Pay attention, young ladies. Your older sisters have a plan, and it involves you, crushed under a bus.

12 Mar




Princeton Mom is doing a media tour for her advice manual, laying out some numbers for young women and encouraging them to understand how the sexual value market works and then make decisions based on their own personal goals.


Obviously, that’s bullshit.  Plan your life?  Make decisions based on facts and reality? Accept personal responsibility for your own choices?  Consider your personal attributes and what they might be worth?  Consider what men actually like, want and need? Learn how to bake bread? Wear lipstick?!?!?!


Unacceptable.  That bitch.  Who does she think she is?


I love this rebuttal piece, called How to Actually “Marry Smart”  by Tracy Clark-Flory, posted at Salon.  It’s supposed to come off as irony or perhaps parody, but in reality it lays out exactly how older women are selling younger women out. Let’s look at it in detail.



Young single straight women, take cover! Susan Patton is out there flacking for her book, “Marry Smart: Advice for Finding THE ONE.” She stopped by the “Today” show this morning to tell college-age women to find a husband immediately — and also to learn how to bake bread, get plastic surgery in high school and, you know, not get themselves raped, as women are so often wont to do.


Hmmm. Respect your fertility (if you want children), have children within the commitment of marriage, have some life skills, pay attention to your appearance and take some measures to protect yourself from sexual assault by not being a complete and total idiot?


Yep.  Bad advice.  All of it. Of course, young women tend to express precisely those desires, and that won’t do, will it?  Simone de Beauvoir kicked off feminism by saying that women should not have the option of raising children at home, because if that exists as an option, then most women will take it.


I wonder why?


What to do, what to do?  Young women need these basic desires and instincts broken.  Shattered into bits, because we can’t have lovely women in their twenties scooping up all the good men.  What will the well-ridden spinsters do then?


Nope, nope, nope.


It’s such patently absurd advice and yet this is exactly the sort of cultural messaging that used to freak me out as a 20-something single straight lady. In acts of self-punishment, I would read these self-appointed gurus, or watch them on the “Today” show spouting their B.S., and genuinely worry that they were right — that I would end up sad and alone.


Looky look.  Even bitter self-proclaimed feminists had to fight off their own desires and instincts.  The self-punishment, of course, wasn’t in reading the cultural messaging in advice manuals.  The self-punishment is thinking they are wrong, when every fibre of your young female being knows they are right.


Well, guess what.


Do tell. Also, that sentence needs a question mark.


I did everything the Susan Pattons of the world said not to do and I ended up marrying a freaking wonderful man — not despite disobeying these retro rules, but because of it. That’s why, amidst all the “Princeton mom” noise, I bring you instructions on how to actually marry smart, according to me. True story, I recently went to the optometrist and she told me, “Your eyes aren’t young anymore,” so I feel like that makes me at least as qualified as Patton to give life advice.


You married a freaking wonderful man because you have created a situation in which young women have been trained to ignore him, and then do exactly that, against all their innate desire.  The Nice Guy.  Sidelined for an entire decade so you could slut your way across the country and still be assured of having a good choice at the end of a long string of bad choices.


This is the key part you need to note, lovely young ladies.  Writers like Tracy are telling you a giant pack of lies so they can pull a 180 degree turn at the last minute and still have some choices.  If you young ladies refused to play along, these spinsters would have a lot of cats and you would have all the good, decent, kind, worthy men.


And more importantly, you would have something to offer them.


Work your butt off. First in college, then in the work world. Become the man you want to marry — or rather, the woman the man you want to marry will want to marry.


Work your butt off?  At what?  Being a secretary?  Some government job that wouldn’t exist if we didn’t need to find some way to occupy all the ever-so accomplished ladies with fancy college degrees in feeling and reading and teaching small children how to count?


The reality is that women don’t actually do anything in the workforce – or rather, that they do all the housewifely things they have always done except now it’s for strangers, in exchange for cash, rather than for your own family, in exchange for love.


Good job on that one.  Now, instead of creating your own loving home and caring for the people in it, you get to go out and care for someone else and then pay some poor woman of color to pick up the slack and try and make your children and husband feel loved.

The microwave is all the lover you need for now. Swing by Walgreens after a long day at the office and pick up a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna. Grab a $9 bottle of white wine while you’re at it. You’ll probably cry into your partially warmed food while watching “Snow Buddies” — those talking pups, so cute! — but one day you will look back at these scenes of early bachelorettehood and smile. This is how you learn to be alone, which you need to do before learning to be together. Sorry, them’s the rules.


No, those are not the rules.  Living alone for an extended period of time teaches you to be selfish, self-absorbed and incapable of accommodating the needs of other people. And don’t eat frozen lasagna.  That shit is nasty, filled with preservatives, fat, salt, sugar and processed carbohydrates and it will make you fat.  Yuck.  If you’re going to be a selfish bitch, at least try to look good while you’re doing it.  Buy some walnuts and yogurt and lots of vegetables.


You know that drug dealer who keeps money in his freezer and doesn’t know where to put apostrophes? Date him. Same with the guy who literally has “I’m a mistake” tattooed on his arm. They are terrifically wrong for you, but they are truly lovely people who will enrich your life. (If they are not truly lovely people, get the hell out of there. Only poor choices with hearts of gold are worth your mistakes.) It’s only from dating these self-styled bad boys that you will realize the folly of making yourself interesting through men. You get to be the protagonist of your own god-damn novel.


Oh brilliant.  Yes, date an illiterate drug dealer. Self-proclaimed “mistakes”. Because they have hearts of gold you can exploit for your own benefit.  Use them like tissue paper.  Hey, why not?  They’ll live, right?  Fuck those broken, dysfunctional people anyways.  You are on a mission to be the star of your own show, and you should never hesitate to enrich yourself with someone else’s pain.


They’re just men, after all.





Fake so many orgasms. Look, sex in your twenties is going to be horrible. For a long time you won’t even realize that sex can be more. You will take pleasure in giving pleasure. It is all the intimacy that you can take, for now. Despite the faking, these are some of the realest, rawest moments of your young life; two unformed people pressing their naked egos against each other.


Look at this one carefully, young ladies.  Tracy wants you to be a blowjob machine and little else. Don’t expect pleasure from sex.  Don’t anticipate that your partner will want to give you pleasure.  You, young lady with your unblemished skin and taut stomach, are a cum-dumpster and nothing else.


Do not expect intimacy.

Do not offer intimacy.

Do not connect deeply with your male partners.

Make sex all about your ego.

Just remember your ego may not expect or desire mutual pleasure.


Why would Tracy write that?  What’s in it for her?  If the young women are all having emotionless robotic sex devoid of pleasure, faking orgasms and deliberately choosing assholes, where then are the Nice Guys supposed to find intimacy, fulfilment and deep emotional and physical connection?

Oh, with all the older women who have slashed their way through the emotionless sex and are now ready for more?  Tick tick tick.  Is the biological clock ticking after all the pussy-slinging of the past decade?

Think about it, young ladies.  Who benefits when older women encourage you to choose pleasureless sluthood over married fulfilment?

Hint:  it’s not you.


It’s not like you’ll have learned all the sex things by the time you get married, either. That’s when the learning can really begin. It won’t be long before you feel like you need an entirely new word for sex.

Nope.  The learning can begin from Day One. If you reserve sex as something that happens in established relationships characterized by kindness, affection, mutual respect and fulfilment, you won’t need another word for sex at all.  What you will need is man who is kind, affectionate, respectful and interested in your pleasure as well as his.


Mr. Nice Guy.


But hell no!  You can’t take those men off the market!  The slut brigade needs them to father their children and provide them with cash and resources when the time comes.  What will the spinsters do if you young vixens have all the nice guys wrapped up in love and long-term relationships?


You’re getting fucked here, ladies.  Do you see that?  The Nice Guys are getting fucked, too, which goes a long way towards explaining why so many of them are washing their hands of women all together, but the solution is in your hands.


Don’t believe the lies.


Start joking about your shriveling ovaries once you turn 26. Collect plants and pretend that they are your offspring. Impulsively adopt a dog — and then immediately return it after realizing that you will be evicted from your rent-controlled apartment. Cry so much about what a horrible person you are and how this is the worst thing you’ve ever done. Self-flagellate about how you can barely take care of yourself, let alone a dog — let alone a child. Compulsively read trend pieces about “kiddults.”


Yes.  Believe yourself to be a child.  Accept no responsibility for your life and choices. Abuse animals. Convince yourself you are little more than a toddler, without agency, accountability, rationality or objectivity.


Wow, feminists just love and respect women so much, don’t they?


Again, think about it?  Why are these older women encouraging younger women to throw themselves away?  Pretend you are incapable of making sane, rational choices because if you did make a sane, rational choice, what would that look like?

And who would lose out?


Throw pity-parties with friends. You’re all single, bitter and hardened to the disappointing world of romance. Get together to drink cocktails, watch “The Notebook” and bitch about men who don’t call. You will go to bed at night alone, but this friendship stuff is great! You just won’t appreciate the profound, lifelong importance of it until later.


Why is the world of romance so disappointing, ladies?  What is it about faking orgasms with assholes that is leaving you unsatisfied?  What if you decided to have a real orgasm with a man you actually loved?  Would that affect the disappointment levels?




Single, bitter, hardened.  Charming.  That is what your older sisters want you to be.  Why? Because if you believe that is the only choice, the Nice Guys will all still be on the shelf when the thirty-something ladies decide to get off the carousel and actually behave like an adult.


Mr. Good Enough is not good enough. That guy who seems almost perfect but still doesn’t feel right? Trust yourself, dump him and then wallow in sorrow. Call him and leave drunken voicemails about how much you miss him, when the truth is that you’re just afraid to be alone. Constantly remind your friends that you’re a woman who “wanted too much.” When books like “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” come out, snark it up online. Privately, weep. Later, you will feel sure that you dodged a bullet and thank yourself for being brave.

That’s right.  Look for perfect.  Because you yourself are perfect, right?  No flaws of any kind.

This is a trap, ladies.  No one is perfect and never will be.

Including you.


Facebook-marry a friend. You’re both approaching 30, you both feel like you’re going to be alone forever, so announce yourself as married, to each other, on Facebook. Plan to platonically raise kids together if neither of you meets the right person. (Conveniently ignore the fact that she doesn’t even want kids.) Entertain the idea of a male harem. Now you’re just owning this spinster thing. It really doesn’t sound so bad anymore.


Doesn’t sound so bad for whom?  Think this one through.  While you pretend to platonically marry your friends, understand that the women around you about to run smack into the wall are hunting those same men.  They are taking you out of the running because they cannot and do not want to compete with you.


They will lose.


They know it.


You know that guy friend you weren’t romantically interested in because he was just too nice and available? Suddenly, you’re grown up enough to come to your senses. Marry the fuck out of him.


Here’s what the advice boils down to: fuck a bunch of guys you don’t give a shit about, ignore the Nice Guys, then hope to hell one of them is still available when you reach the end of the line.


This advice is crazy. Batshit stupid insane.  Spend your entire decade of fertility and beauty reducing your value and then hope for the best?  Hope one of your chosen assholes doesn’t leave you with an incurable STD? Hope your uterus isn’t scarred into oblivion by multiple abortions from accidental pregnancies?  Hope the Nice Guy still has enough faith in love and commitment that he will overlook the  scores of men who have been there before him? Hope that you will magically figure out how sex and pleasure works after sucking endless lines of dick and never getting off yourself?  Hope you haven’t waited too long?


That’s a lot to hope for.


Here’s the alternative:  Only have relationships with Nice Guys.  Understand that no one is perfect and never will be including yourself.  Have sex only in the context of a loving, affectionate relationship.  Make your pleasure matter as much as his.  Don’t date men for the sole purpose of using their pain to “enrich” your own life.  That’s cruel and sick. Don’t live alone.  Always have another human in your life whom you must accommodate while not surrendering everything you want.  Learn to negotiate.  Be kind. Be loving. Be as beautiful as you can be.


You do not owe older women bitterness or hardness or eligible men when they reach the end of their fertile years. Those Nice Guys?  The ones your older sisters want to “marry the fuck out of”?  Those men are yours. They are your boyfriends, husbands, life partners.


And if a boyfriend, husband or life partner is one of your goals, then listen to Princeton Mom:  Make finding him a priority.  Understand that relationships are not free and require effort, obligation and reciprocity.


Understand that you are in charge of your own life.  Make choices.  Make good ones.  Accept responsibility for bad ones.  As long as you keep making new mistakes, you’re good. Don’t repeat the same ones over and over again.


Don’t listen to feminists.


They hate you. They hate all women.


Especially young ones.


Lots of love,




79 Responses to “Pay attention, young ladies. Your older sisters have a plan, and it involves you, crushed under a bus.”

  1. dolf March 12, 2014 at 14:12 #

    Hard-hitting truth with a punch. I’ve also been wondering, why do everyone try so hard to kill love?


  2. Denise March 12, 2014 at 14:35 #

    My goodness, I didn’t expect something so entirely wretched. While it’s true that younger women focusing on marriage could pull the rug out from under the women living a Sex & the City-type life; men are not settling down any more quickly than women are. And I’m really not sure that they have any desire to do so. In fact, between the last two Censuses, the age of first marriage increased more for men than it did for women. Too much free, non-prostitute sex is available for them to make marriage a priority.


  3. Chad G March 12, 2014 at 14:42 #

    Great post love almost all of it. The only thing I disagree with is the not living alone thing. It is all in how you do that. If done right living on your own can teach a lot of good things to anybody, how to take care of yourself, how to handle bills/money, how to be independent. I love taking care of my family and wife, but it is nice to know that if I screw up that someone has my back, that I do not always have to be on it. It is also nice to know that my wife is with me because she wants to be, because she chooses to be, not because she’s afraid of / or cannot handle being alone. The point is to choose to depend on one another and not to have to. Learning to accommodate a roommate and deal with all of those issues, is good as well but in general you just have to take what life gives you and make the best of it.


  4. Spaniard March 12, 2014 at 15:19 #

    This use to happens: a sweet lovely 23 year old good girl marries a 23 nice guy who is father material, hard worker, civic, tidy, clean, he is not a drunk, neither drug addict, does not smoke, good looking, has a bright future, respectuful, loves her madly and respects her deeply, he does not cheat NEVER, etc.

    Then, one day, this sweet young lady has already 3 children, she is already 33 years old, and one morning she wakes up and she feels she is not haaaaaapy. She feels she has waste her youth living the housewife life instead of living the REAL life. Then, she divorces, she takes child support, alimony, the house, the car, the children, the dog… and then she starts riding the carousel like there is no tomorrow with bad boys (and getting all that bad boy in the ex marital bed) At 33 she still very good looking and she has a legion of admirors in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

    So, we have 2 situations.

    *Situation 1 (the one you describe in your post): the young carouseler turns 30 and want to get marry with the nice guy who will be the One (the one who will pay the bills).

    *Situation 2: the married to a nice guy young good girl turns 30, and the she divorces in order to become a mature carouseler. And the nice guy (ex hubby) pays her carousel via alimony.

    So, it seems there is no choices for men. At all. No good girls, no bad girls, not young, not mature, no childlfree no single/divorce moms…
    The only safe option for men is vasectomy and never ever getting marry.


  5. Bob Wallace March 12, 2014 at 15:30 #

    I wonder what Tracy would do is she got divorced or found her husband cheating on her? Unless she doesn’t believe in such old-fashioned virtues as monogamy and loyalty,


  6. Eric March 12, 2014 at 16:20 #


    In line with Spaniard’s comment, what’s your take on real-life Manosphere case study, Jenny Erikson? She married the nice guy young, they had children, made a home together, and she broke it up.


  7. judgybitch March 12, 2014 at 16:26 #

    I think that sucks and in the absence of serious, life-altering abuse, there is no excuse for it, once children are in the picture.

    I personally feel it’s a reflection of a very fundamental mistake women (and men) make when they get married. You do not commit, until death do you part, to a PERSON.

    You commit to the marriage.

    My commitment is to the marriage my husband and I chose freely to enter into. In order to make that experience a joy, I focus on his happiness and he on mine.

    But neither of us feel we committed to one another.

    We committed to an arrangement to raise our children, maximize our wealth and provide each other with love and companionship for the duration of our natural lives.

    When we hit rough patches, (and believe me, we have had some rough patches), the commitment to the marriage takes precedence over everything else.

    You ride it out. You focus on making the marriage work again. You grow apart occasionally and then work to make sure you are growing together once again.

    It’s a profound mistake to think your commitment is to another person. It’s not. It’s to an idea.

    An ideal.

    And what do we live for if not our ideals?


  8. Eric March 12, 2014 at 16:29 #


    Nice guys will marry young. Tough to do, though, when girls reject them as boyfriends, let alone husbands.


  9. Eric March 12, 2014 at 16:37 #

    Nice guys prioritize monogamy and will marry young. Tough to do, though, when girls reject them as boyfriends, let alone husbands. Generally speaking, the “free, non-prostitute sex” isn’t going to the nice guys and that’s not what they’re seeking.


  10. Eric March 12, 2014 at 16:39 #

    Oops. Forgot about comment reply.


  11. FuzzieWuzzie March 12, 2014 at 16:47 #

    JB, thanks for saying kind words about Nice Guys. The only other post that I have read was one by M3. Boiling it down, he stated that Nice Guys are after relationships. That is why they’re getting trashed in this marketplace.
    Tracy Clark-Forey’s life plan will have adherants as long as women can parachute into marriage at thirty. Something tells me that they’re playing a game of musical chairs and the music will stop sometime. When it does, expect to hear some howling from the newly realized spinsters.
    In the meanwhile, the guys that should have been snapped up will have long since become used to living without hope.
    This is a social tragedy.


  12. Denise March 12, 2014 at 16:55 #

    “Nice guys” may or may not make good husbands. I question the assumption that being “nice” means being virtuous. There are more than enough young women looking for something serious that if a man is completely unable to find someone open to his advances, he’s probably either shooting too high in his expectations or he’s not as good a catch as he believes, or some combination of both.

    There’s so much focus on the extremes. Most people–women and men–are not living this sexually free-wheeling life.


  13. zykos March 12, 2014 at 17:00 #

    This is Susan Patton, the author of Marry Smart:

    This is Tracy Clark-Flory, the author of the rebuttal:×307.png

    This is a younger Tracy Clark-Flory (her current twitter photo):

    Men, if we had to choose who to sleep with, I know who we’d go for. And women, if you had to choose who to be more like, the choice would probably be the same. So it’s no wonder that young women are more likely to listen to the pretty one, especially since her message is full of feel-good stuff.

    But now let’s look at the harsh reality: who do you think represents the average woman? In other words, is the average woman as pretty as Clark-Flory, or does she look more like Susan Patton.

    Susan Patton is giving advice to the average and below-average woman, the 80%, those who, because of the intrinsic unfairness of life, were not gifted with stunning beauty that pushes men to bail them out from all their mistakes. Those who can be just as slutty as the pretty 20%, but who men are much more likely to only use for sex. Those who have absolutely no chance of snatching up a nice guy when they hop off the carousel.

    JB is right: girls, if you follow Clark-Flory’s advice and follow her footsteps, you will be unhappy. You won’t be attracted to your beta husband, you’ll be emotionally scarred by your years of sucking bad-boy dick and you will likely have to spend a lot of money and effort to have children. But let’s not forget that path is closed to the vast majority of you.

    Fortunately for you, nice guys have it extremely hard, so even if you’re not the prettiest thing out there, if you come to a constantly rejected, beta hardworking engineer and offer him attention and support, you’ll be able to marry the guy who, with the appropriate amount of work, will have all the pretty 20yo throwing themselves at him.


  14. Jeremy March 12, 2014 at 17:03 #

    The lines between parody and intent are too narrow to figure out where this exchange is going. It seems like JB is treating Tracy’s parody of Patton as if Tracy were being serious about her anti-Patton advice, but if Tracy is truly trying to be ironic, then shouldn’t we all just be laughing at the pure absurdity of what Tracy said?

    Frankly, this blog-war is too deep into contextual women-speak for me to understand who is making what points 🙂


  15. zykos March 12, 2014 at 17:09 #

    Susan Patton’s advice is advice for women and how to maximize *their* happiness. It doesn’t say anything about men’s. Unfortunately, the legal reality of divorce made it a completely one-sided thing, so unfortunately, the correct path for men is to avoid marriage, while the correct path for women is to pursue it.

    Advice for either genders assumes there are going to be suckers at the receiving end: for men, it’s the sluts who are easily manipulated into casual sex and can be just as easily tossed aside; for women, it’s the nice guys who have been lied to about the dangers of divorce.


  16. zykos March 12, 2014 at 17:15 #

    Clark-Flory’s piece is neither serious advice nor clever irony, it’s a self-medication attempt. She’s obviously relating her own life mistakes and trying to convince herself that it all turned out for the best, it had to, because that’s what feminist theory holds to be true.

    The problem is that it might resonate with a crowd who already made some of these mistakes (“OMG, how did she know about the tattooed drug addict with the heart of gold?”) or stir some drama-filled fantasy. JB is showing what it really looks like.


  17. John March 12, 2014 at 19:13 #

    Prenup, both parties represented, with as many precautions against later claims of “fraud, coercion, duress” as possible at the time of signing. If you’re marrying Situation 2, you’d better be prepared! Depending on where you are, though, you can’t contract away the right to child support…


  18. comslave March 12, 2014 at 20:09 #

    Will someone please think of the cats? There are many homeless cats who need good homes. Only by telling women to follow in this feminist’s footsteps can we be assured there will be enough single old women to take care of our ever burgeoning cat population.


  19. Spiralina March 12, 2014 at 20:25 #

    Wow, thanks for summing up my feelings exactly. When I have a daughter, I’m showing this to her.

    Do you know how I know Tracy Clark-Flory’s advice is self-serving BS? Because I once halfway fell for it. I was exposed to the same hookup culture she writes about in college. My parents raised me too well to go full carousel, but it took two failed relationships, an STD scare and a broken engagement at age 24 to finally wake up and realize I had been lied to. The postmodern lifestyle she espouses—shallow, materialistic, privileged, self-absorbed, alcohol abusing, treating other human beings as interchangeable “mistakes” in a cliched self-actualization narrative, as disposable as the cheap processed food and overpriced sweatshop clothing you’re also meant to consume without discernment—is neither sustainable nor ethical. It’s cheap. It deadens the body and soul. It teaches you microwaved garbage and drunken booty calls are preferable to family meals prepared with love and true sexual intimacy with someone you trust with your life.

    I was so lucky to realize my mistake in time and find a wonderful man (and yes, he’s a very nice guy!) who takes the vows of marriage and commitment seriously. A lot of women in my social circle have not been so lucky and are now bitter singles and divorcees already. I’ll re-examine Tracy’s ridiculous anecdotal “advice” in 10 years provided she’s still happily married to the same man. I’m not holding my breath.


  20. Michael Majure March 12, 2014 at 20:56 #

    I’m saving this one. When my daughter gets a bit older, this will be required reading. Indeed your Opus Magnus thus far


  21. skylabfitnesser March 12, 2014 at 21:19 #

    Please. This is the real Tracy Clark-Flory: 4/10. Old hag. Getting fat. Would not bang, much less marry. She was, of course, prettier in her 20s, but those eyebrows still creep me out.


  22. zykos March 12, 2014 at 21:40 #

    Of course she has hit the wall, but let’s be honest, you can tell she was among the attractive women when she was young. That’s why she was able to do the whole carousel dance and snatch a beta at the last second. An average woman can’t do that. And I mean really average, because let’s be frank, ugly girls tend to be invisible to most men the way betas are invisible to women (to a lower extent of course). You may see her as below your standards, that doesn’t mean she’s below the average.

    My point is this: imagine you are born a girl with a plain face, to an average american family so your food won’t be the healthiest and you might have accumulated some extra weight through your childhood. You are not living in the same world as Tracy Clark-Flory, and were she born ugly, she would not be dispensing this kind of advice.


  23. Spaniard March 12, 2014 at 21:54 #

    This is interesting. The asimetry.
    The easily manipulable material for men is the “slut”.
    The easily manipulable material for women is the “nice guy”.

    So, it means that the “good girl” is dangerous material. Because she can turn into a ho in one blink and she can divorce and squeeze you in another blink. You cannot turn a ho into a housewife but the housewife can turn herself into a ho at the most unexpected moment.

    So, the key message is: dude, just get involved with sluts, coz they are much more reliable, foreseeable, their womb is so contaminated that they cannot get pregnant and they are not the kind who wants to marry. And they are such a fun.
    But is important to notice that when we say “slut” we mean the REAL one. The open and persistant one. Not the hidden agenda one, who, when she hits 30 says: “I just want to settle down”.


  24. Laguna Beach Fogey March 12, 2014 at 22:07 #

    a freaking wonderful man

    Not just wonderful, but freaking wonderful.

    She’s trying too hard.


  25. Spaniard March 12, 2014 at 22:11 #

    Just a question. It seems that most men in Europe and North America they do not care at all about the carouseler past of their wifes. It is the “Captain save a ho” instinct working.
    But… do women care about the “john” past of their hubbies?
    Of course they care. They feel poisoned when they know about the “john past” of hubby. They feel revulsion and they divorce. They thought he was a holy and pure eremite in the desert while she was riding the carousel.


  26. Spaniard March 12, 2014 at 22:15 #

    The problem is that most women think that the ideal of marriage is “children” not “marriage” itself. Hubby is just means.
    So, if they divorce and keep custody of children they do not think they are betraying the ideal of marriage.


  27. zykos March 12, 2014 at 22:22 #

    Yes, it’s been said before in the manosphere, sluts and “nice guys” are sexual equivalents. But just to be clear on the definition, here slut means a woman who is indiscriminate about who she gives her body to, and by “nice guy” we mean a man who very is overly eager to please all women, but who has no backbones. Both of them undervalue their desirable attribute (sex for women, attention for men) and give it away too easily.

    A “good girl” is in principle as dangerous as an alpha. If you’re lucky, they can give you a very satisfying lifelong relationship. But there is the risk that either leaves you. The thing that makes the girl more dangerous is the legal situation. In the abstract, marrying a woman is dangerous.

    I disagree that you should only get involved with sluts. Quite the contrary, you should try to get the “good girls”, but chances are those won’t be as easy to get as the sluts. Ultimately, it’s about not falling into the trap of marriage, and the best way to do that is to not become attached, i.e. not falling in love. Sure, it sucks for men, but that’s the legal reality. She stays with you as long as it’s under your conditions, and the moment she presses for marriage, NEXT.


  28. Charlotte March 12, 2014 at 23:15 #

    That is quite possibly some of the worst advice I have ever heard in my life but unfortunately, I’ve heard it all before. Everyone from the media, to teachers, to my very own parents urged me to follow that feminist life path. Thank goodness I ignored them and married a 32 year old man when I was 21. He had established his career and was at the best age to settle down and support a family, and I was at the best age to begin one with him as far as beauty and fertility. No one who advised me to live a Sex and the City lifestyle and wait until 30 to marry had my best interests at heart. They either wanted to live vicariously through me, or wanted to ease the sting of their own poor life choices by seeing them repeated by others.


  29. RS March 12, 2014 at 23:17 #

    I think you hit on a great point here: women have no problem selling out other women. I guess it’s the innate desire to secure provision for themselves and their offspring that leads to such cutthroat competitiveness between women. Whatever the reason, we need to teach our daughters that these old feminists do not have their best interests at heart.


  30. Charlotte March 12, 2014 at 23:24 #

    She makes a good poster child for what happens to a woman’s looks when she chops off her hair. The wall she hit was probably found at her local Great Clips.


  31. Eric March 12, 2014 at 23:55 #

    It’s not fair to judge her like that. Susan Patton looks like what she is now – an older (post-menopausal) mom in the grandma zone, 59 or 60 (Princeton ’77, I believe). She likely was average looking, maybe even cute, in her sexual prime. Diet, exercise, and appearance standards being what they were back then, she likely was slender, with good skin and hair, and an over-all feminine appearance to maximize whatever SMV she had.

    With a baseline of average looks and figure, women can do a lot with hair, make-up, dress, demeanor, behavior, body language, eyes, voice, etc – the famed feminine wiles – to elicit attraction.


  32. Eric March 13, 2014 at 00:01 #

    TC-F: “Become the man you want to marry — or rather, the woman the man you want to marry will want to marry.”



  33. judgybitch March 13, 2014 at 00:06 #

    Yeah, I didn’t get that either


  34. Alex March 13, 2014 at 00:59 #

    i think the best way to go through it all is to get with someone when either both of you have little in the way of accomplishments, or one side is already set and at the prime time to settle down. the first one builds a deeper relationship because you get through everything as a team and it takes the hard part out a little quicker, the second one is safer as you don’t have to necessarily worry about financial stability or anything, but not lesser to the first as you can take more time to figure things out, and it may even be better as you’ll have the time to truly flesh out any problems than you would if you were just starting out in life. for the most part though, start early ladies, that’s the big thing. men have a little bit more wiggle room i think.


  35. Jacques Cuze March 13, 2014 at 01:08 #

    Brilliant analysis — thanks.


  36. Average Joe March 13, 2014 at 02:00 #

    I think I am from a different planet… or may where I live we know too much about social biology, but more probably it is my ego… to the point:

    1. Think about that, Alpha male in a pack or in a herd, logically is the most irresponsible male who just fuck and does give a shit… NO. If there is no responsibility there is no alpha. Alpha is first in line to protect the pack. This term was wronged by PUA.

    2. Beta is not a “looser”, closer to beta is a shaman, or elder, or an engineer. Are more experienced then Alpha.

    Those to have two similarities: they have sex and are not to be easily manipulate by woman(sugar daddies are not alphas). Alpha is more attractive, but today the difference is almost bloored because society requires intelligence. So here is “Mr. Nice Guy”.

    3. Gamma is alpha to become. If he is irresponsible than it is your typical “bad boy”: attractive, successful, not responsible.

    4. Epsilon are gray mass.

    5. Omega: looser, alcoholic, etc. “Nice Guy” that gets screwed over again and again.

    Why getting so emotional, probably because PUA hijacked term Alpha and now thousands of young lads are trying to hit on worst bitch in school, college or bar, repeatedly until they get ED or depression.

    Thank you very much.


  37. pill_ponderer March 13, 2014 at 03:01 #

    Holy cow JB, you sound like a grown up here. An adult; what a rare commodity in this self-obsessed country.


  38. Eric March 13, 2014 at 03:58 #

    “both of you have little in the way of accomplishments … the first one builds a deeper relationship because you get through everything as a team”

    This is the life I envisioned.

    “one side is already set … the second one is safer as you don’t have to necessarily worry about financial stability”

    Instead, this is what she chose.


  39. WillieMaize24 March 13, 2014 at 04:42 #

    Good post except for the lipstick part. Many of us don’t like it. and think it ‘s makes a girl look cheap. My reaction has always been that women who wear lipstick are self-centered and manipulative.


  40. feeriker March 13, 2014 at 06:31 #

    Become the man you want to marry 

    Women like Tracy have to delude themselves into believing that every man’s dream wife is a man trapped in a woman’s body (i.e., an estrogenized version of the asshole scumbags she’s slutting it up with). Otherwise the whole EmpoweredWoman[TM] fantasy falls apart and results in the cat-fostering spinster future that is already inevitable.

    As for Tracy’s “freaking wonderful” man: hamsterlated, “freaking wonderful” = “a ballless doormat who does what I tell him to and who knows that he’s history the minute he doesn’t.”


  41. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 08:53 #

    “Sex an the City” encourages women to marry at 50. Not at 30.


  42. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 10:34 #

    … and be moms at 55.


  43. The Real Peterman March 13, 2014 at 15:22 #

    ” It’s only from dating these self-styled bad boys that you will realize the folly of making yourself interesting through men.”

    Wow, I’ve never seen the feminist desire to set young women up for failure displayed so brazenly before. What kind of awful person so desperately wants other people to crash and burn this much?

    “Here’s the alternative: Only have relationships with Nice Guys”

    But Janet! [sarcastic voice] There are no nice men! They are all monsters, who will rape and pillage and murder unless we teach them not to! Haven’t you learned anything from feminism???

    Seriously though JB, thanks for speaking up for guys like me 🙂


  44. The Real Peterman March 13, 2014 at 15:24 #

    ” I question the assumption that being “nice” means being virtuous. ”

    Okay then, keep chasing douchebags and see how that works out in finding virtue.


  45. The Real Peterman March 13, 2014 at 15:26 #

    It was worth stating twice.


  46. The Real Peterman March 13, 2014 at 15:27 #

    Clark-Flory looks alright, but her soul is trash.


  47. The Real Peterman March 13, 2014 at 15:29 #

    Perfectly realistic goal!


  48. malcolmthecynic March 13, 2014 at 16:09 #

    I think the proper phrase for what you just did to the women who wrote that article is “pwned her”.


  49. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 18:22 #

    You forget the Theta male: the whoremonger.


  50. LostSailor March 13, 2014 at 18:26 #

    That’s quite an alluring portrait she paints about the thrilling excitement of being a young woman out in the world: work, work, work until you’re exhausted, drag your ass back home to eat fattening processed food (fresh-baked bread is for suckers!) while sobbing over a bottle of wine in your lonely apartment in between the empty, horrible shags with drug dealers and tattooed losers who get their nut busted while you fake orgasms before retiring again to your cold, solitary bed where you can weep piteously amid your adopted plants or get blotto crying with your soulless harpy friends who, like you, are ignoring “almost perfect” men in favor of creating pretend “marriages” online. Because at the end of the bleak, dark avenue of your youth there will wait the guy who was nice and available and invisible–and who didn’t deserve your attention or “charms” (pro tip: he still doesn’t; he deserves better)–who you can marry the fuck out of fuck over in marriage. When all is said and done, you’ll still be alone with a bottle of wine and your houseplants as adopted children, but the house, car, and monthly checks will soften the anguish.

    My God. I was tempted to read this as satire, but having read a bunch of her other work, she actually believes that this is excellent advice for young women.

    JB, you’re right on the money here. This is why feminist terminology has changed over the years. Men who didn’t jump aboard the feminist bandwagon used to be labeled “male chauvinists,” which to start had the unsettlingly (to feminists) honest meaning of men having allegiance to men, so that was soon changed to mean men having an attitude of superiority toward women. Still partly true, but it didn’t go far enough.

    So we come to “misogyny,” which I think feminist adopted as the go-to slur for two reasons. One, it’s not enough to slur men for siding with men or feeling superior to women, feminists had to try to pound into the social consciousness the idea that if anyone opposed or criticized feminism, it was because they hated all women.

    The other reason for adopting “misogyny” is that they had to coopt the word preemptively so that once the world realized, as JB does, that it’s feminists who actually hate all women, the phrase couldn’t be turned against them.

    Well played soulless bitter shrews feminists, well played…


  51. Chris March 13, 2014 at 18:55 #

    No. Young men are very romantic. They will fall heads over heels for you. They will want you. Apart from the male equivelant of this Feminist Troll — the Playa, the PUA.

    I see the casualties of this after they have failed to hang themselves, and I do not see them all, for many young men succeed.

    I see young men (including my sons) avoiding any contact with young women — not because they are gay, but because it is just too risky in this world at present. They are studying and playing Xbox.,

    What should be happening is that you meet a nice guy and he becomes your lodestar, your alpha, your sex object… and you should wife him up and have loads of fantastic sex with him, so when you are passionate he is the person you think of

    We are designed to bond, but that isnot acceptable to the feminists in Slate. Theycan develop their own hell, but do not join them.


  52. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 19:56 #

    On the lipstick.
    Until the 1920s only prostitutes used lipstick. It was a code to say that they performed fellatios.
    And until 1920s only prostitutes used to smoke cigarettes.

    Life imitates art.

    The more free women are the more they are getting close to the Eternal Femenine.


  53. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 20:40 #

    If you change “young female” for “young male” and “harpy friends” for “drinking buddies” its sounds fantastic.
    Well, I would change as well “junk food” for “tapas y vinos”.
    And I would change too that willing to, at the end of the day, getting married and having children (that is female programation, not male) for “keep on riding the pussy carousel in your 30s and 40s (in your 40s even way MORE) and then, when you hit your late 50s retreat to a monastery surrounded with good male companionship, reading good books, having nice walks in the countryside, eating nice and simple food, arranging your traspasses to God and having peace of mind.


  54. Spaniard March 13, 2014 at 20:49 #

    And of course: “great shags with tatooed sluts” instead of “horrible shags with tatooed drug dealers”.


  55. Exfernal March 14, 2014 at 00:08 #

    The gist of your today’s target, JB: “Misery loves company”. But who loves misery? Besides feminists, of course.


  56. Paul Murray March 14, 2014 at 05:39 #

    In a similar vein, the clitorectomies of societies that practice FGM are performed by older women. In tribal areas, there is a parallel tribal government, a sisterhood that runs the lives of the women. They are the ones doing the cutting.


    Try this: “We will fix you so you never betray us”.

    A woman getting orgasms off a male partner is a woman that will never be truly, fully loyal to the sisterhood. Like any political organisation, this parallel tribal government seeks to expand and consolidate its power. Who is cruel enough to cut the clitoris of a little girl? An old woman.

    And so with this. The goal of getting the young women into casual hookups with bad men is to burn them, to permanently scar the part of them that can bond with a man (giving blow jobs to a succession of douchebags will do that). A spiritual and emotional FGM, to fix them so that they will never truly love.

    It’s that cruel. It’s that cynical.


  57. vitabenedicta March 15, 2014 at 15:22 #

    “The microwave is all the lover you need for now. Swing by Walgreens after a long day at the office and pick up a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna.”

    So, I guess feminists are openly admitting that they don’t *want* women to be strong and independent. Because if you can’t cook your own food, sew a button back on your clothes, or make intelligent decisions before the age of 30, you are not a strong, independent woman–you are a helpless child dependent on the men who run the government and big corporations like Walgreen’s.


  58. Keen Observer March 15, 2014 at 18:40 #

    Great takedown of someone trying to justify bad life choices.

    One quibble: “Guess what” is an imperative statement, not a question, just like, “Guess my age”. Just sayin’. 🙂


  59. imnobody00 March 16, 2014 at 21:27 #

    You nailed it. TCF is trying to justify bad life choices to herself and to her readership. Having written about the joys of casual sex for years and writing for a feminist magazine, she couldn’t have said: “I was wrong and marriage and monogamy are the way to go”.

    But the ugly truth is that TCF has been able to pull it off: alpha f*cks, beta bucks works. Nice guys are willing to marry older women disregarding promiscuity and even kids.

    Let me tell you a story. I am a college professor in a foreign country. A student of mine dropped the University because she got pregnant. She became a single mother. Everybody thought that she was going to be a single mom forever. Her family sent to the States and she met a Nice Guy who is in a relationship with her and has accepted her child with love. So yes, the strategy works. Alpha f*cks, beta bucks.


  60. imnobody00 March 16, 2014 at 21:27 #

    Hey, Spaniard. From a Spaniard to a Spaniard. How old are you? Just curious.


  61. Spaniard March 17, 2014 at 12:20 #



  62. Spaniard March 17, 2014 at 17:10 #

    Dear countryman, you are right.
    But what sounds pretty shocking to me is she could not meet a Mr Nice Guy in our country. You know our homeland is crowded of potential “empujacarritos” (baby trolley-pushers) “calzonazos” (pussywhiped guys) and “nuncafollistas” (never-have-a-shag guys) who are crazy about marrying single moms and pregnant women (pregnant from other guy).


  63. Spaniard March 17, 2014 at 21:05 #

    ANOTHER guy.


  64. imnobody00 March 19, 2014 at 05:43 #

    Thank you. I am 43


  65. imnobody00 March 19, 2014 at 05:51 #

    Well, Spaniard, I am from Spain but I live in a Latin American country (an expat) so I was not referring to our country. The girl was a Latin American girl living in a Latin American country.

    She found an American who is eager to marry her and be the father of another man’s child. I saw in Facebook the picture of the guy embracing the single mom’s son with love and affection and I wanted to puke.

    I completely agree that our country (Spain) is full of betas that are willing to do anything to marry second-rate pussy. I don’t know why our country men are so “calzonazos” (pussywhipped guys). Why women dominate so much Spanish families and society. Why men are so happy to let the woman be the boss and so on and so forth.


  66. Patri Archie March 21, 2014 at 00:18 #

    Good for you Charlotte. I hope you have lots of children and have a long, happy marriage. Hopefully you can serve as an example to the young women around you.


  67. Goober March 21, 2014 at 15:26 #

    Fuck… This is so true that it burns a little. Those poor, stupid girls that fall for this crap.


  68. Paul Murray March 24, 2014 at 04:55 #

    As has been often noted – this advice being given out to women is fine advice for a man. The difficulty is that women are not men.
    How delightful to find that the feminists all along have simply been echoing Henry Higgins’ lament: “Why can’t a woman (why can’t *I*) be more like a man?”


  69. Mitch March 26, 2014 at 15:44 #

    “Become the man you want to marry — or rather, the woman the man you want to marry will want to marry.”

    Right… well, the whole thing reads like satire, but this is worth a note.

    Part of this is reasonable advice. An analogue might read, “become the kind of employee your boss wants to promote and you’ll likely get promoted”. A bit naive perhaps, but not insane.

    The problem is that male and female attraction strategies differ dramatically. Things like fancy degrees, wealth and title are status symbols which attract WOMEN. “Becoming the man you want to marry”, pursuing a graduate degree and spending several years in the workforce in hopes of attracting men, is playing chess by the rules of badminton. As a woman, ask yourself: how interested would you be in a man who has spent years perfecting his health, physique and fashion sense, given that he lives in his parents’ basement, has never done an honest day’s work, dropped out of school in year 8 and has no aspirations in life beyond endless rearrangement of his furniture?

    I don’t mean to say “dye your hair and be as shallow as possible”, but I am saying, badminton by the rules of chess doesn’t work either and your biology knows it.


  70. JBfan March 30, 2014 at 16:09 #

    The exploitation of women by a movement that claims the last word in ending the exploitation of women is kinda disturbing :/


  71. Hippie Redneck September 12, 2014 at 13:59 #

    I laugh every time I get called a misogynist. I don’t have the energy to hate women anywhere near as much as feminists do.


  72. olo September 12, 2014 at 17:31 #

    I read the stuff at salon, and I’m not sure if it’s satire or that woman is for real


  73. LostSailor September 13, 2014 at 17:01 #

    Oh, it’s completely for real. Feminism is entering the stage where it becomes a self-parody. I’m just sitting back and enjoying the ride down…


  74. rawr February 24, 2015 at 16:51 #

    Wait so where are these women who like “nice guys”? Oh wait I’m not attractive nor valuable enough to land a quality girl because I’m a loser. Mgtow it is :[

    I looked through some of the comments and it looks like it’s mostly men on the blog. Your message and warning is probably mostly wasted.



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