Slut-shaming is totally awesome, but only if the slut in question is a man

9 Jun

 

 

So our across the back alley neighbors had a little party last night, and things got rather rowdy. Two young women were talking about their wealthy, but utterly clueless husbands and starting tossing stories back and forth about all the hot young guys they picked up in bars behind their husband’s backs.

 

ladies

 

What a pack of sluts! I decided to take some action against these pigs, and I took their pictures from my back deck, without their knowledge and then uploaded the shots to Facebook, with the following caption: if you are married to these whores, know that they are openly talking about fucking other men.

 

Please re-post.

 

How do I know it wasn’t just Jack Daniels talking? I don’t.

How do I know they really DID pick up other guys? I don’t. They said it, so it must be true, right?

What do I hope to gain from posting their photos? Well, to wreck their lives, obviously. I intend to cause harm.

Why do I feel entitled to do that? Well, why not? The ladies are disgusting pigs, and they deserve to be harmed. I don’t know them, but their conversation offended me, so fuck them.

 

Okay, that didn’t happen. Not to me, anyways. And while I would be disgusted if I had to listen to that kind of conversation, I would not be taking anyone’s picture and I sure as hell wouldn’t put a stranger’s face up on Facebook for the sole purpose of harming them.

 

strayer

 

Steph Strayer (what a hilariously appropriate name) had no similar compunctions. According to Steph, two men on a train were bragging about cheating on their “stupid” wives, and she took such offense to a conversation which was not directed at her and did not include her that she snapped a photo of the man in question and posted it to her personal Facebook page with the following caption:

‘If this is your husband, I have endured a 2 hour train ride from Philadelphia listening to this loser and his friends brag about their multiple affairs and how their wives are too stupid to catch on. Oh please repost…’

 

The post went viral. Last count was 224 000 shares.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2337983/The-husband-accused-cheater-183-000-people-Facebook-mother-claims-overheard-bragging-affairs-train.html

 

“I just thought he was such a pig,” said Stephanie. She said she didn’t worry at the time about what effect her posting might have on him, since she was so disgusted by what he was saying. “I was just so fed up with the two-hour train ride and listening to this person be so vulgar,” she said.

 

axe

 

Later, she added, “A friend of mine said, ‘Have you thought about how this might hurt his wife’s feelings?’” But Stephanie said if she were his wife, she’d want to know: “I would be thinking if I were in her shoes, knowledge is power.”

 

http://www.salon.com/2013/06/08/woman_who_photographed_alleged_cheater_i_just_thought_he_was_such_a_pig/

 

wtf

 

Most of the responses to Steph deciding that she will be the arbiter of justice have been overwhelmingly positive. I wonder what the response would be if a man had taken a picture of a woman and called her a pig and a loser and pasted it all over social media?

 

Oh, wait. We already know the answer to that. Facebook would ban it, for inciting hatred against women. Can you imagine the reckoning that hypothetical woman would face when she was finally outed? Flip the genders.

 

“I would be thinking if I were in his shoes, knowledge is power.”

 

cheating_wife

 

Power to do what?

 

For me, this question is NOT about spouses who cheat, or vulgar conversations in small spaces, or even about privacy.

 

It’s about intent. What does Steph hope will happen to this man? She doesn’t know him, let alone know if anything he said is true, nor does she know the circumstances of his life or marriage or really anything at all about him, except that she was offended by him.

 

mens rea

 

Posting that picture on Facebook was done with the intent to harm, in one way or another. If a man ever did that to a woman, he would be in handcuffs in very short order. He would not be cheered on by countless thousands of women for outing a slut who deserves what’s coming to her.

 

And yes, it’s mostly women who are gleefully awaiting the destruction they hope is to come.

 

From the Daily Mail:

 

GO STEPH!!!!!! More pigs like this need exposed

– Caleighn, Harrisburg, United States, 8/6/2013 15:46

 

How many of us have sat on a bus or train and listened to some idiot/s giving it the “big I am”? I admire the woman for sending the post and I hope the loser gets his just desserts. Feel sorry for his wife though. He will have a hell of a lot of sweet talking to do if he was lying on that train!!!

– Michelle, London, United Kingdom, 8/6/2013 15:28

 

Sweet Justice.

– Patricia Anahi, McAllen, United States, 8/6/2013 17:18

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2337983/The-husband-accused-cheater-183-000-people-Facebook-mother-claims-overheard-bragging-affairs-train.html

 

I really can’t think of a more blatant example of the double standards women apply to men, but would never in a million years accept for themselves. Call out boorish, slutty women, and you are a creepy slut-shamer. Call out boorish, slutty men, and you are a hero. Take the additional step of inviting real harm to his life, which you know NOTHING about, and the world applauds.

 

Disgusting.

 

At what point did Steph Slayer come to believe she has the right to publicly ridicule men she doesn’t like, the right to never be offended by anyone else’s conversation, the right to decide what happens in someone else’s marriage? How did she never learn to mind her own fucking business?

 

Brings to mind another woman who tried that, doesn’t it?

 

http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/22/delicate-flower-has-her-sensibilities-offended-gets-her-ass-handed-to-her/

 

I hope Steph meets the same fate.

 

She so deserves it.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

 

40 Responses to “Slut-shaming is totally awesome, but only if the slut in question is a man”

  1. prostituterobotfromthefuture June 9, 2013 at 14:23 #

    What I actually don’t understand is why everyone is assuming she is telling the truth. Anyone could take a picture of anyone and say anything about them, and post it on Facebook. I hope she’s got some witness cuz if I were that man I would sue the grannypanties off that cow.

    Like

  2. mikebuchanan1957 June 9, 2013 at 14:47 #

    JB, another great piece – thanks. I’ve put links to it on two of my blogs.

    Mike Buchanan

    JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
    (and the women who love them)

    http://j4mb.wordpress.com

    ANTI-FEMINISM LEAGUE

    http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com

    Like

  3. Ashley June 9, 2013 at 14:53 #

    What she did was wrong and out of line for sure, but I find it also out of line that you are taking this as an opportunity to make it look like no one thinks slut shaming women is ok. Anti-slut shaming is not that big of a thing right now. I highly doubt a man doing this to a woman would actually be handcuffed. He’d also have tons of men cheering him for outing such a dirty slut. Similar situations have actually happened on facebook and the result was nearly the same, actually.

    Like

  4. Alex June 9, 2013 at 15:06 #

    I commend her for wanting to keep the wife/wives in question informed about such things as they deserve to know about it, her methods however are more disgusting than the men themselves.I hope
    SHE gets what she deserves for causing the harm she has

    Like

  5. Eli June 9, 2013 at 15:36 #

    I saw this on tumblr. The first time I saw that post, it had 59,000+ notes. I came back two hours later and it had almost 71,000 notes.
    I found it tasteless that someone would do that, particularly because I don’t approve of strangers meddling in other’s relationships unless it’s a dire situation–and infidelity isn’t one of them in my personal opinion.
    I don’t know if the wife would’ve found it, but it still stands that I don’t think such behavior is warranted on the part of a stranger.

    Like

  6. Wilson June 9, 2013 at 15:42 #

    The joy at revealing a unfaithful wife is rather dampened when she gets a free house… Biologically there is no such thing as an adulterous husband, legally there are no adulterous wives

    Like

  7. Ashley June 9, 2013 at 15:53 #

    Alex, I agree. If I was being cheated on, I would definitely want to know about it. People often say nothing in fear of it “not being their place,” which is why I often plea to the people in my life that if something is going on behind my back (and not just limited to relationships, I hope someone would have it in them to come forward with the truth. Even if feelings are hurt, it’s better their wasting your life away on someone who is lying to you.

    But this woman has no excuse for what she did in this manner. She felt offended by what he was saying and his actions and I think she did this without really thinking.

    Like

  8. Radical Suburbanite June 9, 2013 at 16:45 #

    I see people all the time who chastise others for even thinking about slut shaming. As far as I can tell anti-slut shaming is a big thing. I agree with JB- if the gender roles were reversed the poster would catch all kinds of hell. The fact that anti-feminist pages are being removed from Facebook should be proof enough of that. Other men might cheer if a guy *attempted* to call out a woman in a similar situation, but the page would probably be removed before it had a chance to become viral like this one.

    However, I’d love to be wrong about this. Do you have links to any posts on FB that show men calling out women for behaving like sluts?

    Like

  9. Ashley June 9, 2013 at 17:37 #

    Well the trend is with many major cities have a semi-secret fb page or group that is a community post secret or “burn page”, which most often serves the same purpose as thedirty.com: Anon people post the name of women within that city and puts them on blast for being big whores, supposedly.

    Like

  10. Ashley June 9, 2013 at 17:40 #

    The one in my town is called Muncie TopSecrets, formerly Muncie Burnt. It’s rather tragic to read.

    Like

  11. judgybitch June 9, 2013 at 17:42 #

    Burn pages are definitely a thing, but they are generally reviled and not applauded.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089763/Facebook-burn-pages-used-bullying-banned-police-700-children-sign-post-vile-abuse.html

    I’m guessing that most of the 250 000 shares of this image were people approving of Steph’s actions.

    I don’t see anything like those number participating in “burn pages” and they don’t go viral.

    Like

  12. Marlo Rocci June 9, 2013 at 19:36 #

    I can tell you what she wants. She wants the wife to shoot and kill her husband. Why? Because her husband caused this woman a moment of discomfort on a train while she overheard a conversation she was not party to. Remember what Adria Richards did to those guys at Pycon? And she never apologize even though one of them got fired.

    Steph is not so stupid that she could not imagine that murder may be the outcome of her decision. She simply doesn’t care. She simply wants the man to be disposed of because of a moment of discomfort he caused her. Whatever it takes to “get rid of him” doesn’t matter.

    Like

  13. judgybitch June 9, 2013 at 19:48 #

    I wouldn’t go so far as to say she WANTS him dead, but I can well imagine that if tomorrow’s headline is “Cheating husband on Philadelphia train shot dead by wife”, her reaction would be “Good. He deserved it”.

    Maybe that’s just semantics?

    Like

  14. Eric June 9, 2013 at 19:49 #

    JB,

    Tip. OT, but this looks like something that might interest you:

    Post secret:

    Accompanying forum discussion:
    http://www.postsecretcommunity.com/chat/viewtopic.php?t=370468

    Like

  15. Eric June 9, 2013 at 19:51 #

    Add: Pic is from Postsecret.com, which switches out its “secrets” every Sunday.

    Like

  16. judgybitch June 9, 2013 at 19:53 #

    I’m guessing that the SS feels guilty about being/wanting to be a housewife because she feels that she *should* have more ambitions for life than that. After all, women have made great strides.

    Hahahahahaha!

    Yeah, the number one occupational category for women is SECRETARY.

    Great strides indeed.

    Like

  17. Eric June 9, 2013 at 20:13 #

    What’s your take on the forum discussion?

    Like

  18. judgybitch June 9, 2013 at 20:16 #

    I only read the first few comments. I’ll take a closer look later this evening, and let you know.

    Right now, I’m not too impressed.

    Like

  19. mrfauxpas June 9, 2013 at 20:21 #

    Isn’t everything she heard fall under “hearsay”? How can someone embark on this self-justified crusade without even a shred of evidence? And people wonder why everyone would rather crunch thumbs on their devices than talk to humans the good ol fashioned way.

    Like

  20. wtfwhatever June 9, 2013 at 20:47 #

    Fantastic and thank you.

    There is no way in hell David Futrelle will ever cherry pick this post.

    And yes, this is what ihollaback sites do or were set up to do and they get applause from Salon, Slate, Guardian and many many people but in many ways are no different than /r/creepshots

    Like

  21. Liz June 9, 2013 at 23:54 #

    Well, I’ll be the negative Nancy. There is no real an expectation of privacy on a train. Wear something offensive, behave offensively, whatnot…it’s fair game. See: People of Walmart.

    In the case of one’s home (or private property), by contrast, there is some expectation of privacy.

    And people know this….the reason I recently saw a person speaking on his cellphone at the airport so loudly it would impress a seasoned Shakespearean method actor. “Put another half million on that!” ect (waiting for the discount airline, this loud spouting was perfectly legit I’m sure….)
    I’m reasonably certain he wouldn’t be speaking so loudly if he was on the phone with his physician just learning he’d just contracted the clap. “What? After only one trip to Tijuana?!!” (though that would be a funny thing to do)

    Like

  22. judgybitch June 10, 2013 at 00:07 #

    OK, but imagine this:

    Some young ladies at the bar have had one too many Harvey Wallbangers, and they start discussing anal sex.

    One girl loudly, and drunkenly, admits she actually LIKES to take it up the ass.

    Is it okay for a man sitting two seats over, who can hear her perfectly clearly, to snap her photo, put it on Facebook and caption it “This one likes ANAL?”

    Really?

    Like

  23. Kylie June 10, 2013 at 04:42 #

    A lot of commenters on Facebook and elsewhere have described her naming-and-shaming as “brave”, but it’s just cowardly. Rather than confront the guys, she turned to the public, knowing that the public would generally agree with her. It’s a lot more difficult — and possibly effective — to let someone know that you think his actions are hurtful, than it is to attack his reputation from behind a computer. Ridiculing someone in that way is no different from gossip.

    I’ve noticed a weird effect with “slut-shaming” in that women seem to be the targets prior to marriage, while the targets after marriage tend to be men. No idea if this is true or not for the population as a whole, it’s just something I’ve noticed in my own experience.

    Like

  24. Feminism Is A Lie June 10, 2013 at 06:39 #

    “How many of us have sat on a bus or train and listened to some idiot/s giving it the “big I am”?”

    Probably nowhere NEAR as many as there are women who whinge about their lazy, underachieving, unsatisfying husbands and boyfriends, day in day out, in any social situation. Thanks, hypocritical bitches.

    This reminds me of the donglegate incident in that we see yet another example of a conniving bitch who feels she is entitled to butting into conversations she is not part of, and thus attempting to ruin someone’s life through public shaming. Except that in this situation we don’t know the men’s side of the story so we have no idea of the context, other than what this idiot woman tells us and for all we know, her version of events could be very skewed. And because of this she can potentially ruin a marriage and a life and will she ever feel bad about her actions, even if for example, we find out this man has been living with an abusive shrew for years? Nah, of course not because men could never be victims who are driven to cheating by their terrible wives! Even if the man is completely at fault, why doesn’t anyone ever question why women make such shitty life choices and then place the blame on everyone but themselves?

    Like

  25. Liz June 10, 2013 at 11:50 #

    I don’t know if facebook would comply. But it is the internet…I’ve seen far far worse and speech laws are pretty lax.

    Look at what happened to Mrs Petraeus. Forty years of military marriage (not an easy life), and her mug is suddenly on websites everywhere. I’d definitely rather have my drunken face on the net with the caption I like it up the ass (if I get drunk and loudly boast about anal sex in public I probably deserve that) than my face on the net in 25 years with the caption that I look like garbage compared to someone 20 years younger and if I drained my husband’s balls regularly he probably wouldn’t stray.

    Like

  26. LostSailor June 10, 2013 at 11:55 #

    Her indignation is all the evidence she needs…

    Like

  27. judgybitch June 10, 2013 at 11:57 #

    Ugh.

    Both of those things suck.

    Like

  28. Goober June 10, 2013 at 14:38 #

    The worst thing about swapping the gender roles here is if you take it to its logical conclusion.

    Overhear a man, tell his wife, and he loses the right to father his kids, a good portion of his accumulated wealth, and a good portion of any wealth he is yet to earn. Not fair, but he did it to himself.

    Overhear a woman, tell her husband, and the husband loses the right to father his kids, and his wealth. Not fair, and he’s completely innocent of doing anything wrong except to marry a cheating whore. That’s the chilling realization here.

    Like

  29. EMMA June 10, 2013 at 14:56 #

    Yes, the media was especially brutal to Mrs Petraeus! After everything, she still had to take low blows about her looks.

    “Drained my husband’s balls regularly”…….that just needed to be repeated. Never heard it before. Hilarious.

    Like

  30. deti June 10, 2013 at 15:19 #

    Liz has a point here. The loudmouth guy shooting his mouth off on a commuter train couldn’t have expected privacy. He also knows – or should know – we live in a world in which someone can be photographed or videotaped anywhere, anytime. So he was stupid for talking in a public place about cheating on his wife.

    The point is twofold as JB points out:

    1. If the sexes were reversed, and a man snapped a photo of a woman bragging about cheating on her husband, shared it on Facebook with much indignation, there would be a deafening feminist hue and cry about “invasion of privacy” and “none of his business” and “emotional rape” and “creep”.

    2. Strayer’s intent is key here. It’s pretty clear she did this with a specific intent to cause harm to this man – emotional, financial, relationship, whatever. It was done intentionally, maliciously, and willfully, without regard to any consequences for the man. There’s no innocent construction on why she did this. There’s no way to construe this other than to conclude it was done to put the hurt on the guy, for no reason other than she thinks he’s a pig.

    Like

  31. Liz June 11, 2013 at 00:06 #

    “Hilarious.”
    I like to paraphrase. 🙂

    Like

  32. feeriker June 11, 2013 at 02:17 #

    The loudmouth guy shooting his mouth off on a commuter train couldn’t have expected privacy. He also knows – or should know – we live in a world in which someone can be photographed or videotaped anywhere, anytime. So he was stupid for talking in a public place about cheating on his wife.

    People of either sex who do such things in public are almost always the most obvious of self-centered boors. It wouldn’t matter if they were standing in the middle of Saint Peter’s Square observing mass with the Pope himself. THEY are the center of the universe and are going to let everyone within earshot or eyesight know it. They’re the ones who take phone calls (usually indicated by ring tones that are both tasteless and loud enough to collapse nearby buildings) in situations in which everyone else with even rudimentary social graces knows to set their phones to vibrate or the O-F-F mode, the ones whose voices rise in volume in direction proportion to the sensitive nature of the conversation they’re having (“WHADDAYA MEAN YOU’RE SPOTTING?! DIDN’T THE OBGYN GIVE YOU MEDICINE FER THAT LAST WEEK?!”).

    BUT, the most revealing thing about their conversations is that at least 85-plus percent of the time, what comes out their mouths is nothing but pathetic verbal flatulence.

    That’s right. After listening to (or involuntarily overhearing, as the case usually is) even thirty seconds of one side of their highly public conversation, it will usually dawn on you that these people, to put it in the Ebonics phrase popular with my in-laws, really “ain’t about shit.” In the case of the guy on the train whose conversation so badly offended Steffie Strayer’s delicate sensibilities, the would-be “playah” in question was probably anything but the cheatah he wanted his buddies to think that he was. It’s quite likely –hell, highly PROBABLE– that this guy is married to a 200-plus-pound Amazon weightlifter who would smash his skull in with the side of her right palm if she even so much as thought that he was even thinking about cheating on her. The guy probably was letting off steam with his buddies just to avoid having to really open up to them about what a nightmare his marriage is and how thoroughly pussy-whipped he is (the scourge marks on Jesus Christ’s back probably looked like scratches by comparison). Unfortunately, he also isn’t very smart either.

    Something tells me that whether or not this guy is really “guilty as charged,” (and you can put me in the “I Don’t Give a Shit One Way Or T’Other ‘Cause It Ain’t Nunna My Bizness” category), the silver lining to his case just might be that there will be one less self-centered loudmouth for us to have to listen to in public in the future. To know that the guy learned that lesson if none other just might make everyone better off.

    Like

  33. Anon June 21, 2013 at 17:32 #

    Steph, honey, did someone pay you to perpetrate a publicity stunt? There are rumors flying that your photo is of none other than Joe Giudice of “Real Housewives of New Jersey” fame. I have to agree that it looks kinda like the same guy. There’s nothing like another bit of scandal to boost viewership for an otherwise crummy surreality show. Or maybe it’s to help make it that much more difficult to seat an unbiased jury for his upcoming trial on false identity charges? Participating in a maneuver like that would make you the rat IMHO. Either prospect makes my opinion of you even lower than it was. What did your employer, the Office of Children and Families in the Courts of Pennsylvania, think of this little adventure of yours anyway?

    Like

  34. ohhmyyy June 27, 2013 at 12:08 #

    Don’t even get me started on slut shaming. So I dated this girl for roughly three years we broke up two years ago but do stay in touch because we had been friends for years prior to us dating. Anyways she goes on and on about how she likes/loves the new boy she is seeing and how he “better not be running around with other girls” then without batting an eyelash or breaking a sweat she tells me about her vacation a week ago and all the guys she let plow her behind this poor dudes back. This isn’t even the first time I’ve heard stories about this girl. She constantly tells me she doesn’t feel close to the guys she dates since me. I always think to myself “well if the guys could trust you farther than they could throw you maybe you would connect and they would commit?”

    Can’t help feeling I dodged a bullet. The extremely hot Biochemist/Neuroscientist I’m dating now gets me. HUGE upgrade.

    Like

  35. Charlotte July 2, 2013 at 18:01 #

    Slut-shaming by or of either gender is not cool in my world but neither is the shaming of a slut-shamer. We’re such a culture of shamed shamers and I say it should stop. However, amidst this whole shameful business your point emerges well made.

    Like

  36. Jack Strawb January 6, 2015 at 22:43 #

    As a single case, yes, it’s difficult to condemn her actions. IF she’s being accurate in her reporting of the episode, and IF she heard correctly, and IF she photographed the right guy.

    Still, I’m reminded of how eye-opening and absolutely chilling it was for me when I commented regularly for a few months on Slate.com. The number of women who thought women cheating on their husbands should have their secrets kept was remarkably high. The number of women who said they would pass a pregnancy from an affair off as their husband’s child if they thought they could get away with it was also remarkably and dismayingly high.

    I don’t know which was worse–how many women said they’d do it, or how blithely, how easily they said they’d do it.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Double standards | - June 9, 2013

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  2. Double standards | Fighting Feminism - June 9, 2013

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