Married to a feminist? Oh congratulations. Prepare to work longer hours, at more highly skilled, highly remunerated jobs but still do all the shit work at home. Fair is fair. And fair means you’re fucked. Also, your baby is really sad and your wife will never be happy.

5 Jun

marriage

Here is W. Bradford Wilcox, writing on the three biggest myths about marriage for The Atlantic.

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/unequal-unfair-and-unhappy-the-3-biggest-myths-about-marriage-today/276468/

What are the three biggest myths?  Glad you asked.

Unequal

Unfair

Unhappy

Well now.  We’ve left out a tiny little detail, haven’t we W. Bradford?

Unequal for whom?

Unfair to whom?

Unhappy for whom?

Let’s take a gander at W. Bradford’s “analysis”, shall we?

There is only one problem with the dour and dismal portrait of heterosexual marriage painted by Liza Mundy in this month’s Atlantic cover story. It’s wrong.

In her bleak rendering, contemporary marriage comes across as unequal, unfair, and unhappy to today’s wives.

complain

Oh, there we go!  It’s the ladies, pissing and moaning, yet again. You’re shocked, right?

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/06/the-gay-guide-to-wedded-bliss/309317/

Wives are burdened with an unequal and unfair “second shift” of housework and childcare, husbands enjoy “free time” while their wives toil away at home, lingering gender inequalities in family life leave many wives banging “their heads on their desks in despair,” and one poor woman cannot even have a second child because she does “everything” and her husband does nothing. Mundy also suggests that recent declines in women’s happiness can be laid at the feet of “lingering inequity in male-female marriage.”

vacuum

Oh god, men just SUCK, don’t they.  Lazy fuckers, playing video games while their poor women slave themselves to the bone, doing housework and taking care of the children in between slamming their heads against their desks in despair and curtailing their fertility.

Let’s take a look at the evidence.

When you combine paid work with housework and childcare, it looks like it’s MEN who are actually doing more work.

wilcox_familywork

It’s true that married mothers do more of the housework and childcare, but in most households this doesn’t amount to an onerous burden for them. That’s because most married mothers do not work full-time (43 percent work full-time) and do not wish to work full-time (just 23 percent wish to work full-time, a fact rarely mentioned in media accounts of work and family life).

Oh, there are some media outlets that will tackle the icky little truth that women don’t really want to work.  Just today, the Daily Mail wrote about the looming crisis in the UK’s national healthcare system because all the lady doctors trained at great expense by the state and taxpayers simply do not wish to work.

doctors

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2336235/Female-doctors-NHS-tremendous-burden-married-children-want-work-time.html

I wonder how many hours the male applicants to medical school who were rejected in favor of female candidates were prepared to work?  According to the American Medical News,

In 2011, 22% of male physicians and 44% of female physicians worked less than full time

And who are these men working less than fulltime?

male doctor

Two of the fastest-growing physician demographics — men near the end of their careers and women at the beginning or middle — are the most likely to demand part-time or flexible work schedules, according to experts in physician recruitment.

http://www.amednews.com/article/20120326/business/303269974/1/

Men at the end of their careers.  Rather than simply quit, they work fewer hours as they slow down.  A well-earned reward.

Okay, so we have established that in terms of work, marriages are indeed unequal.  Men work more.

What about fairness?

wilcox_fairness

The rough parity in total family work hours enjoyed by most couples, combined with the fact that most married mothers don’t wish to work full-time, may explain why most husbands and wives judge their marriages to be fair. In fact, 73 percent of married fathers and 68 percent of married mothers reported that their marriage was fair, according to the 2010-2011 Survey of Marital Generosity.

fair

http://generosityresearch.nd.edu/current-research-projects/foundation-of-marital-generosity/

That research was conducted by some guy named Bradford Wilcox.  Hmm.  The name rings a bell.

Looks like women are more likely to consider their marriages unfair.  Which women?

Mothers who work full-time.

working mother

The most notable exception to the positive marriage portrait I have painted here can be found among married couples with children where both spouses work full-time—the one group that featured prominently in the statistics cited by Mundy. In these marriages, there really is a “second shift” for many married mothers; wives in these marriages do about five hours more of total work per week and enjoy six hours less free time per week than their husbands, according to research by sociologist Suzanne Bianchi. Such marriages may indeed be more vulnerable to the kinds of tensions and unhappiness Mundy dwelled upon.

Well, okay.  How many hours does the husband work?

In the UK, the Office of National Statistics found that in families where both parents work full time, it is fathers who work more hours and get less sleep.

daddy

The new ONS survey shows that life is also extremely tough for fathers with young families, particularly those whose youngest children is under the age of four.

They sleep less, works more and do more “domestic” work than any other “type” of man, such as one with older children or one with no children.

A typical father whose youngest child is under four gets less than eight hours sleep a night and does more than three hours of domestic chores every day.

They are also working more than one hour a day longer than their male colleagues who do not have children.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-396609/19-minutes–long-working-parents-children.html

We can take a guess at which men reported their marriages to be unfair – the ones married to a woman working full-time, but still likely fewer hours than her husband.

Now let’s tackle happiness.

More men than women are happy with their marriages, despite working longer hours, on average, than their wives.

wilcox_satisfaction

Again, I would guess that the men and women who were the unhappiest were the ones trying to manage a family while both holding down full time jobs.  The Pew Research Council agrees:

Among mothers with children under age 18, married moms are happier overall than unmarried moms. Fully 43% of married mothers say they are very happy with their life these days; only 23% of unmarried mothers say the same. There is also a significant gap in happiness between working and non-working mothers: 45% of non-working mothers say they are very happy, compared with 31% of mothers who work either full or part time. When other factors (race, ethnicity, income and education) are taken into account, marriage is a significant predictor of a mother’s happiness while employment status is not.

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/

Unequal?  Yep.  Men work more hours than women.

Unfair?  Only when the wife works full time.

Unhappy?  Only when the wife works full time.

So what’s the moral of this little story?  Women are encouraged to believe that working full time will bring meaning and happiness and fulfillment.  Lean In, says Sheryl Sandberg.

lean in

And when they do, women are unhappy and feel they are being treated unfairly by their husbands.

What’s the answer to that?

divorce

Divorce won’t change how unhappy women are at all.  Know why? Because it’s not marriage that makes women unhappy.

working

It’s working full time.

Men aren’t the cause of women’s unhappiness.  Women are, especially the ones trumpeting the lies about how full time employment is the only meaningful contribution a woman can make to the world.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2335494/Maria-Miller-calls-stay-home-mothers-to-work-boost-economy.html

baby

Mothers who work full time jobs spend just 19 minutes a day with their children.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-396609/19-minutes–long-working-parents-children.html

That’s a tragedy, for all of us.

It’s time to start telling women the truth.  Stop blaming men for your unhappiness.  Take the blinders from your eyes and throw the chains away. Stop listening to the lies other women tell. Don’t quit your marriage. Quit your job.

dinner

Equality is valuing husbands and wives for their differences. Fairness is understanding that when one person does the paid labor, the other person does the unpaid. Happiness is caring for your husband, being there for your children and loving them all.

Those are no myths.

Lots of love,

JB

52 Responses to “Married to a feminist? Oh congratulations. Prepare to work longer hours, at more highly skilled, highly remunerated jobs but still do all the shit work at home. Fair is fair. And fair means you’re fucked. Also, your baby is really sad and your wife will never be happy.”

  1. Radical Suburbanite June 5, 2013 at 18:01 #

    Mothers who work full time jobs spend just 19 minutes a day with their children.

    Jesus. I spend more time with my kids taking them to school than a working woman spends with them all day. I wouldn’t be happy if that was my life either…

    Like

  2. freetofish June 5, 2013 at 18:28 #

    The article on same sex marriages had once very interesting tidbit of information. Maybe it’s a bit of confirmation bias, but it is one reason I have yet to seriously consider marriage.

    “Intriguingly, in Norway and Sweden, where registered partnerships for same-sex couples have been in place for about two decades (full-fledged marriage was introduced several years ago), research has found that lesbians are twice as likely as gay men to split up. If women become dissatisfied even when married to other women, maybe the problem with marriage isn’t men. Maybe women are too particular. Maybe even women don’t know what women want.”

    It’s an oft quoted stat that women in marriages initiate divorce at a much higher rate than men. Feminists will insist this is because men are lazy, alcoholic, abusive, cheaters. So either Swedish lesbians are lazy,abusive, alcoholic cheaters or maybe men aren’t really the problem in the majority of cases.

    Like

  3. judgybitch June 5, 2013 at 18:31 #

    Double the pickiness when it’s two women.

    It’s a really interesting article. Gay dads are more likely to raise their children at home.

    Like

  4. wdodman June 5, 2013 at 18:51 #

    At least gay dads had to prove they were fit to be parents. That there is the key.

    Like

  5. freetofish June 5, 2013 at 18:54 #

    One other thing that was interesting was: “in all couples, the person with the higher income had more authority and decision-making power. This was least true for lesbians; truer for heterosexuals; and most true for gay men.”

    The dynamic of gay dads, especially ones that were not in a hetro marriage at any point, is quite interesting. I think many thought they would never arrive at a place where adopting or surrogating a child would be a reality for them. Now that it is, I think they take the raising of that child very seriously.

    I also liked the part about “specialization” in marriage and child rearing and I struggle to figure out why this idea is so fought against by feminists. It’s ok if one of the women or men in a gay marriage “specialize” but make that dynamic with a traditional marriage and all of a sudden it’s the man trying to keep the woman “bare foot and pregnant” and control his spouse.

    Like

  6. not_PC June 5, 2013 at 18:57 #

    “From all that I have read of history and government of human life and manners, I have drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women were the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue of a nation.”
    –John Quincy Adams

    Like

  7. judgybitch June 5, 2013 at 19:02 #

    It’s very interesting. Remove gender and you still get a traditional family.

    Why?

    It’s in everybody’s best interests.

    Like

  8. not_PC June 5, 2013 at 19:02 #

    JB, I’m reminded of CaptainCapitalism. Basically, men see this, flip the bird to this BS and then proceed to just not care. Out of all my friends/acquaintances back in my church, only one other guy and I are married… just two people out about 20. It’s fair to say that this whole western civilization experiment is coming to an end of sorts (unless you have radical changes and soon).

    You’d want people like CC and gang to haul ass, to work until late at night and to make sure that their contribution creates a net profit for society in some sort. This is reason #1 why we have electricity and other conveniences.

    Normally I’d say that I hope things would change, but deep down inside, I’ve already read my fair share of camping/survival books and the outdoors seems kinda fun 🙂 .

    Like

  9. Mina June 5, 2013 at 19:28 #

    Not that I don’t agree with all of your positions here (I do, in general) Some of us are really not cut out for staying home and need to work. I am super technical and work on giant, complex, high transaction computer systems and would be climbing the walls in a few weeks without work. Having said that the ideal for me would be to find a consulting gig where I could work on my own schedule and put in maybe 25 hours a week 2-3 days a week. I did the best approximation I could and got a job where I can work from home, completely. My husband LOVES my being home full time, and the kids come down to my office and do their homework when they get home from school. We have pretty much decided as a family that Mom will continue this job, not pursue any promotions that require more responsibility and milk it for as long as possible.

    Like

  10. Jeremy June 5, 2013 at 19:30 #

    I wonder if any serious studies have been done on the productivity of developed nations with respect to hours worked outside the home per parent. I would wager that once the 30 hours a week per parent threshhold is passed, the society in general produces less even if individual homes may be financially better. The reason I would surmise this is because the children of such homes are likely less self-sufficient from a lack of proper parenting.

    Like

  11. judgybitch June 5, 2013 at 19:35 #

    I think that’s awesome! You’re at home and earning an income. It’s ideal, really.

    As long as you are available to your family in those moments when they really need you, that’s all that matters.

    Like

  12. LostSailor June 5, 2013 at 19:37 #

    Yet another example of how feminism is built on the back of the Apex Fallacy, or a version of it. Essentially modern “second wave” feminism started with the claim that women were unhappy being forced to stay at home with the kids and it was unfair that men (white men in particular) controlled all the levers of power and authority. The same kind of logic is at work in the so-called work-life debate.

    Yes, some women were unhappy and unfulfilled staying at home, but feminism applied it to all women.

    Yes, some (actually very few) white men at the top of the corporate/finance/political power structure controlled the levers of power and authority, but feminists applied it to all men, even though most men were just as far away from those levers as women.

    It’s the same thing here: some women are unhaaaappy thinking they are “forced” to do more housework than their husbands, but feminists have learned long ago that it’s a useful cudgel to apply the fact to all men and marriages.

    Same thing with the so-called “pay-gap”: feminists use broad averages that are pretty much blunt instruments to demand more pay for women across the board. (And it never ceases to amaze me that feminists automatically assume that the business response to such demands would be to raise women’s wages when the proper business response would be to lower men’s wages, saving money while meeting the demand.)

    The formula is simple: take an outlier and treat it as a universal. Presto: Feminism! No need to even add water.

    As you’ve noted before, JB, as have others, getting men to do more of the housework isn’t going to make working women happy; quite the opposite. In my marriage, I started out doing nearly all of the day-to-day cooking because I’m good at it and my ex had (and still has) trouble putting a meal together without elaborate advance planning (think menus planned weeks in advance) where I can come home, check what’s in the fridge and pantry and usually put a tasty meal together in about 30 minutes. The nights I didn’t feel like cooking, we would usually order out. Over the years, I also ended up doing most of the laundry and cleaning. I can’t recall even a single time the ex ran the vacuum around the apartment. She still has a complete aversion to dusting. (Okay, except for the bathrooms; she was a much greater stickler for clean bathrooms and showers than I am, so she did handle those). And of course, I descended into rank betadom and the marriage eventually died.

    Like

  13. Spaniard June 5, 2013 at 19:43 #

    In my country we have homosexual marriage since 2005. Everybody is OK with it except the radical Catholics. But this radical Catholics are OK about Catholic priests raping male children. Well, they say, as much, that “all of us are sinners, priests are human beings with their weakness, we have to forgive that priests, they need a retreat in a monastery for a while, etc.”.
    And… of course, there are homosexual divorces and they seem to be terribly violent (gay divorces. It seems that lesbian divorces are more civilized)

    Like

  14. freetofish June 5, 2013 at 19:47 #

    I think for the most part though, individual households aren’t better off financially than back when one parent working families were the norm. Wages for the most part have stagnated for middle class earners since women entered the work force en-mass. What used to only take one decent job, now takes two.

    Now, admittedly if people had less materialistic natures, new cars, Mcmansion houses, big screen tv’s and all the other goodies and gadgets we seem drawn to, you can still make things work on one decent (but not average) income. Society though, drives people to believe all those things are the indicators of a good and successful life.

    Like

  15. Jeremy June 5, 2013 at 20:11 #

    Some of what you refer to is an invisible form of inflation. Now, it’s entirely possible that by going to a two-income family system, that the U.S. simply caused this inflation to happen. If you put more disposable income in the hands of the greatest consumers (women), you get more consumer demand for things. More consumer demand means a shift up in prices for those consumer items. Eventually prices stabilize and now what was disposable income is required for these items that were a part of the living standard when 2 incomes per home was novel.

    Like

  16. thehumanscorch June 5, 2013 at 20:16 #

    ” And of course, I descended into rank betadom and the marriage eventually died.”
    ……..So……….after reading JB’s blog, as well as Dalrock’s and Chateau Hartiste, it’s clear that men better know how to tell their bitches what to do.
    If you’re not large and in charge, the vagina will dry up and you will get left.
    So, fellas, take that damn apron off. It’s just a sign of the new nest your woman is setting up behind your back, that she is most definitely going to leave you for, while your pansy ass is cleaning the old one.

    Like

  17. judgybitch June 5, 2013 at 20:20 #

    Close, Scorch, but no cigar.

    Men need to lead. Listen, consider, evaluate your wife’s concerns, fairly and objectively.

    But you are ultimately responsible. That’s what leadership means.

    And don’t marry a bitch, for heaven’s sake!

    Said JudgyBitch

    😛

    Like

  18. Spaniard June 5, 2013 at 20:23 #

    Otto Weininger (1899): “The liberation of women will be, above all, the liberation of the prostitute within women”.

    Like

  19. thehumanscorch June 5, 2013 at 20:25 #

    Oh, *I* know how to lead.

    But my comment was for the men who don’t, and who don’t understand that beta behavior will lead you into a sexless future, and they may not understand why.
    Even something as simple as a man moving to a new state to be with his girl, or joining her church instead of her joining his spells doom for the relationship, and again, a beta male will NEVER understand why.
    He’s too busy being a “nice guy” and trying to be “supportive.”

    Like

  20. judgybitch June 5, 2013 at 20:29 #

    Ah

    Got it

    And you are so right

    Like

  21. Jeremy June 5, 2013 at 20:32 #

    There’s all sorts of avenues to investigate here. Just off the top of my head….
    1) Does a 2-income family reduce the sole-providers push for raises and greater opportunities? With 2 incomes, there’s less incentive for either job to exist or produce significant wages.
    2) Does leading a child-producing family with 2-full-time-careers reduce a man’s overall lifetime productivity?
    3) Does a married-mother who works outside the home full time produce more net gain for the family?
    4) Does a married mother who works part-time from home produce more net gain for the family? (I would wager yes on this one)
    5) Has the squeezing of the middle-class out into upper and lower classes partly resulted from the increase in labor force in the middle-class from 2-career homes?

    Like

  22. LostSailor June 5, 2013 at 20:49 #

    Well, Scorch, I subsequently got better…

    I would probably still do the cooking, I am damn good at it an enjoy it (there’s a reason most of the top chefs in the world are men), but would put limits on other activities.

    You’re right that leadership is important, but JB is right that genuine leadership means also listening to and giving honest consideration to other opinions, not just issuing orders. George Custer showed poor leadership by not listening to and considering his scouts’ reports. Robert E. Lee showed poor leadership by not giving more consideration to his generals’ advice and the result was Pickett’s Charge.

    Just a thought…

    Like

  23. freetofish June 5, 2013 at 20:58 #

    See, I think this is the point many men miss. They think being “alpha” is being an asshole. Like JB has pointed out many a time, it’s the Captain + 1st officer partnerships that tend to last.

    That doesn’t mean being arbitrary in the decision making. It means weighing every side of the situation, taking council from your spouse and making what you think is the best decision. Further it means then living up to the responsibilities of being the decision maker if you made a bad call.

    I’m a single guy who has never been married, but I have been in LTRs and they usually end because my woman picker is just bad. I have in the past picked women who look at things as a competition rather than a partnership. I do however have two brothers in law who are both very much the quiet, responsible yet fully and unquestionably the Captains of their ships.

    Like

  24. thehumanscorch June 5, 2013 at 21:16 #

    I hear you LostSailor, and I’m not disagreeing.

    But you had to *lose* to win, didn’t you? You had to, as you said, “descend into rank betadom” and lose her…and that’s what woke you up.

    Like

  25. Marlo Rocci June 5, 2013 at 22:07 #

    Lesson: Don’t get married until you’re rich enough to hire a maid.

    Like

  26. Brigadon June 5, 2013 at 23:50 #

    I have to totally agree with lostsailor.
    Most women today don’t know how to cook, or are afraid to experiment, or SOMETHING, but in the last 15 years I have yet to meet a single woman that can cook as well as I can, and I am not even trained or educated… just a hobbyist.

    Then again, I haven’t met a woman in 15 years that claims to even enjoy cooking. What happened? did cooking all of a sudden lose all of it’s appeal with the invention of the microwave? I greatly enjoy cooking, I wonder what has cost them all of their interest. Is it the inventiveness and creativity that is required?

    Prior to 1980, a LOT of women seemed to excel at crafts and skillful uses of creativity…. is the ‘new breed’ incapable of even basic art? Women used to be regular cultural contributors in art, poetry, and literature, even in some fairly tough and masculine-dominated fields… Now, it seems the only thing modern female writers and artists have to offer is softcore bodice-ripper porn and rants about their vagina.

    Is that what they think ‘being masculine’ is? Vagina rants?

    Like

  27. feeriker June 6, 2013 at 00:35 #

    While I know better than to think that any MSM publication will point this out, I think it’s not unreasonable to say that a significant percentage of working mothers don’t want to spend even those 19 minutes with their kids. I’ve met more than my share of them who look at their kids as even more of a burden than their jobs (my lingering question: why the hell did they have kids in the first place?) rather than their beloved offspring.

    Like

  28. LostSailor June 6, 2013 at 00:37 #

    Well, yes. But the Red Pill and the manosphere came along too late for me, or at least my marriage. You’re absolutely right about that. But on the upside, I’m single and awake. And as I’ve said before here, I have a sane ex and the divorce was pretty amicable. I only later realized I was gaming my divorce and still am. I take the “better late than never” attitude…

    Like

  29. thehumanscorch June 6, 2013 at 00:39 #

    I’m with you, I think all us men pay the price for our knowledge in one way or the other.

    Too bad we don’t have mothers or sisters that school as young boys, like they should.

    Like

  30. LostSailor June 6, 2013 at 00:46 #

    I’m definitely not trained in cooking in any way. My mom was only decent at it, and I started teaching myself early on and more so in college out of self-defense. But I’m totally experimenting with food all the time. Not always successful, but to my knowledge no one has died yet. Recreated a clam chowder recipe last year that I only had once: no cream or tomato, just broth, and it’s fucking delicious.

    I don’t want to paint a false picture, though: my ex is an great cook and taught me Cajun stuff. She just wasn’t suited to on-the-fly day-to-day cooking.

    But you’re quite right that a lot of women these days simply don’t know how and have little interest in learning. Or, more ominously, they think they know what they’re doing but actually have no clue. I dated a woman last year who thought she was a wizard in the kitchen, but most of her cooking was bordering on inedible. No palate at all. Suffice to say that the relationship didn’t last long; some women don’t like being shown up…

    Like

  31. feeriker June 6, 2013 at 00:50 #

    The quickest way to INFURIATE a western woman today:

    Ask her what she “brings to the table” in a relationship. When she says “cook,” “clean,” “iron,” “sew” or anything else of a domestic bent, you respond “So? I’ve been doing all of those things for myself for my entire adult life. Is that all you’ve got? Other than the ability to endless complain and nag?”

    What really amazes me most is how so many women today, especially the younger ones, can do NONE of these things I mention above, even for themselves, but have the gall to bitch and complain that the men in their lives (poor stupid bastards) “aren’t doing it right/I can do it better.”

    As I tell all the young men of my acquaintance or who work with/for me: learn to do everything domestic for yourself. Funny thing is, most of them already do. For obvious reasons.

    Like

  32. Radical Suburbanite June 6, 2013 at 00:53 #

    Maybe I’m lucky but most women I know, even the working ones, want to be with their kids full time. Believe it or not I know a ton of women who were glad they were fired during the economic downturn because it gave them a guilt-free opportunity to stay home with the kids. A few have had no choice but to go back to work because they became tethered to a two-income household, but the majority were able to cut back their hours at work and are happier for it.

    Like

  33. feeriker June 6, 2013 at 00:56 #

    Prior to 1980, a LOT of women seemed to excel at crafts and skillful uses of creativity…. is the ‘new breed’ incapable of even basic art? Women used to be regular cultural contributors in art, poetry, and literature, even in some fairly tough and masculine-dominated fields… Now, it seems the only thing modern female writers and artists have to offer is softcore bodice-ripper porn and rants about their vagina.

    To be honest, I think the general stagnation in these areas is characteristic of both sexes. Simply stated, we live in a society that is just crushing the life and soul out of most people. When you live in a shallow, selfish, faceless, post-industrial dystopia in which the phrase “introspection” (or the concept behind it) results in nothing but blank, drooly stares, there’s very little energy that lends itself to the creative, except in the most nihilistic/fatalistic sense of the word. Those of us here probably notice it more in women than in men just due to the overall damage to western womanhood wrought by the trends of the last few decades. But its something that’s affecting everyone. Whether or not things will turn around I can’t say, but I don’t see much reason for optimism.

    Like

  34. judgybitch June 6, 2013 at 00:56 #

    I am by far the most accomplished cook I know, and I haven’t the slightest hint of false modesty about it – I have worked long and hard to be as good as I am. It’s both an art and a science and cooking well deserves an enormous amount of respect, in my opinion.

    That said, I have my days when I just toss together something simple and nourishing and be done with it. What I never, ever lose is the sense that my family’s health and well-being depends upon me meeting my obligations to provide them with food.

    And that is what I think most women hate. They look at their overweight children plagued with illness and their husband’s with high blood pressure and they know damn well they are failing.

    Food is one of our most basic needs and it has such a dramatic impact on health and longevity.

    It also has a dramatic impact on the emotional texture of a family’s life. Families that sit down to dinner together reap so many benefits from that practice.

    Better academic performance
    Higher self-esteem
    Greater sense of resilience
    Lower risk of substance abuse
    Lower risk of teen pregnancy
    Lower risk of depression
    Lower likelihood of developing eating disorders
    Lower rates of obesity

    http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/benefits-of-family-dinners/

    It does not have to be women who provide the meals. But when women work fewer hours, why should it not be them? If men find cooking pleasurable and enjoyable, then they should do it, but if it’s a daily chore that must be done, the person doing the least amount of paid labor should do it. That usually means women.

    Failing to provide food is failing as human being, basically.

    Women hate to confront the fact they are failing. And failing in the worst possible way. They are hurting their own families.

    Better to scream at men for not doing enough in the kitchen or order some shit food from McDonald’s than face that reality.

    Like

  35. LostSailor June 6, 2013 at 01:28 #

    It’s both an art and a science and cooking well deserves an enormous amount of respect, in my opinion….Food is one of our most basic needs and it has such a dramatic impact on health and longevity.

    Yes. This.

    I’ve very much gotten into reading about the role of food and cooking as a fundamental foundation of society and culture, let alone a thriving family life. It’s a huge bonding mechanism for families and arguably a primary driver of the advance of civilization across the globe. Sure, a lot of commercial needs that built society was based on the acquisition of other resource, but a major factor was the search for and trade in things like spices.

    Knowing how to cook, and doing it every day, including making and bringing my lunch to work every day, was a major factor in my weight loss.

    I’ll offer one anecdote: I used to live in East Harlem, El Bario, a very mixed-race neighborhood (which I liked actually, great pocket neighborhoods and an up-and-coming area of NYC). When I went to the local supermarket, there were inevitably a lot of families on food stamps. Early in the month, I’d see women with several shopping carts full of packaged, processed food. I wanted to scream at them: buy a couple of whole chickens and raw vegetables instead of packaged nuggets and your kids will be healthier and your limited funds will go farther. (It was a great market, with lots of new-to-me produce from Central America and the Caribbean that allowed me to expand my culinary horizons.)

    Just started Micheal Pollan’s Cooked. And I’ve really liked Michael Ruhlman’s books and use his Elements of Cooking a lot. And Mark Kurlansky’s Salt was fascinating.

    Okay. Rant over. Need to go make soft-shell crab po’ boys, dressed, for dinner….

    Like

  36. flailer June 6, 2013 at 01:29 #

    No, i dont think so.

    They want to be HOME, and have all the comforts therein, lack of work, effort, & stress.

    That is NOT the same thing as being with their kids full time.

    Mr. Mom

    Like

  37. Radical Suburbanite June 6, 2013 at 01:30 #

    We don’t have a culture that values traditional feminine roles– simple as that in my opinion. And it’s not the men who don’t value it, it’s the women. It’s not considered glamorous or accomplished to be a good cook. The title of “accomplished” goes to women who dump their kids in childcare every day and put all of their time in an office cubicle somewhere.

    Screw that. I’d rather cook dinner for my family.

    Like

  38. Radical Suburbanite June 6, 2013 at 01:33 #

    Maybe that’s true for some. But the women I know are good moms. Just because the feminist cancer exists doesn’t mean it defines every woman you meet.

    Like

  39. flailer June 6, 2013 at 01:36 #

    EXCELLENT !! Congratulations !!!!

    I was (past tense) Mr Mom, and it wasn’t hard, or difficult, or time consuming, or challenging…. at all ….. AT ALL.

    Thus i went to school, got an advanced degree, & excelled in the field of Engineering, & later Business.

    May the sun shine forever on your path,
    f

    Like

  40. flailer June 6, 2013 at 04:08 #

    Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

    Interesting: “feminist cancer”
    So, just what are the cure(s)?

    Like

  41. Big Bear June 6, 2013 at 05:31 #

    Hey JB my family has five kids of which I am the eldest (19). My mom is from South America but she was infected with feminist cancer and proceeded to sell herself to the highest (preferably white) bidder. She has never cooked more than 3 meals a week for 7 people, does not fuck my dad and is, in general, a whiny maggot. Granted, my dad made a terrible decision in getting married in the misandry capital of the world, the USA, but I made up my mind to move abroad and start my family in Asia. My little brothers, who I love and counsel more than anything in the world, have the sense to see that marriage in this country is all fucked-up and that my father’s path is a losing proposition. This is probably the most fair blog on the internets btw.
    -A dude in VA

    Like

  42. Radical Suburbanite June 6, 2013 at 05:38 #

    That is an excellent question. Honestly I’m not sure. Whatever the cure is I believe it has to start with a renewed respect for a woman’s traditional role in the home.

    Like

  43. freetofish June 6, 2013 at 15:09 #

    It’s weird. Many of the women I have dated seem to wear their lack of cooking skills like a badge. Like it’s some how a positive that they can barely boil water.

    While I can understand that in your early 20’s. It is just odd to date a 30 year old woman who has zero domestic skills and is proud of it.

    Like

  44. freetofish June 6, 2013 at 16:14 #

    JB slightly off topic here but I thought you might be interested in this.

    http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/06/03/what-are-fathers-for

    What a world we live in where the editor of the Times thinks this is an appropriate and not entirely sexist question to ask.

    Like

  45. Just Saying June 6, 2013 at 17:45 #

    Let me sum it up for the ADHD types – women are more likely to be unhappy, and moan and groan about it then men. That is a more accurate depiction anyway since women are more likely to complain, and feel they “are missing something”. This is why more women start divorce proceedings, and tend to be less happy in the outcome. It’s “the grass is always greener” syndrome – which is what started women complaining about being at home – they felt there was something better outside, now they b*tch and moan about having to work.

    Life is a b*tch ladies, and so are you… or at least some of you are… Men are as men always have been – we find a way that works for us, and live with it. What an amazing concept – women should try it – but that would deprive them of their favorite pass-time, complaining, b*tching, and moaning… Usually about men… We actually accept that too ladies, and it amuses us – which is all you’re really good for in general, amusing us…

    Let the complaining of the women, begin… 🙂

    Like

  46. EMMA June 10, 2013 at 15:27 #

    I used to be proud of the fact that I couldn’t cook. I would flash that badge at any given opportunity. And then I thought better of it when I started meeting guys who couldn’t fix my car, move heavy things or repair anything in general. It’s just not attractive at all.

    My mother is an excellent cook, and I’ve been spending time with her on the weekends learning as much as I can. Also been doing some experimenting on my own. It’ll be YEARS, decades maybe, before I can reach her level. But I’m making the effort and cooking IS fun and rewarding. Not to mention beneficial to your wallet and body.

    Thinking about it now, I’m really not sure why I used to do that. Or why cooking isn’t cool anymore. Could be all the kitchen jokes. I don’t know.

    Like

  47. Jen June 14, 2013 at 15:41 #

    I have no idea where they came up with that 19 minutes, but it’s sad if true. I work full-time outside the home, get home from work at the same time my kids get home from school, and we hang out until bedtime, so about 5 hours a day on a weekday, which is pretty much the same as if I stayed home, because they’re school-age. Even if we’re talking about babies with a much earlier bedtime I can’t see how they get 19 minutes. It can’t be an average, right? I hope?

    Like

  48. Moses June 15, 2013 at 11:14 #

    How did this whole Feminist Mystique meme that home is a prison for women take root?

    I have 4 married female cousins. Two stay at home because their husbands make enough money. The other two bitch about having to work because their husbands do not make enough — they would love to stay at home.

    A friend of mine is a partner in a law firm. All she wants to do is stay home with her young children, but her husband can’t even make 1/3 of what she pulls down. So she keeps working and is unhappy about it in her luxurious home.

    Then books like “Lean In” appear with more of the same bullshit message that doesn’t work.

    How does this happen?

    I’m not a conspiracy theory guy, but this is so messed up and unnatural it makes me wonder.

    Thoughts?

    Like

  49. uncletomtoywala February 12, 2014 at 04:12 #

    Yes, indeed a redefined respect for femininity and distinguishing femininity from so called feminism a.k.a Feminazism.

    Like

  50. uncletomtoywala February 12, 2014 at 04:29 #

    So true JB, No five/seven star delicacies can equate a homemade meal made by a dotting wife..alas!! our so called highly educated women fail to realize that.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Married to a feminist? Oh congratulations. Prepare to work longer hours, at more highly skilled, highly remunerated jobs but still do all the sh*t work at home. | Viva La Manosphere! - June 5, 2013

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