Okay, it’s just one school in Canada, but mark my words, this is a harbinger of things to come. Unless we push back now.
Here’s the quick and dirty summary: the daughter of a lesbian couple had her precious feelings hurt on Father’s Day, because she doesn’t have a father so she complained and the school responded by eliminating both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day and replaced them with Family Day.
There is so much wrong with this, it’s hard to know where to begin.
Let’s start with the idea that the child of a same sex couple doesn’t have a father or mother. Brooklin (what a stupid name – you could at least spell it correctly) has two mommies, and no daddy. Kindergarten biology, folks. ALL CHILDREN HAVE TWO PARENTS. Brooklin has a father, alright. He has just been eliminated from Brooklin’s life. I understand completely that Brooklin’s two mommies are uncomfortable having to answer “where’s my daddy” from their daughter, but guess what?
Too fucking bad. Brooklin’s two mommies have made choices that will have an effect on their daughter and as grown-ups, with full agency and responsibility, they have a moral responsibility to own those choices. Tell Brooklin where her father is. Let her know the circumstances of her conception. What are you afraid of? Being judged? Boo-hoo. Cry me a river.
I have no problem with same sex couples raising children. By all accounts they do a wonderful job.
I do have a huge problem with same sex parents deciding they don’t have to confront any uncomfortable realities about how they came to have children, and then attempting to force everyone around them to change.
And what sort of message is this sending to the children? That you never, ever have to confront unpleasant realities? That you never have to grapple with difficult or perplexing situations? That it’s perfectly acceptable to destroy other people’s happiness because you can’t share in it? And to spin it out as “fairness” is pretty sickening. All the special snowflakes, demanding the world change so they don’t have to feel “uncomfortable”.
There are many reasons children don’t have fathers in their lives in meaningful ways. Some have never met their fathers and have only a file number from the sperm donor clinic for reference. Some have lost their fathers to illness or accident or battle. Some have fathers who live or work on the other side of the world. But let’s be honest: most children who have no meaningful relationship with their fathers are the product of divorce or single motherhood. For many of those children, their fathers have been forcibly ejected from their lives by their MOTHERS, backed up by a court system that disproportionately awards custody of children to the mother.
This isn’t about children of same sex couples or children whose fathers have died. This is about women who have deliberately taken children away from their fathers, and who don’t care to confront that reality on the one day children are encouraged to pour their love for their daddies out onto construction paper and cover it with glitter.
The defacto result of turning Mother’s Day and Father’s Day into Family Day is that mothers end up with both holidays, and never have to answer for the choices they have made.
Children whose fathers have died have suffered a grievous loss, but they can at least understand what has happened. In many cases, no one is to blame. If Daddy died in an accident, or was lost to illness, or died in the line of duty, Father’s Day becomes a tribute and a way to help those children handle their grief.
When Daddy has been forcibly ejected by Mommy, Father’s Day becomes rife with silent accusations and confusion and a deep sense of betrayal. Where is my daddy? The glitter on the card suddenly takes on some sharp edges, and plenty of mommies don’t want to face the terrible harm they have done their children, usually for the most spurious of reasons. Harm that resonates for decades.
Those who are sanguine about widespread divorce like to say that divorce is just a temporary crisis, that family members bounce back after a couple of years ready to start a fresh journey. But governments around the world, lonely aging persons, and grown children of divorce struggling with whether to care for and how to grieve their divorced parents are telling us that the results of family breakdown are far more dramatic and lasting. In death the many losses of divorce – relational, financial, and spiritual – can arise anew. The stories of younger people suggest that the consequences of divorce will be felt for decades to come.
All these grown-ups (mostly women) who are so quick to jump on the band-wagon to eliminate, effectively, ONLY Father’s Day, might want to pause for a sobering second to think about how the destruction of their family will play out in the long run.
Google “divorce party cakes” at your peril. You will despair.
Divorced mothers, you have taught your children there is no place for duty or honor. There are no commitments that cannot be broken. There are no vows that cannot be unspoken. There are no obligations that cannot be discarded. There are no responsibilities that cannot be shirked. If ever you are asked to deal with an uncomfortable truth, immediately demand that the truth be hidden. If something is broken, don’t try to fix it.
Throw it away.
The chickens always come home to roost, though, don’t they? One day these empowered divorcees will be old and in need of some practical help. A ride to the doctor’s office. Some help with groceries. Just the normal, daily routines of life. They will get harder. Someone will have to step in, perhaps out a sense of love, and loyalty, and responsibility, and obligation and gratitude?
Who will that be?
The children, to whom not one ounce of loyalty or responsibility or obligation was ever shown? How can women who have shredded their children’s lives expect anything less than the same willingness to discard any sense of obligation or duty?
This is really what eliminating Father’s Day is about: women’s fear of facing the consequences of their decisions. Women earn less money than men, typically because they have fewer skills and work fewer hours.
Divorced women are more likely to live in poverty.
Women live longer than men.
And no one can stop time. I suspect it will be at the end of their lives that women realize, oh, oops, looks like fish do need bicycles after all.
By which point it will be way too late. And the children who were encouraged to never, ever feel “uncomfortable” or challenged in any way will continue to do just that. They won’t be made uncomfortable by their mother’s hour of need.
They will give exactly the number of fucks Mommy gave when she tossed Daddy out.
Oh, but don’t worry. They’ll send Family Day cards.
With extra glitter.
You reap what you sow.
Lots of love,