Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies.

4 Apr

singledad

 

My just say no to dating single mothers post remains one of the most popular on this blog, with over 50K views and 3K+ Facebook shares.  I probably trash about 75% of the comments that post generates, since they all tend to be along the lines of “oh my god you’re so judgy and such a bitch and even though other single mothers are total slags like you say, I’m not and you should just die already”.  Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.  It always amuses me when commenters get outraged at what a judgy bitch I am.  Uhm, you clicked on a website called JudgyBitch!  What the fuck were you expecting?

 

Another frequent comment I get is “oh yeah, well what about all the single dads?  What about them, huh?”, so let’s talk about them.

 

Single fathers have all the virtues single mothers do not, and they should definitely be on your radar screen if you are looking for some solid, husband material.  Let’s talk about why.

 

First and foremost, every single mother chooses parenthood, as she is legally entitled to do.  Facing a positive pregnancy test, she has the option of evicting Junior from her womb long before any need to buy itty bitty shoes arises.  And even after Junior arrives, she still has at least two options in front of her:  She can refuse to identify the father and place the child for adoption, or she can surrender the child under safe haven laws and walk away from all financial, social, legal and ethical responsibilities.

 

The argument that women should be able to choose parenthood because only women get pregnant is nullified by the fact that even after a baby is born,  a woman still gets to decide if she will assume responsibility for that child.  She does not need to have any reason whatsoever for refusing that responsibility.  If she doesn’t want the baby, she doesn’t have to keep it.

 

Men have no such rights.  Men cannot force women to have abortions, nor should they be able to.  They cannot surrender their paternal rights.  They cannot refuse to assume responsibility for the child. They will, in fact, be imprisoned, if they cannot pay the woman whatever sum the courts have determined is appropriate. and let’s not forget that for some women, tricking a man into a pregnancy is just “normal“.

 

Men are not allowed to choose parenthood.

 

It is therefore safe to assume that a single father had fatherhood thrust upon him.  Single mothers make a conscious, deliberate choice to make the one decision most likely to guarantee their children live in poverty with little chance of escaping.  Single fathers have not made that choice because they are not legally entitled to do so.

 

Single fathers are the exact opposite of single mothers:  they are the embodiment of responsibility.  A man raising his children alone has assumed full responsibility for someone else’s choice (the choice to have a baby), and even if the decision to have a child was nominally mutual, in actual fact, he had no say.  Mutual agreement to have a child is merely pleasant conversation to disguise the fact that men have no reproductive choices, other than complete celibacy or permanent sterilization, choices we would never accept as the only birth control options for women.  And rightly so.

 

Single fathers are also a good financial bet for potential relationships because even though they bear the brunt of the cost of raising their children, they are unlikely to be paying out alimony to the mother’s child, and obviously are not paying child support.  They are unlikely to be receiving child support, either, and it behooves any women considering a single father to consider the fact that women are far more likely to be delinquent in paying child support than men are.  Don’t count on the baby mama kicking in any cash.  It’s highly improbable. And don’t count on the courts sending the woman to jail for failure to pay.  Ha!  Yeah, right. Even without support from the other parent, single fathers still tend not to be poor because they have made entirely different life choices than single mothers.

 

Dating a single father is also an excellent test of a woman’s own personality.  Can you deal with the fact that a child will always supersede you in his father’s affections?  I think women who don’t have children are taken by surprise when confronted with this reality, because they don’t understand that children almost always take priority over adults and adults are expected to be mature, self-assured and accommodating of the needs of others.

 

Mature?

Self-assured?

Accommodating?

 

You can see why this is a problem for some women.  Check out these letter to Dear Prudence, in which delightful Princesses of The Special Snowflake begrudge their partner’s love for their children.  I’m so confused about that whole wicked stepmother trope!  It’s just patriarchy, right?

 

Dear Prudie,  I’ll be spending New Year with my boyfriend of two and a half years. While this would normally be lovely, I’m not looking forward to it. I feel bummed out by it. We’ll be at his parent’s, which is out in the sticks and he has visitation with his daughter for the holidays first time since she was a baby. I’m conflicted. On one hand this should be about the time he spends with his daughter and she with her grandparents. On the other hand I cannot stand the way he rewards/gives in to her tantrums and end up angry and isolating myself. I’m also 27 and feeling a little resentful that for the second year in a row my New Years, which should be fun and carefree, is dictated by his family plans. Even if I did ditch them, which is essentially what I’d be doing, that also feels terrible and it’s not like I have many other friends or options. I’m not sure what to do or how to manage conflicting feelings of guilt & resentment. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.  -Conflicted.

 

I’ve been married for a little over a year. I met my husband several years ago when we were neighbors; he was married at the time and had a young son. He moved away, got divorced, and I didn’t see him for several years. Then we reconnected, dated, and got married very quickly. His son is now 10 and I’m having a really hard time getting to like the boy. This might sound mean, but I can’t stand him sometimes. I know he’s a child, and that he gets his bad manners from his psycho mother, but everything about him just grosses me out: the way he eats; the way his mother dresses him (like a little rapper); that he’s too lazy to even clean his room. I try so hard to hide my feelings, but my husband senses it sometimes. I take his son to buy school clothes or toys, but he can’t behave and it’s driving me insane. I really don’t know what to do, especially now that we have him every weekend. I asked my husband if he can give me “me” time at least once a month, but his excuse is that he hates leaving his son with his ex-wife. I really can’t take sharing my husband with his son. What should I do?

 

Ugh.  Completely horrid women.

 

Single fathers are clearly capable of accepting responsibilities, even when they had no say in creating those responsibilities, and they will always have priorities over and above the women they partner with.  I can imagine the snarls and contemptuous huffing coming from those women who cannot abide, for one second, that a mere child will take precedence over her, and those are just the women you want to avoid like the plague.

 

If you are one of those women, then steer clear of the single dads.  They really don’t need another child. But if you are looking for a man willing to commit to something greater than the sum of individual parts, and that is what marriage is, then a single father might be just the man you’re looking for.

I’m reminded of a Rita Rudner joke that I always find quite amusing:

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

We can spin it a bit and say:

“I think men who are sole parents are better prepared for marriage.  They’ve experienced powerlessness and accepted responsibility”.

 

Now the real question is why the hell would a single father ever want to complicate his life and open himself up to even more exploitation by taking on a wife? Or another wife?

 

What’s in it for him?

 

Until men have the legal right to choose parenthood, not much.  Just more responsibility. How fascinating that it’s mostly feminists who demand the right to choose parenthood for themselves, but refuse that right to men.

 

 

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

Sigmund Freud

 

Is that because responsibility is the natural consequence of freedom? As long as men are not free to do something as fundamental as choose parenthood, they can be forced into assuming responsibilities.  And let’s be clear, the responsibility single fathers have assumed is not for the children.

 

It’s for a woman’s choice.

 

If feminists really wanted to tackle women’s oppression, they would insist that men and women are equally free to accept or reject responsibility for their life choices. But that’s not what they want at all.  They want the right to shift the burden accountability of onto men (how oppressive!), many of whom accept that treatment willingly. Like single fathers.

 

Why do they accept the burden?

 

Because they have no choice.  And because they put the needs of their children first.

 

Exactly what single mothers refuse to do.

 

Single mothers?  Just say no.  Single fathers?  Hell, yeah!

 

Those are men worth working for.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

 

 

58 Responses to “Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies.”

  1. Denise April 4, 2014 at 15:52 #

    Sorry, but this line: “It is therefore safe to assume that a single father had fatherhood thrust upon him.” I’m tempted to make a really inappropriate pun here. But suffice it to say that usually by the time a man starts having sex, he understands the birds and the bees and where all that leads. Men *definitely* get a huge side eye for choosing to have (obviously) unprotected sex with a woman they are not only not married to, but apparently do not respect or love enough to stay with once they have the kid. (And if she was not marriage material, again, why in the world would he be risking creating a child with her? Highly questionable judgment there.) You seem to be saying that because a man cannot back out of the consequences of his actions that he is therefore not really responsible for the actions that led to those consequences. No, he chose that path. The fact that he can’t retrace his steps doesn’t mean he didn’t make a willing choice to go down that road. And men also know this, adding to the questionable judgment part.

    And also, a woman having to deal with the child’s mother is, imo, the bigger issue rather than the child him/herself. Raising a child that is not naturally yours is one thing. People adopt children as their own all the time. Living in a household that is indirectly subject to the continual influence of another woman/your husband’s ex is another one entirely.

    So men in this situation, while perhaps having a bunch of good qualities, do have a couple of marks against them and will probably need to show that the good overcomes that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Vladimir April 4, 2014 at 16:13 #

    I would advise women to stay away from single fathers. Besides the fact that they will always have another person more important in their lives, these men have proven that they make bad decisions. Trusting women enough to have unprotected sex with them is a sign of lack of understanding of society or plain stupidity.

    Like

  3. patriarchal landmine April 4, 2014 at 17:56 #

    that’s assuming that single fathers want to bother messing up their lives to deal with another woman.

    Like

  4. Martini April 4, 2014 at 18:21 #

    Best thing I did was break up with a boyfriend that had a child with his ex-wife. (and the longer I stayed with him the better I understood why she left him — that poor woman!). I got along well enough with the little boy; he was cute but extremely spoiled and Daddy spoiled him even more on his visits out of guilt, no doubt. As a mere girlfriend, of course I couldn’t reprimand HIS child when the kid threw things at people (metal toy trucks) or acted like a holy terror. Of course, the child will always (and should) come first!

    Best advice for single parents: don’t enter into further relationships until the kid(s) are grown and out of the house. It almost never works out. The new person in your life is always an outsider in the family.

    Like

  5. RS April 4, 2014 at 19:18 #

    I dated a single father for a couple of years when I was younger and there were a lot of pitfalls you don’t address here. I didn’t mind coming in second to my boyfriend’s son- I understand that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But my boyfriend didn’t have fatherhood thrust upon him without a significant amount of irresponsibility on his part. His ex was an on-again off-again fling that he knew had already had a few abortions and was getting old enough to start thinking about the odds she would be able to conceive going forward but he chose to have unprotected sex with her anyway.

    It also became clear in our relationship that he hadn’t really learned any lessons in responsibility after the fact either because he still had the tendency to be reckless and I learned really quick to protect myself. I actually stayed in that relationship longer than I otherwise would have because I loved his son and he loved me. But there was so much friction and baggage with the ex that it became an unhealthy (and borderline unsafe) situation for me to stay in.

    So, my anecdotal experience has taught me not to automatically assume any nobility on the part of single fathers. I would have to judge that situation on a case-by-case basis.

    Like

  6. MC April 4, 2014 at 19:35 #

    “Men *definitely* get a huge side eye for choosing to have (obviously) unprotected sex with a woman they are not only not married to, but apparently do not respect or love enough to stay with once they have the kid. (And if she was not marriage material, again, why in the world would he be risking creating a child with her?”

    I think most single fathers, are single fathers, after a divorce from the woman they married. Not 100% sure though.

    Whether the divorce was their choice, I don’t know, usually not.

    Like

  7. caprizchka April 4, 2014 at 19:36 #

    A widower or single grandpa in my view is a much better bet in terms of a relationship being less likely to be willfully sabotaged by the little darlings.

    Like

  8. Fred April 4, 2014 at 20:22 #

    These single fathers are scarcer than an albino sasquatch. Good luck gals.

    Like

  9. Robyn April 5, 2014 at 02:43 #

    Eh, yes and no. A bad decision years prior, in their youth, doesn’t necessarily mean they well continue making them, because well, if that’s the case, pursuing YOU must be a bad decision then, right?

    I dated and married a single father myself. We have been married for six years and it wasn’t always a walk in the park.

    He overcompensated for the lack of the birth mom to the point where it wasn’t about putting his kid’s needs above his own, but EVERYTHING the kid WANTED and DESIRED above his own. To include not wanting to hurt his feelings and didn’t parent. It’s an issue when you have a school aged child that kinda controls your home.

    That became an issue when we started dating, because I have two older sons to his younger one, and well, when you ‘blend’ a family, and one side has house rules, boundaries, structure and such, while the other is more like a skewed version of Disneyland, it creates problems.

    But the problems are the adult problems. OH the fights we have had as parents. How it’s UNFAIR that my youngest son (he is my son by the way, I raise him) has to do a time out, because he’s a little guy.

    Uhhhh….well the little guy just spit in his older siblings faces and called them names because they wouldn’t give him their toys? No, it’s a time out dude, Sorry.

    You are emotionally abusing my child. Why do you hate my child! After ALL he has been through because of his MOM!

    Uhhhh….he was a baby when mommy dearest booked on both of you, to live her life of sex and drug enfused singlehood. He doesn’t remember her, but you do and you project that pain to him, and he wields it like a finely tuned violin anytime you tell him no, anytime you as an ADULT are doing something contrary to what your little boy wants you to do. That’s some mega power in one little set of hands!

    And no, that myth doth not define me. I’m not Cinderella’s Evil Step Mom. I’m just a mom that expects that my children respect the home, each other, and have manners. That’s all. But hey, if you wanna give me the glass slipper!

    That’s the point where I see some single parents taking that #1 priority thing was too far when it comes to their children.

    Happy Home, Happy Kids. You can’t have a happy home without a strong happy marriage.

    I have found that to have a successful relationship when you have whatever sort of mixture of parents and kids, is that your kids aren’t your #1 priority, they are your #1 responsibility, big difference.

    Your most intimate relationship in life with be with the adult person you have chosen to live that life with, to raise kids with, and to share your bed with. Period dot. And that relationship is your #1 priority, because when you date and then marry, and you have kids already, you HAVE to nurture it.

    Let’s face it. When we date people with kids and/or have our own, you don’t get the usual journey. It’s not him and her meeting, falling in love, doing the dirty deed, having kids, etc… It’s him and her with responsibilities to their children, so the kids are always in the mix. You never build a just the two of us relationship.

    So, when I say #1 Priority, I mean it. Your relationship has to be strong and happy, kids thrive when adults are strong and happy together. They feed off your emotions and your energies.

    Your #1 Responsibility is meeting your children’s needs. And those needs are not their every whim and desire either. No, their needs are a safe house to live in, clothing, food, and a decent environment where they are active and happily engaged. Beyond those needs, Johnny wanting the iPad, iPhone, a new car and a new laptop (yes, my oldest actually asked for all those at once) and your spouse needs a new engine in the car, well sorry Junior, the car needs to get fixed.

    ***
    My suggestion, from my own experience, is that IF you meet a single dad, you need to check out somethings. Because a single Dad, who has a family out there, isn’t alone in this. His mom, sister, aunts, etc…most certainly have been providing that ‘womanly’ part of him raising his kids. And that will also cause some issues. Trust me, I have the sister in law from hell thanks to her over involvement in his parenting and life. Jealously when he got married and she couldn’t back off.

    So, check that out ladies. See how ‘close’ they all are, meaning, does he run to his mom/sister/aunt/dad/uncle every single time he needs to make a decision? Is he really doing it on his own or is he leaving some of it to others so that he can fill the role he thinks he needs to fill: Provider and Father.

    My husband did that. He was his son’s best friend. No one did the hard part of parenting. I almost divorced him over it. I was NOT about to raise kids in a split household of HIS versus HERS.

    And I didn’t even have the displeasure of dealing with the ex. She was long gone.

    We did end up doing well, but it took a few years. Oh yes it did. And it took my single Dad to finally put his ego aside and his own fear of failing and hurting his son’s feelings to make it successful. He had to get his priorities straight.

    And that myth about the kids coming first? Nah, that doesn’t happen. Unless they are babies and can’t do some things on their own, it doesn’t need to be that way.

    We are a couple, and we have children. I am the center of his life, he is the center of mine, and the children are like planets around our sun.

    No power plays, no my kids come first so, sorry we aren’t going to carve out couple time.

    Children CAME first, they don’t COME first. Unless it’s in the responsibilities arena and it’s a choice between saving my husband or a kid, sorry honey, I love you, but I’m dragging the kids (to include his son) out of the burning building, you are on your own.

    Like

  10. Chris April 5, 2014 at 08:54 #

    Well, right, Let me explain ladies.

    Background: I was married in 1988, separated in 2006, and since 2009 I have been raising my sons by myself. I am not going to go into the ins and outs of why it all fell apart. I have two boys who can read, and their mother and they deserve privacy.

    But I had to take over the responsibility, because of what was happening. I could have bought a house with the lawyers fees.

    For cash.

    And I don’t live where housing is cheap.

    I then spent from 2009 until now… basically alone. I’ve dated exactly one woman in that time.

    Why?

    Because I have to work full time to support my kids — and I am very glad I am in a high paying job and can do flexible hours — and the kids did not need the complication of me falling in love with someone.

    I have huge respect for women who have had to walk that road. There are women who have ended up widowed, or had to leave or their kids, and hen raise their kids.

    But the ladies above… are the reason I tell my boys never to date an American.

    Most men who are raising their children and doing the day to day care have either been widowed or have had to fight for it. They have lost financially, emotionally and spiritually. There are no cash and prizes.

    I don’t think you can say that about women.

    Like

  11. Luke April 5, 2014 at 11:03 #

    Excellent article, JB. Several minor points to add:

    1) There actually are men who have custody of the children post-divorce, yet STILL pay child support (chilamony) to the ex-wife. I understand that most commonly it’s because she doesn’t actually want the kids (or particularly care about them) but still wants the dough. The father would go along with this because the kids are clearly better off with him (and commonly PREFER to be with him), and he doesn’t want to rock the boat by trying (and probably failing) to formally get custody via the femcourts (where the most likely result is to purely have his life made even harder). Also, some with custody have CS arrears from previously (that HER arrears magically don’t wipe out), so again they want to keep a low profile, with respect to both the mom and the courts.

    2) I am a father who has two 22- month old twins via egg donor and gestational surrogate. My wife (met 4 years ago) is a SAHM and has agreed with my wanting us to homeschool them. We spent like 80 grand to get them (most of which I earned at an oil rig job), so you see being a father CAN be a fully deliberate act in some cases. (We have leftover blue-eyed-blonde/high-IQ genes frozen embryos we’re not sure what to do with, FWIW.)

    3) Re the idiot 22-YO broads graduating with $100K in debt from “Man-Hating U” and a bachelor’s degree in Psychology, Literature, English, Sociology, Communications, Art anything, Drama, Music, racial anything, or (my favorite) Women’s Studies, the current saying is that she graduated “summa cum latte”. That is, all she’s economically fit for (that’s she’ll do) is to go right back to her entry-level counter attendant job at Starbucks, earning perhaps 2/3 of the INTEREST on her loans.

    4) The statistics for children’s life outcomes when raised solely by their (formerly heterosexually married) fathers is very close to the same as those raised to maturity in intact, both mom and dad present married families. You are so very right on this.

    Like

  12. Spaniard April 5, 2014 at 12:34 #

    I think most single fathers are like the fater of Blossom.

    Like

  13. Spaniard April 5, 2014 at 12:40 #

    When a woman with no children marries a single dad she is not expected to take echonomic responsibility on HIS children.
    When a man with no children marries a single mom he is expected to take echonomic responsibility on HER children.

    Like

  14. Michael Majure April 5, 2014 at 15:33 #

    Don’t discount the wisdom of the ages. The stereotype of the jealous wicked stepmother that is passed down over the past 1000 years has deep valid roots. Men and women have special and different weaknesses. Women, as noted in over 1000 years of western literature folklore, history, fairy-tales and sage proverbs are VERY prone to jealously that blinds them to the error of thier actions- even otherwise good and rational women can have a massive blind spot when it comes to jealously. I have a twin brother. Our mother died at the age of 26 of a massive heart attack at the dinner table. We were 3 years old. 2 years later my dad married again to a 27 year old , never married woman. At first, she was nice, but as soon as she had he first child by my dad, everything changed. She morphed into the most hateful, spiteful, vindictive abusive lying bitch you can ever imagine. I won’t even bother with the details of the abuse. But my pussy whipped weak dad did not put his foot down, he slowly succumbed to her will. For the love of Zeus! My mom was dead! I was 5! I wanted nothing more than to please my step mother and have her love me. But no. Jealously consumed her. I don’t disagree with your advice concerning women to true lay consider single dads- but to those single dads out there, you need to test the woman carefully because she might be sweet to your son or daughter now, but she can go Jekyll and Hyde on you real quick once she has her own kids…..tread VERY CAREFULLY and never, ever get pussy whipped

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  15. Alex April 5, 2014 at 20:15 #

    single fathers are, i believe, more like to be the outcome of a divorced marriage, not a one night stand

    Like

  16. td9red April 5, 2014 at 21:57 #

    If you are a single person under the age of 30, I would not recommend dating a single parent male or female. There simply no reason to involve yourself in all that goes along with being a single parent: child support taking money from your future household; a baby mama or a baby daddy to deal with; picking up and dropping off some kid that isn’t yours; spending your weekends, holidays, and free time with some kid that isn’t yours; date night at a family friendly restaurant; on and on and on, I can’t think of any benefit to being stuck with someone else’s kid. While I agree that single fathers are often not fathers by choice like single mothers, single fathers become single fathers due to carelessness. While condoms are the only viable birth control option for men, condoms are quite effective and there simply is no valid reason for failing to use one. But, irrespective of how or why a person becomes a single parent, dating individuals have the right to be selfish and simply not involve themselves with single parents and all the drama that goes along with them.

    Like

  17. borealprairie April 6, 2014 at 05:03 #

    Interesting post. In my experience, a single dad is irresistible to a certain type of damaged woman.
    As the daughter of a single father, I must say I was incredibly lucky he stepped up when it counted, although he wasn’t talented at choosing good women, ever. Between my mother, his post-divorce girlfriend and my current stepmother he can’t recognize selfish, crazy women and seems to be allergic to being alone. I wish he was better at relationships, he deserves much more happiness there than he ever had.
    He is an amazing dad, and never waivered in making some hard choices to make sure we made it to adulthood in one piece. 25 years later all of us kids are happy, married solid citizens, despite the whack job ladies he kept around.
    I shudder to think about where I’d be if my mom had had custody of us, her life took some dramatic turns, always towards the suck due to her relentlessly poor decision making. Lucky for us she didn’t really want kids in her awesome new life.

    Like

  18. Lean Back April 6, 2014 at 19:21 #

    “It is therefore safe to assume that a single father had fatherhood thrust upon him.”

    – And that’s a HUGE RED FLAG right there.

    Like

  19. caprizchka April 6, 2014 at 23:08 #

    I rest my case.

    Like

  20. feeriker April 7, 2014 at 00:09 #

    Smart ones count their blessings and stay single (and no, unless their children had an insufferable ogress for a bio-mother, the children are NOT looking for another woman to replace her).

    Less-than-smart ones (arguably the majority, whose common sense is overriden by their hormones) learn the hard and painful way (along with their kids, sadly) that there are FAR worse things than being single.

    Like

  21. Lean Back April 7, 2014 at 04:26 #

    ” While condoms are the only viable birth control option for men, condoms are quite effective and there simply is no valid reason for failing to use one. ”

    Once the male birth control pill comes on the market and men start suffering from the same side effects that women suffer from when they take “the pill” – loss of libido, weight gain, hormonal imbalance, heart palpitations, trouble breathing, and possible heart attack and death, they’ll go back to condoms, which really are the world’s best and most healthy form of birth control.

    Like

  22. Alex April 7, 2014 at 04:47 #

    that’s if it will affect men the same way. fairly big if at that, and still preferable to the possibility of being saddled with 18 years of child support

    Like

  23. Spaniard April 7, 2014 at 16:33 #

    Most women are not attracted to single dads.

    Why dating a single dad? Most of resources go for the child. And is not sexy at all a man pushing a baby trolley. The image of a man doing so is like watching an slave pushing a plough.

    But men are very attracted to single moms because motherhood is sexy. Probably dating a single mom ios not a good idea from an echonomic point of viw (and other issues) BUT men cannot help feeling attracted to moms.

    As said: feminity increases with motherhood. Masculinity dos not increases with fatherhood. The father-provider rol is not in nature except in birds. Not in any mammal.

    Like

  24. Luke April 7, 2014 at 16:51 #

    Screw condoms. What’s the point to intercourse with one, if you’re male? There’s no more actual contact or actual movement for him than in a permissive topless bar’s lap dances. There’s more contact with online porn combined with a bottle of warm lotion. If a chick doesn’t want to use any of the ~100 different forms of birth control available to her (but not to men) that don’t kill the sensation, I figure she can just give him BJs till she changes her mind about fitting getting birth control into her schedule.

    Like

  25. Martini April 7, 2014 at 16:59 #

    Actually, many, many women, including me, find it very appealing, cute, whatever to see fathers playing with their kids, pushing baby strollers and showing their parenting skills. Maybe it’s a cultural thing? (machismo!)

    Not once have I ever felt that a man taking care of his child looked slavish or unnatural. This kind of attitude is why so many fathers lose custody of their children and are relegated to “visits” — and children gradually lose their fathers. We may be mammals but we are human beings, not dumb livestock in the field.

    Like

  26. Goober April 7, 2014 at 17:10 #

    the real question is why the hell would a single father ever want to complicate his life and open himself up to even more exploitation by taking on a wife?

    Because we value companionship, and recognize that a woman who loves us and supports us is the best vessel through which to find that. Because we love our children and recognize that kids need a mother. Because we’re fools like that, thinking we have a good chance of finding either. And fools we’ll continue to be, in search of a good woman, because a good woman is literally that valuable.

    Like

  27. Goober April 7, 2014 at 17:15 #

    Sorry, but this line: “It is therefore safe to assume that a single father had fatherhood thrust upon him.” I’m tempted to make a really inappropriate pun here. But suffice it to say that usually by the time a man starts having sex, he understands the birds and the bees and where all that leads. Men *definitely* get a huge side eye for choosing to have (obviously) unprotected sex with a woman they are not only not married to, but apparently do not respect or love enough to stay with once they have the kid.

    I suppose you’ve never, ever once in your life heard of contraception failure?

    (And if she was not marriage material, again, why in the world would he be risking creating a child with her? Highly questionable judgment there.)

    So I’m not allowed to have sex with someone that I’m not willing to marry, and isn’t 100% marriageable material? Switch the genders and listen to yourself – a woman shouldn’t ever have sex with a man that she wouldn’t marry if she got pregnant, and wasn’t 100% marriageable material? Feminists would fucking pop a ven if they heard you say that, but it’s okay if you say it to men? Who are you to make decisions for men like that, and call them “questionable” because the condom broke? Or, because, as in the links JB provided, the woman that they were with intentionally sabotaged the birth control method. Click all the links before you comment.

    “That slut should have kept her legs together!” is beyond the pale, but “If you can’t handle the responsibility, don’t have sex, boys!” is totally acceptable. Why?

    You seem to be saying that because a man cannot back out of the consequences of his actions that he is therefore not really responsible for the actions that led to those consequences. No, he chose that path. The fact that he can’t retrace his steps doesn’t mean he didn’t make a willing choice to go down that road. And men also know this, adding to the questionable judgment part.

    Again, I assume you’ve never once on your life heard of a broken condom?

    Like

  28. Goober April 7, 2014 at 17:15 #

    Dude, seriously, am I the only one on this forum that understands that birth control can fail?

    Like

  29. Spaniard April 7, 2014 at 19:44 #

    We already know that when a woman says that is “cute” such things like “good man, “good boyfriend”, “good husband”, “good father”, “affectionate”, “father material”, “loving”, “caring”, “protective”, “responsible”, “hard worker”, “nice”… etc. deep inside they are puking, LOL and feeling pity for the pathetic creature (I am not saying is your case)
    What women love is cocaine addicts with tatoos who treat them like dirt.

    And, of course, no women on Earth would admit that a man pushing a baby stroller is a slave. Deep inside they know they are, but… let´s respect the happiness of the slave, please. A slave who thinks that what he is doing is not slavery but “behaving like a man and taking care of my family” would be always a good servant.

    And it used to be like that until the Third Wave Feminism. Since then women have killed the goose of the golden eggs, treating like sh…t the hapy slaves, divorcing them, raping them financially and taking the chidren out from them. The slave is not happy anymore.

    The goose is dead and the slave is awakening.
    Men do not need children to fulfill themselves. It is just a social construction.

    Like

  30. borealprairie April 7, 2014 at 20:41 #

    I see what you’re saying, I married a widower, he’s fantastic.

    Although it might sound like I’m one of your aforementioned little darlings, I left out a few details which I assume are not representative of all women dating single dads.

    After my mom left, dad started dating a beautiful younger woman who pursued him aggressively. Objectively, he had a lot of baggage: wife just left, suddenly responsible for day-to-day care of 3 kids aged 2-11 for the first time, career change to a lower income- none of which deterred her. It’s weird in retrospect but no one thought anything of it at the time. She and I had a lot of conflict, which everyone chalked up to me acting out (which I was). She wanted me shipped off to some sort of group home and pushed that for years; my grandparents would have none of that, thank god.

    While I absolutely did not make her life easier, she and my dad lived together for a number of years. When my father did not marry her she eventually left, and married another single dad within a few months. We found out she was an undiagnosed schizophrenic when she held her new husband and his 8 year old daughter hostage at gunpoint for a weekend. She had found a single dad who was less protective of himself and his kid than mine was; there were many more incidents like that in the years that followed.

    My stepmom came into dad’s life after the kids were mostly gone; I get along with her fine, it’s the two of them that are miserable together. I can only guess at what their problems are; while her behavior is outrageous I am sure he provokes her. And they both think they are too old/broke to divorce so they grit their teeth and tough it out.

    Like I said, I wish it was different for my father, after the great parenting he did for us. I’d like to see him happy and enjoying this phase of his life but he is an adult, we all have to find that for ourselves.

    Like

  31. Southern Man April 7, 2014 at 23:01 #

    And if a (divorced) single father has the kids, he probably had to fight tooth and nail to get them. That ought to count for something.

    Like

  32. caprizchka April 8, 2014 at 00:07 #

    You are right I don’t know you however there is no way to gauge how you and your siblings may have affected the eventual outcome which is an unhappy marriage. Obviously you were right about girlfriend number one and wrong about stepmom while she was girlfriend number X but obviously your opinion matters to your father who probably just wanted harmony. Did you inherit your father’s judgment or your mother’s or is it entirely independent of both influences? There’s no way to answer that question and besides stuff happens entirely beyond our control. Meanwhile, in a sick, unbalanced society all bets are off.
    I retain my opinion–until wife number one dies the children have split loyalty because mothers really do have disproportionate effect on their children thanks to nurture as well as mitochondria. Sick mothers have just as much influence as well ones. I realize that it is an unpopular opinion but I suggest that single fathers remain unmarried until the children grow up and meanwhile, heck, play the field in secret while the kids remain blissfully unaware, and discover the full breadth of womanhood–better odds–and get a vasectomy or be religious with condoms.
    Congratulations on your marriage. I wish you the very best.

    Like

  33. Lean Back April 8, 2014 at 04:38 #

    ” still preferable to the possibility of being saddled with 18 years of child support”

    Of course. And so are condoms.

    Like

  34. Lean Back April 8, 2014 at 04:40 #

    “We found out she was an undiagnosed schizophrenic when she held her new husband and his 8 year old daughter hostage at gunpoint for a weekend. ”

    Is she in jail or an insane asylum right now?

    Like

  35. JBfan April 16, 2014 at 08:13 #

    I mostly agree with this article although we shouldn’t judge too harshly ALL single mums, in the cases where she’s only single by circumstances (for example if the father’s done a runner, or has been killed).

    Like

  36. single dad April 17, 2014 at 01:34 #

    As a single dad I agree. I have my son, I’ve don’t have to worry about my genetic line continuing. No more kids, and no wife. I get my sexual and romantic needs met. No need to mess all of that up by entering into an unfair legal agreement.

    Like

  37. Dougie Fresh April 24, 2014 at 04:47 #

    Denise it takes two!!!!! both are responsible. Both!!! Say what you want I was a single father because she was not the R WORD, and is not, and isn’t, nor has not been responsible ever…. maybe never will, I don’t know. It is what it is and I’m not going into all the things a single Dad faces, besides just being ignorant and having to find his way. You know kids don’t come with manuals and everyone has advice for you ….some good …some not so good….but at least they cared enough to say something. It truly takes not just a Mother and Father but a lot of other folks to raise a kid and lets not forget that He/She has free will too!!!!! (yes your child) and is perfectly capable of letting you know it! See if you pay attention you’ll find your kids will be as much your teacher as you have been theirs! …..Did anyone notice that they learn a lot of stuff you didn’t want to teach them…….Pay attention because Grandchildren are much easier to raise. Oh back to my point, If someone gets pregnant during one of the most incredible moments of your life ….it just simply was a peak experience……. lets blame it on the hormones …can we do that???

    Like

  38. Dre May 19, 2014 at 21:30 #

    Some single Dads aren’t looking for replacement “Mother”. Often they have one. I think some men are looking for the companionship, and a decent woman who will be what they are looking for, that they didn’t find or didnt have met in the prior relationship. Especially young marriages- as you age you grown and change and sometimes stuff just doesn’t work out or someone changes their mind. MORE WOMEN than men are leaving long marriages these days!! To find themselves or whatever the hell.

    Like

  39. Dad June 23, 2014 at 18:41 #

    It’s about time men get a little appreciation.

    Like

  40. Ruff August 5, 2014 at 15:09 #

    Simple answer to problem, just say no to single parents…Not worth the drama..

    Like

  41. Esteban August 11, 2014 at 15:44 #

    I spent 20 years trying to adopt, working with and mentoring at-risk kids, amassing four degrees and a nest egg larger than most DINCs I know. I was a decorated serviceman, never a smoker or alcoholic, have a completely clean record (apart from minor traffic tickets). I volunteered to take single children, up to one sibling, and even older kids. But no matter where I went, I was dismissed for being a single male. And they weren’t subtle about it, either. I was often regarded with open suspicion and hostility. We’re simply not allowed to adopt, not on any realistic scale. For all the evidence available to me, I met every single standard required under the law; and then was shot down immediately when they discovered that I wasn’t financially supporting a woman. When I turned forty, I abandoned my dream to adopt because twenty years was plenty of rejection.

    Mind you… this did NOT stop the same groups sending me fundraising letters, or making that callous argument “if you really care for children, you will financially support the people who consider you less than worthy” with *zero* irony.

    Like

  42. Pheonix August 25, 2014 at 17:31 #

    Thank you jb.. From the bottom of this single dad’s heart..

    Like

  43. Andy Richardson September 6, 2014 at 16:08 #

    As a single father raising two kids on my own,this article really touched me. Pretty much sums up my life from becoming a father at 19 until today awaiting the finalization of my year long divorce in 3 months. Great article. My only issue was the letters used as examples to illustrate the views some women take on dating a real man who takes care of his responsibilities, atleast those women were reaching out because they realized their views were unhealthy. But they made for a good example of the entitled mindset of both men and women these days

    Like

  44. Drea September 7, 2014 at 16:17 #

    Dating single Dads is far from easy. Been down that road a few times. First one only wanted a physical relationship because he was so damaged from his crazy ex who spent more time in jail than with her kids. That nonsense lasted a few months. He wasn’t emotionally available or in a position to be dating at all.

    Current relationship has been a year of hell. DO NOT get involved with a man until his divorce is finalized, and he’s emotionally ready to move on. The up and down of everyone’s emotions, life changes, moving, stress and battles with custody and who gets the kids when and settling down is chaos. The children are emotionally torn and stressed out to the point they get sick or act out.

    Trying to help as a woman, be supportive, and gently guide your man along the way can often backfire. You have to tip toe around and make sure you don’t cross lines and upset ‘how they do things’ even if it benefits the kids and your partner.

    My partner has always lived in chaos, his mother lives with him and helps watch the children, but is overbearing and dictates to him how he should raise the kids and what to buy them. He won’t stand up for him self.

    The end result has been we had hopes if moving out together with the kids and make a fresh start. But he feels he cant let mother live on her own. So I have chosen to take a break and let them do their own thing and get settled.

    I don’t know if there is much hope for us. I’ve turned myself inside out being supportive and made myself sick over this relationship. I gave till I had no more to give. He will also pick mother over his partner, which is why his ex left.

    Like

  45. Fit dad still lonely November 30, 2014 at 14:56 #

    My son just became a teenager and this article sums up my entire life since his mother abandond us when he was a little baby. About 95% of women do not want a single dad. I’m in my prime, make great money, fit and cut as can be yet I am hesitant to tell most women who are not in my circle about my son at first since my experience has always ended with immediate rejection. It’s bad enough that I had to struggle through all the lonely and hard times of raising a child but to lay my heart on the line only for a woman to turn her nose up is frustrating as hell. The women in my city most definitely do not want to be tied down and that is all they see when they learn I’m a daddy who has no mom to help take care of the child. What should I do? I was closed off for ever and just started getting more aggressive with dating but letting women inside to tell me “this is just not right,” Is starting to really hurt again and even though I’m much more mature now it’s no fun and it hurts. I’m very handsome and there is no question in my mind that if I was not a single dad I would be in a relationship right now. I am patient and I am strong and I am not of afraid of responsibility and hard work. I know… All loathsome qualities. Perhaps if I was a trucker hat wearing piece of crap that walks away from little babies then my street cred. would be higher? Thanks JB I found the article insightful and I can totally relate. Strange times I live in – maybe someday – I don’t give up easy.

    Like

  46. Douglas December 1, 2014 at 18:32 #

    I thought I would say or add a little something to this. I was a single Dad before most of you were born …I’m 62 ..I had no trouble getting or finding woman to date. I look good, I’m healthy and my body is ok. What I found was most woman were looking at me as a good father for there “children to Be” so to speak, and overlooking other things. I did get married and had 3 more children. They are great. I wasn’t looking to have any children ever, but this is what happened. I am now divorced. Turns out although I thought I gave it the proper time and consideration before agreeing to marry. You’ll notice I didn’t say asked , I said agreed. She said she was going to leave if I didn’t marry her. We lived together for 2 years first. It was good. It was important to me to know if it would work with my son. …. When all is said and done some 24 years latter she told me. She never liked making love to me, she thought she could change me because after all and I quote ” Women marry men hoping they can change them and men marry women hoping they will never change” ….????? Well I can at least vouch for the second part of that statement! Before I agreed to marry, I took longer that her allotted time to make my decision ( 2 weeks longer, she never let me forget). Truth is I was just looking for clarity and I truly went through a lot. I sat down and leveled with her and told her I wasn’t going to change. Just so you know, I’m not a drug, alcohol or bar fly guy, but the biggest thing was to start my own business and that takes time and a lot of other things I wont go into now. There are many things you could say at this point, like red flag stuff, but give me a break! I did love her if I would have looked at only 2 things I could have had my answer. Number one she had to blackmail me into it and the fact that I had to think about it so long leads me to believe some where, some how I knew the answer. Keep in mind those of you that make those snap decisions, that good communication does require some time for some of us to get to our own truth! I have 4 Grand Children and I’m a wiser man today. So GUYs if your not finding that woman to date or marry… try looking at something else beside your body and looks, use you intuition and some where in you life path there is a place that makes you happy, and your answers are there! You’ll find some one. Be honest first with yourself and second with her. You make and create your world and if you don’t like the results change what your doing. What did Einstein say about the definition for insanity. Yeh…….. Well I’ll add to it … quit blaming everyone else, because your only saying that they had all the power to make things what they are!!! My friends have a good life, and when you do that, you will be happy, and when your truly happy, you will make the world you live in a better place, and when the world you live in is a better place,….DO I HAVE TO SAY MORE??? LOL I’m still working it myself! PS Oh by the way I never got child support or help in anyway from her… this doesn’t make her bad, just irresponsible. I dealt with it my way. I’m a good Dad and a happy Grandfather. Still looking for that Woman to take my breath away LOL……. Ever the optimist………Dougie Fresh

    Like

  47. shannon March 14, 2015 at 20:11 #

    Ahhhhh I just got SLAMMED by a separated man with 3 kids…..I was actually looking forward to meeting his 3. He is ALLLLL over the place emotionally….can’t really compromise right now…guess he can’t really give much of anything….I’d date you any day of the week!

    Shannon 🙂

    Like

  48. tanya March 15, 2015 at 03:44 #

    the msg from ‘tanya’ is for ‘fit dad still lonely’ posted on November 30th, 2014 w. teenager son:). thanks!!

    Like

  49. Moritz March 23, 2015 at 00:52 #

    Great article…I can also fully relate…a number of comments (likely from other single dads like myself) seem to agree. First and foremost, being a father of 3 young children and in my 30s, fit and in my prime, and having not dated since I met my ex-wife nearly 18 years ago in college, dating is a huge challenge and undertaking emotionally. I’m fortunate that I can approach a woman with relative ease, confidently ask her on a date, and immediately relate to her when I meet her (I try to be as cautious as possible when choosing a woman to date, and always go for much more than just beauty)…get that spark going from the top.

    About 6 months after my ex wife and I split, I was ready to move on and seek out a significant other to fill that void, NOT the void of being a mother (my kids already had that of course), but a lover, someone who could be by MY side and also act as a friend and role model toward my kids. Having a significant other has always been very important to me. Nothing brings a man down like the feelings of loneliness and emptiness after a failed marriage. I employed a combination of online and regular dating (through connections and networks via friends, etc.), and have been quite successful, sometimes having dates set up with 2-3 different women in a week. My preference has definitely been single (divorced) mothers. From my experience, they’re the easiest for single fathers to relate to and understand responsibility…we’ve been in each other’s shoes, and they fully realize that the kiddos are priority. When kids are involved…relationships almost always must begin gradually and slowly. Single, never-been-married women are less patient…more likely to resent a single father’s kids and walk away from the relationship at the drop of a hat. From someone reeling from a divorce and trying to continue to be a role model for my 3 kids…this was a gamble I wasn’t willing to take. Mileage of course always varies depending on the person, but divorced single mothers, at least in my opinion, are the best companions in a post-divorce situation where kids are a factor…

    – Moritz

    Like

  50. Robert April 15, 2015 at 06:19 #

    To all the women who think that a single father has to deal with a man who gets visitation! You need to read, or go back to school to learn to read. This person addresses the fact of a father who get’s/has custody of the children. In other words, he is the one providing, caring and supplying for the child/children. That is mostly because the mother was a dead beat egg donor or too crazy to care for her own children. I know this for a fact! I am a single father with 2 children. Low and behold, one of them isn’t even biologically mine. But, you know what?! I was there before birth! Have always been there and never will stop being there! Their mother?! In jail, waiting to go to prison! She even had another child that was supposedly given up for adoption to a nonexistent couple by that child’s father! I do not get child support. I do not get food stamps. I do not get any aid except for child care management services. I work full time. Sorry, to say! But, this is true. Women have alot more access to resources and privileges than a man does. Ive learned this first hand. So, if your a single mother on here trying to validate your argument! Please first READ the article before reading the first paragraph and than scrolling down to comment. It validates why I’m a single father with custody of my 2 children than their mother!!!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies. | Manosphere.com - April 4, 2014

    […] Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies. […]

    Like

  2. Comment Denied… Balanced Opinion Unappreciated by Red Pill Blogger | motivationalhierarchy - April 5, 2014

    […] Bitch did a nice piece about dating single fathers.  My comment was moderated […]

    Like

  3. On manjero, arch linux, mail clients and imap, and being a single dad. [quotage] | Dark Brightness - April 5, 2014

    […] judgy one has a post up advising women to date single fathers. She has hit a nerve, almost all the comments are negative. I’d just say that when the kids […]

    Like

  4. the Revision Division - April 8, 2014

    […] JANET BLOOMFIELD: Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies. […]

    Like

  5. Tough love for single dudes considering single moms | Honor Dads - July 23, 2014

    […] UPDATE: The counterpoint – Just Say Yes to Single Dads. […]

    Like

  6. The Part I take on the Assholes (Part 2) | Complicated Rules for Dating My Single Mother - December 1, 2014

    […] Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies. […]

    Like

  7. Taking on the Assholes (Part 3) – JudgyBitch Returns | Complicated Rules for Dating My Single Mother - December 4, 2014

    […] Website: http://judgybitch.com/2014/04/04/dating-single-fathers-just-say-yes-a-note-for-all-the-single-ladies… […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: