
Prerequisite kissing…Check
Prerequisite foreplay….Check
Wait for it. Wait for it………..
Tick off checklist ……….Check
Do we have ignition………Check
Orgasm monitor running ……..Check
Commence countdown.
Wait for it. Wait for it…………
Come on come on………
Wish I could read her mind…….
Luckily I’ve got the monitor……
Permission to……
Permission to…….
Permission granted we have a go…………
Finally……..Huh ………….What……….. was that It?
Well that was disappointing………………
Nothing…….
Wonder what went wrong…….
Oh Well maybe next time……….
Better tell her she was great………Check
Maybe I’ve got time to catch the game………..
Fade to black.
And that is often how it goes. The ignorance about male sexuality has absolutely amazed me. Every time for a man is different. Yet most women think they can rock any man’s world any time simply by being there. And even after fifty years of sexual openness women still seem not to understand men, as simple as they are. I know this is overly simplistic and I am not criticizing, I wanted to make a simple point. There are many other issues I know. But that’s one reason why men go to prostitutes.
Oh well maybe next time…….Better keep that clipboard handy……Not in a hurry though.
(Also I thought your article on the men in Boston was fantastic, looking forward to reading more).
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Well, as a man, even I would actually find it kind of weird for a woman to give her husband the ok to sleep around, even if ‘just with hookers.’ If I were married and my wife said that, I’d assume it was a trick, a test, or some kind of bullshit, which it almost certainly would be, even if she didn’t know it herself yet. As ‘Judgybitch’ herself said, it’s an easy stance to take when you know your husband won’t do it.
And I’m pretty sure almost any married man would feel wrong doing it anyway. Not saying some of them don’t do it, but even they probably feel shitty about doing it.
And I sympathize with your position; I’d have significant rifts with ‘Judgybitch’ as well; but I’ve always believed it’s just fine to see completely eye to eye with someone on one matter, then go to war with them over another matter. Compartmentalization is so useful. It’s a shame so many people these days are so bad at it.
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Well, I’ve given my man the okay to hire prostitutes if we can afford it. I stuck with him through a brief emotional affair he had shortly after we got together, and I’ve never once regretted the decision. In comparison, the idea of him sleeping with someone he doesn’t love and who is unlikely to get pregnant by him/give him an STI, is really no big deal. If anything, it’s an incentive for me to keep him busy enough at night that he never feels the urge to hit the sheets with another woman…and I’m pretty sure I’m up to the challenge.
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“I would be far more hurt and concerned if he had an emotional relationship with another woman”
There you go. The women that ive had relationships with say almost the same thing. If i were to cheat with some other chick and it was just meaningless sex, id probably be forgiven.
Its the emotional connection that they worry about. Which is why when women cheat the men ask: “Did you sleep with him?” And when men cheat women ask: “Do you love her?”
Ive had a number of wives who’ve said something along the lines of “The fact that he slept with her doesn’t bother me as much as the idea of him sharing a deep enotional bond with her”.
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EMMA…
Why do you use the expression “sleeping with”? That’s something that isn’t going on. I suspect that he would, as normal, sleep beside his wife.
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Occasionally prostitution comes up for discussion in the media. All the normal suspects – feminists, law and order types, politicians – fill all the talking head spots. On the occasions when the representatives of prostitutes collectives or unions get a chance they ALWAYS come across as the most sensible of the lot.
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JB, question. So in your opinion Polygamy is alright provided the parties involved are fully aware and are ok with it yes?
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Not to split hairs, but for some people playful chatting with strangers from across half the globe could also represent infidelity. Or so experts say…
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Again, forgot to add “http” manually at the start of the link.
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There are swingers parties, and they are free. I’m not a fan, myself, but if you otherwise don’t mind and don’t care…..no need to participate. I think it’s crossing a line. I’d be upset if my husband spend the crib money on prostitutes. I’d also be upset if he had meaningless one night stands in hotel rooms. He’s a pilot and away a lot, so trust is a big factor in our marriage.
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“the idea of him sleeping with someone he doesn’t love and who is unlikely to get pregnant by him/give him an STI, is really no big deal.”
Which would indicate…It would be ‘no big deal’ to catch a UTI from “your man”? Or incurring 18 years worth of child support payments? Am I reading this correctly?
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Okay, just read it again…”UNLIKELY”. Got it. Though I’m not sure how you can be so sure…
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It was all quite civilized. The line we came up with to explain it to our rather incredulous family and friends (“What? But you guys are like the perfect married couple!”) was that we killed our marriage to save our friendship. And it’s worked. But it was a little sad to realize that if I’d discovered the Red Pill a few years earlier, which really wasn’t possible because the so-called “manosphere” hadn’t really been born yet, the marriage could have perhaps been saved.
Oh well. Suck it up and move on. You make your own happiness…
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See, I am not nearly so giving about the prostitute issue, though Mr. Z finds that gross, anyway. To me there is always a risk, however small of pregnancy or an STD. You impregnate someone and they choose not to get an abortion (for whatever reason) and that bitch is attached to you and your life FOREVER. And I don’t think I have to elaborate on STDs.
Even with getting tested, even with using condoms, there are things that can spread. Odds may or may not be whatever they are, but I don’t care. ANY risk is too much risk for me when you can just be freaking monogamous. Damn. (And I use monogamy in the colloquial way of “not sleeping with any other people, not even prostitutes”.)
To me, entertainment is porn or a strip club. Putting your penis inside another lady is not entertainment, it’s cheating, but worse, it’s putting your spouse at risk, the person you claim to love. While I agree an emotional attachment to the woman would be worse, it doesn’t make prostitutes some great thing that I think anybody should put up with.
By the same token, wives need to put out. You can’t tie a man to you and say: “You can only get your sex here” and then not give them any.
To me it is a safety thing. If a man cannot be faithful to me, including not seeing prostitutes, then he needs to go be with someone else. I have turned Mr. Z down for sex 3 times in our entire marriage and all three of those times I physically felt like I’d been run over by a dump truck. So, there really is no reason for him to seek elsewhere. If he did, that’s a severe incompatibility and a deal breaker.
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I still don’t get why women turn their men into betas that they are then unattracted to. Makes NO sense.
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I saw an article at Huffington Post recently that made me so angry I wanted to hit the wall: “If you’re not having sex and you discover that your husband has a prescription for Viagra, should you divorce him?”
First of all, great “guilty till proven innocent” approach. Thanks, HuffPo.
But what sent me ballistic was how the female writer just glided over the first part of that: “If you’re not having sex…”
Hey, it’s just one of those things, right? A cold front moved in today, a wasp somehow has gotten inside the house, I’ve run out of chocolate bubble bath, and we’re not having sex. Oh, well. But that doesn’t give him a right to cheat!
Wrong.
Men marry for only one reason, or perhaps two. The second reason that some men marry is because they really want children. But the first reason that such men marry, and the only reason that many men marry, is that they want sex without the nonsense of the dating scene.
But what do feminists say? A husband is not entitled to sex with anyone other than his wife. He is not entitled to sex with his wife when she’s not in the mood. He’s not entitled to tell his wife, “You look like Andrea Dworkin’s ugly sister, and I find you repulsive.”
When you get right down to it, feminists say that a husband has no rights at all. But boyoboy, a wife has a long list of rights! Let a husband step out of line for anything, and she may divorce him as her girlfriends applaud!
What would happen if a husband were to say, “Yes, I got my paycheck today, but I’m not depositing it in the joint checking account. Why not? I’m not in the mood”? Would even one woman in the femosphere say, “He’s within his rights”?
(That was a trick question. Men have no rights; any feminist will tell you as much.)
Anyway, if you don’t give your husband sex, he’s gonna cheat, at least mentally.
If you find out he’s cheating? Drag him into the bedroom and fellate him. Then hit the gym.
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Feminism tells us to. We also have to take the red pill to break the indoctrination. I found myself falling into this trap at one time or another but always instinctively backed off.
I think my husband is actually more alpha after being married to me because I told him I couldn’t respect a guy who couldn’t hold his ground when he felt he was right. When I lose an argument I kinda sorta want to kick myself, but really I’m glad he’s not some mealy-mouthed beta. It has definitely benefitted us in ways we couldn’t have anticipated. His job is very competitive and learning to stand his ground has been the difference between being very successful and just getting by.
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I don’t think Mr. Z and I would have made it this far if he was a beta. I’d keep a beta’s balls in a jar beside the bed. I wouldn’t be able to help myself. I can’t respect the lack of authority.
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LMAO @ “I’ve run out of chocolate bubble bath”. Dammit. I actually HAVE run out of chocolate bubble bath. hahahahaha But I have passion fruit which is pretty nice also.
But on topic with your point (that phrase sounds supremely weird and may be grammatically wrong), I think what’s screwed up so many women is this idea that their husbands are “using them” for sex, when most men actually have an emotional connection to their wives and express that partly THROUGH sex. Men are about action, not talk. Sex is an action. But women twist it into something “oppressive”.
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“If you find out he’s cheating? Drag him into the bedroom and fellate him.”
And with that, I’m reminded of a woman I worked with who found out her husband was cheating by some telltale dried menstral blood on his penis. So…I wouldn’t recommend it.
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“Hypoactive Sexual Desire”? I have a simpler term for it: Getting fat and ugly once the marriage vows have been said. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen women gain 50 lbs within six months of getting married, and another 50 after the first kid (the pregnancy will be an “accident” according to her). Then saying “He just didn’t like being married” after he’s walked out.
News flash ladies, if he wanted to be married to a cow, he would have married one in the first place. Try to stay in the same shape you were when you got married and he won’t end up feeling like he’s being taken for granted.
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Why does saying “It’s okay for my husband to visit a hooker if he’s not satisfied with sex with me” equal “It’s okay to have seventeen wives”?
I guess you missed the part where JB said, “I don’t mind the f***ing of another woman nearly so much as I’d mind him falling in love with her.” It’s kind of hard to marry Wife Number Two, and then convince Wife Number One, “Oh, it’s just sex, I don’t love her at all.”
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“Experts” being defined here as “hard-core feminists with Ph.D.’s in Women’s Studies.”
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Washcloth (water, no soap). Problem solved.
Of course, if you tell a man, “Menstrual blood is a deal-breaker for oral sex,” he’s liable to look relieved. “Really, sweetie, you mean that? Thanks.”
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If a man loves a woman, he wants to give her screaming orgasms at least as much as he wants to fix her toilet. Going the other way, a man CANNOT believe that a woman loves him if she avoids sex with him.
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Old/new concept here on being feminine:
“If a man wearing a dress is a transvestite, then a woman wearing pants….”
If a woman would routinely smilingly whenever desired give her husband sex with no BS (e.g, delay, requiring complex prologue) and the TYPE he wanted (position, location, not just complete fellatio vs. “hurry up” intercourse), he’s over halfway to being literally incapable of leaving her. (Bear him children, raise them well, be good with money, don’t even hint at being unfaithful, etc.) and she’s about there. Is the “frivorce –> back on the carousel til hitting the wall —> 35 years of broke incelship” routine really preferable to most women doing the above?
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I suppose if I said I was going to bleed the lizard, you’d call me out on the fact that I neither have a lizard, nor would it make sense to bleed it spontaneously.
Metaphors, they’re called; with “sleeping with” being a particular subclass of them called euphemisms. And yes I am being sarcastic. (which, by the way, is another metaphor, as I am not actually tearing anyone’s flesh)
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Problem solved indeed. Can’t expect a guy to spring for soap, or take a whole shower.
But isn’t the washrag itself a bit of an overcare? She might expect him to start brushing his teeth or something. Can’t have that.
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Womens mission in life is to conquer a mighty mans heart. How do you gauge that? How do you know if you have been successful in your subjugation of his heart?
By asking him to humiliate himself. If he does, then the conquest has been masterfully executed, and the man is the womans bitch.
He will sacrifice his life for her and support her for the rest of his life.
Of course, the woman at that point becomes bored, because if she could subjugate him that easily, then she can obviously subjugate a more powerful man with a bit more strain.
And female being hypergamous, expect a man who can provide maximum amount of resources.
All of this is processed instinctively, not in the conscious brain.
Only problem now is that feminism tells men to not do what their testosterone tells them to do, so women get to play the game at “easy” level, and anyone having played a video game knows that it sucks to play a game at easy level.
Now, our hardwiring is not really built for this scenario of men just rolling over and offering their heart on a silver plate, so the software becomes kind of buggy from there on.
Women get indications of interest (IOI) from other men, and they figure they can get better, so they divorce.
But the women are not (yet?) hardwired to reqocqnize that those IOI were just for casual sex and not commitment.
Previously, you giving IOI to a married woman would end up with you or the husband dead. But not after men became pussies.
A woman is supposed to discover that the man is a pussy at the very first moments, and abandon him. If he wasn’t a pussy, then he shouldn’t really become one when the girl is 30.
If he wasn’t at 20, then he would know what to do if the women started losing her shit at 30. His testosterone would tell him, and she would love him for having testosterone.
But nowadays, the guys stops listening to his testosterone, the wife gets confused, the husbands doesn’t react to other people giving IOI to her wife, and everything blue screen from there on.
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Womens struggle in life is to conquer a worthy male heart. The conquered, the man in love, will then feel a need to self sacrifice for her benefit. He will also feel a strong need to have sex with the woman.
The woman will feel him worthy of having sex with her, and already possessing his heart, she isn’t afraid of being dumped after the act.
A study i read showed that men who were in love actually avoided pictures of other attractive women. Her guarantee for fidelity is her constant struggle to keep him in love.
The woman accepts the mans dominance, the mans self sacrifices for her benefit.
The woman is not interested in other mens sexuality, and other men are afraid of the husbands jealousy,
The thought that a man should be sexually exclusive because the woman is offering sexual exclusivity is faulty. The woman is offering sexual exclusivity in order to get to the mans resources.
The best way to test that theory is by withdrawing resources and see if the woman is still equally happy by offering exclusive sex, as long as the man also is also offering sexually exclusive.
Removing resources and protection is a sure-way of having a woman to shut down sex. Try to not defend your woman when she is in need of protection and see how interested she is in having sex afterwards.
For the same reasons, if a man is not sexually exclusive, but keeps providing resources and protection, the woman will still find the exchange beneficial. His sexual adventures do not bring her any harm, except for the threat of her finding a rival for his resources. As long as the man is having sex with women who are not worthy of his resources, she has nothing to loose from the the man having sex with them.
This is specially true if the state is not robbing the man of his resources in order to give her incentive to marry the state instead of the man.
Imagine being in a desert tribe. You die without male protection and provisions. You have no male relatives. The reason you are alive and prosperous, and you have healthy children is only because your husband regularly coming with provisions for you and your children. And he does this by his own will, since you have managed to induce love into his heart.
You find out he has sex with some girls in that other tribe when he is there to do whatever he does. He has been doing that for a long time, and it does not seem to affect his choice of coming with resources to you.
Are you gonna raise a shitstorm about it?
“but the he should be equally happy about the woman being sexually non-exclusive!”, the idiot replies
Yeah, try that.
“Hi honey, thanks for risking your life and bringing food for me! I really cant offer you anything in return except some sex if you would like to, and of course our son!
I heard you were with that girl, hope you enjoyed yourself! I enjoyed myself with David over here, about 9 month before we had our son!
Hey, I will even cook the food you brought and we can both eat it!
Honey?”
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Well done, yaser.
““but the he should be equally happy about the woman being sexually non-exclusive!”, the idiot replies
Yeah, try that.
“Hi honey, thanks for risking your life and bringing food for me! I really cant offer you anything in return except some sex if you would like to, and of course our son!
I heard you were with that girl, hope you enjoyed yourself! I enjoyed myself with David over here, about 9 month before we had our son!
Hey, I will even cook the food you brought and we can both eat it!
Honey?”
from the defunct site http://www.nomarriage.com (have to go through archive.org to see it):
http://web.archive.org/web/20050405214901/http://www.nomarriage.com/paternity_test.shtml
From the Guardian, 1998-07-14: “More than 25 years ago the consultant obstetrician E E Phillipp reported to a symposium on embryo transfer that blood tests on between 200 and 300 women in a town in the south-east of England revealed that 30 per cent of their children could not have been fathered by the men whose blood groups had also been sampled”.
From the Dallas Morning News 1999-10-31: “DNA Diagnostics Center … an industry leader, says 30 percent of the men it tests prove to be misidentified. Similar numbers come from the Texas attorney general’s office, which enforces child support: About a quarter of the men who disputed paternity in the last year turned out to be right. In Florida, the proportion was one-third”.
From the Sunday Times 2000-01-23: “David Hartshorne, spokesman for Cellmark, said that in about one case in seven, the presumed father turns out to be the wrong man”.
From the Santa Barbara News-Press 2000-02-27: “For the population as a whole, “The generic number used by us is 10 percent,” said Dr. Bradley Popovich, vice president of the American College of Medical Genetics. [15 to 25 % has been determined from blood tests of parents and offspring in Canada and the US.]”
From The Age 2000-03-26: “About 3000 paternity tests are carried out a year in Australia. In about 20 per cent of cases the purported father is found to be unrelated to the child. This figure is estimated to be 10 per cent in the general community”.
From The REPORT Newsmagazine 2000-04-24: “The rate of wrongful paternity in “stable monogamous marriages,” according to the Max Planck Institute in Munich, Germany, ranges from one in 10 with the first child to one in four with the fourth”.
From the Independent 2000-05-12: “… biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis … review of paternity studies also suggested frequent infidelity, with extra-pair paternity running between 1.4 per cent and 30 per cent in different communities”.
From The Globe and Mail 2000-05-20: “Anecdotal evidence suggests these numbers bear out in Canada as well…. Maxxam Analytics in Guelph, Ont., performs approximately two paternity tests a day. And according to Dr. Wayne Murray, head of the human DNA department, one out of four men who come in pointing a finger at their spouse is not the biological father of the child in question”.
From the Sunday Times 2000-06-11: “More than 250,000 tests a year are now conducted in America, and about 15,000 in Britain…. roughly 30% of men taking the tests discover that they are not the fathers of the children they regarded as their own. In the wider community, social scientists say up to 1 in 20 children are not the offspring of the man who believes himself to be their father”.
From the Observer 2000-09-03: “One study followed couples waiting for NHS fertility treatment, where the men were ‘azoospermic’, meaning they produced no sperm and were totally infertile. The researchers found that 25 per cent of the women became pregnant before fertility treatment started”.
From the American Association of Blood Banks – 2001-02-26: “The overall exclusion rate for 1999 was 28.2% for accredited labs. Exclusion rates for non-accredited US and foreign labs were slightly less at 22.7% and 20.6% respectively”.
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“Though, I’m almost positive men don’t agree when it comes to their wives having a “little entertainment on the side.”>/i>
Hey I just thought I’d comment on this. I’m not married so I can’t comment on the ‘wife’ part. But I don’t mind either my girlfriend; or my girl on the side having fun with someone else. Provided that they don’t lie to me about anything if I ask, and most importantly that they always have safe sex. Also yes both women know about my arrangement and are ok with it.
My brother is married. Him and his girlfriend used to have an open relationship, and yes she did bang other dudes. Now they both just swing. They found swinging suits them better because there is no worry of sex with another person turning into something else. The show up together, bang other people together, and leave together. Nice and clean.
Personally I don’t feel threatened if one of my lovers were to form another relationship with someone else. As long as we all got along ok. Another romantic relationship would just offer them more love and support then they would be able to get from me alone. But that’s just how I feel. YMMV.
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Gah!! I messed up the html tags again. Too bad there isn’t a system for users to edit their posts.
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Isn’t that the truth!
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If the candy store you usually go to is closed, just go to another candy store. I thought that was common sense.
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Excellent quote, i needed a source for that info.
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You hit the nail on the head with this comment Marlo! I can’t count how many women I’ve seen turn into a Manatee after they’ve gotten married. Hell the bride of the latest couple I saw get married was bad. The woman looked like she gained 50 lbs after they got engaged and set the date.
She looked way better before she got engaged, and was still ‘on the market’. I guess she figured: “He’s already moved in with me, he’s already told everyone he’s going to marry me, and he’s already paid for all the stuff. So he’ll go though with it.”
Guess what she was right. She was already chunky [but still cute] when she met him. I saw their wedding photos on facebook, and it looked like we was marrying a god damn hippo. Poor bastard! I can only imagine what she’ll look like in 10 years.
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“I’m sure there are OTHER reasons men stray, too, and she even details a few. Some guys like variety. Some guys are married to bitches they can’t stand to be in the same room with, let alone fuck.”
Yeah that basically describes me. I celibacy sucks, and I just can’t do it long term. The fact that I was with [not married to] a demanding bitch for a couple of years, that turned into a lazy fatass, that constantly accused me of cheating didn’t help either.
Eventually I did cheat towards the end. I figured if I’m going to be constantly accused of something, and have to deal with being harassed non-stop about it; then I might as well do it.
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Most of us aren’t posting from the desert, living in a tribe.
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True, but we are wired as if we were.
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I’ve known people in the Lifestyle to form romantic relationships with others and leave the marriage.
It isn’t surprising because we’re all creatures of habit and association. That’s why sex in marriage is an important form of bonding. On the other hand, form a habit pattern of intimacy with another person (or other people) and you’re going to associate intimacy with other people. Marriage always has ups and downs but the extramarital relationship often offers just the fun element (unless and until the mistress/other man turns jealous and nutty, which usually doesn’t happen until it’s too late and the commitment between the spouses has severed).
So the person starts to associate unpleasant baggage with his/her real life (bills, kids, deaths, stuff that makes a family a family isn’t all a box of chocolates, but weathering the bad stuff together can be deeply bonding, a sort of battle testing) adult relationship and a fun, pleasant time with the extramarital relationship by contrast. In a nutshell, extramarital sex is inherently divisive, just as intramarital sex is inherently bonding…for the same reasons.
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You’re right. I should of said “fucking” or “banging” Im sorry.
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Not in my opinion. People behave completely differently when they are sitting on the pointy edge of survival than when they aren’t. Urgency supercedes the important.
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Agree as well, the sharpnesses of our hardwiring is diminished by a culture full of wealth. Contours of the underlying sharp structures remain nonetheless.
Or to be less abstract:
A woman is more prone to disregard her needs of commitment if she is wealthy herself, or is guaranteed support from a third party.
However, this has a limit.
No matter how much wealth diminishes the urgency of some of her needs, some other needs will remain undiminished.
Examples of this is the psychological need to induce love into some worthy male.
In fact, some other traits get added attention if the woman is given the luxury to do so.
The wealthier a woman is, the less likely is she to go into a male oriented workforce, as has been discovered by the Swedish feminists, to their dismay. In extreme poverty it’s possible to see a woman go for dangerous and male oriented work, but as soon as she can, she will go back to were her natural instincts guide her: childcare, nurturing and fishing for male attention.
In fact, a few traits get exaggerated with wealth. I dare to say that the more independent a woman is, the more she will yearn subjugation. A certain book drives this point home.
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It’s hard to argue that you cheated if she wasn’t providing sex.
It’s hard to argue that you are in a relationship if you aren’t provided sex.
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I’ve known many more people who didn’t have some sort of arrangement, and divorced. So what’s your point?
Monogamy may work for some people. But considering that slightly over 50% of men and women will admit to committing infidelity in at least one relationship that they’ve had, it doesn’t work for a lot of people. I’d rather take the moral high road, be open and honest about my needs, and come to an arrangement that works for everyone involved.
If you’re afraid that your significant other may become attached to a person that they’re banging then just go to swingers parties together, and have safe sex with different people, and leave together.
If someone believes that sex is the only reason their spouse is staying with them; then their marriage is already in serious trouble. Also I don’t consider my son “unpleasant baggage”.
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Women make HUGE amounts of money being sex workers, guys make very little in comparsion. I heard its something liek 100$ for a guy for a filming, and 5000$ for a girl
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I do agree that being honest about sex outside the relationship beats dishonesty. If sex is relationship glue, trust is the foundation. I don’t know what you believe I said would indicate sex is the ONLY reason to stay married? I said the positive actions with one’s spouse (sex is a big one) lead to positive associations.
It doesn’t just apply to sex. If I have a close male friend I call every time I have a conflict or problem, and they make me feel better/happy, rather than going to my spouse to feel better/happy that too has an impact of association over time. I don’t go to male friends for fun and bonding, nor would I go to them for sexual relations.
Nor, fwiw, do I drink, smoke, or eat chunky chews frequently when I sit at the computer/watch television because if I did I would start to have an association with smoking/drinking/eating chunky chews while I do either of those things.
It’s basic conditioning (we all are subject to it, it’s just a matter of actively or passively choosing the form of conditioning..for most things, it’s passive because we dont’ usually think about exactly why we do what we do). Have a positive pattern (great sex with spouse, regular exercise, sunny disposition et al) and as it becomes habit so does association. Works the other way too…the spouse associates the positive or the negative that is projected. So, again, I think screwing other people is a bad idea for the health of longterm relationships. I don’t know many longstanding couples who operate that way, and the few I do know are very creepy old people. You’ve indicated (in other posts) that you aren’t interested in forming any longstanding relationships so this doesn’t apply to you.
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Thought I’d add, attaching an emotion with an action is the quickest way to form an association (either positive or negative). So sex is a pretty powerful associative agent.
Also works with memory, attach an emotion to a memory and you’ll never forget it (one reason the media often tries to evoke emotion and is becoming more a form of entertainment than information, also applies to political pundits, advertisements, ect).
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No medical reason for it and freetofish that is what I define our relationship as: we are room mates.
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I am very familiar with my hand both left and right.
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LMAO
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Very true on all counts. Women really should get the difference in a man “using you for sex” and a husband wanting to have sex with his wife. It’s a bit different and means different things.
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It depends strongly on the particular circumstances of the couple who underwent genetic testing. Before sexual revolution the number was close to 1% (according to UK study on concordance of the surname with inherited markers on the Y chromosome), in a typical “marriage 1.0” is still less than 5%, for general population the most cited average is about 10%. Only in groups with low socioeconomic status (SES), where cohabitation or single motherhood are the most prevalent modes of parenthood the number is the closest to 30%.
For anybody curious – more data here.
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And an important point: this kind of studies (only counting the Y chromosome, not whole genome profiling) is expected to produce systemic error: false negatives if another member of the patrilineal bloodline (in this case, another Sykes) were to be the extramarital partner chosen by the wife to cheat on the husband.
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That’s polyamoury, some people can pull it off, and some can’t. It requires a certain state of mind
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