I am now officially sick of rape culture bullshit

 

Belle Knox, Duke Porn Star, sex-positive feminist and activist for sex workers has some thoughts on rape culture.  They’re stupid.  Big surprise.

 

I was at a friend’s house when the topic of college rape arose. I mentioned that I knew of someone who had been accused and prosecuted for sexual assault. My friend was quick to jump in and say, “Oh, I’m sure he didn’t rape anyone. The girl probably was drunk and regretted it in the morning. It happens all the time.”

 

How about instead of parroting the usual ideological bullshit which has been so thoroughly debunked that even RAINN is distancing itself from the words “rape culture”, how about instead of doing that, you actually listen to these women, who are supposedly your friends, and find out how they know this information?  Why don’t you begin with the assumption that these young women are not in fact emotionally immature simpletons incapable of a single original thought or observation of their own?

 

Try respecting women, especially the ones you call friends.

 

“Yeah!” my other friend chimed in, “That happens a lot. Like girls dressing all slutty then getting drunk at frat parties…”

 

Again, how do they know this?  Have they been to a lot of frat parties?  Are they familiar with how women act?  Do they have first hand experience observing this exact phenomenon play out? Have they had the experience themselves?

 

How is it that rape culture zealots can, on one hand, insist that any woman who reports a sexual assault must be believed with no questions asked, but women who appear to have some knowledge of false accusations of rape are to be shouted down and not believed for one second?  Do you trust young women to give honest accounts of their own experiences, or do you not?  Or is the case that you only choose to believe what matches your pre-conceived ideas?

 

Did I mention that both of my friends are 19-year-old women?

So adults then.  Glad we can agree on that.

 

In a few sentences, my friends had epitomized slut and victim shaming. In that moment, I felt enraged that my female friends had perpetuated rape culture.

 

Or, you know, they critiqued it in a way not consistent with your particular ideological stance, which is apparently forbidden? Refusing to toe the party line makes them stupid and incapable of understanding?

I also felt sad. Sad for every victim who has been or ever will be doubted because of the mainstream ideas surrounding sexual assault. When we allow ideas like this to be accepted, we only isolate the true victims and discourage them from reporting.

Look carefully there.  You have two victims: those who are doubted and the true victims.  You yourself appear not quite able to accept the mass cognitive dissonance that comes with accepting all claims of rape at face value and refusing all observations that suggest for a lot of cases there is some grounds for doubt. Even when those observations come from other members of your cohort.  Even when those observations come from your friends.

 

It makes me sad to know that if I were to ever become a victim of sexual assault, I likely would not be believed. And for the record: statistical studies indicate false reports make up two percent or less of the reported cases of sexual assault. (Roger Williams University, 2012)

Well, I suppose that depends, doesn’t it?  Are you a true victim or not?  The occurrence of false allegations is by no means as cut and dried as you would like it to be, which you already know. But you know, even if it were as low as you suggest, that would not matter.  The point is that false allegations of rape are not handled in a way that suggests the gravity of that accusation.  They are simply laughed away.

 

Our culture of victim shaming is present in subtle ways. During O-Week, I was constantly reminded to watch my drink and only walk in groups. Don’t get me wrong; these are practical tips. But essentially, they tell women that they can behave in a certain way to avoid being victimized.

Every adult person can behave in certain ways to avoid being victimized.  Why is rape such a special crime?  There are things every adult can do to avoid being mugged, which we heartily encourage, and no one for one second thinks we are victim-blaming.

Rape is a terrible crime.  But it’s not special. Sorry snowflake.

But, why don’t we tell men similar things? Why aren’t there anti-rape campaigns targeting women? Why don’t we focus on telling men not to rape, instead of telling women how to not get raped?

Because generally speaking, men don’t rape.  Rapists rape.  New information suggests there are a who lot of lady rapists out there too, but we don’t for a moment believe we need to teach all women not to rape.  Or murder their infants.  Or any other heinous crime committed by a small percentage of a large population.

 

I propose that we educate men about what constitutes rape. In North Carolina, having sex with someone who is legally drunk is considered rape.

 

Which means that if you have sex with a drunk man, you just raped him.  Perhaps you need to start your campaign teaching women that equality under the law means the laws apply to both men and snowflakes.

 

This is a stupid law, by the way.  Why in the hell do you want the justice system in your bedroom deciding whether you’ve had too many Cosmopolitans to have sex with your boyfriend?

 

Perhaps we should make it a focus during O Week [editor’s note: orientation week] to educate our students about the laws of consent, so that no one may ever revert to Robin Thicke’s mantra of “Blurred Lines.”

 

How about we teach young women the same thing? That hot guy who previously did not give you a second glance?  The one with beer goggles who now can’t quite make out that you are not his type?  Yeah, that one?  He won’t rape you no matter how much he has to drink.  There is no relationship between sexual aggression and alcohol intake. 

 

 

But you sure as hell can rape him.  Take advantage of beer goggles and you are committing rape.  You are a rapist.

 

How about we teach young men that when a woman says stop, they stop? Or that if a woman (or man) is drunk or unconscious, they should help them, instead of taking advantage of them?

How about we teach young women the same damn thing? An erection is not a sign of consent. A drunk guy is off limits. I’m not sure if you’re just grammatically confused, but your “they” refers to young men exclusively.  Why aren’t women under any obligation to help drunk men and women?

 

Our society needs a paradigm shift as it relates to our sexual assault prevention efforts. How about we stop teaching women how to not be a victim and instead attack the culture that creates the perpetrators instead?

How about we go even further:  teach everyone not to be a victim, acknowledge that there are likely just as many female perps as male and if we can all stop for ten seconds and act like responsible goddamn adults, none of this is an issue.

 

I dream of a day when my daughter can walk down the street without the fear of being assaulted.

Hyperbolic bullshit.  Try and at least be consistent.  Most “rapes” are committed by individuals known to the victim and do not occur while walking down the street. This is simple fear-mongering.  Better send your daughter out with a survival kit, too in case an errant tornado touches down.  It can happen!

 

And yes, I think that I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want without being labeled as a slut.

Oh, no doubt you do.  And I ‘m sure you would not be at all offended by a man walking down the street in yoga pants so tight you can get an accurate sperm count from half a block away.

 

This idea that men cannot control their impulses is archaic and offensive.

And here is where the real heart of the story lies. Go back and reconsider what your friends told you:  it is not men at all who have troubling controlling their impulses.

 

Alcohol + lowered inhibitions + slutty clothes + social events = women having sex they regret

It is not men getting trashed and having sex and waking up the next day looking around for someone to blame, despite the fact that lots and lots of men have sex under conditions that absolutely constitute rape.

 

You toss out Blurred Lines, but appear not to have actually listened to the song.  It’s the girl who is sexually aggressive.  Do you realize that?   She grabs him.  He takes that as indication of desire.  Then he lets her decide what to do next.  He makes his willingness clear, and hates that hers is not, but does nothing more than issue an invitation for her to “get at me”.

I hate these blurred lines

I know you want it

I know you want it

I know you want it

But you’re a good girl

The way you grab me

Must wanna get nasty

Go ahead, get at me

And that right there is the problem.  Survey men about their sexual pasts and you will find ample evidence that rape occurs with as much frequency as female reported rape.  Here’s a particularly charming story about a female rapist, in which she appears to have zero awareness that she actually committed was probably a fairly traumatic rape:

 

Mary, 26, who makes the walk about every two weeks, describes her first experience as the epitome of post-hookup embarrassment. “It was New Year’s Eve,” she says, “and ignoring the fact that I was on the heaviest day of my period and had hairy legs, I basically forced myself on a guy I hated because he was the only single male at the party.” She woke up disoriented, wearing a g-string/tampon string combination.

 

 

Eww. I wonder how the guy feels about that one? My guess would be he has taken a stern vow not to let himself be talked into a situation like that ever again.

And while there are likely some men who are deeply affected by those kinds of experiences, most seem to understand the role they played in their own victimization and they get over it and move the fuck on.

Because that’s what accountability means.  That is what agency means.  That is what being an adult means.

 

So Belle, do us all a favor and stop peddling this ridiculous story that women are not to be trusted or believed when they report observations that don’t match up with your ideological axe.  Stop reciting this insane litany about only men being rapists and how women are never responsible for their own safety and well-being.  Quit with this “women are basically children and men should be punished for women’s bad behavior” paternalism. We’re all sick of it.

 

Rape culture will end when women do one thing:

 

Grow up.

 

You seem to be enjoying your fame and notoriety, Belle.  Why don’t you do some good for a change and be the first one to try?

 

Come on snowflake.

 

You can do it.

 

Grow the fuck up.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB