Being a mother isn’t a job? Bullshit. Is it the toughest job? Hahahahahahah! Nope. But it’s definitely a job.

13 Jul





Lots of interesting commentary around the recent Parents survey that reveals 92% of all mothers agree with the statement “There’s no tougher job than being a mom”.


There are a number of different factors at play when we talk about “mothering” and what constitutes a “job” and what makes a job “tough” – let’s tackle them one by one.


Predictably, Jezebel begins with the old Simone de Beauvior “being a stay at home mother and wife should be banned” bullshit.




No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”

– “Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma,” Saturday Review, June 14, 1975.


Feminism: giving women choices. Except the one they would most prefer.


Jezebel has a long history of slagging on women who do their work outside the formal economic structure of the marketplace, and it’s not the JOB they hate, so much as the women who do the job for their OWN families rather than for strangers.


Is working in daycare center a job?

Is running a housekeeping service a job?

Is owning a catering business a job?


Happy baking cooking woman


Of course it is, but only if you are selling your services in the formal marketplace. Provide those services for the family you love, and you are a pitiable dupe of the patriarchy. Because someone has to the earn the living, right? And if Mommy is at home, it must be Daddy doing the productive economic labor.


Oh, dear. Too much power for Daddy. Out there every day slogging in some job he may or may not enjoy so he can have the pleasure of lording it over the woman who gets to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, all day long.


I find it interesting that when a family has TWO Daddies, they are more likely to embrace the traditional division of family labor, and have one Daddy at home full time.


gay dads


In his seminal book A Treatise on the Family, published in 1981, the Nobel Prize–winning economist Gary Becker argued that “specialization,” whereby one parent stays home and the other does the earning, is the most efficient way of running a household, because the at-home spouse enables the at-work spouse to earn more.

Guess who is most likely to specialize? Gay dads.


When you take the ideology of gender and feminism out of the equation and ask a couple raising children to make the most sensible economic choice, the traditional family wins out. If the debate were really about what makes the most financial sense, then having a parent at home would be a no-brainer.


But that is not what the debate is about. It’s about giving women the power to game a system that ensures that no matter how hard a man works, his wife will always be able to control the family assets and access to the children.


divorce-cake (4)[2]


And that conversation starts with denying that the at-home parent is even doing an economically productive job at all.


But the thing is, being a mom is not a job—if it were, you’d get time off, maybe some health insurance, and most importantly, paid for all your hard work.


Naturally, what Jezebel refuses to consider is Becker’s evidence that having one parent at home allows the other parent to be more productive, earning a premium, and that premium is the income the at-home parent contributes. Even if you are going to hold fast to the idea that cooking dinner every night only counts if you sell the dinner to your neighbor, not feed your own family, you can STILL measure a wage increase attributable to the at home parent.


Hey, the Nobel Prize committee thought it was pretty compelling evidence for specialization, but what do they know, right?




If millions of women decided “fuck this cubicle shit, I’m going home”, and millions more young women decided “screw $50 000 worth of student debt so I can work minimum wage, I’m getting married”, it would have a dramatic impact on both the marketplace and marriage.


Not very men want the pleasure of supporting a fat, nagging hag with a permanent bitch face. Creating a union in which one person is dependent upon another requires some slightly different attributes than a union in which two people compete for resources rather than cooperate.




Remember the Princeton mom who encouraged women to look for husbands at university? She was roundly spanked in the media, but she has a book deal! I can’t wait for that book. Publishers know there is a market for a book like that.


Personally, I think the market is growing, too. Young women especially are seeing that the whole housewife gig is a far cry from oppressive and dreary. It’s actually the best damn job any woman could have!




That brings us to our second point: being a mother is the toughest job in the world.


Excuse while I laugh hysterically for a moment.






oil rig










What do all these jobs have in common? They are physically and/or intellectually demanding, some are highly dangerous and the vast majority of the workforce in these occupations are men.


dead men


Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but so far, mothering has not included any dynamite, out of control flames, chemical spills or crude oil. Hell, I don’t even deal with clogged toilets or drains.




I text my husband for that shit.




I will add the caveat that having a newborn in the house is physically EXHAUSTING labor, but it’s not physically demanding in the way that construction or roofing is. Not even close.


So why is it that so many mothers agree that being a mom is not just a tough job, it’s THE toughest job?


Because most of them are shit mothers. That’s my theory. I’d like to see how many stay at home moms agree with that statement. Those of us who spend our days making cake pops for the kids dance troupe fundraiser (I have to make TWO THOUSAND by September 1st!), ignoring the housework and blogging in our spare time might have a thing or two to relate about how “tough” our lives are.




Women who leave the house every day, dragging sleepy, sobbing children off to the day orphanage, trying to get one modicum of “work” done in their cubicles then racing to the grocery store to pick up some shitty processed food to microwave for dinner might find mothering a “tough” job because it’s hard to cram in around all the other “priorities”.


Some of those women have so many other “priorities” that they completely forget they are supposed to drop off the baby for some other woman to raise, and they leave the baby to cook to death in the back seat of a hot car.




20 children have already died in hot cars in 2013. You know what kills me? What just kills me? The advice to avoid doing this to your own baby is to put your mobile phone in the baby’s seat or your purse on the floor near the baby. You know, something important. Something you would never forget. Something that has top priority in your life.


iphone girl




And it makes me rage when I hear sanctimonious commenters say “it could happen to anyone”. Like fuck it can. I do not mentally check out of my baby’s life for eight hours a day, expecting someone else to be responsible. The odds that I would “forget” my baby in the car are ZERO!




Failing to make mothering your primary job means that babies die. And the ones that don’t die are still miserable and unpleasant and angry and unsettled and really, really hard to take care of. They’re not being cared for in the way every neuron in their brain tells them is necessary. They need an attachment to a primary caregiver, and when they don’t get it, bad things happen.


‘No one can deny that daycare increases aggressiveness of toddlers. A toddler raised at home with a single carer is six times less likely to be aggressive than one enduring more than 45 hours a week daycare and the more daycare a child has, the greater the aggression. This aggression is sustained and predicts greater problems in primary schools.’


That Parenting survey was missing a word: Being a SHITTY mother is the toughest job in the world.




Now I have to go and get started on those cake pops. I need to make around 80 a day (weekends off) to hit 2000 by September 1st. This is the first year I am in charge of fundraising. I figure we’ll clear $4000 our first event. That’s quadruple the amount the squad made last year for the WHOLE year.


Oh, but don’t worry. I won’t consider it work. And I sure won’t delude myself into thinking making cake pops is “tough”. It’s actually a lot of fun! Look at the things you can do with a cake pop!


cake pops


cake pops 3


cake pops 2


Beats being a garbage collector any day. I wonder if the garbage crew would enjoy a cake pop the next time they swing down our street?



I think I’ll find out.


Lots of love,




60 Responses to “Being a mother isn’t a job? Bullshit. Is it the toughest job? Hahahahahahah! Nope. But it’s definitely a job.”

  1. culdesachero July 13, 2013 at 14:52 #

    Mothering could be the most important job in the world, but, it definitely isn’t the toughest. Women like to lord it over men because men are categorically denied from applying so we can’t argue.


  2. Vladimir July 13, 2013 at 15:07 #

    I could hear Bill Burrs’s material while reading this.


  3. Ashley July 13, 2013 at 15:24 #

    Saying being a mom is the toughest job is just an opinion. It’s neither right or wrong.


  4. culdesachero July 13, 2013 at 16:00 #

    He-he, you’re funny. Opinions are neither right nor wrong – that’s a good one.
    Which is tougher?
    – Putting a child down for a nap or putting out a house fire?
    – Changing a diaper or changing the bit on an oil rig?
    – Receiving a pile of vomit from a toddler or receiving an email stating your department is downsizing and you’ll choose three employees to lay off?
    – Tending to a sick child at her bedside or tending a flock of sheep on a mountainside?
    Tough is a relative term, that’s for sure, but, it is definitely measurable. Opinions can be argued, but, they can be right or wrong. Yours, I am afraid to tell you, is the latter.


  5. TransMillennium July 13, 2013 at 16:06 #


  6. Ashley July 13, 2013 at 16:07 #

    You are assuming every mother’s job is the same. It is not.


  7. Uncle Elmer July 13, 2013 at 16:08 #

    Maybe I should seek a book deal on my “A Man Wants a Wife, Not a Co-Worker” theme :


  8. judgybitch July 13, 2013 at 16:11 #

    I think it’s safe to say every mother’s job includes NOT letting the baby die in the car because you forgot about him.

    It’s called felony child neglect.


  9. Radical Suburbanite July 13, 2013 at 16:26 #

    No, being a stay-at-home job isn’t the toughest job in the world. I’ve been doing it for 13 years and, at it’s worst it’s tedious. No one (that I know) likes doing laundry or cleaning toilets. But the benefits to my kids (and myself) ensures that we have a much more joyful household than if I worked. *That’s* the main value of what do in my opinion. I’m also never too tired for sex and my husband really likes that fringe benefit.


  10. earl July 13, 2013 at 16:32 #

    Yes…this was the first thing that popped into my head.


  11. RedPillOverdose July 13, 2013 at 16:33 #

    Well JB, You have touched on a very personal subject for me today as well as the primary reason why I have such a deep and sincere contempt for feminism and all of its idiotically fabricated ideology. There is something very real that these anti-mother Medusas don’t want to tell a mother that they have convinced not raise her children and that is there WILL be backlash for it at some point. The children grow up, the children remember, and the grown children just might feel very compelled return the favor. What goes around comes around.
    My mother was one of the second wavers of the 70’s. She gave birth to me and my siblings and that is as far as her feminist altered maternal instincts took her. My mother and father divorced in 1975 which that first divorce started her marriage/ divorce career. She has gone through life without ever having accomplished anything significant, she did not want to work, did not raise her kids and has a repulsive sense of entitlement and narcissism. While she was busy being a redneck trailer park Liza Minnelli going from one husband to the next to finance her bullshit life we were raised by our grandmother. It was not easy for our grandmother but she got it done. After we had grown and had built our lives then our snowflake mother magically wanted to be part of our lives again and found it does not work that way. She did not want us when we needed her, we sure as hell don’t need her now. I have a comfortable life now that does not include a marriage or children because of feminism, nor do I ever plan on marriage or children because of feminism. She deserves no grandchildren from me and I am the only sibling that can carry on our family name and it is not a common name like Smith or Jones, it will die with me. She is in her 60’s now, out of husbands, living in a trailer full of cats and dogs, and none of her children want shit to do with her. She built her boat now she can sail in it.


  12. culdesachero July 13, 2013 at 16:36 #

    YOU are assuming that I’m assuming that. I didn’t list every possible duty that a mother job could entail. That would be rather tedious and not necessary to make my point, which you missed.

    Any job that can be done largely inside the home is disqualified from being the “toughest”.


  13. earl July 13, 2013 at 16:37 #

    It is the same.

    Caring for and nurturing a child.


  14. Ashley July 13, 2013 at 16:39 #

    Let me correct what I said. The difficulty level is not the same for every mother.


  15. earl July 13, 2013 at 16:39 #

    If anything it is the job women are created to do. That is your highest calling in life.

    Men…we have plenty of choices. Some of those choices have tougher duties than others.


  16. Ashley July 13, 2013 at 16:43 #

    “Any job that can be done largely inside the home is disqualified from being the “toughest”.”

    Oh. Wow.


  17. earl July 13, 2013 at 16:50 #

    There you go.

    I imagine your mother had a difficult go around with it?


  18. Liz July 13, 2013 at 16:52 #

    Well, when my children were toddlers and younger it was definitely the toughest job I’ve ever done.
    And my mother in law is a corporate executive who works 16 hour days and says it’s the toughest job she ever had (she stayed at home when they were little).

    I think it depends on your circumstances. I was basically a single mom because my husband was deployed so much, and my first two had colic and didn’t sleep (my oldest didn’t sleep through the night a single time until he was three and a half, he had some sort of sleep disorder). I actually have a lot of blackouts from that period I was so sleep deprived a car once rear-ended me and I was sort of in a trans-like state, didn’t even take his number and forgot until the trunk started leaking when it rained.


  19. judgybitch July 13, 2013 at 16:56 #

    I had a baby like that too, Liz, and it was exhausting for sure. I guess I don’t equate exhausting with tough.

    Kind of a semantics thing, I guess.


  20. Radical Suburbanite July 13, 2013 at 16:59 #

    I think wives of deployed soldiers an entirely different class of mom and deserve a ton of credit. Little ones *are* tiring and I was lucky to have a husband who came home every night who could take over long enough for me to take a shower. I do remember being exhausted when the kids were little and I probably had it much easier than you did (thankfully none of our kids were colicky).


  21. Liz July 13, 2013 at 17:13 #

    Thanks guys, well…it’s definitely a walk in the park now.

    There was only one time things were (almost) as bad as a floor nurse, that was my seventh all-nighter in eight days (13-14 hour shifts). But that was far scarier because I was passing out meds! (this type of thing happens when staff is short).
    With a baby, you just hand them your boob (or sippy cup). 🙂


  22. cutefirstofficer July 13, 2013 at 17:19 #

    Absolutely agree with you (again) and thank you for another excellent post. As a SAHM with a hard-working husband (married 24 yrs) I have witnesed those moms that I want to emulate and those that I steer clear of. I did work in an office environment for the first 7 years of marriage – before kids. SAHM an easy job? Perhaps once in a blue moon – the hard work is not just maintaining the kids and house (and a small business) but also maintaining one’s figure – hitting the gym 4x/week plus yoga (with the husband), and looking feminine and desirable to the husband at all times – that is the key to me. Red pill gal here. Happy? YES.

    Also, wanted to tell you what sold well at the last bake sale here – homemade rice Krispy treats with a sprinkle of sea salt on top. The wrapping was key (parchment with colored twine) for initial presentation but once they had one several came back and bought five or more. Crazy but a good crazy. 🙂


  23. Aye. July 13, 2013 at 17:22 #

    I work with a lot of registered nurses who ship their babies off to brainwash day-camps when they are 6 weeks old. It’s traumatic for everyone. They then keep having more and more children, and I have suspect them of doing it just for the brief paid maternity leave, but then they just keep schlepping more kids off to these institutions. It would be a lot cheaper, and likely, more satisfying in the long run if they just stopped at one or two children, and stayed home to actually take care of their developmental well-being.


  24. Emma July 13, 2013 at 17:36 #

    My guess is a lot of those women who let their toddlers roast in the back seat of a car, are probably stay at home mothers too. Running errands, getting nails done, or grocery shopping.Being a stay at home mom doesn’t automatically make you a good mother.

    I totally agree with the Princeton mom though. She’s right! What an awesome place to chose a husband from. And even Bill Burr (who is hilarious) on his podcast, he was giving advice to men who wanted to wait later on in life to score a wife. He compared it to the NFL draft. If you wait too long, all the good draft picks are gone. Haha. Apparently men suffer this dilemma too.

    Check it out, it starts at 2:50


  25. Emma July 13, 2013 at 17:37 #



  26. Merrymaker Mortalis July 13, 2013 at 17:39 #

    When I was young, I *hated* being baby-sat. I didn’t like people who weren’t my Mum or Dad telling me to do things. I mean, *Why* should they tell me to do this? They’re not my Mum or Dad.

    So I never had a Babysitter after a few tries because, I did not like them (even if I liked the person).

    So to me, it makes utter sense that Day-Cared children will be more troublesome than Home-cared because the Day-Cared children will be so angry at a stranger looking after them, and then not having enough social interactions with the people they think *should* be looking after them.


  27. Leap of a Beta July 13, 2013 at 17:44 #

    Ashley, there are opinions and there are facts.

    You’re defending an opinion that is refutable by facts.

    That’s not to say it’s the easiest, or that every mother is equal. But it’s nothing compared to what many men do if they’re in the trades, armed services, deal with physically injured/dying people, etc.


  28. Leap of a Beta July 13, 2013 at 17:46 #

    The reason that women consider it the ‘toughest job in the world’ is that they don’t consider any of the jobs that are tougher as jobs. Either it doesn’t enter their thinking because ‘women just don’t do that’, because they’re solipsistic enough to think those things ‘just happen’, or because they consider those jobs to be slavery instead of real jobs.


  29. Ashley July 13, 2013 at 18:09 #

    You’re right. Being a mom cannot really compare to those things, and those things cannot compare to being a mom. The saying, “Moms have the toughest job in the world” is neither a statement I will agree or disagree as I find it quite a juvenile thing to state argue about either way.


  30. Liz July 13, 2013 at 18:40 #

    “My guess is a lot of those women who let their toddlers roast in the back seat of a car, are probably stay at home mothers too. Running errands, getting nails done, or grocery shopping.”

    Unlikely, unless she has a substance abuse problem. Babies roast in cars mainly because people resort to habit pattern when they are distracted, or in a hurry, and the baby isn’t part of the pattern.

    When a person deviates from the habit pattern, that’s when most accidents occur (true with pretty much everything…especially important in high risk environments like flying, deepwater drilling, surgery, et al). For the stay at home parent, the baby is part of the pattern. My toddlers/infants were so part of my pattern that on the rare days I was able to go shopping by myself it felt very very odd. Once, when I was checking out, I actually made silly little noises while typing in my card password (“bloop! blip! blooop!”) like I would normally do with my sons around. The checkout lady looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

    BTW…That podcast was great!


  31. Radical Suburbanite July 13, 2013 at 19:27 #

    Most stories I have heard involve parents of both sexes forgetting the baby as the pick up/drop off the child at daycare. It’s usually a situation that has mom and taking turns with the chore and one forgets about the baby because it’s out of their normal routine- just as you say. I don’t hear this being a common scenario with SAM moms.


  32. Exfernal July 13, 2013 at 20:02 #

    That a job of an actuary. Calculating life expectancies depending on the chosen path of life. Also twin studies and the like. A tedious task, but it can be done.


  33. Emma July 13, 2013 at 20:08 #

    I read that too-dropping kids off at daycare. But its not ALL of them, that’s my point. Fathers do it too. Stay at home mothers, working mothers, fathers.

    I don’t disagree with judgybitch when she says no, it doesn’t happen to everyone. Meaning, if you’re focused on your child, it probably would not happen. But I don’t think what the mother does for living (stay at home or working) plays a significant factor. Some maybe, but it happens to stay at home moms too, just not focused ones.


  34. Exfernal July 13, 2013 at 20:10 #

    Those paths that tend to be shortest deserve to be called the toughest of the lot.


  35. hisoj July 13, 2013 at 20:23 #

    being a mother is the only job you cannot be fired for failing at.


  36. Leap of a Beta July 13, 2013 at 20:25 #

    Caring about facts is never juvenile.

    Whining is.

    There’s a difference. And considering that many companies, politicians, and society make decisions based on such views, it’s a good practice to know the reality of the situation. That way you can know when they’re lying to you and act accordingly.


  37. Liz July 13, 2013 at 21:23 #

    Well…yeah they can.
    Foster system is full of evidence parents can be fired. Takes a lot though.


  38. Marlo Rocci July 13, 2013 at 22:03 #

    Being stay at home mom won’t be banned, but as more men walk away from marriage, it won’t be an option either.


  39. feeriker July 13, 2013 at 22:50 #

    ‘Smatta, honey?Never met Logic before?


  40. poester99 July 14, 2013 at 02:19 #

    Even for the men that want to have that sort of relationship it won’t be an option, because most won’t have jobs that pay enough to allow that. Wait till Title IX does to STEM what is done to everything except the highest tiers of elite athletics.


  41. Scatmaster (@Scatmaster) July 14, 2013 at 04:39 #

    Hahahaha. First thing I thought about while reading this post by JB.
    It only took til the second comment. Well done sir!!! Oh, and well done to you Janet as per usual.


  42. Scatmaster (@Scatmaster) July 14, 2013 at 04:44 #

    Uncle Elmer arrives on JB’s blog. I am content now!!!


  43. Feminism Is A Lie July 14, 2013 at 07:26 #

    What’s with giving this message that children are horrible burdens that have to be tolerated? Do these people not have the capacity to see how easily this could backfire in the future? Act like children are the most horrible, tiresome thing ever and yeah, they’ll probably internalise that message and there goes your healthy parent-child relationship.


  44. infowarrior1 July 14, 2013 at 08:46 #

    It is only tough if you describe dullness as tough.


  45. Cid July 14, 2013 at 09:18 #

    I’ve seen a number of children of second wavers talk about this very thing. A very prominent example is Alice Walker’s daughter, who I believe said she has cut her mother out of her life now.

    It might explain why I’ve been seeing more people realizing that the feminist path isn’t right and turning away. I’m not sure if that is a trend outside of my little part of Canada or not though..


  46. Liz July 14, 2013 at 13:17 #

    Agreed. And it is the trend. Look at Italy to see the results. They’re running out of Italians, a culture has literally gone from large families to no families almost overnight.

    I have 50 first and second cousins in Italy, and only ONE in that bunch has children (an only child), and the youngest are well into their thirties now.


  47. thehumanscorch July 14, 2013 at 21:31 #

    Something a job being deemed ‘tough’ is a combination of objective measures, personal giftings & proclivities, circumstances, and one’s attitude.
    So while I agree with the article I can also see why there wouldn’t necessarily be a consensus among readers on its conclusions.

    The part that’s amazing to me?
    No one EVER says that being a father is hard. EVER.
    So whatever people think being a father is, and whatever they think it entails, men are supposed to step up to it, and without complaint.
    Because ANY failure as a father is met without mercy.


  48. thehumanscorch July 14, 2013 at 21:32 #

    Excuse me, I meant to type
    “something LIKE a job being deemed tough:


  49. culdesachero July 15, 2013 at 02:05 #

    True, it is juvenile.
    The more I think about it, the more I realize that it is more than just a job. Motherhood is a lifestyle. The commitment is by far greater than the commitment to any paying job. In that way, it is more difficult than, say being a roughneck on an oil rig for 5-10 years.

    Also, for anyone who would say that, it is probably the toughest thing that they could imagine doing themselves. They are not thinking about working somewhere where they’re facing constant stress or danger. They wouldn’t do something that carries the risk of losing a finger or requires extreme physical exertion.


  50. Radical Suburbanite July 15, 2013 at 04:49 #

    Motherhood is a commitment- but no more so than fatherhood. My husband works full time to support a family and is still an active participant in our kids’ lives. I’d give any dad credit for having the “hardest job” based on what I see my husband do every day.

    I think good moms should be celebrated but it’s kind of criminal how good dads are overlooked.


  51. Radical Suburbanite July 15, 2013 at 04:51 #

    Nah- boring at worst but certainly never difficult. Although I may have a new take on how hard parenting can be when my kids get fully ensconced into their teen years.


  52. Janet Dubac July 15, 2013 at 10:28 #

    Being a mom is definitely very difficult. You don’t even have lunch breaks or even bathroom privileges, not even a salary. 🙂 It may be extremely hard but definitely the most rewarding of all. 🙂


  53. Frank July 16, 2013 at 04:25 #

    I kind of wish I was that blogger mommy’s garbage man…


  54. Master Beta July 16, 2013 at 09:22 #

    I’m pretty sure being a Marine would be more exhausting than being a mum. Here in the UK, during Marine training, they carry about 80kg over mountains for a few days with no food and no sleep. Doing something really tiring for days on end with no food nor sleep – that sounds exhausting to me.


  55. Liz July 16, 2013 at 16:13 #

    I went considerably more than a few days without sleep. And food…too exhausted to care. There’s not a day off, unlike most other work experiences.


  56. Liz July 16, 2013 at 16:29 #

    Not saying it’s like the Battle of Bastogne, but few people have been through what i did (going by experiences I’m familiar with, to include a lot of professional pediatric opinions).


  57. mamaziller July 29, 2013 at 19:30 #

    Love this post. I am a stay at home mom and I agree. Being a mom is not the toughest job in the world, it is the BEST job in the world. So thank you to all the guys out there who do do the tougher jobs that enable your kids to get the benefits of a parent being available to them.


  58. mamaziller July 29, 2013 at 19:32 #

    Also it is true that stay at home motherhood is not perfect as it can be isolating and it can lack the sense of value that a paid job gives, but it does not have to be that way and women can combine the two. The thing is being an available mother should not be shamed and too often feminism does that.


  59. mamaziller July 29, 2013 at 19:34 #




  1. Being a mother isn't a job? Bull. Is it the toughest job? Hahahaha! | Viva La Manosphere! - July 13, 2013

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