(Some images may be NSFW)
I’m a happily married stay-at-home mother. I like men. Sometimes I fantasize about random men I meet on the street. Do I really have to stop doing that?
Just yesterday, I could see the traffic piling up as I cruised down the sidewalk, and there he was. Maybe 25? He was directing traffic in a bullet-proof vest (I have no idea why – we really don’t have a lot of violent crime in this town), wearing a short sleeved blue uniform that fit everywhere it touched, and those biceps! It wasn’t hard to imagine them wrapped around me.
Oh god.
And the kid who works in the produce section? Oh my! Okay, he can’t be more than 17, but his body is just smoking hot and the apron! The apron kills me. I picture him standing there with nothing but an apron. The produce section gets pretty warm!
Yeah, he’s underage, but all I’m doing is thinking, for Christ’s sake. Is that really a crime? I’m not going to do anything! I’m happily married and I’m pretty sure that rippling 17 year old has no idea what three children do to a woman’s body and even if he did, so what?
It’s just fantasy. Harmless, right? And to my understanding, pretty normal. Doesn’t everyone have sexual fantasies about all the various attractive people they see on a day to day basis? It’s a nice source of energy that I take home and spend on the man I’m certain other women (and some men) undress in their minds on a regular basis.
No biggie.
Well, apparently, some guy writing at New York Mag thinks women like me are vile, disgusting creatures who should be deeply ashamed of ever admitting to such revolting thoughts. And not just that, he wants to physically HURT me for daring to express what he considers illicit, shameful, dirty desire.
Deep in the testosterone soaked recesses of my male imagination, I fantasize about tearing these women limb from limb.
I am fantasizing about snapping their fingers, one by one.
If I had more respect for women, I might indulge my fantasy about punching one of them in the gut so hard that she doubles over in pain for a moment.
I kind of don’t understand that last sentence. More respect = punching in the gut? Guess I’m glad that guy doesn’t have more respect then. What really pisses him off is that in expressing my completely and utterly NORMAL fantasies that I have no intention of acting on, I’m encouraging other women to share in my imagination, and that’s horribly oppressive for men.
Because objectification.
I would just shut up. I might indulge my fantasy a bit with my friends — just to blow off steam — but I would not use my guilt over wanting to punch women in the face as an excuse to indulge my face-punching fantasies. I would have enough self-awareness to stop myself.
Isn’t there a pretty huge difference between imagining making love to someone (I don’t imagine raping these men – they’re all enthusiastic participants in my little momentary indulgences) and imagining punching them in the face? Dude, you SHOULD feel guilty for wanting to punch women in the face for having sexual thoughts. That’s bizarre and disturbing and why do you care what I think anyways?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants violence.
Seriously, I’m concerned for this man’s mental health. Okay, I get that it might be a bit disconcerting for men to realize that just the simple act of leaving the house can result in women lusting quietly in their minds for your body, and you as a person probably doesn’t play a huge role in the fantasy, because A) it’s a fantasy!; and B) I don’t know you.
Maybe that plays into our whole notion of men as mere utilities, but I’m not thinking about raiding your pants for your wallet!
Sure, I may want to throw women with filthy minds into a tank full of hungry sharks, but in fact I’m just going to write this blog post, smile patronizingly, and let it all be. Violent rage is the background music every time you read a troll-baiting article on the Internet.
I’m not sure what part of simply acknowledging that I have sexual fantasies about men is troll-baiting, and I find it disturbing that violent rage is this man’s reaction. Maybe he has had some really bad experiences with women who just used him for his body? Maybe he gave up sex quickly in the hopes of having a relationship and got burned over and over again? I don’t know, but admitting that I have naughty thoughts about barely legal boys whom I do not know and whom I have no intention of pursuing ever, under any circumstances doesn’t seem to me to be the sort of admission that warrants a death sentence by sharks.
Maybe that’s just me?
Violence is bad. Don’t act violently toward sexually prurient women. And don’t feel bad about being horny, ladies. It happens. Just keep it to yourself.
Oh, I see. At the end of the day, you really do understand that fantasizing about snapping my fingers or punching me or murdering me is bad, and you are equating that to normal, healthy sexual desire that happens in my MIND?
You just want me to shut up and never express that desire. Let shame silence me. The normal reactions of my ordinary brain are completely revolting to you and you want me and my desire to just fuck off.
Well, sorry dude, but I think you are seriously fucked up and you have a bad case of hating women. The violence you would like to do to me makes me really question your sanity. They’re just thoughts and it’s totally normal for human to have sexual fantasies about other humans.
This is just the kind of description of violence against women that the new Facebook policy is designed to address, no?
And if a man really HAD written all those things about punching women and breaking their bones, you can be damn sure Facebook would tear it down instantly. Actually, they wouldn’t have to, because New York Mag would never have published it in the first place.
But, oh look. It wasn’t a woman expressing her sexual desire that never leaves the contours of her imagination: it was a man. His name is Andy Hinds. He’s all twisted up about whether he can be a good feminist and still imagine fucking the ladies at his yoga class. Imagine fucking. Not actually fucking. Just thinking.
And it wasn’t a man who responded with complete and utter disgust to the idea that normal humans have sexual fantasies, it was a woman. Her name is Maureen O’Connor, and yes, she wrote about punching Andy and snapping his fingers and compared her desire to visit real, actual harm on him to his THOUGHTS about sex.
If he can think about sex, why can’t she think about bones breaking and sharks tearing into human flesh?
http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/violent-thoughts-about-a-man-how-can-i-stop.html
Here’s why, you stupid cow: Murder is a crime. Thinking about sex is not.
Keep it to yourself, she writes. Because male sexuality (which is pretty damn similar to female sexuality in terms of fantasies and desires) offends her to the core. Maureen despises men who think about women in sexual terms.
This is the image that heads her piece:
No joke.
This is Maureen. She’s a pleasant enough looking woman. Kinda geeky and nerdy. What the fuck is her problem with men?
Here’s my theory: Andy played a neat little trick on the feminist ladies by claiming to be one of them and a man at the same time. He slipped his neck into the feminist noose and then cracked open his brain to admit when he sees women, he wants to fuck them.
Ergo, he’s still a man.
And that’s unacceptable.
Could it be more clear? Feminism isn’t about social or political or economic equality for women (that was achieved long ago). It’s about eradication, and what cannot be exterminated will be silenced.
I think Maureen should take her own advice: her fantasies about breaking and maiming and murdering men are instructive, but there is danger in painting such a clear picture of what her ideology is really about.
Keep it to yourself. The truth has a tendency to set people free. I hope Andy Hinds is the first one to realize he is advocating for an ideology that can really only be described a hate movement. And I hope he goes to yoga class today and imagines every single one of the ladies naked and sweaty and underneath him.
You can bet your ass that a few of the ladies will be thinking the same thing about him.
And why not?
Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.
Marilyn Monroe
Me too, Marilyn! Me too.
Lots of love,
JB
judgybitch 
Thanks to Maureen for stocking the barrel with so many fine big fish. Amazing how many shooters will still miss. Haha!
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Mental unfaithfulness is very good for sex life in a married couple. I would say even actual unfaithfulness is, but maybe that is kind of politically incorrect concept.
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Very nice article! You’ll might be able to draw some wide eyed wet behind the ears women’s studies novices (female and male), looking for examples to confirm the anti-male slant in what they are being taught.
One thing though it might be difficult for someone to determine where the satire ends, unless they are reading carefully, which is a lost art among many of today’s short attention span youth.
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Flipping the script is almost always revealing. Sometimes though, it’s simply sublime.
Once again, I am blown away.
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Sounds like this butt hurt snow flake Maureen is a part of the murder/castration club of Bug Brennen and Femithiest and is just as certifiable as Valenti or Marcotte. As a man I reserve my rights to my fantasies, it is a part of what makes us alive and human. Just as I reserve my right to check out an attractive female in her tight yoga pants or short shorts wedged up her heart shaped rump with her business hanging out, damn right I’m gonna look. If the poor self-esteem blame games feminist don’t like it they can promptly indulge in self fornication with a fire hydrant. I will not be re-engineered and political correctness can bite my ass!!!
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My take on the issue: some dude dreams about punching people that don’t agree with him (but probably he won’t ever meet them personally), straight in the face. Perhaps that makes him feel more “empowered”? Who knows? Who cares? As long as he doesn’t do the deed, he is allowed to broadcast about his “dream”. His freedom of speech. My freedom of ignoring him & moving on…
Oh, a gender reversal? Nothing changes. Some opinions and actions (of course, if not backed with force) don’t deserve anything better than ridicule. By the way, the age of consent here where I am living is 15 y.o. I’m sure that would make her even more furious…
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I’m already somewhat annoyed that Andy Hinds feels he has to apologise to womankind for finding them attractive. Finding out that somebody wants to maim him for it is just the icing on the cake.
Great post, JB
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Fantasies of violence, rape fantasies, fantasies about fucking strangers… they’re all fantasy. The point her shouldn’t be “my fantasy is better than your fantasy, ner ner ner ner ner”, but “it’s FANTASY, for fuck’s sakes.”
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judgy:
I think you kind of missed the point. I think the quoted piece about wanting to punch out women was satire.
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I can’t speak knowledgeably on this one.
I have never, never ever had an impure thought.
Just the title of this is making me blush.
O:)
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.. to punch out men, you meant?. The problem is in the double standard. Both the original post and Maureen’s reaction were stupid.However which was merely stupid and which was an object lesson on the double standards which are inflicted on us all.
Only a woman could publicly admit to the world that they had fantasies of subjecting others to torture and death (for being stupid/creepy)! Is such a person fit to take care of anyone utterly dependent on them? Like …. say… children!
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Brilliant piece JB, I read this pile of hateful narcissistic garbage and it really pissed me off and you just let off steam for me! Poor Mr Hines, there but for the grace of the internet go I. He should read your stuff, it would do him the world of good!
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I can guarantee that if men collectively turned off their sexual interest in women that O’Connor would be even more furious.
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So I go to the gym…a lot. Sometimes I am at the row of treadmills right behind the stairmasters. Sometimes there are women in tight spandex on those stairmasters. Yep, you know where this is going.
So figuring I would get seriously in trouble for the occasional buttglance, I started watching Korean music videos on my Droid while on the treadmill. It helps keep my eyes off the women. Especially Kara’s “Mister” (just google “butt dance” and you’ll find it).
Of course, I expect to be hassled by some feminist some day about it. However all these videos passed the Korean censors, so I’m not doing anything technically obscene.
And it keeps me from harassing women with my eyes. They should be grateful. They won’t be, but they should be.
And if any feminist wants to break my fingers, well, come at me, bro.
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wonder if there’d be chance to time how quickly they’d come running to get the attention back
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Funny, in my gym, the cardio machines face the weight lifting area-where all the guys work out. Definite motivation to bang out another 30 on the elliptical.
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Nope
I don’t think it was satire
I think it was an effort to tell Hinds to shut the fuck up about his sick (and totally normal) desires by conflating them with sick (and totally abnormal) desires.
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hey jb im not what you would call your average female fantasy, im short and stocky slowly getting back into shape after having ankle surgery last year. but there has been a time or two where i’ve seen a woman staring at me with lust in her eye’s, and that is one hell of a good feeling. so what ever is wrong with the bitch who wrote the article she need’s help.
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So true, nothing worst than super fit guy(s) getting on treadmill next to me as I am ready to collapse.
I then not only have to keep going, but have to run at a decent pace.
I sound/look like a dying spastic horse when i run. But at least I’m not fat.
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“I’m not sure what can be done to cajole women’s interests to become more aligned with male-dominated projects like Bitcoin, but I do know that men are not the problem. It is worth considering whether such imbalances are worthy of intervention at all; if a gender gap is caused by a mere difference in preferences, should society then try to change those preferences?”
http://theumlaut.com/2013/06/18/the-goddess-of-the-gender-gaps/
(not directly related, but about gender imbalances.)
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That’s how it works. You’re allowed to look, drool, gape, but as a man I have to worry about how that’s going to be considered harassment. If I look at too many asses, I end up on the sex offenders list. That’s why I have to use my Droid to keep my eyes off the ladies’ asses. Those round, twisting, heaving asses…going up and down on the stairmaster….err…I’ll be right back!
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Actually there are a sizable segment of feminism that want exactly that. They would love to see men collectively turn off their sexual interest in women and it’s their main goal. The RadFems mercilessly mock the so-called “sex-positive” feminists like Valenti. And these are the feminists, like O’Connor, who harbor deep, violent fantasies toward men, and, indeed, longingly wet their panties with dreams of genocide.
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This is just more “feminist” in-fighting. But it’s also a good object lesson about men trying to align with feminists; it’s a losing proposition. To feminists, men who profess to be “feminists” are merely just a few more men that feminists can control. They will always be held as objects of contempt, sycophants who will be mercilessly shamed back into line as necessary.
Hind’s original piece has been picked apart by the manosphere and was a fairly sickening read. Clearly he should complete the transformation and put his balls in a jar of formaldehyde on a shelf.
O’Connor’s piece is just as revealing of the contempt with which “feminist” men are held by feminists. She knows Hind has already been emasculated, so there is little to fear by airing her violent impulses toward him.
It also illustrates Feminist Maxim #15: No woman shall ever be made to feel uncomfortable at any time. If made uncomfortable by a man, violence is an appropriate response.
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“Dying spastic horse”
Just tell him to try it after he’s had a kid. 🙂
I’m strangely competitive with running. I love it when superfit guys jump onto a treadmill next to me. I never leave that treadmill before they do, even if I’ve already run five miles, and I always go either their speed or higher. I’ve been told I’m like a deer.
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Not really Marlo. As a woman, you still have to keep the staring to a minimum. Some guys take it as a sign you want them to come over and talk to you or something.
I just want to look at you, not fuck you.
Unless of course, its that hot cop in the bullet proof vest judgybitch was talking about earlier.
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Hey Maureen,
here’s a quick tip,
maybe you should ditch the make up and start wearing your Father’s sweaters.
It helps a fucking LOT!
I, too, don’t like the looking and potential fantasizing, but unless there happen to be a lot of men out there who like fantasizing about bare-faced, peaky looking women in army boots and oversided workgear, I’m in the clear.
(I save my sexy clothes for the domestic area 😉 )
Women like Maureen piss me off. If she wants to look attractive all the time, fine, but expect reactions. You cannot filter them.
Either she acts according to her hang-up about male fantasy and stop wasting money and time on her appearance or she accepts that not only the “chosen/wanted/hot” men in her area notice her.
Don’t go all Patrick Bateman on a reaction that is easily prevented. Old timey- lesbian-feminists understood this, they looked HORRIBLE and barely of the female persuasion, let alone the object of many a male fantasy.
Here’s what I think. Maureen likes feeling both attractive and wanted as well as feeling offended and harrassed.
She gets to bitch and shriek and be the victim AND she can confirm her status as a ‘hottie’. Win-win, no?
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