Of course pretty girls are entitled to rich men! Duh! Also, stop celebrating marriages that have lasted. It’s not fair to all the fuck-ups. In other news, I must stop reading Dear Prudence.

30 May


Prepare to be gobsmacked! I certainly was. Two letters from Dear Prudence have left me feeling like a coked-up Dr. Freud: what the hell do women want, anyways?




Here’s the first one:


I’m recently engaged to the most honest, thoughtful, and loving man I’ve ever met. He has supported me through many hard times, including losing my job and being assaulted. Here’s the but about him: He makes no money. He has ambitions, and he’s smart, but will likely only bring a middle-class income at best. I have an OK job and I’m self-sufficient. Now here’s the but about me: I’m really, really pretty. My whole life people have told me I could get any man I want, meaning a rich man, and are shocked that I’m engaged to my fiancé, nice though he is. I’ve never dated a rich man, but it does make me curious. So part of me thinks I’m squandering my good looks on this poor man, and the other part of me thinks that I’m so shallow that I don’t even deserve him or anyone else. Am I a fool for thinking that a poor man can make me happy, or an idiot for believing a sexist fantasy?





Run, Forest, run! That is seriously the very first thought that popped into my mind.


Let’s see: honest, thoughtful, loving, supportive, kind, intelligent, ambitious and nice. When you have a man like this, and he has expressed the desire to be honest, thoughtful and loving to you for the rest of your life, a girl responds by heaving a giant sigh of relief and thanks the gods for watching out for her, right?


Not this bitch. No way. Honest, thoughtful, loving, supportive, kind, intelligent, ambitious and nice are not nearly enough.


He’s not rich.


The offended girl with pouting lips


Or handsome.




And chicky is pretty! She’s pretty, damn it! P-R-E-T-T-Y! Super cute, and HER LOOKS WILL NEVER FADE. Ever. Why she’s squandering them! SQAUNDERING, I tell you. A girl as pretty as she is deserves a rich man. Any man she likes! Everybody says so, so it must be true, right?


Granted, she’s never actually dated a rich man. Hmmm. That’s kind of curious, isn’t it? I mean, everybody knows rich men are the biggest bunch of superficial assholes to ever walk the earth, and they only care about PRETTY and nothing else, and why the hell aren’t rich men lining up for this paragon of beauty?


Because she’s an A-One cunt, maybe?


the other part of me thinks that I’m so shallow that I don’t even deserve him or anyone else.




Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner, folks! Well, sort of. She gets the shallow part right, but fails to understand that it is not HER that is the undeserving one. No man alive deserves to be inflicted with this kind of narcissistic, self-absorbed, totally clueless little bitch.


I am seriously doubting Mr. Fiancée is as intelligent as she claims. Either that, or she is a liar of the most impressive skill. Entirely plausible.


So what does Prudie say to her?


It’s a delicate thing to sing “I Feel Pretty” and keep the audience charmed. Many people will be repelled by your acknowledged superficiality and wish that a string of rich men use you, then dump you when you start to lose your looks. But surely your fiancé delights in the fact—and surely his friends have noted—that he’s nabbed one the prettiest girls in the room. When considering possible life partners, people should bluntly assess each other’s intangible and tangible qualities. Of course character is central, but if the person you’re dating is a wholly admirable person who doesn’t attract you physically, that’s a serious problem. So, too, is being with someone who gives you pleasure in and out of bed, but who’s hiding from creditors. You have asked an unattractive question about monetizing your beauty. But I think there’s a more accurate way to look at what’s troubling you.

You’re really wondering whether you can be happy in the long run with a guy who treats you great, but who’ll never satisfy you financially. “Middle class” is a very elastic term, but I assume you mean that while you and your fiancé will be able to meet your basic needs, you’ll mostly be living paycheck to paycheck. You say he’s smart and ambitious, and I’m assuming you both are young, so you haven’t made it clear why these two qualities can’t propel him further professionally. Maybe he’s prone to pipe dreams the marketplace rewards with minimum wage. It’s fair to want a fully contributing partner in life, but if you think the bulk of a couple’s earning should come from the man, you either need to re-examine your assumptions, or clue in your fiancé. You and he need to discuss what kind of life you’d both like to lead and how each of you can map out career choices that will make this possible. Of course there are no guarantees of financial success, just as there are no guarantees that good looks will lure a guy with a bulging wallet (or that he’ll stick with you into middle-age). But if you’re filled with dread over the certainty that marrying your boyfriend will consign you to forever dreading when the bills come, this will tarnish your perception of his sterling qualities. You’re not a shallow fool for thinking that a life of scraping by won’t be so pretty.


Money, money, money. It’s all about money, as far as Prudie is concerned and she lets MissPrettyBitch know that she is … not a shallow fool for thinking that a life of scraping by won’t be so pretty.




Way to miss the boat, Prudie. This isn’t about money, except as a corollary. It’s about power. PrettyBitch wants to have power, absolute power, especially over her man. Let’s flip the story around. Here is a man who appears to have little intention of wasting his life scrabbling for nothing but cash, only to see it waltz out the door with his shallow little wife when she grows tired of pretending to love him.


You’ll note that PrettyBitch never once says she loves him.


He gets all the benefits of a hot wife without having to pay the usual fee of a bulging wallet. Who has the power here, again?




Could it be that PrettyBitch is nervous about her man’s unwillingness to dedicate himself to paying for her beauty? He refuses to acknowledge the fact that her beauty entitles her to all the fruits of his labor. A middle class salary at best. Average, in other words. In which case, doesn’t he deserve an average wife?


I’m thinking Mr. Fiancée is actually a very smart guy. He’s on the verge of landing a woman he can enjoy fucking, all the while getting her to foot her own bills. The power of beauty has no power over him.


Clever man.


There’s a bit of equality I’ll bet a lot of women won’t be all that happy about.


Let’s move on the second letter.


At our upcoming wedding, my fiancé and I would like to have a display with wedding pictures of our parents, grandparents, and others who are dearest to us. The snag is that my parents divorced when I was 5 years old, and my father has been with his current wife for over 20 years and they have two preteens. (All parties are on amicable terms.) I adore my mom and dad’s wedding picture, but displaying it might be strange, given that they haven’t been together since 1985. I also don’t want to include a picture of my father with his current wife, because A) it’s awkward to have a picture of the same man marrying two different women, and B) while we get along, I’m not terribly fond of his wife. I’m not intending this as a snub—she’s just not in that circle of intimates for my fiancé and me. Should we give up on the display and eliminate the awkwardness? It would be a shame not to admire photographs of the beautiful marriages that have lasted.






First of all, I think this woman is incredibly lucky to be surrounded by people who are in lasting marriages. That in itself is unusual, and absolutely worth celebrating. It’s a shame her own family was broken by divorce, but the fact that she has enduring marriages to turn to for inspiration and confirmation bodes very well for her own future. On the day she unites herself in matrimony to her husband, she would like to be surrounded by images of couples who have honored their vows and created long-lasting happiness for themselves and their families.


A beautiful sentiment.


One that her own parents will be left out of, by their own choice. Too bad, so sad.


But, oh no! That might be bizarre and awkward. Here is Prudie’s response.


I’ve never seen this done before, but what a wonderful tradition it could be as long as the photos get an exegesis with sticky notes. On your parents’ you could post, “Came asunder in 1985.” On others you could write, “Still crazy about each other despite the bickering you’ll hear when Harry has a couple of drinks.” Or you could forget this whole idea since the point of it seems to be to rewrite history and pretend your parents are still together when in fact they’ve been divorced forever and you have two half siblings (who you’d apparently like to write out of existence). No one is stopping you from admiring beautiful marriages that have lasted, just do so without making a bizarre and awkward display.


Again, way to get the whole thing wrong, wrong, wrong. The bride to be does not want to pretend that her parents are still together. I think she understands perfectly well that they tried, and failed, and that’s life.


What she wants to do is begin her own journey by celebrating those who have succeeded. She isn’t spending her wedding day thinking about divorce. Not her divorce, and not her parent’s. That is exactly the right mindset, too. Celebrating the long-term success of other couples is a pretty strong indicator that she sees her own marriage as long-term, and I think that’s a beautiful sentiment.




Put the two letters together and Prudie’s view of marriage becomes pretty clear. It’s a set-up, whereby men are responsible for earning all the money (especially if the bride brings beauty), and it’s a scenario designed for upgrading. Couples who have celebrated their 60th anniversaries are bizarre and awkward.


Oh, but aren’t they just. Why it almost seems like they took the words they spoke seriously!


…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


Women have long used marriage to create their own financial security. Indeed, it’s the BEST way for women to be financially secure.




Divorce culture allows women to break their marriage vows and still walk away with their husband’s wealth and usually his children, too.




Women’s entitlement to men’s labor is the foundation of our civil society, and when it came with an set of obligations for women (fidelity, commitment, kindness, gratitude), it worked brilliantly. For those who understand that men’s work to support their families comes with duties and responsibilities, it still works brilliantly.




But for women like PrettyBitch, who can’t quite grasp that they aren’t OWED a man’s money, a nervous tic is entering the cultural dialogue.


Men are catching on, ladies. They aren’t going to foot the bills all by themselves anymore, only to have their lives ripped out from under them. The lads are sick of this shit. You wanted equality? Looks like you got it. Men are not willing to be women’s ATM cash dispensers any more.


No matter how pretty you are.


Lots of love,






74 Responses to “Of course pretty girls are entitled to rich men! Duh! Also, stop celebrating marriages that have lasted. It’s not fair to all the fuck-ups. In other news, I must stop reading Dear Prudence.”

  1. feeriker May 30, 2013 at 18:36 #

    So part of me thinks I’m squandering my good looks on this poor man, and the other part of me thinks that I’m so shallow that I don’t even deserve him or anyone else.

    The last part of that statement indicates that there just MIGHT be hope for her. She might not be quite the stupid, shallow, selfish bitchtard she paints herself as being. Once again, though, the caveat here is “MIGHT not be.”

    Whether or not she is, I agree with your first reaction, JB. To her hapless fiance, I echo: RUN, FORREST, RUN!


  2. Liz May 30, 2013 at 18:38 #

    I can’t even imagine writing a letter like the first. Geez…it would be interesting to get a real look at babycakes who thinks she’s too pretty. In my experience, most women who say stuff like that are kidding themselves.

    Married a pizza delivery guy when I was still a teen. I was definitely a good looking girl. Many years of struggle made us stronger (bought most of the clothes and other baby/toddler items and toys at garage sales for the first two) as a family. Now things are really easy and money isn’t a problem (knock on wood), sometimes I feel guilty we live so well when so many people are struggling.


  3. John May 30, 2013 at 19:10 #

    My parent celebrated their 62 anniversary in March and my wife and I celebrated our 31st yesterday after two years of “living in sin” as a warmup to May 29, 1983. She came in pretty and remains so, the best part being that she realized that beauty is only skin deep and has over the years cultivated an inner beauty that through her eyes and her smile, shines gently upon all.

    We’ve been blessed with four wonderful children and though there have been trying times, the realization that this life is a road that we embarked upon together and forever, even when circumstances were so rough 4-Wheel Drive in low gear was required to get through, we did so.

    Love is more than a word. It is emotion in action and the real key to making everything work in the long-run is to be true to your oaths and put your shared goals before “self.” To paraphrase an old Clapton song; “Then it blossoms, then it grows …”


  4. Radical Suburbanite May 30, 2013 at 19:13 #

    I think a lot of girls mistake youth for beauty and vastly overestimate their attractiveness.

    My husband was a busboy when we met and we do very well *now* but, like you, had many lean years. I don’t feel guilty so much as I hope we don’t squander our good fortune. My parents made the mistake of thinking their circumstances could never change and were mighty surprised when they did.


  5. Emma the Emo May 30, 2013 at 19:23 #

    I don’t have much of a problem with the pretty-for-money exchange, but she likely overrates herself. Perhaps she could get a moderately wealthy middle-aged beta, but he’ll be of a different generation and not a perfect fit. Then she’ll remember the value of actually having a great connection.

    It’s not bad to value money, any more than it’s bad to value a low WHR. But it’s obnoxious when average people try to jump out of their league without earning it.


  6. TMG May 30, 2013 at 19:34 #

    “what the hell do women want, anyways?” Reality: many women don’t know what they want.

    And that’s not because they are incapable of figuring it out, but because they’re not held to adult standards of responsibility and accountability.

    Of course, in the end, this hurts women. But it seems like many women would rather have their random frivolities indulged and ego stroked than actually do something with their lives.


  7. Emma the Emo May 30, 2013 at 19:39 #

    But youth is a huge part of beauty. It’s especially something you can win on, by trying to snag a much older guy. I keep hearing that young men think some young women are ugly, but old men find no young women ugly. An exaggeration, but there seems to be truth in it.


  8. Spaniard May 30, 2013 at 19:56 #

    Very insightful.

    I am not interested in reputation, at all.
    Well, this JB post has a lot to do with Esther Vilar views on women, and how, to them, calculation is over love, in a so strong way, that they cannot allow themselves to love someone who, deep inside, they love. This PrettyBitch and her struggle about how she feels about hubby is the perfect example.


  9. EMMA May 30, 2013 at 19:57 #

    I don’t really see the problem with beautiful women wanting to marry rich men. Beauty in today’s world is an asset, a depreciating one, but still an asset. And men appreciate it. A rich man, who usually has options will more than likely marry a beautiful woman.

    Women are predominantly attracted to security and men to visually appealing things. Nothing new there.

    Boo-hoo for the divorced couple possibly getting all butt-hurt over some pix. Marriage needs to be celebrated, and maybe one day it will hold the same respect it used to.


  10. Spaniard May 30, 2013 at 20:02 #

    You bet.
    I am 43 I cannot find ugly a young woman. When I was young, yes.
    But still finding women in their forties much more attractive than young women.


  11. Radical Suburbanite May 30, 2013 at 20:09 #

    Do you think Lena Dunham is attractive? She the current 27-year-old poster child for feminism and I think she’s rather dumpy myself.

    Maybe I’m jaded, but I don’t think youth can overcome everything- especially obesity.


  12. EMMA May 30, 2013 at 20:15 #

    Lena Dunham isn’t unattractive. Not quite a total babe but…

    And definitely not obese, geeez.

    Maybe you’re just old.


  13. Radical Suburbanite May 30, 2013 at 20:19 #

    I should have just put a qualifier that I didn’t think Dunham was obese. I simply meant that youth can’t overcome everything– especially that.

    Did I hit a little too close to home with that one?


  14. feeriker May 30, 2013 at 20:20 #

    The writer of the second letter, IMO, needs to put up the wedding pictures of her family, just like she’d planned, and tell anyone who objects (read: her own father and mother) to get over it, or don’t come to the wedding. I cannot think of a better gesture to demonstrate what she intends for herself and her husband (and to inspire other would-be brides and grooms).

    My own parents would have been married for 53 years had my dad not passed away from cancer two years ago (having your father pass away on you, on your birthday, with you at his bedside kinda sucks, BTW) just ten weeks short of their anniversary. What amazed me and also sort of saddened me is how many other couples in my parents own age group, who had been married to each other for almost as long, used to remark about Mom and Dad being some sort of exception to the rule for this day and age (and these were Christian couples from my parents’ church). I will admit that they did set the bar very high for their two sons, and fortunately for their efforts, my brother and I have been married to our wives for 20 and 30 years, respectively, although it has been anything but easy for either of us.

    But treating long-lasting marriages as an anomaly of nature? Jeez…

    Or you could forget this whole idea since the point of it seems to be to rewrite history and pretend your parents are still together when in fact they’ve been divorced forever and you have two half siblings (who you’d apparently like to write out of existence). No one is stopping you from admiring beautiful marriages that have lasted, just do so without making a bizarre and awkward display.

    This little splotch of verbal vomitus prompts the question: exactly what qualifications does Pru-dunce claim to have that makes her an expert on human relationships?


  15. judgybitch May 30, 2013 at 20:28 #


    I agree with you 100%.

    Obesity is a tough one to overcome.

    And it comes with its own set of problems.

    25 year old men are far more interested in hot, fit 36 year old married moms than they are in 22 year old fat sluts dressed like hookers (not really hookers,mind you. Caricatures of hookers. Hollywood hookers).

    In my experience.

    So many cougars mistake the situation, badly. 25 year old men don’t admire 36 year old women on the basis of physical merit alone. 99% of their interest comes from LACK OF OPTIONS.

    It’s totally flattering when young men show their admiration overtly. I love it, personally. But flattering is ALL it is.

    The second the 25 year old meets a woman of his own age that maintains even the most basic standard of body weight, he will be gone!

    Hello Demi Moore! I mean really? She didn’t see that coming?

    I’m watching two 30 something women (both dating men ten years younger) destroy their lives right now. Not friends. Just women I know.

    It’s so fucking sad. They will come out the other side 40, and have nothing.

    So foolish. So sad and foolish.


  16. princesspixiepointless May 30, 2013 at 20:28 #

    What I don’t get, is Prudence’s interpretation
    Of the middle class and meaning that you live pay check to pay check. The middle is the fastest growing class in N.America & UK.
    It seems a skewed economic view.


  17. Reggie May 30, 2013 at 20:29 #

    She’s a hog and I wouldn’t bang her with a stolen dick.


  18. judgybitch May 30, 2013 at 20:31 #

    I know!

    You and I both know how much it can suck to make dinner every goddamn night. 365 days a year.

    Why do they want dinner every single night?!?

    On the other hand, we make dinner and miraculously DO NOT live pay check to pay check.

    How much of what middle class couples spend is really necessary?


  19. TMG May 30, 2013 at 20:33 #

    No, women are not attracted to security. They have a biological need for security, but they are attracted to dominant men. A large part of Feminist activism is about providing women with security via government, so she is free to pursue her libidinous desires for dominant men.


  20. Reggie May 30, 2013 at 20:41 #

    I’m so sorry about your Dad. We all expect them to pass before we do, but on your birthday? That one almost made me tear up. We all expect (hope) they pass before we do because as parents, we don’t want to see our kids pass, but the birthday is remarkable day.



  21. Leap of a Beta May 30, 2013 at 20:44 #

    Hilarious to see the hamsters in action. The Dear Prudence responses remind me of a Mommyish article about how single mothers were entitled to love and shouldn’t have to make concessions in their love life based on either their child or how things worked out with baby daddy. The article got a fair bit of unexpected push back when a few ‘Sphere sites linked to it.


  22. Reggie May 30, 2013 at 20:46 #

    I’ve saved $10k’s of money eating leftovers for lunch at work and I or my wife (if she’s home first) cooks dinner. Our dinners range from $10-$30 (for four) depending on our extravagance but man! We eat good. My colleagues start to leave for lunch when I heat up mine.


  23. thehumanscorch May 30, 2013 at 21:00 #

    She ought not waste the pretty! SHE CAIN’T!

    But don’t discussions like these make it abundantly, unequivocally, inarguably clear, that when a woman hits 40, or her looks run out, or her vagina gets tired, used up, & her boobs droop, that she is then no longer qualified to be a wife, and entitled to no financial support? I don’t see how her letter of complaints & concerns don’t completely make that case.

    If females are trading on the prettiness of the bod, and they feel that THAT’S the asset that’s worth the cash, then just like a football player, when you can’t do it any more, usually right at or before 40, you retire, and do something else. Marriage contracts should reflect this truth.


  24. Leap of a Beta May 30, 2013 at 21:02 #

    She’s a 3 whiskey minimum. Preferably 5.


  25. Leap of a Beta May 30, 2013 at 21:05 #

    Should say that most of that decision is based on watching half of the first episode of Girls and wanting to claw my eyes out. Nothing about her (personality, looks, or goals) is attractive. Nor anyone else that I saw in my brief self torture.


  26. Liz May 30, 2013 at 21:23 #

    …”when a woman hits 40, or her looks run out, or her vagina gets tired, used up, & her boobs droop, that she is then no longer qualified to be a wife…”
    What Leap of Beta said above about watching half of the first episode of Girls, is pretty much precisely what I think when I read something like this.


  27. Reggie May 30, 2013 at 21:29 #

    There is a difference between getting old with a man and getting a man old. My wife is 43 and she is the most beautiful, charming and intelligent woman I know. Would I walk across the room to ask her for a date if we were both single? Maybe not. Will I love her until her boobs touch the ground? Definitely!


  28. Liz May 30, 2013 at 21:29 #

    The following exchange from the Ice and Fire, Game of thrones series of books comes to mind:

    Sansa to Littlefinger: “And Lyn Corbray?”

    Littlefinger: “Ser Lyn will remain my implacable enemy. He will speak of me with scorn and loathing to every man he meets, and lend his sword to every secret plot to bring me down.”

    Sansa: “And how shall you reward him for this service?”

    Littlefinger laughed aloud. “With gold and boys and promises, of course. Ser Lyn is a man of simple tastes….”

    You’re really a feminist in wolf’s clothing aren’t you? Fess up.


  29. Emma the Emo May 30, 2013 at 21:32 #

    Yeh, seems young guys are good if the older woman wants to have fun, and doesn’t mind being used as a way for a man to gain sexual confidence and move onto women his own age. Nothing wrong with that, and can even turn into a good friendship, but best not to have romances with them.


  30. thehumanscorch May 30, 2013 at 21:34 #

    Liz, I was saying that her attitude as expressed in her letter makes that argument. Not that I myself was making it.


  31. thehumanscorch May 30, 2013 at 21:37 #

    Me? A feminist? O lord no.
    If I have to give myself a label, it would be Realist.


  32. Marlo Rocci May 30, 2013 at 21:41 #

    I think PrettyBitch missed her calling…as a stripper. I don’t think even rich guys would attach themselves to that kind of leech.


  33. earl May 30, 2013 at 21:50 #

    “Dr. Freud: what the hell do women want, anyways?”


    I’m not rich either but I can afford everything I need to live comfortably. Besides money and stuff isn’t going to make you any more pretty, handsome, or a better person.


  34. Emma the Emo May 30, 2013 at 22:20 #

    Indeed. If she loves him when he had nothing, she just might earn his love when she has nothing. Of course, she must be sure this is a guy to be counted on.


  35. Emma May 30, 2013 at 23:32 #

    Lena Dunham isn’t that ugly. And I thought you meant HER being obese. Still, she’s not an uggers.

    Hit home as in what? I kinda like the show. So what???

    I just think a lot of you older women look for any excuse to rag on the younger ones. I don’t think most men find Precious attractive. So, I don’t disagree entirely but maybe you should of used a better example than Lena Dunham. I like that show too much not to defend her.


  36. Emma May 30, 2013 at 23:42 #

    Wow-***Face Palm*** I just read right past your little backhand comment there. You meant hitting home as in me being Fat? Okay. Heads up, I defend black people, fat people, asian people, small people, poverty stricken people…and more…

    That MUST make me a fat, half black/asian, broke ass small person who lives off of welfare. You hit the nail there “suburbanite” …


  37. Radical Suburbanite May 30, 2013 at 23:44 #

    Who snarked first? You seem very quick to take offense- not an attractive quality in a woman whether she’s young or old. I can control a lot of things including my weight and my attitude- I cannot control my age.

    You seemed primed to take offense over her weight- so I couldn’t help but wonder if you’re a bit sensitive over that issue.


  38. LostSailor May 31, 2013 at 00:00 #

    No, from a man’s perspective, Lena Dunham is not attractive. I suppose she’s not completely ugly in just looks–very close, though–but when you add in her whiny feminism, yeah, you get to ugly pretty quickly.

    I tried to watch some episodes of her show, but like most guys I wanted to claw my eyes out. Simply can’t watch that self-absorbed crap. I’d rather watch infomercials; they’re more honest.


  39. Ter May 31, 2013 at 00:04 #

    Her picture on the Rolling Stones cover looks like she overdosed on the new female viagra, put down her Hagen-Dazs, and has wandered into the next room lookin’ for action.


  40. Emma May 31, 2013 at 00:04 #

    @ Radical…That’s exactly my point- because you can’t control your age, you’re sensitive about it. Older women attacking younger women isn’t an attractive quality as well you know.

    Maybe I am quick to charge, but dont mind me, I just see older women pulling that crap A LOT. And its always “22” “22 y/o’s are morons, sluts, nothing to talk about.” Ugh, go take your menopausal medicine somewhere else. (not directed at you, just older women in general).


  41. Radical Suburbanite May 31, 2013 at 00:10 #

    I don’t believe I made any comments to you, or anyone else, regarding their age. You sniped at me first about age and then started griping about how people treat you about your age. So color me confused..

    I was simply saying that age isn’t some sort of special insulation regarding all other unattractive qualities a woman might have including weight or attitude.


  42. LostSailor May 31, 2013 at 00:11 #

    The middle is the fastest growing class in N.America & UK.

    Sorry, this is simply not true. All honest economic data show that the “middle class” has essentially lost definition over the last 30 years. Income inequality, wage and salary stagnation, call it what you will, but the so-called middle class has been sliding into oblivion by deluding themselves to reality and amassing debt. Our new reality is the wealthy and the rest of us.

    It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a great marriage and raise a great family. Many people do it, but they are the realists. One of my best and longest friends did this by moving away from the city to a really rural area of Maine and raising a great family on a free-lancer’s and school teacher’s income. It takes discipline (he’s also a nationally certified volunteer firefighter and frequent marathon runner, so I suppose that helps).


  43. LostSailor May 31, 2013 at 00:14 #

    Great post. I uncharacteristically have little to add.

    Woman 1: You are correct: you are shallow and don’t deserve your fiance or anyone else; you deserve to be pumped-and-dumped repeatedly by rich men until you are old and used up. Here’s a man who helped and supported you when you lost your job and were even assaulted. Yet here you are worried that he’s not rich enough to support you further in the style to which you would like to become accustomed. You are not really, really pretty. You are a really, really ugly gold-digging bitch.

    In that respect, Prudie’s advice–much as it really, really pains me to say it–is actually probably useful for once. If it convinces this mercenary shrew to call off the engagement, she will have done a huge favor to this hapless gentleman, perhaps causing passing heartache, but saving him from a much worse fate of marrying this ungrateful harpy.

    As for woman #2, Prudie loses whatever meager points she might have accrued above. The solution to the question is simple: ignore the fact that you don’t like your step-mother and include both photos–without the suggested and profoundly stupid commentary. Celebrate your father’s long-term marriage as well as the short-term marriage that resulted in you. Not a bad outcome, even if the marriage didn’t last.

    Yes, I’m divorced. But I am still friends with my ex, the divorce was as amicable as can be, and we’re really still quite fond of each other. But for us, it was the right thing to do. And I couldn’t care less what anyone else–family or friends–think about it; if it works for us, that’s all that matters. I will never regret the marriage, though I sometimes regret the beta I became with the predictable results. We had a good marriage and we’re having a good divorce.

    But I got lucky. I had a sane wife and a sane ex. Marriage 2.0 is a blight on society with no good end in sight.

    And Prudie is a moron. Only worth reading for a fascination with train-wrecks.

    Hmmm. Guess I did have more to add…


  44. Emma May 31, 2013 at 00:34 #

    Okay…so I mistook you for a grumpy old bitch and you mistook me for a snappy fat person. This is the internet, I guess those things happen.


  45. Goober May 31, 2013 at 00:35 #

    This. Lena’s problem isn’t looks. It’s the same thing Shona Sibrary is fighting – I would call her looks “quirky” like you did, JB, except for the fact that she’s a total scrunt – so, yeah… she’s ugly.

    Lena is not ugly. At least physically. However, because of who she is and the way she acts, she is very unattractive, nonetheless, and I’d be more attracted to a sweetheart that was less physically appealing more than I would her.


  46. Goober May 31, 2013 at 00:39 #

    Absolutely, Reggie. Eating out at restaurants is not only expensive, it’s also really horrible for you – the amount of fat and salt they put in stuff to make it “taste good” is appalling.

    I consider myself a sort of hobby chef – I really enjoy cooking. So I do a lot of it, and I haven’t met a restaurant yet that can show me up.


  47. Fist of Vulkan May 31, 2013 at 00:45 #

    And people wonder why I have trust issues with women.


  48. Goober May 31, 2013 at 00:51 #

    I think that PrettyBitch might be missing something really important, here, and the thing that she’s missing is that study after study after study has shown that “stuff” and “money” do not – in fact, CAN NOT – make people happy. If she is unhappy with her lot in life now, I doubt very much shitloads of cash will fix that. She’s just blaming her unhappiness on the fact that she doesn’t have money, but that isn’t the real issue.

    I’m not pretending that I know what is, but this is the real problem with feminism:

    These women are unhappy. They don’t know WHY they’re unhappy, but they are looking for someone to blame (because god forbid they are responsible for their own lot in life). So they blame a lack of a career (when that isn’t really it), or a lack of money (and when they get money, they are appalled to discover that they are still unhappy), or just men, in general (and yet they are all still biologically driven to find a man just the same, and their real happiness is tied to that – a fact that they hate). They are running out of stuff to blame and ITS PISSING THEM OFF.

    PrettyBitch is just thrashing around in the throes of unhappiness because she is purposely depriving herself of the things that COULD make her happy. She is doing this because feminist scrunts like Shona Sibrary are convincing her that the things that will make her happy are bad, and that real happiness is found in the things that are empty and hollow and promise a lifetime of misery.

    I actually sort of feel bad for some of the younger feminists, because they’ve been so immersed in this bullshit their entire lives that it’s hard for them not to buy into it.


  49. thehumanscorch May 31, 2013 at 01:14 #

    I couldn’t possibly agree more.
    It seems that feminism may have started out to end so-called “male oppression” and give women more options for their lives, and give them the same options as men, but it forgot to tell them that, ooops….

    So as you said, all it has ultimately done is taught them to hate being female, and hate finding their happiness in relationships, family, and raising children, and delivered them the very thing that they fear the most….ending up alone.


  50. Emma the Emo May 31, 2013 at 01:20 #

    Whether she meant any snark, I also think some older women do this. I remember someone at Athol Kay’s place tried to reassure older women (ineffectually) that their husband won’t cheat with a younger woman because a 22 y o is so immature, flakey and hard to deal with. Really? That’s supposed to reassure me? I was rather mature, knowledgeable and polite at 22, so uh, no.


  51. daveizd May 31, 2013 at 05:49 #

    she looks like a skank to me *53 y/o*


  52. Radical Suburbanite May 31, 2013 at 06:29 #

    Backhand? I thought I was pretty clear. Look, I’ve tried to talk to you on this site before and you are always hypersensitive about whatever you have decided is going to get you into a snit on any give day. I’d like to give you credit for coming to this site and trying to have a conversation but I don’t care to deal with your snottiness. If you don’t want people to assume you’re young and insecure, then quit acting like a brat.

    The claim that you were defending Dunham is bullshit. You were offended by something in my comment because you felt like it related to you somehow and decided to go after what you thought would be some sensitive spot of mine. You’re conversationally dishonest and not worth the time– so let’s be done with this.


  53. Radical Suburbanite May 31, 2013 at 06:34 #

    @Emma the Emo– I’m not sure how this conversation got so twisted up. I don’t believe I ever made any comments about age and desirability. I made the point that youth can’t compensate for every other shortcoming. Truth be told I think your level of maturity is miles away from the other Emma even though I suspect the two of you are close in age. I’ve read your blog and think you’re very thoughtful and intelligent. I have no doubt that you were a mature 22.


  54. Emma the Emo May 31, 2013 at 07:13 #

    Ah, I didn’t mean to say you were snarky, but English is not my first language, so the comment’s meaning might have gotten twisted. But yeah, youth is not a magical trait that erases ill effects of everything else. However, it’s very handy when looking for older men. They might forgive an average face that would make young guys overlook you. I think this is why the majority of guys who liked me were older.


  55. Radical Suburbanite May 31, 2013 at 07:34 #

    @Emma the Emo- You’re not wrong. Men do like young women. I had a lot of older men ask me out when I was in my late teens and early 20’s, but I preferred to stay close to my own age range.

    I’m not sure where this assumption came from that I’m sensitive about my age. I’m not that old. I just think women need to remind themselves that we are at our most desirable when we’re young and not to let ourselves go as we get older. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and I’d like to be with him until I die. Part of that plan requires that I look good so my husband will still want to sleep with me and not some 20-something hottie who might be eyeballing him at work. Treating him with love and respect is the rest of the equation. I don’t believe a fat 20-year-old could lure my husband away (my main point in all of this) because my husband wouldn’t find it attractive. That’s all I was trying to get at…

    One good bit of advice my mom gave me was to never lie about your age- that way no one will say you look rough for the age you’re claiming to be. She has always owned her age (and looked fabulous doing it) and that’s something I strive to emulate.

    Can I also say that your English-speaking skills are impressive? I went to school in Japan when I was in college but was never as skilled in a second language as you are.


  56. Master Beta May 31, 2013 at 09:22 #

    My advice to PrettyBitch would be as follows:

    Have Both!!
    Find yourself an old rich man to marry. Continue seeing your hubby on the side if you so please. Then, when the timing is right, divorce rich man and take his money. Then run off into the sunset with your nice, honest, loving, thoughtful man and all the money your looks have earned you.


  57. Exfernal May 31, 2013 at 09:48 #

    Ehem, it seems there is nothing mentioned in the PrettyBitch’s letter about the looks of a man she is engaged to. Are his looks simply unremarkable? That’s more often caused by deficits of fashion sense (and/or of money & time to waste on peacocking with brand-name clothes) than by physical flaws.


  58. Spaniard May 31, 2013 at 10:03 #

    I find this Lena Dunham, fat and attractive.


  59. Spaniard May 31, 2013 at 10:07 #

    Funny. When I was 20 years old I was crazy about forty something year old women. And I still. But I cannot help being extremely attracted now to young flesh. Does not matter if is fat.
    Age issues I think.
    Take this from Milan Kundera: “When a man gets older he gives everything for a piece of young flesh”. It is pathetic, but is is true.


  60. Spaniard May 31, 2013 at 10:19 #

    When a boy hits 18 and he finds himself good looking, he thinks to himself: “With this looks I will shag a lot of women in a row”. Full stop.
    When a girl hits 18 and she finds herself good looking she thinks to herself: “With this looks I will shag a lot of men in a row. But, most important: I will make a lot of money”.

    Male beauty has never been in the “stock market”, since the Stone Age, like female beauty has always been. Of course, male beauty is OK. But nobody takes very seriously this catwalk male models. No men neither women. But the world takes very seriously female fashion models. They are the most powerful creatures on Earth.

    I think PrettyBitch had a lot of the first part of her thought but she is failing in the second part and she feels frustrated.


  61. Spaniard May 31, 2013 at 10:25 #

    This is very interesting. I think that we, men, we do not fear at all ending up alone. And we do not crave, at all, for having children (and we have more time, anyway) In my country we have a quote: “Solteron y cuarenton, que suerte tienes, cabron” (“You are a male, in your forties and single… you are a lucky bastard!”) I think such a quote for women is not possible.


  62. Zach May 31, 2013 at 14:39 #

    She’s bland. If not fat, thick. Doughy. And I’m with Goober. There is just something about the entitled, self-absorbed, exceedingly average chick yelping on about the plight of the modern woman to find her perfect stage to display her awesomeness that makes that doughy, fish-belly paleness of flesh and thought even less attractive. Sadly, that show seems to hit home with the 20-something women. Even worse is that most mistake the apathy and wallowing for empowerment and character building. Its basically a newly packaged Sex and the City. 5 whiskey min on her and the show.


  63. Zach May 31, 2013 at 15:27 #

    These days that security is in things. Women want things. Men need to build/make things, a purpose. Women are not as happy if they have to build/make things, the happiness comes in the transaction itself. A man can be happy in a decent apartment with a milk-crate coffee table and cinderblock and plywood entertainment center, as long as he feels needed and has outlets for his productivity that are valued. His value is in his utility.

    A woman like the one here needs to fill the spaces up with stuff. Stuff that represents, proxies her value via those transactions. Her value is not in what she does, who she is, it is in what she has, i.e her husband and his ability (power) to monetize his utility and her ability (power) to exchange that money for things that support her value in terms of imagery.

    The economics are simple. Men make things, make money, women consume things, spend money. Modern marriage is basically a means to bind that transaction into perpetuity; it legally transfers the benefits of ownership of his utility to her. He’s selling down his interest in his own productivity from 100% to 50% – often less, definitely less if children are/will be present. She can opt out, but retains the rights to a significant portion of the present value (and often future value) of that utility, or she can take it to term and retain all of the residual value. But as transactions go, its a biggie, so she wants to maximize her ability to acquire the things needed to maintain the image. Her own ability to produce is irrelevant, as it brings her minimal satisfaction. The value in her productivity is in its optionality; the more she has to rely on her utility to uphold that image, the less satisfied she will be.

    The “beautiful” woman fears entering into a transaction that does not maximize her ability to redirect a man’s utility to fulfill her need for things. What she is really saying here is not just that he doesn’t make enough money, but that with him her own utility is no longer an option – she will have to produce in order to consume the things she needs to support that image, and she (consciously or un) knows that mandatory productivity is a source of unhappiness; for beautiful women, mandatory productivity is what happens if something goes wrong. She fears locking in his (in her eyes) marginal ability to monetize his productivity, but also locking in the need for her to continue to produce. And consciously or un, she also knows that she has a relatively small window of time in which she can transact. Its all so romantic it gets me all worked up.


  64. EMMA May 31, 2013 at 19:09 #

    I was offended because you attacked younger women-Lena Dunham. Which as I said before, a lot of you hags do. (That one is totally directed at you, as per your last comment) And I thought you meant she was obese.

    No one who knows me personally attacks me because of my age. But I’m just tired of seeing older women go after younger girls because they themselves are insecure about their own age. Meaning, YOU.


  65. Radical Suburbanite May 31, 2013 at 19:42 #

    Jesus wept. Just stop already.


  66. Goober May 31, 2013 at 20:08 #

    Speak for yourself. I wanted to be a father very badly and to this day it is my proudest accomplishment. I don’t want to imagine how much meaning would be taken from my life without my kids.


  67. Emma the Emo June 1, 2013 at 00:07 #

    Radical Suburbanite,

    “I don’t believe a fat 20-year-old could lure my husband away (my main point in all of this) because my husband wouldn’t find it attractive.”

    Are you saying then, than a thin and pretty 20-year-old could lure your husband away? 😉 I’d rather put it differently. No 20 y o will lure him away, because you (hopefully) picked your husband right, and left a lasting mark on his soul (not letting yourself go helps greatly too). I think that is all you should need. I do believe that men can be very loyal if those things are taken care of.


  68. Radical Suburbanite June 1, 2013 at 20:40 #

    @Emma the Emo– If I was neglectful or indifferent to my husband then a pretty 20-something would definitely have a chance of stealing my husband away from me. I absolutely do not take his affection for granted. I love and trust him implicitly and I believe he feels the same way about me. But I’m always mindful of tending to my marriage.

    My mother-in-law really let herself to (to the tune of 300+ pounds) and my in-laws have no physical relationship as a result. They’re only together because my father-in-law doesn’t want to lose half of his pension (he has told us this). To me the situation is just sad. Neither of them are happy but the situation would turn around dramatically if my MIL would just pull herself together. She also doesn’t take very good care of my FIL. He does most of the cooking and cleaning too- which I really think is unfair. They’re both retired and she has plenty of time to do more.

    I’ve also seen how my MIL’s treatment of my FIL has affected her relationship with my husband. They’re not very close and he doesn’t have much respect for her. I don’t want my son to feel that way about me when he’s grown.


  69. fat girls are soooo sensitive June 2, 2013 at 16:42 #

    She’s a Fatty for sure.


  70. a good guy June 2, 2013 at 16:44 #

    Your wife is lucky to have you.


  71. Giraffe June 5, 2013 at 16:42 #

    In a traditional, less feminist world where men are providers and beauty in women is often the initial key attraction to men, it’s reasonable that she is wondering if she’s ‘settling’. Perhaps one of her biggest needs in a relationship isn’t getting met in this one – a provider so that she can focus on raising a family and not worrying about where the next mortgage payment is going to come from, or feeling like she needs to work in order to provide well enough for her offspring.

    It DOES suck that all of his other incredible qualities may not be enough to keep her, but isn’t that just the flip side of men finding someone a woman that is kind and reliable and sweet and funny and caring and domesticated, but not attractive ‘enough’?

    Fortunately, both physical appearance and earning potentials are not fixed, and both can usually be improved on with effort.


  72. princesspixiepointless June 10, 2013 at 21:40 #

    I have to grocery shop every day! Oh, honey, remember, our kids eat breakfast and lunch. Finally bubs can walk to school. Saving £80 a month in bus fair.


  73. princesspixiepointless June 10, 2013 at 21:41 #

    But that takes money.



  1. Of course pretty girls are entitled to rich men! Duh!... | Viva La Manosphere! - May 30, 2013

    […] judgybitch.com […]


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