Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent

16 Jun


So yes, let’s teach men what sexual consent means and how to obtain it. But let’s teach women that, too, because there are apparently a lot of women who do not understand the concept very well. Let’s teach men that women can be assailants and that they are under no obligation to accept or remain silent about unwanted sexual aggression from women. If consent is indeed “sexy”, then it needs to be applied equally.

11 Responses to “Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent”

  1. Jeremy June 16, 2014 at 15:19 #

    The feminine doesn’t actually want explicit two-way consent. I’m not suggesting that all women *want* to be raped or that they *want* to rape someone themselves. What I am saying is that what they really want is their own special implied-but-plausibly-deniable consent to be acted on by only the person they intended to give it to. This is entirely impossible to legislate on, since the law is required to be explicit.

    Female sexuality is incompatible with clear language, because female sexual power only retains it’s strength when it is communicated covertly. Women lose all their power of keeping men interested in them if they themselves clearly communicate who they would have sex with, so they avoid doing this at all costs.


  2. cheesetrader June 16, 2014 at 16:47 #

    Just crushed it, JB – fantastic article – thank you!


  3. RedPillOverdose June 16, 2014 at 18:08 #

    Feminists put have successfully reengineered a vile and violent act and turned it into shoplifting…to benifit no one else but them.


  4. nrjnigel June 16, 2014 at 18:48 #

    These pieces for thought catalogue are really good. This is well argued. In England(and Wales) rape can only be committed by a penis ( well it’s owner ) as the Law as written is specific. It also went through a revision in the last decade to place the onus on the defendant to prove he ( and if has to be a male) obtained consent. The result has been a decade of brow beating juries about “myths” because Jurors tended to reflect the much older idea of rape as a crime of force, an assault.So woman literally can’t rape a man in England . And the actual crime written is possibly not “shoplifting” but it isn’t “Rape” as in common parlance . In effect it covers “unwise” sex (under influence of “happy hours” and clearly assumes a penis is an offensive object in and of itself. I am ignorant of the law in Canada and the US , but I note that “statutory rape” is a crime a woman can commit.


  5. alcockell June 16, 2014 at 21:11 #

    .. or to ACT ON. I posited what happened to me – or a close version.
    Woman plies man with alcohol, grooms him, rapes him. Because she’s drunk – her agency is wiped, but she then blackmails him by threatening to cry rape.

    This was on a Jessica Valenti piece. It got zapped and I was put on pre-mod in the Guardian comments section.


  6. C June 17, 2014 at 02:19 #

    That reminds me of what is common in Japan (possibly other parts of Asia too) It’s really common for women to play coy and lightly say no (“iya”) but mean yes (actual no is usually a forceful “dame” which really is NO.)
    I remember an expat bringing a girl home and stopping when she said no and she got intensely confused when he stopped.

    The law can only kinda work with enthusiastic consent but I know that is not realistically happening all the time (that seduction scene in Gone With the Wind comes to mind..) It is intensely tricky, what would be the best way to deal with it? Certainly not how it’s being done now at least..


  7. Sumo June 17, 2014 at 11:08 #

    In Canada, “statutory rape” generally refers to having sex with a minor, so yes – women can be charged with it.


  8. Joe June 17, 2014 at 12:14 #

    My lone quibble is your not mentioning that feminists have expanded the definition of rape to, essentially, include “any sex that I regret”. As we all know, this generally means that if a girl has 2+ drinks of an adult beverage (implying that she’s an adult), that she is incapable of making rational, adult decisions, and thus any sexual encounter in this context thus renders the male a rapist, a felon. Even if he’s had 2+ drinks.

    How many of these are simply women who feel like a slut the next day or so and don’t like feeling like that, telling herself, “That’s not like me, thus I was raped, since I would never knowingly choose to do that.”

    Or there’s the girl who texted me once-upon-a-time to tell me, “If you won’t date me, I’m going to file a rape claim for the sex that we’ve had” [I’m almost certain that we hooked up no more than 2-times). I simply replied by taking a screenshot and texting her, “Thanks for the evidence of premeditation in case you are sick and fucked up enough to follow through with your threat. Oh, and shame on you, on behalf of true rape victims, for trying to use that as power against me, to force your hand.” She never replied.

    Or there was the dumb, 21 year old, redheaded college whore whom I witnessed seek out a man 10 or so years her senior in a bar, telling us, “I want to go home with and fuck him.” He eventually joined our group, and after the bar closed, he invited us to his nearby pad for more drinks. Me and the others went to leave, and, despite out trying to get her to leave with us, she insisted on staying. Two days later, she was bellyaching to me that she was raped, since she was too drunk to make those choices, and that we were horrible friends for letting her stay. For starters, I had only met her once before. Second, he was also drunk. And, third, in the course of her railing against him for being some supposed rapist, she uttered this gem, “The dumbass had whiskey dick, and couldn’t even finish”, thus judging him for not being able to give her an orgasm (let alone himself).

    Like the other girl whom I mentioned, I promptly told her to fuck off, and that regretting a stupid and irresponsible hookup didn’t amount to anything more than her being stupid and irresponsible. Certainly not rape. Certainly not something that merits giving him the Scarlett letter of a felon and sex-offender. The other girl told me, “Her case reminds me, almost to the point, of when I was raped”, prompting me to never talk to her again, either.

    With all of that said, this is why guys who pickup girls in bars are playing with fire, especially if they’re frequented by college-aged girls.


  9. mistuhgee June 17, 2014 at 21:46 #

    Speaking as a dude who didn’t want to make baby mistakes with the women I dated after my divorce, not only do women not understand consent, they utterly lose it if a man says no to sex when they offer. Apparently, I hurt their feelings, and had no right to lead them on and then “change my mind.” Needless to say, I was very selective when I remarried.



  1. Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent | - June 16, 2014

    […] Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent […]


  2. Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent | - June 16, 2014

    […] Link to my new Thought Catalog article about consent […]


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