Is Dear Prudence going through menopause? What a fucking cunt!

29 Aug

prudie

I have a weakness for Emily Yoffe who writes as Dear Prudence over at Slate, and I usually find something to disagree with in her “advice”, but she really takes the cake in today’s column!  Seems like Prudie has been hitting the haterade a little hard these days.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/01/manners-i-wish-this-bitch-would-get-some/

Here’s the first letter:

toddlers

I’m a 28-year-old male and have a 4-year-old daughter with my partner of nine years (we’re not married but completely committed). My daughter was not planned and I had serious reservations about having a child at such a young age, but there’s a lot of love in our family and everything has worked out. But since taking a new job several months ago, I’ve started feeling differently. All of my co-workers are young and I’ve made a few good friends, but I often have to decline invitations to events I’d really like to attend because of my family obligations, or because I can’t afford it. I’m the only one with a full plate of adult responsibilities, including supporting my partner, who is an artist and doesn’t bring home a paycheck every week. So I have to say no to joining them on road trips or at exclusive restaurants, because my weekend consists of toddler birthday parties and visits to the playground. It’s making me rueful that I’ve missed my 20s and worried I will wind up bitter no matter how much I love my family. How do I get out of this funk and regain happiness with my circumstances, and how do I face my co-workers every day when they’re a constant reminder of what I’m missing?

-Longing for Lost Youth

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/08/dear_prudence_i_missed_out_on_everything_by_having_a_kid.html

Okay, so Prudie starts off her answer by pointing out that while the letter writer has jumped the gun on the having kids stage of life, sooner or later most of his co-workers will catch up with him, and he can have a good chuckle at their bleary eyed shock when they find out babies aren’t really fond of the whole “sleep for eight hours on a corporate schedule” thing and then blissfully enjoy sleeping through the night.

sleep

Fair enough.  That’s what I would have answered, too.  You get your twenties or your forties, and quite frankly, there’s something rather nice about having the energy to take care of your children because you had them young enough, and knowing that by the time they are off to college, you yourself will still be young enough to do all those things you missed out on when you were younger.

Not to mention that couples who have their children while still relatively young are unlikely to find themselves facing the utter heartbreak of “Oops!  We left it too long and the eggs done flew the coop!” Infertility is a brutal sorrow, and the couples we know who decided that material possessions and fabulous experiences were far more important than children are now left with the bitterness of an album full of great vacation pics and a nursery that will never hold anything more than dreams.

cradle

But rather than point out all that, Prudie goes off onto a rant about how his lazy-ass partner better ruck up and start earning some cash, mostly to protect herself from the inevitable day when the letter writer decides to leave his child to starve in the gutters.

Now that you have a child, you two need to be more deliberate about what you want out of life. It’s fine if your child is an only, but if you want to expand your family, that’s a discussion you should be having. Being an artist can be a dream career, but since your partner is not make a living at it, it’s time she applied her skills to more remunerative endeavors, especially as your daughter gets ready for full-time schooling. If something happens to you, your partner will be completely financially vulnerable.

Oh, it’s time she applied her skills to more remunerative endeavors, is it?

Fuck you, Prudie.

And if by “something might happen to you” Prudie meant the letter writer might die or become disabled, she might have suggested the precaution of some insurance policies.  The implication is that the woman is vulnerable simply by virtue of being dependent on a man.  Because you know men, right? There’s nothing they enjoy more than walking off into the sunset and leaving a beloved child to suffer wretched poverty and a broken heart.

Rather than expressing gratitude for a man who is supporting his family and allowing the woman to whom he is committed to pursue her artistic dreams, Prudie instead insults both of them by casting her as a leech and him as someone not to be relied on.

Nice.

And it gets better!

Here is another letter:

My husband’s friend is a perpetual bachelor. He dates a girl for a few months, introduces her around, brings her to group functions, etc., and then dumps her once it has gotten too serious. Because the friend and my husband are close, I become the new best friend for the girlfriend du jour during camping trips, double dates, sports games, and happy hours with our group. The bachelor is charming and has the women believing everything is perfect until the breakup blindside. Then they are devastated and I end up having to deal with tearful phone calls and get-togethers while they ask me what went wrong. The most recent breakup involved a fragile woman with no close friends or family in town. I felt rude for not returning all the frantic calls and texts of this woman, but I’m frustrated that this draining duty always seems to fall on me. I’ve talked to the bachelor about it, and he says no one is forcing me to become friends with his girlfriends. That’s true, but it’s hard not to act like a decent human being to these women. How can I avoid this pitfall in the future?

—Sick of the Bachelor

A charming man dates women, introduces them to his social circle and has a habit of NOT stringing them along endlessly when he discovers they are not The One.  If the ladies in question are “blindsided” by the breakup, that strongly suggests that no lengthy period of playing games and putting up with squabbles and quarrels simply to get as much sex out of each relationship as possible is going on.

Bachelor dates women, and the minute he realizes he’s not with the right one, he breaks it off.

break up

I dunno.  Seems to me to be EXACTLY how dating should happen.  When you know the relationship is not going to work out, put an end to it and move on.

What does Prudie think?

As was said of one character on King of the Hill, “He’s going to make some woman very happy. Until he makes her very sad.” You’ve talked to the bachelor about this problem, but I think you should bring this up with your husband. I hope by this point he’s getting a little squeamish about his friend’s manipulative and even sadistic pattern, and is willing to have a frank discussion. Whatever happens, you could also request your husband see the bachelor alone for lunch more often, for example, and have fewer group outings with him and his latest. But if inevitably there will be occasions when you’re with the new Patsy, I think you should give it to her straight. Do that thing where women go off to the bathroom in pairs. While there, as soon as she makes some noises about what a great guy Dick is, let her know he’s a cad. Explain you’ve been through this with endless women. He charms and misleads them and when they think things are going somewhere, he dumps them. That’s how he gets his thrills. Say you’re being so blunt because you just can’t stand to nurse anyone else through the inevitable. She’ll probably dismiss you because she knows this time it’s different. She might even report what you said back to Dick. If he brings it up with you, just tell him you look forward to being proven wrong.

Let’s take this apart, shall we?

king

As was said of one character on King of the Hill, “He’s going to make some woman very happy. Until he makes her very sad.”

Oh goodie.  Let’s begin with a reference to a very popular, very funny show about god-fearin’ ‘Murrican trash! We know what Prudie thinks of this whole crew right off the bat.

You’ve talked to the bachelor about this problem, but I think you should bring this up with your husband. I hope by this point he’s getting a little squeamish about his friend’s manipulative and even sadistic pattern, and is willing to have a frank discussion.

Manipulative and sadistic.  Manipulative and sadistic?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Nope, nope, nope.  Stringing women you have ZERO intention of pursuing a serious relationship with is manipulative and sadistic.  Keeping the booty call on stand-by while you scout for new talent is manipulative and sadistic.  Letting someone believe there is potential when there is NOT is manipulative and sadistic.

Finding a long series of women inadequate is neither of those things, but it sure pisses Prudie off, doesn’t it?  It’s almost like the Bachelor is working his way through some women who suck, and he refuses to settle.

What an asshole!

Whatever happens, you could also request your husband see the bachelor alone for lunch more often, for example, and have fewer group outings with him and his latest.

Oh, yes.  Interfere with your husband’s relationship with his friends.  Make him really uncomfortable and start determining where, when and under what circumstances he is allowed to see his friend. And if hubby doesn’t agree, you can always ground him or take away his phone privileges.

grounded

Excellent advice, Prudie.  I’m sure her husband will be thrilled.

But if inevitably there will be occasions when you’re with the new Patsy, I think you should give it to her straight. Do that thing where women go off to the bathroom in pairs. While there, as soon as she makes some noises about what a great guy Dick is, let her know he’s a cad. Explain you’ve been through this with endless women. He charms and misleads them and when they think things are going somewhere, he dumps them. That’s how he gets his thrills. Say you’re being so blunt because you just can’t stand to nurse anyone else through the inevitable.

Wow.

No.

Just no.

Do not do this.

First of all, you are betraying your husband by betraying his friend.  Why the fuck should you care what happens to the Bachelor’s women?  Where do your loyalties lie?  With other women deemed unacceptable?  You will stab your both your husband and his friend in the back to protect some woman that means nothing to you in the long run?

I can’t believe Prudie would suggest this.  And how does she know that the Bachelor gets his thrills by dumping women?  How does she know he is a cad?  And what is a cad anyways?

cad

cad 

/kad/

Noun

A man who behaves dishonorably, esp. toward a woman.

Synonyms

scoundrel – boor – scamp

Again, how is it dishonorable to dump women you are no longer interested in?  Prudie just can’t wrap her mind around the fact that lots of women are simply not worth a man’s time.

I wonder what the Bachelor does for a living?  How exactly does he find all these women?  Who wants to bet he has a fairly high social status in his group?  A good income?  A bit of nice property?  Speculation, but no amount of screaming in the world is going to change the fact that men tend to value beauty and women value status.  If Bachelor has women lined up, it’s a pretty safe bet that he has something that women value.

rich

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2402851/A-womans-beauty-really-IS-important-thing-man–women-social-status.html

And who is behaving dishonorably here, again?

She’ll probably dismiss you because she knows this time it’s different. She might even report what you said back to Dick. If he brings it up with you, just tell him you look forward to being proven wrong.

She MIGHT report what you said back to Dick?  Oh, honey, she most certainly WILL.  And no, you should not respond with some smug cunty statement like “I look forward to being proven wrong”.  All you are doing is making it clear that YOU think Dick the Bachelor IS a dick, and again, you are not going to please your husband or Dick by insulting him to his face.

You might just get your husband wondering why HE wasn’t a little more picky.

Here is what Prudie should have said:

Dick’s romantic life is really none of your business, and as an adult, you should assume he knows what he is doing and is perfectly happy with how his relationships work. If and when discarded ladies text or call you, you respond with this:

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

Repeat until she gets it.  Refuse to comment on anyone’s love life but your own.  And as an aside, you should make a special effort to welcome any woman Dick decides to introduce you to.  It’s actually a compliment.  He wants to see how the women he dates interact with the people he loves most, and whose company he values.

Couple In Front of Campfire

I hope Sick of the Bachelor ignores Prudie and decides that Bachelor really is capable of handling his own affairs.  She will be making a big mistake to interfere with her husband’s friendship and the Bachelor’s love life.

You know, even if I have this dead wrong, and the Bachelor IS the kind of guy who is thrilled by the chase and loses all interest once it is over, the letter writer should STILL back the Bachelor.  You never takes side against your husband’s friends.  Not ever.

The people we marry come to us in a web of relationships, and it is not up to us to decide on our partner’s behalf which friends are acceptable and which are not.  I wouldn’t necessarily pick all my husband’s friends as my own, and some of my friends grate on his nerves, too.

I have, in fact, let friendships lapse because I could see that Mr. JB wasn’t particularly enamored of the friend in question. But that was MY decision. I am the one who stopped to consider if his dislike was grounded in any facts, and when I discovered that he had a REASON to dislike the person, I chose to let them go.

Because I know where my loyalties lie.

loyal

And that’s what it comes down to. Be loyal. Anything less is hard to forgive.

I place an enormous premium on loyalty. If someone betrays me, I can forgive them rationally, but emotionally I have found it impossible to do so.

Richard E. Grant

And don’t listen to Dear Prudence.  Her advice sucks.

Lots of love,

JB

42 Responses to “Is Dear Prudence going through menopause? What a fucking cunt!”

  1. freetofish August 29, 2013 at 16:23 #

    Prude is missing one huge thing. Most single guys who are either just in it for casual sex or have no intention of a long term thing won’t go to the trouble of introducing the new girl to his friends, period. The LAST thing he wants is her that involved in his family/friend life and the resulting drama apres breaking it off.

    To me this sounds like a guy who IS looking for something serious and as part of his selection process seeing how she fits in with his social circle. He could maybe be faulted for being a bit premature about bringing a prospective mate into his circle but that is about it.

    Like

  2. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 16:56 #

    Oh, but don’t you know? Only WOMEN are allowed to “pump and dump” with impunity. “Dick” apparently needs to be educated on this obvious fact of 21st Century relationship law!

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  3. Master Beta August 29, 2013 at 17:06 #

    Why does anyone want advice from this person? It’s terrible.

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  4. Master Beta August 29, 2013 at 17:10 #

    It comes down to this classic piece of logic:

    Woman upset = man must have done something wrong

    Because, you know, why else would she be upset?

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  5. Dude Where's My Freedom? August 29, 2013 at 18:08 #

    Ugh, dear prudence is the worst. The silly desperate women (and pathetic emasculated men) who seek her advice should absolutely take it. The outcome will be exactly what they deserve.

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  6. Jax August 29, 2013 at 18:22 #

    Prudie gives horrible advice almost consistently. I recall one column where LW was a woman getting married who had an older atheist, feminist, aunt who declared quite loudly that if bible passages were read during the ceremony and if the bride decided to take her new husband’s name, she would make a big scene and walk out.

    The bride decided to disinvite her. The aunt started crying about how she didn’t really mean it and wouldn’t *really* do that and blah blah blah… Prudie, inexplicably, lambastes the bride for being “rude and unaccepting” of her poor old aunite. And I couldn’t help but wonder if, say, the situation were different- say the bride were a lesbian and the aunt a hardcore evangelical christian, would “Prudie’s” advice have been the same?

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  7. TMG August 29, 2013 at 19:18 #

    The writer of the 2nd letter needs to set boundaries. They’re not a shoulder to cry on for these women and they’re not the nanny of the hunky stud.

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  8. Liz August 29, 2013 at 19:30 #

    The lady in the second letter reveals a bit about herself in the last bit, “I’ve talked to the bachelor about it, and he says no one is forcing me to become friends with his girlfriends. That’s true, but it’s hard not to act like a decent human being to these women…”

    One doesn’t have to be “best friends” (her words, earlier) to act like a decent human being. She’s hoping the next girlfriend will be the one, then the next, ect, and doing what she can to push it along, and then she’s mad when it doesn’t work out. It’s as transparent as Lululemon yoga pants (sorry JB, couldn’t resist!)…she wants him to marry, and she’s mad that he isn’t.

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  9. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 20:33 #

    Because far too many people today are too stupid or lazy to think for themselves or solve their own problems. Bad advice, to such people, is better than none – especially if it’s free (not coincidentally, these are often the same people who send their children to “free” public schools and are shocked and amazed when the results turn out to be, shall we say, less than optimal).

    Like

  10. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 20:35 #

    I’d wholeheartedly agree with your recommendation were it not for the fact that innocent people are often hurt when stupid people act on bad advice.

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  11. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 20:49 #

    I’ve occasionally toyed in the past with the idea of setting up an advice column on a new blog, titled with a name that would clearly convey to even a moderately intelligent person (rare as those are) that it was a joke, intended solely for satirical entertainment purposes. I would give transparently bad and impractical advice, laced with feerikers’ trademark borderline-misanthropic sarcasm, and insist on posters giving me feedback after the fact to let me know “how well it went.”

    But then at one point it occurred to me that the same people who would write to me in earnest asking for advice would probably be the same people who are the reason for GE putting labels on its electrical appliances that read “do not set in water.” IOW, going through with the whole cyber advice column thing would be akin to creating a single-page web site containing only the phrase “Just Go Ahead and Sue Me.”

    Prudence is lucky to have dodged such bullets – so far. Either her readers are slightly above the lower end of the IQ bell curve in that they don’t really take her advise seriously (a long shot), or she’s just careful enough to couch her advise in language that even readers with room-temp IQs couldn’t possibly take seriously.

    I guess we’ll never really know.

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  12. judgybitch August 29, 2013 at 20:51 #

    Ha!

    Maybe I should have an advice column?

    Like

  13. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 20:56 #

    she wants him to marry, and she’s mad that he isn’t.

    No doubt that’s absolutely true. “Dick” is probably the last of her hubby’s pre-marriage pals whom she hasn’t alienated from him and she’s desperate to get him hitched so that hubby is finally hers and ALL HERS.

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  14. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 20:59 #

    You already DO, right here! BUT, if you want to go the “Dear Abby/Ann Landers” route, that would be cool too. But PLEASE, if you do, don’t even think of leaving Judgy Bitch and her power pen behind!

    “Dear Judgy Bitch…”

    LOVE IT!

    Like

  15. princesspixiepointless August 29, 2013 at 21:11 #

    We have discussed that, remember?..

    Although, fuck it and get on with it may not be suitable advice for everyone.

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  16. princesspixiepointless August 29, 2013 at 21:24 #

    We could make it a new feature?

    Like

  17. LostSailor August 29, 2013 at 21:26 #

    Infertility is a brutal sorrow, and the couples we know who decided that material possessions and fabulous experiences were far more important than children are now left with the bitterness of an album full of great vacation pics and a nursery that will never hold anything more than dreams.

    My ex and I were not able to have children by the time we started. It wasn’t a matter of material possessions or fabulous vacations. I won’t go into the details, but I will say that it’s not a “brutal sorrow” nor am I bitter about not having children. Do I wish that we’d started much younger? Yes, but I know why that might have been difficult, so while yes there is some regret, it’s a small manageable regret, more wistfulness than anything else.

    That said, I would encourage young married couples to have their children early. Don’t wait if you’re going to do it.

    Stringing women you have ZERO intention of pursuing a serious relationship with is manipulative and sadistic. Keeping the booty call on stand-by while you scout for new talent is manipulative and sadistic. Letting someone believe there is potential when there is NOT is manipulative and sadistic.

    Actually, I’d say that only the last one can be considered to be approaching “manipulative and sadistic.” The first two might not be considered chivalrous or gentlemanly, but, hey, it’s a brave new feminist world.

    But one interesting thing about the second letter is that aside from the signature, the writer doesn’t seem to think that the bachelor friend is the problem. She doesn’t seem to necessarily disapprove of his behavior, she only wants to the the disappointed women to stop hassling her. Prudie’s advice is, as JB points out, absolutely terrible. JB’s advice on the other hand is spot on.

    Like

  18. zykos August 29, 2013 at 21:35 #

    It looks like what the bachelor is doing is manipulative. Jury’s out on ‘sadistic’, because there’s a difference between not caring about other people’s pain and getting pleasure out of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s simply too accustomed to having girls fall in his arms and be completely submissive for the honeymoon period to want to deal with expectations and demands in a relationship. He probably also likes variety, and “loves the chase” (i.e. likes to practice gaming new women like one would practice baseball: to stay good at it). Him introducing his conquests to his social circle is simply relationship game, anyone who thinks that it is a sign of commitment would do well to remember “until death do us part” is only true less than half of the time.

    The question we should be asking is, so what? The dating and relationship rules we have today are completely absurd, and morality and ethics in that department is largely based on women’s feelings. She got got her heart broken, what an uncaring asshole, he got his heart broken, man up and grow a pair! Women are stringing men along with impunity, and as long as they can use the excuse that they’re “not in love anymore/not sure about the relationship” (which btw is exactly what you project on the guy JB, very interesting), they get a free pass. But there really are no rules, and the “all men are dicks” trope that so many modern women like to throw around proves only one thing: dicks are successful at bedding these women, and are getting what they want. I see no compelling reason to blame them for it.

    Like

  19. Liz August 29, 2013 at 21:59 #

    You definitely should!

    Like

  20. Liz August 29, 2013 at 22:01 #

    If you ask a question to a person with the alias Judgy Bitch, you she’ll tell it to you straight.

    Like

  21. Marlo Rocci August 29, 2013 at 22:58 #

    Being somewhat like the bachelor in question, I can tell you that it’s at the two month mark that you can start to tell the girl has gone off her diet and has stopped going to the gym. She’s starting to gain weight because she’s measured you up as someone who will put up with it. By four months, it’s gotten ridiculous and it’s time to bail.

    And it’s no one’s fucking business but mine.

    Like

  22. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 23:02 #

    If someone were to ask a question of an advice columnist named “Judgy Bitch,” how it could it possibly surprise them if her advice consists of “fuck it and get on with it, you pathetic, whining loser!”?

    Like

  23. feeriker August 29, 2013 at 23:34 #

    One key “tell” is if, after the end of, say, six months (assuming you last that long), she starts to demand as regular entitlements what up until that point in the relationship used to be gifts or privileges (i.e., eating once or twice each week, flowers every Friday, presents of jewelry, cosmetics, etc.). If she interprets the diminishing frequency of these as you taking her for granted, you’re seeing the onset of EPS (Entitled Princess Syndrome) and it’s time to show her the door – yesterday.

    Like

  24. judgybitch August 30, 2013 at 00:18 #

    Holy crap! Flowers every Friday?!?

    Dinners?

    Jewellery? Makeup?

    You sound like heaven!

    Like

  25. Marlo Rocci August 30, 2013 at 01:28 #

    I was going to say patsy.

    Like

  26. feeriker August 30, 2013 at 01:31 #

    Beta mangina (sounds like a screen name you’d see on Jezebel, no?)

    Like

  27. feeriker August 30, 2013 at 01:34 #

    My wife actually told me a couple of years back that she could’ve SWORN that one day I actually did all three of these things in one day for her. But then, she said, the alarm clock went off and she woke up.

    So priceless in execution that I actually did take her out to dinner that night, bought her flowers, AND a piece of nice jewelry she’d been wanting (with the caveat “enjoy this while it’s happening, since, like Halley’s Comet, it won’t be happening again for a while.”). How could any man NOT?

    Like

  28. Unix-Jedi August 30, 2013 at 02:27 #

    ” would clearly convey to even a moderately intelligent person (rare as those are) that it was a joke, intended solely for satirical entertainment purposes.”

    Won’t work.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/ellievhall/united-airlines-airlanes-twitter-parody

    Like

  29. Aye. August 30, 2013 at 04:20 #

    “Fuck it and get on with it” kind of just seems like a grittier, central Canadian form of Zen. It’s perfectly fine advice for about 75% of the whiney bitches who write to advice columnists. Add “and don’t be a dick” to the maxim, and then it would be universally relevant and beneficial.

    Like

  30. RS August 30, 2013 at 05:54 #

    No kidding. I buy my own flowers these days. Why wait for my husband to think of it? Besides, if I have pretty flowers on my table- who cares how they got there.

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  31. Feminism Is A Lie August 30, 2013 at 14:15 #

    Could is be possible that women’s bias towards their own gender plays a part in some of them choosing to be loyal to another woman they barely know as opposed to their husband or boyfriend and his friendships? I’m not saying that excuses it though, it doesn’t at all, but maybe that’s part of the explanation? Thought you would have to be completely dense not to realise what a bad idea it is to meddle, just to spare someone’s precious feelings. Don’t do it, it’s not your problem to sort out and it is never your job to decide when your husband’s bachelor friends should marry.

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  32. Liz August 30, 2013 at 16:02 #

    “My wife actually told me a couple of years back that she could’ve SWORN that one day I actually did all three of these things in one day for her. But then, she said, the alarm clock went off and she woke up.”

    Hee, hee. She sounds clever and funny.

    Levity is so important for a life partnership…and seriously rare!

    Like

  33. Goober August 30, 2013 at 16:44 #

    If she’s siding with her gender over her husband they’re going to have serious problems down the road.

    He needs to talk with her about this, and I mean right now.

    Like

  34. Jack August 30, 2013 at 16:47 #

    JB,

    You’re absolutely right about Prudence’s crap advice and thinly-concealed bitterness. The Bachelor-hater of the second letter has an astounding victim complex, vicariously suffering the pain and anguish of those poor abandoned girlfriends, thus compelled by some binding universal sisterhood (what she camouflages as “being a decent human being”) to take up their burden –one she can no longer bear, alas. This, of course, is horse shit.

    The one critical thing you miss is the palpable resentment she has toward the Bachelor simply for being an object of envy for her own husband — a bad example if you will. She doesn’t really give a shit about the “fragile women” and all that, she just wants a contrived excuse to alienate her husband from the influence of what appears to be a successful and happy lover of many women.

    Notice she related absolutely nothing about what her husband, –you know, the guy’s actual friend– thinks about the situation. That’s telling. His opinion doesn’t factor, because he’s the one she’s trying to disassociate from the bachelor. As for herself, she actually indulges in the cad’s exploits and the drama that ensues, leading me to believe she likely finds him attractive as well, but because she so loathes the idea of her husband seeing first-hand that he could also live a happily hedonistic life without marriage, he must be shielded from this reality. That’s why she uses the epithet “perpetual bachelor” in such a way as to make it seem like a personal failing.

    I’ve been in just this situation, where the long-time wife of my good friend simply didn’t like him being exposed to the freedom and romantic bliss an unbound man and his lengthy string of love’em & leave’em younger girlfriends. From her selfish perspective, it’s rational, and I couldn’t blame her. She’s just trying to hold on to what she’s got. But it’s still sad and unfortunate.

    Even the most level-headed and secure woman is loathe to openly admit to her husband that they don’t want him hanging out with his poonhounding single friends any more because he’ll discover what an awesome life and de facto harem he could have had with out her.

    Also, one last thing regarding “sadistic.” You’re either misusing the word or misunderstanding men when you say:

    “Stringing women you have ZERO intention of pursuing a serious relationship with is manipulative and sadistic. Keeping the booty call on stand-by while you scout for new talent is manipulative and sadistic. Letting someone believe there is potential when there is NOT is manipulative and sadistic.”

    None of these things is sadistic in the least. Manipulative, sure. But sadistic, not at all. Men do not keep booty calls, lead girls on, or are vague about intentions with the purpose of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain on the women – i.e. sadism. “Sadistic” is one of many misappropriated adjectives that spurned women use to pathologize male sexuality, because they simply can’t conceive that a man can be simply indifferent to a woman’s hurt feelings yet still want to sleep with her. To them, such behavior seems borderline demonic and intentional. It’s not. It’s intrinsic to manhood, and I hope you can understand that.

    You’ve got a great blog, with great insights and wit, so it irks me to see you misappropriate language from the feminine perspective in the same manner that eternal-victim feminists do.

    Keep up the excellent work,

    – Jack

    Like

  35. feeriker August 30, 2013 at 18:46 #

    The problem I’ve found in trying to procure flowers on a regular basis is that in most localities, you’re faced with the choice of either buying overpriced arrangements that have NO staying power, even when you add the nutritional supplements that come with them (the flowers start dying LITERALLY within hours after you put them in the water), or, if you can find reasonably priced arrangements (I’ve found that most supermarkets, believe it or not, actually sell better quality flowers, especially roses, than do most florists), the demand outstrips the supply on any given day.

    I now religiously avoid buying flowers on holidays for which they are a major gift item (Valentine’s Day [a “holiday” to avoided/ignored at all costs anyway, for a variety of reasons], Mother’s Day, etc.), as this is when the most inferior product floods the market at the most ridiculous prices. Instead of flowers, I’ve taken to looking for nice house plants on this occasions, which the wife appreciates just as much as blooms.

    IOW, better no flowers at all than bad flowers that don’t last or are of inferior quality.

    Like

  36. Misguided Child August 30, 2013 at 21:57 #

    I would highly recommend a band called Garfunkel and Oates.

    http://www.garfunkelandoates.com/

    One of their songs is called The Fade Away. That talks about the wrong way to breakup, and the difference between men and women.

    Semper Fidelis

    Like

  37. RS August 30, 2013 at 22:51 #

    We’re pretty spoiled. Our markets have great flowers all the time- and they’re cheap. I can spend less than $10 for bouquet that lasts almost two weeks as long as they’re watered.

    Like

  38. feeriker September 1, 2013 at 19:04 #

    10. They smell incredible, like roses and hope

    The author of this list clearly has never visited my neck of the woods and ventured out in public there. If she had, she’d rethink this one, as she’d be more likely to encounter women for whom soap, bath water, and laundry detergent (not to mention shampoo, tooth paste, dental floss, and skin lotion) are alien concepts.

    Like

  39. feeriker September 1, 2013 at 19:06 #

    AAARGH! Somehow posted this to the wrong thread. Should be linked to the 31 August article.

    Like

  40. Passerby September 29, 2013 at 17:36 #

    What I want to know is why is this woman who just got dumped calling up her ex’s friends to cry about it? They’re the last people I’d want to see!

    And seriously, how hard is it to just maintain a polite distance until you know if this one is going to “stick” or not? You are not obligated to make yourself everyone’s best friend.

    Like

  41. Erik Norén November 25, 2013 at 15:46 #

    Regarding letter number 2, it kinda feels like prudence puts the same weight on all relationships as you do on marriage. “Don’t throw it away, fix it.”

    Like

  42. Erik Norén November 25, 2013 at 15:58 #

    To me it sounded like JB was projecting that the bachelor was sure but sure in the negative.

    Like

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