How to be attractive to other people? Be really self-absorbed and don’t make any efforts to please anyone else. That should work. Dating advice from Lindy West.

1 Jul

Trigger warning:  images of Lindy West

Ah, Lindy West.  One of my favorites.  Remember when she decided that feminists are totally down with human rights for everyone?  That was a jolly good read, wasn’t it?

http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/29/men-stand-up-for-yourselves-and-we-will-hate-you-the-new-feminist-war-cry/

And then she decided to share with the world what IS and IS NOT funny?  Refresher:  it’s only funny if LINDY thinks it’s funny.  And rape jokes in particular are NOT funny.  But I say if people don’t laugh at rape jokes the solution is simple:  force them.

Heh.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/05/13/fat-ugly-white-bitches-will-decide-what-is-funny-and-the-rest-of-yall-can-fuck-off/

lindy

And now, here is Lindy with some advice for people who are chronically alone and incapable of attracting other people, particularly people of the opposite sex.  It’s worth wading through, because it’s an impressive articulation of what is wrong with our concept of what a relationship, particularly a long term relationship, between two people is supposed to look like.

http://jezebel.com/i-appreciate-this-but-i-am-also-frustrated-by-it-your-627815071

1. The opposite of confidence isn’t shyness—it’s fake confidence.

 

It seems like a good plan—to just mimic the confidence you see in others and hope it passes for genuine—but it’s not. It is a bad plan. There’s a big uncanny valley when it comes to confidence, where you think you’re swaggering around like James Bond but really you’re just frenetically fumbling through magic tricks and insulting everyone at the bar like a fucking freak. It’s disconcerting for those of us on the receiving end. And by the way, if you take a look at how James Bond actually picked up women—mostly he was just like, “Hey.”

 

A way better plan is to stop trying to carve yourself into this socially prescribed shape that you think deserves confidence, and start finding actual confidence in the things that make you you. If you’re unhappy with your body or your mind or your social life, that’s one thing—but change yourself for you, not for some faceless ringwraith you plan to bone some day in the future as soon as you get good enough at kettlebell squats. That’s bad for you and dumb.

Lindy is correct in stating that having confidence is a big factor in whether someone finds you attractive, but what she gets wrong is CONFIDENCE IN WHAT?  Lindy says you need to be confident in the things that make you you.  It’s a trite, hackneyed sentiment that is repeated endlessly, and it also happens to be dead wrong.

What you need to be confident in is are the things that make you GREAT MATE MATERIAL.  And that requires you to think about the other person first and foremost.  What do you bring to the table?  For most men and women, those are different things entirely, although not always.

hug

Most women are looking for men who are physically bigger than they are.  Men of imposing physical stature are attractive, relative to your own stature, because they are perceived by both men and women as dominant and strong.

Applying an evolutionary psychology perspective, we predicted that taller individuals are seen as more leader-like because they are perceived as more dominant, healthy, and intelligent. Being fit and physically imposing were arguably important leadership qualities in ancestral human environments—perhaps especially for males—where being a leader entailed considerable physical risks. In line with our expectations, our results demonstrate that by manipulating an individual’s stature height positively influences leadership perception for both men and women, though the effect is stronger for men.

http://gpi.sagepub.com/content/16/1/17.abstract

For men, especially shorter men,  what you need to signal is your confidence in your ability to lead DESPITE not having the advantage of height.  HOW you do that will be as individual as each person, but the key is that you are signalling your ability to lead OTHERS, especially her.

http://www.sowetanlive.co.za/goodlife/2012/06/05/women-are-hard-wired-to-want-dominant-men

It’s already pretty obvious why feminists don’t like that:  the reality that most women want a leader for a mate is an uncomfortable truth that doesn’t sit well with the ideology of perfect equality.  First Officers who answer to a Captain who has the ultimate authority are not beloved when the First Officer is a woman.  Naturally, men as First Officers are okie-dokie, in theory.  In reality, not so much. Men who relinquish authority are well on their way to a cheating wife.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats–theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

The flip side of this is that women need confidence in their ability to be led, which really comes down to confidence in their ability to ADVISE, because that is the main role of the First Officer.  Women need to demonstrate that they are intelligent and loyal and honest and that they are willing to use those qualities to make a TEAM work.  Again, how you display that confidence will be different for each woman, but the focus needs to be on the TEAM, not on the individual.

beer

Something as simple as getting drinks or fixing plates for both of you, and not just yourself signals that the other person has top priority in your mind, without requiring martyrdom or self-effacement, neither of which are attractive.

Show that you care.  Not that hard.  That’s the confidence you need. Women need to be able to confidently demonstrate that they can put someone else’s needs above their own, and men need to have confidence that they can accept responsibility for someone other than themselves. Granted, there are some dangers in accepting responsibility for people who are not worthy, but isn’t that what dating is?  Sorting out the worthy?

It’s funny that feminism won’t hesitate to hold men responsible for women’s decisions when those decisions are bad (hello rape culture) but when it comes to personal, happy, functioning relationships, they rebel against the idea that women like strong, confident leaders.

http://judgybitch.com/2012/10/22/54/

Leader/Advisor is not the only thing that factors into our perceptions of attractiveness, and all those other qualities also require a show of confidence, but they come down to one thing:  be confident that you are worthy by actually having the qualities the other person is seeking.  That means you have to spend some time thinking about what the other person is seeking!

janeway

Some women really ARE Captains, and they are fully prepared to take on the leadership of their team.  Some men are very natural First Officers. That’s perfectly fine.  Know what you bring to the relationship, and figure out how to signal that.  Stop thinking about what makes you YOU, and start thinking about what makes you great for the other person.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/02/i_m_a_married_guy_with_no_kids_and_i_cook_clean_and_mend_call_me_the_stay.html

2. If you trick someone into liking you by being full of shit, you end up dating someone who wants to date a bag of shit.

Honesty is so great! Here’s what happens if you’re completely honest about yourself with people you might want to date: You end up maybe dating people who actually like you instead of people who like that weird character you made up. (Plus, cuts down on continuity errors.) Here’s what happens if you’re not honest: You end up hanging out with dicks you don’t like. Worse than being alone! Hooray!

 

Really?  If someone doesn’t like you, that makes him a dick?  Wow.  This whole paragraph reeks with aggression and dislike of men.  And she’s missing the same point as above.  Instead of being completely honest about the sort of person you want to date, how about being completely honest about what sort of person might want to date YOU?

improve

Begin with the other person.  What qualities do you have that someone else might value and admire?  Work on those things first, and then worry about whether the other person has qualities YOU like and admire.  Begin with yourself.  What do you have to offer?

3. People are attracted to love, not hate.

 

About six months into dating, my current boyfriend and I discovered that, coincidentally, both of us had spent a few (dark-ish) years obsessively listening to the Ricky Gervais podcast every night as we fell asleep like weirdos—like a kind of fucked up, screeching security blanket. It’s not something we do anymore, or ever did together, but it’s one of the many threads that make up our big tangly connection. He doesn’t love me because of how much I hated being alone. He loves me because he sees how much I love the things I love.

 

If you want people to love you, you should love stuff. Bitterness is like Citronella for vaginas. Are you interested in anything? Do that thing. You never know who you might meet in Thing Class—and even if you don’t, hey! You got to spend a bunch of time doing your thing!

 

No, no, no.  This is really bad advice.  Do NOT do “your thing” in the expectation that you will meet someone who shares your interests and a romance will blossom thanks to mutual love of whatever that “thing” happens to be.

If I had taken this advice, I would have spent all my free time at advanced crochet seminars (yes, I’m a hooker), bread-making classes and riding my granny bike around the duck pond. Not a whole lot of men share those interests, and the ones that do are probably First Officers like myself and not what I am looking for.   Had Mr. JB taken the exact same advice, he would have spent all his free time watching Benny Hill marathons and inspecting massive construction projects for fun, and we would never have run into one another.

My “thing” is period costume drama.

costume

His “thing” is diggers.  And bulldozers.  And really big cranes.  And trucks with giant wheels.

wheels

We agree to have different “things”, and while we do love how much the other person loves their “thing”, there is no requirement that we share in our passions.

Your mate does not have to be your friend, any more than the Captain of your softball team has to be your friend.  He/she needs to be someone you trust, love, and to whom you can give every ounce of your ability and skill and intelligence and every other great quality you possess in service to the TEAM.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/04/05/husband-%E2%89%A0-friend/

Have some qualities the other person values.  Again, you need to spend some time thinking about what other people might value, and cultivate those things in yourself.  Your “thing” is just that.  Yours. And their “thing” will also be just that:  theirs. Never mind the “things”.

They are not important.

4. A great way to endear yourself to women is to fight against the societal structure that oppresses them and made you lonely in the first place.

 

All this shit—your “type,” the “criteria” you think you need in a mate—is arbitrary. It’s social conditioning. I used to think I wanted to date someone tall (I’m tall), until I started asking myself why I felt like that and couldn’t come up with a single coherent answer. Then I dated some dudes who were way shorter than me, literally never even noticed after the first 2 minutes, and then literally never thought about it again. Because THEY’RE PEOPLE. That arbitrary people-criteria you think you really, really want but can’t get? Just try to imagine not wanting it. Voila! Now go out and bang whomever, Criss Angel. You can do this. Now please stop making eye contact with me.

 

Nope.  Having a “type” is not social conditioning and it’s not arbitrary, and the sooner you accept that, the closer you will be to finding your mate.  That’s not to say you can’t overcome instinctive preferences and desires, but I would never advise anyone to try that:  it doesn’t work very often.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/revealed-why-slim-people-dislike-the-overweight-459459.html

It’s not about having the Aussie supermodel or the 4% body fat cross fit champion.  It’s about understanding what you personally find appealing and understanding that it will be very, very hard to overcome an instinctive revulsion.  In some cases, the qualities you dislike will become amplified over time and things will get so much worse.

fat

And naturally, you have to understand that other people will find certain things about YOU revolting and repulsive.  Some of those things you can change.  If you are seriously interested in seeking out a mate, then you will make some effort to understand what things have a tendency to repulse others, and deal with that.

You CAN manage your weight.  You CAN manage grooming.  You CAN control what you wear and how you present yourself, and if you care about another person, you will do those things.  For THEM.  And they will do things in return to appeal to you.

Cannes - 'Ocean's Thirteen' - After Party

How interesting that Lindy broadened her dating pool to include short men.  The one thing you CANNOT control.  Height.  And implicit in that generosity is that men should be broadening their pools by including …. short women? tall women?  How about…. fat women?  Nice way to sneak in a little man-shaming there, Lindy.  Men cannot control baldness or height.  Everyone can control their weight and grooming habits, and they should do so in deference to what others find attractive.

shaving

Take shaving and hair removal, for example.  Some women do NOT like beards or scruff or moustaches or chest hair.  I’m not one of them, but whatever.  If you want to be attractive to a woman who dislikes facial or body hair on men, then you will shave.  For her pleasure.  Her pleasure takes priority over the annoyance of having to shave every day.

And it goes both ways.  It baffles me that women don’t seem to understand the point of Brazilian waxing.  It’s not an expression of paedophilic tendencies when men prefer a smooth genital area.  Porn culture may have introduced the concept, but the reason for that sort of personal grooming has nothing to do with men imagining you are a little girl and everything to do with the fact that hair in your mouth is squicky!

http://judgybitch.com/2012/11/27/brazilians-are-just-good-manners-theres-nothing-worse-than-hair-in-your-food/

You do those things for HIS pleasure, and that leads to ….. YOURS!

And that is how relationships work:  you make his pleasure and preferences YOUR priority and he makes your pleasure and preferences HIS and you both end up pleasing and being pleased.  The whole relationship should work that way:  there is very little room in any functional relationship for selfishness.  If it’s all about you, and you are waiting for someone to agree that it really IS all about you, you had best hit up the local Humane Society for a kitty or two.

kitty

Why is there such resistance to the idea that the way we appeal to one another as human beings is to consider what our potential mates might find appealing, and try to be those things?  Why is there such a fierce push-back against the idea that others people’s likes and desires not only matter, but ultimately matter more than your own?

fault

I think it’s the fault line in feminism showing up again.  Feminism is supposed to be about social, political and economic equality between men and women, but it’s not.  It’s a philosophy and an ideology that women should never make anyone’s else’s needs matter more than their own, but men should continue to exist in service to others.

firefighter

Nineteen of them died this weekend, fighting a wildfire in Arizona.  Nineteen men, whose whole lives were dedicated to serving others.  Nineteen men, who made other people’s safety more important than their own.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/01/us/arizona-firefighter-deaths/index.html

When is the last time you heard of nineteen women dying in service to others?  In accidents, in crimes, in lethal weather and other acts of God?  Yes.  But in service to others?  Show me.  Show me the nineteen women who suited up and strode across the blackened landscape to battle flames leaping 80 feet into the air, for the sole purpose of protecting others.

83 firefighters died on duty in 2011.  82 were men.  1 was a woman.

http://www.usfa.fema.gov/downloads/pdf/publications/ff_fat11.pdf

Give me an all-woman fire crew, and then I will believe feminism is about equality.  When 83 firefighters die and HALF of them are women, I will believe feminism is about women competing head to head with men, and not just enjoying the protections of men while disavowing any need for reciprocity or even gratitude.

You want to appeal to the opposite sex, ladies?  Imagine that every man you see is a firefighter.  He will give his life to save you.

Think about what you will give him in exchange for that.

Think hard.

Now be those things.  Be what he wants.  What he needs.  What he desires.  And know that every moment you put into considering what someone else wants and needs, will be a moment spent in making yourself appealing.

worthy

It’s not what makes you you that matters.  It’s what makes you worthy of him.  And what makes him worthy of you.

There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.

Johnny Depp

To the firefighters in Arizona:

thank

May you rest in peace.

Lots of love,

JB

55 Responses to “How to be attractive to other people? Be really self-absorbed and don’t make any efforts to please anyone else. That should work. Dating advice from Lindy West.”

  1. TransMillennium July 1, 2013 at 16:52 #

    There’s a Linda West in every country http://www.kienyke.com/kien-escribe/mi-solteria-virginia-mayer/

    Like

  2. IHateFeminists July 1, 2013 at 17:36 #

    More boo- hoo from Lindy the hutt West. The Dworkin mini me is one of my favorites too. She’s not fat; she’s big boned….barf!!! That whole Jezebel bunch seems blessed with about as much sense and wisdom as a fart in a wind tunnel. They try to be so relevant and preach the virtues (delusions of grandeur)of a comfortable feminist utopia but not one would make a dimple on the ass of someone like CIA’s finest Gloria ”baby butcher” Steinem who is truly 100% undiluted evil with deep political pockets.
    Feminist for all the education they seem to brandish, have little to no understanding the basic fundamentals of biology and that feminism itself is an abomination of nature, evolution, and the circle of life. Debate this with one of them and one can be entertained by watching the feminut witch foam at the mouth. I am in my 40’s and work out 30 to 45 minutes a day to keep in shape along with watching closely what I eat I.E. no fast food. I weigh 170 pounds and plan on staying that way. It is about taking personal responsibility for one’s self, another forbidden feminist idea, and am in no way attracted to a woman with more body mass than I have. Human nature can’t be reengineered no matter how much feminists want to try and legislate it to make it so. They have only succeeded in dividing the genders, destruction of culture and society, destroyed families, and left over 55 million butchered unborn children in their wake.

    Like

  3. M3 July 1, 2013 at 17:36 #

    The trigger warning didn’t help.. her image was the first thing i saw in the WordPress Reader feed…

    don’t worry, i squirted hand sanitizer into my eyes.. only hurt for a few hours. It’s all good now.

    Like

  4. M3 July 1, 2013 at 18:08 #

    And let me say, excellent piece as i just finished reading it. You hit every nail right on the head.

    I made the same point about service to some groups on facebook. If you look at the garment factory disaster in india, (google the images) you will see that everyone that is in that structurally unsafe building trying to rescue the women at great personal risk to themselves.. it’s all men. Crawling around the rubble and protruding re-bar like ants. And lets not forget 9-11.

    You also discuss the relationship dynamic nicely. I have found no lack of feminist corrupted minds when discussing with women about relationships and it always centers around a ‘me me me’ mentality and i’m always left to ask “Do you even care what the other person wants? what’s in it for him? You view this and that as oppression instead of seeing it as a means to make your partner happy. If you don’t give him any reason to be with you other than to listen to how smart and empowered you are, it’s not going to last.”

    It’s all about reciprocity and doing things for a person you love voluntarily, things you might not want to do, but do so to make them happy, make their life a little brighter, and give them a reason to return the favor voluntarily.

    And thanks for tackling Lindsay’s instant friendzone advise head on. People taking her advice will only end up either orbiting people who don’t respect or with creatures like Lindsay herself. A horrible fate.

    Like

  5. Leap of a Beta July 1, 2013 at 18:09 #

    I’m surprised you could still see Lindy after the not-moon pic in your recent post.

    Like

  6. EMMA July 1, 2013 at 18:58 #

    I agree most with the “sticking to your type” advice. It proves true. And yes, I understand that men don’t have any control over their height, and that makes me feel a tad bit bad about being attracted to tall, bigger men. But…I don’t have any control over the fact that my eyes aren’t blue or green/light (apparently a huge plus on what men prefer). I can’t control my average height either. There are plenty of men who prefer taller women, and others who like em shorter-I’m just kind of stuck in the middle with a funny nose and asymmetrical eyes.

    Point is, I have features I can’t control, alter or improve too. And there are men who would not date me because of them. And that’s OK. We shouldn’t feel bad for having a type. And also, try not to be offended when we ourselves don’t fit into someone’s else idea of perfect.

    The hobbies/”Your Thing” advice was kind of off. It really just depends on what your hobbies are. If you’re into NFL games, gun ranges and Camaros, chances are, you probably will meet a man while doing your “thing”.

    But yeh, I have a granny bike too and I only meet other grannies while cruising around the lake. Maybe I should try going later on in the day.

    Couldn’t imagine what the families of the FF’s are going through right now.

    Like

  7. IHateFeminists July 1, 2013 at 19:06 #

    lindy and her feminazi blubber club giving dating advise is like a proctologist teaching brain surgery…

    Like

  8. RadicalCentrist July 1, 2013 at 19:33 #

    So my husband and I were just in the car lamenting over the loss of the firefighters and I was like, “Please don’t let that blog that is sometimes really smart and funny and insightful but sometimes makes crazy leaps and bounds of logic to prove a very specific point over and over again find a way to talk about this BECAUSE FEMINISM.”

    I would say you’ve got enough material to work with that you don’t need to use all this disjointed logic. But it happens so frequently on here that I feel inclined to mention it.

    Look – it’s obvious that you have strong feelings about some very specific people that you admire (men in high risk jobs) and hate (this Lindy West character who is a nobody except when you talk about her enough to make her feel like a somebody). In fact the firefighter thing aside – (frankly I was feeling like a jerk, thinking that you DIDN’T choose to pull some shit out of the ether to mention it when…BAM…it came up right there towards the end) – this analysis of this Lindy West thing doesn’t even seem to jive with the content of the article she wrote. I mean, I think ‘1’ was talking about dudes and the fake confidence thing is lame. It IS pretty lame. I think if we were to really take evo psych seriously, then fake alphas would be unappealing, no? Isn’t that kind of what she is saying even though she is using different language? I’m not saying that Lindy West would ever admit that the most attractive and outgoing and put-together females snag the best natural alphas, but I do put forth the idea that you were just looking for a way to tear her a new one and didn’t effectuate it very well.

    This is kind of a bummer.

    Like

  9. judgybitch July 1, 2013 at 19:40 #

    I’m sorry.

    I’m finding your rambling, disjointed logic and non-sequiturs hard to follow.

    Like

  10. Radical Suburbanite July 1, 2013 at 19:44 #

    Wait.. what? She can’t comment on the firefighters in the context of this article because… what?

    It always amazes me when people want to tell others how to write their blog posts. Though I can’t actually figure out your reasoning…

    Like

  11. RadicalCentrist July 1, 2013 at 20:14 #

    Then I suppose it’s a good thing I don’t have a blog, then.

    Like

  12. Spaniard July 1, 2013 at 20:32 #

    Everytime I go to see a hooker, I take a long shower with oils, have a nice shave, dress my best, get this mint spray in my mouth and buy fowers and chocolate on the way.
    Also I treat her with chivalry, try to have an interesting conversation, I create some romance…

    All this stuff always succeed, believe me. Do not get advise from people who tells you to not try to please the lady.

    Like

  13. Radical Suburbanite July 1, 2013 at 20:51 #

    There are a couple of pieces of advice I with I had never heard- much less tried to follow. I get the whole be yourself and that works to a point. But if you’re a narcissistic snowflake that thinks the world revolves around you- you’re going to find it awfully hard to find that special someone. Better advice is to question how you bring value to the world and your close relationships (as you say above).

    But the follow your bliss and you’ll be happy thing actually bothers me more. I spent a lot of time spinning my wheels in college getting a useless degree because I bought into that message. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I met my husband and made the smarter decision to have kids and raise my own family. I never, ever got any advice that would have steered me in that direction thanks to our heavily feminized culture. Such a shame.

    Like

  14. Radical Suburbanite July 1, 2013 at 20:52 #

    *I wish I had never heard…

    Like

  15. judgybitch July 1, 2013 at 22:51 #

    That was exactly my experience too!

    I almost bought it. Had the message been more subtle, it might have worked.

    I guess I’m grateful academic feminism is so blatantly hateful?

    Like

  16. Radical Suburbanite July 1, 2013 at 23:22 #

    I guess I’m grateful academic feminism is so blatantly hateful?

    I guess we should. Reasonable women (and we do exist) are naturally appalled by the misandry that’s so blatant in the radfem community. If they were subtle it would be much harder to resist their propaganda.

    Like

  17. Radical Suburbanite July 1, 2013 at 23:24 #

    Arg. I can’t seem to proofread to save my life today. I meant that we “should be grateful.”

    Like

  18. Goober July 2, 2013 at 00:02 #

    It is far simpler than that, even. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – IF YOU WANT TO BE VALUED, THEN BE VALUABLE.

    No one, including the current prospect that you’re dating, gives two hot shits about you simply because you are “you.” Other than your immediate family, the only value that someone else will ever find in you, ever, is what use you can be to them.

    Until you fall in love and get married, your prospective date is no exception, and if you can’t show her or him that you are valuable, then they will find no value in you.

    The trick is merely figuring out what other people value. That is where you apply your own values and morality into cultivating which people will find you valuable, and ignoring the values that people whom you don’t care about would be attracted to.

    I don’t care about Paris Hilton, so I’m not worried about cultivating my fashion sense or developing stylish, “in” contacts with the hollywood elite.

    I’m in love with my wife, and so I cultivated the things that she values – my intelligence, my physical size and capability, my confidence, my skills and abilities to build and construct and take on projects, my work ethic, my ability to be a good father, and so forth and so on to infinity… I worked to cultivate in myself those things that would attract a woman that I’d want to be with. The net result is that she fell in love with me and had my baby.

    And she stuck with me through 6 years of miserable health and the requisite physical atrophy that comes with that.

    Like

  19. judgybitch July 2, 2013 at 00:34 #

    Beautiful. Really.

    How very lovely and eloquent.

    Like

  20. dinictus July 2, 2013 at 01:27 #

    I was so motivated by the flash of revelation that JB laid bare that I went straight to work researching sources and prices and properties of the main ingredient of an invention with which I am about to utterly wipe out and replace all others on the market.

    Why? Because without money, too much of the energy you should be spending on getting in fantastic shape, and making yourself available, geographically, location-wise, event-wise, whatever, to be noticed by those in whom you may have an interest is spent instead on keeping your head above water. You don’t cross the Atlantic by treading water.

    So the cold water in my face today was what I needed to put the finishing touches on this breakthrough I have been nursing for months.

    Then I can focus on making myself more mate-able.

    Thanks, JB for putting that in such hard focus. My ship had finally come in, and I was not walking down to the dock to meet it.

    Like

  21. Goober July 2, 2013 at 02:31 #

    When we met, I was 6’4″ tall, weighed 250 pounds and could bench press almost 400 pounds. My neck was bigger around than my head.

    I got hit with a severe case of PA (psoriatic arthritis) and the psoriasis that comes with it. It crippled me for 6 years. I now weigh 330 pounds. Physical atrophy doesn’t even describe it. I probably couldn’t even bench my own body weight now, between the pain and requisite inactivity.

    I was 90% covered with the rash, too, but that thankfully only lasted for two years.

    The upshot is that the support of my first officer saved my life. I was never suicidal but definitely felt like not being alive anymore would be kinda nice. Without her, who knows?

    Like

  22. Pill Scout July 2, 2013 at 02:39 #

    Holy crap, JB you hit the nail on the head again.

    I struggle to understand what Lindy “Heifer” West is known for aside from preaching to an increasingly-irrelevant feminist choir.

    Was her only major accomplishment to finish a box of Oreos while children die malnourished and starving around the world?

    Like

  23. Marlo Rocci July 2, 2013 at 03:11 #

    I think you may have missed the hidden point of the feminist “dating advice” (or rather “un-dating” advice). Their point is not to help make relationships happen, but to keep them from happening. Women are urged to “just be themselves”, especially when themselves are a lazy fat cow who only gets off the couch to pick up another package of Oreos. It’s a formula for feelings of alienation and loathing. When a woman does all the feminist things to get a relationship and ends up alone, she’s primed to hate all men.

    The first step is to tell lies about “the other”.

    Then you seek the separation of your people from “the other”.

    Then you build the gas chambers.

    Consider the feminist’s relationship advice a variation of step two. Getting women to be separated from men due to their own self-absorption. This will make it easier to get the state to increase sentence lengths for a greater number of male dominated crimes.

    I may consider defection to Japan at this point.

    Like

  24. Radical Suburbanite July 2, 2013 at 03:47 #

    The trick is merely figuring out what other people value. That is where you apply your own values and morality into cultivating which people will find you valuable, and ignoring the values that people whom you don’t care about would be attracted to.

    You put this much better than I did. I only meant *being youself* in the context of staying true to your own values and not settling for someone of low moral value. My sister-in-law was the type to attract losers (drug dealer types) and then molding herself to fit their personality. How she found a decent husband is a mystery but she has turned out to be a good wife so I have to respect her for that.

    Like

  25. dinictus July 2, 2013 at 07:04 #

    On the whole “play the field and hand some rich sucker the leftovers, via performing an assault pregnancy before holding his child hostage” tip:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/16/jennifer-aniston-wedding-on-hold-postponed_n_3450172.html

    I know you can get lower than using your unborn child as the leverage to force someone else to abandon their career to support yours. But how much lower?

    No wonder Brad never had kids with her. He’s a smart man.

    Like

  26. Apollo July 2, 2013 at 07:39 #

    Was that sarcasm? Surely it must have been.

    Because I have to say, do not take advice from someone who claims romancing women works if their only evidence for that theory is that it seems to succeed with the women they pay to like them.

    Like

  27. Paul Murray July 2, 2013 at 07:54 #

    “if you take a look at how James Bond actually picked up women”
    James Bond never actually picked up women. He is a fictional character. That’s one hell of a reality deficit Lindy is rocking, right there.

    Like

  28. Apollo July 2, 2013 at 08:22 #

    So this self help article is targeted at men? I dont think Jezebel gets many male readers, and the ones who start out as male probably dont stay that way for too long as their testicles shrivel up from too much exposure to unadulterated hatred of masculinity, but OK. The Lindy Wests of the world do of course feel like they know best on all subjects, even those subjects in which most people would reasonably assume them to be clueless, and they just cant resist telling men how to “do it right”, so I suppose something like this was inevitable.

    Now Im not going to read the linked article, because I refuse to provide those festering social parasites and all around wastes of humanity at Jezebel with even one ad revenue boosting hit, but even without giving the source a full and fair reading I still feel confident in stating the following:

    Guys, if you take advice on how to attract women from Lindy West, you are going to end up attracting women like Lindy West. And wouldnt that be a picnic in Hell – spending your time around a fat, unaccomplished, lazy, nasty, snark filled cow who hates men professionally? And by “hates men professionally” I actually mean its her job to talk shit about men and masculinity, and shes at least reasonably competent at it (she tries hard, at minimum).

    Wouldnt you rather stay single and be alone forever than end up with someone like her? Wouldnt you rather cut off your own foot with a rusty razor blade than end up with someone like her? Would you rather slowly die of starvation in a Soviet Gulag and then be eaten by rate than end up with someone like her?

    The very best thing men can do is the EXACT opposite of the provided advice, that way you shouldnt attract a Lindy West-a-like even by accident. Because just imagine the alternative. Now stop making eye contact with her!

    Like

  29. GrimGhost July 2, 2013 at 09:53 #

    What he’s saying is, If you make an effort to act nice to people you don’t have to be nice to, because you’re paying them, they’ll give you more than the minimum that the contract requires. Which is the exact opposite thinking to feeling “entitled.”

    Like

  30. Black Label July 2, 2013 at 09:56 #

    Imo, the firefighters would have deserved their own post.

    Honoring them in an article which basically is about how stupid and fat Lindy West is feel icky and kinda cheapening.

    Like

  31. Spaniard July 2, 2013 at 12:47 #

    I just know that it works. 100% of times.

    Like

  32. Spaniard July 2, 2013 at 12:49 #

    Absolutly right.
    Sometimes the lady stays with you much more time than the deal and give you much more what is in the deal.

    Like

  33. Spaniard July 2, 2013 at 12:55 #

    James Bond is a mega alpha and a gentleman. I do not know if he is a “nice guy” but he is a “gentle guy”. He is not a jerk at all.
    He is not the daddy type neither. He will end up alone by a fireplace in London, like Sherlock Holmes. But drinking martinis instead of smoking pipe.

    Like

  34. Spaniard July 2, 2013 at 13:10 #

    Absolutely yes. Better in your own than in bad company.
    In Spain, since last decades, the mantra is exactly the opposite: “better in bad company than alone”.
    The femininazi brainwashing has made Spanish men thinking that being 40 and single is being less than zero. And that is against centuries of healthy Spanish traditional male chauvinism, (“machismo”) when being 40 and single with no kids was considered a blessing.
    Probably is bad for women. But still do not think so. Look Cameron Diaz.
    Spain used to be the homeland of Don Juan, Julio Iglesias, Bertin Osborne, Picasso (he was a stud too), bullfighters, Ernest Hemingway (Spanish citizen honoris causa) Now is a homeland for pussywhiped male.
    Pity.

    Like

  35. Spaniard July 2, 2013 at 13:11 #

    Do you speak Spanish?

    Like

  36. Master Beta July 2, 2013 at 14:15 #

    Why would any man want to attract a woman like Lindy West?

    Seriously, if I’m going to listen to a lady’s advice on attracting women, it will be a lovely and attractive lady’s advice – because that’s the kind of woman I’m into.

    The day I find myself attracted to obese narcissistic women, is the day I’ll want Lindy West’s advice.

    I mean, this is like a fat person giving health advice.

    Like

  37. Paxton July 2, 2013 at 15:10 #

    Excellent point regarding the death of the heroic firefighters. These are the men we all depend on when it counts. We will never see a situation where 19 women give their lives in service to a job protecting people and property.

    Like

  38. paxtonrask July 2, 2013 at 15:14 #

    Excellent point regarding the firefighters in Az. We will never see a situation where 19 women give their lives in a job protecting people and property. If they had been women, they either would have been rescued OR we’d all be hearing the news comment and cry out for blood that 19 women died and who was responsible for that even happening.

    Like

  39. Radical Suburbanite July 2, 2013 at 15:45 #

    Fair enough.

    Like

  40. desperada57 July 2, 2013 at 15:58 #

    …or taking the 2% solution.

    Like

  41. feeriker July 3, 2013 at 06:33 #

    When a woman does all the feminist things to get a relationship and ends up alone, she’s primed to hate all men.

    One would think that “doing all things feminist” in order to “get into a relationship [with a man, one presumes]” is something that only needed to be done once, ages ago when feminism was a novel concept, and only by a tiny handful of women who became folk legends in the same way that the gingerbread man of “The Fox and the Gingerbread Man” fable became legend. There is no logical earthly reason for ANY woman to even think of doing such a thing. The fact that the inevitable result is so obviously not only failure, but CATASTROPHIC failure should serve as “common”-sense warning enough to any woman with an IQ north of zero to ensure that most would never even think of “trying this at home.”

    Doing anything “feminist” with the goal of getting into a relationship with a man is like sticking one’s finger (or other appendage) into a live electrical socket. Anyone with a brain knows what’s going to happen, so only a complete idiot would even think about doing it. The fact that so many women not only still think about doing it, but actually take the leap says something pretty horrifying about a large segment of the western world’s female population.

    Picture a borderline retarded toddler who sticks his finger into a live electrical socket and winds up hating and fearing electricity and electrical appliances for the rest of his life.

    Like

  42. feeriker July 3, 2013 at 06:38 #

    James Bond never actually picked up women. He is a fictional character. That’s one hell of a reality deficit Lindy is rocking, right there.

    I caught that too. It sure looks like the border between reality and fantasy in what passes for Lindy’s world is pretty blurry. But then again, if you’re Lindy West, you probably stand a better chance of getting picked up by James Bond than by any man in the real world.

    Like

  43. feeriker July 3, 2013 at 06:42 #

    Guys, if you take advice on how to attract women from Lindy West, you are going to end up attracting women like Lindy West.

    I seriously hope no one out there ever produces a piece of conclusive evidence that any “man” ever actually tried following Lindy West’s advice on relationships. Even one such reported case would shake my faith in humanity to the core.

    Like

  44. Apollo July 3, 2013 at 06:47 #

    Sure but I dont necessarily see how that principle would translate across to people you are not paying. At least some of this could be due to the fact that the person you are paying knows you dont have to be nice, so niceness comes across as more genuine and without a hidden agenda. Not so much with women you are not paying – we all know what those women think of “nice” guys.

    Like

  45. Apollo July 3, 2013 at 06:51 #

    I think your faith in humanity is secure.

    At least from this particular attack.

    Like

  46. dinictus July 3, 2013 at 09:58 #

    LOL Reality Deficit. Sounds like a new Disorder waiting to be named.

    Like

  47. Exfernal July 3, 2013 at 10:17 #

    My “thing” is period costume drama.

    His “thing” is diggers. And bulldozers. And really big cranes. And trucks with giant wheels.

    Assuming that Mr. JB were to date and marry a woman with a similar “thing” as him as a favorite pastime, and the same process were to occur for their parents as well, the chances would be higher for him to have an autistic son. Similar interests imply similar brain wiring, which implies similar genetic legacy. Even taking regression to the mean on the systemizing/empathizing scale into account.

    So, following such thoughtless “advice” from Lindy West could have unexpected consequences at some point in the future…

    Like

  48. Eric July 3, 2013 at 18:22 #

    I agree the 1st part of the post works as a stand-alone post and the tie-in to the firefighter KIAs seems shoehorned in. The firefighters should have been memorialized by JB in an independent post.

    Like

  49. Exfernal July 19, 2013 at 00:35 #

    As for dating advice, how to cross the first hurdle is better illustrated here. Appealing physique and avoiding “wimpy” body language grants a lot of leeway – anytime, anywhere.

    Like

  50. SYABM September 30, 2013 at 16:38 #

    #4 seems like “Oh, right, I’d better shoehorn in some feminist stuff in here to justify this being on Jez. Social systems…oppression…Patriarchy hurts men too…aaand done.”

    One really must wonder why West is presenting advice to men on a site aimed at women. I assume it’s for the same reasons she presented an article purportedly directed at MRAs on that same feminist website.

    Like

  51. IndigoLamprey November 12, 2013 at 04:10 #

    “When 83 firefighters die and HALF of them are women, I will believe feminism is about women competing head to head with men, and not just enjoying the protections of men while disavowing any need for reciprocity or even gratitude.”

    The day you see that happen is the day that feminists will carry on about how it’s a tragedy that someone put those women in harm’s way and how we clearly need legislation to protect women in the workplace..

    Like

  52. Erik Norén November 14, 2013 at 08:47 #

    Heck, if you want to think of yourself first just consider it this way. What do you want most infependence or a partner? If independence, continue doing whatever you like. If a partner then everything you do to be attractive to them is in service to that want.

    Like

  53. Harold March 26, 2014 at 10:37 #

    She brings up her black stepdaughter and fiancé all the time. It’s ridiculous. She’s just another fat white chick, who because no white guy wanted her, she has to talk about how dating people of color and interracial relationships are so much better. She’s almost morbidly obese, but that would be “fat shaming”.

    Like

  54. paulvzo May 24, 2014 at 14:57 #

    Late to this particular thread, but as usual, oh, how true!

    First, Goober, so sorry to hear of your illness. So glad you have a wonderful First Officer who didn’t listen to the “Me first,” messages so rampant in our self-centered society.

    I am lucky in that my best friend, a woman in another city, feels like JudgyBitch in matters PC. She’s black (I’m not) and she’s told me how when she went to a “feminism consciousness raising session” in college in the early 1970’s, she said to them, “This is a bunch of white girl crap.” Walked out, never went back.

    I’ve introduced her to Camille Paglia; her utter disdain for the “feminism” of coddled middle class white girls.

    Go Camille. Go Judgy. Go Celeste. Heal the world.

    Like

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  1. Dating advice from Lindy West | Viva La Manosphere! - July 1, 2013

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