Reposting this because I love it! How To Pick A Wife

12 Dec

 

I love it when this happens:  some single guy friend of Mr.JudgyBitch, hungry for some family time, ends up sitting at our dining room table, a plate of something warm and delicious in front of him, children cavorting silly and funny all around, a cat curled up under his feet and a glass of something fortifying at hand.  He looks around, sighs, and says, “JudgyBitch, why aren’t there more of you?”

 

The truth is there ARE lots of women like me:  women who value home and family more than cash and credit in their own names.  Women who like being First Officer and are happy to have a Captain who takes the main responsibility for the crew.  Women who make other people’s happiness their own, and who don’t have to TRY to do that, it’s just how they are.

 

The trick is to be able to recognize those women when you meet them, and to see the red flags that tell you when you’re going down the wrong track. So here is JudgyBitch’s advice for single men on how to find a wife.

 

 

How much does she weigh?

People come in all different shapes and sizes, and there is no wrong or right shape.  There’s only what you prefer, and you are entitled to your preference.  Start with that.  Do NOT marry someone you do NOT find physically attractive.  It will not get better.  It will get worse, and that’s a terrible position to be in – married to someone you don’t fancy.  Having said that, you need to ask IS HER WEIGHT STABLE?  Whether you prefer the softly rounded or the slender, the athletic or the sturdy, a stable weight goes hand in hand with a stable mind. Look at pictures of her over time.  Wildly fluctuating weight is a sign of mental disturbance, and that is just what you do NOT want.

 

How much does she care about her clothes?

 

Again, it doesn’t matter what your preference, fashion-wise is.  A pretty country dress, blue jeans and t-shirt, yoga pants or metropolitan chic.  WHAT she wears doesn’t matter, but how much she CARES certainly does.  First of all, it can cost a shitload of money to keep a fashion conscious girl in circulation.  That is NOT what you want to spend your family’s money on.  Second, someone who invests a lot of time thinking about herself and what she looks like is not likely to be spending a lot of time thinking about YOU.  And fuck that right there. Check out her closets.  Are they stuffed to the seams with clothes and shoes and boots and accessories?  Yes?  Pass on her.  Not what you want.

 

 

Does she care if you are hungry?

 

Young women today have very few domestic skills, a sad result of growing up with mothers who preferred cubicles and frozen pizza to a kitchen and fresh bread.  Those skills can be learned, however, and all it takes is practice and desire.  Don’t panic if your lady friend cannot boil water or make the proverbial sandwich.  She can learn how to do those things.  What she CAN’T do is learn how to care.  She does or she doesn’t.  A woman who will bring you take-out, or heat soup from a can or pick up some bread and cheese from the bakery because YOU are hungry is on the right path.  It’s all about attitude.  Wanting to go out for dinner because SHE wants to is very different from wanting to go get dinner because YOU have had a long shitty day and she’s knows your favourite Mexican restaurant is just what you need.  Caring about you starts with caring about what and when you eat.  It’s really that simple.

 

Does she have a loving family and close friends?

 

Women who DON’T have these things should not be off the table automatically, because no one chooses their family, but a woman without a family or friends should be dealt with very cautiously.  There might be a good reason she has no friends.  Beware of women who say things like “I don’t like hanging out with women.  They’re so bitchy/catty/dramatic/blah blah.  I prefer the company of men.”  That’s a huge red flag right there.  There are plenty of women I hate and would not voluntarily spend one second with, but I also have a group of like-minded ladies who walk through life with me and I LOVE them to pieces.  A woman who prefers the company of men over all women has a problem with lack of male attention.  She probably grew up in a single parent household, and it’s unlikely she is going to be satisfied with just YOUR attention.  Give her a miss.

 

Does she have an inner life?

 

A woman with an inner life does things that allow her to contemplate the world from someone else’s perspective. Whether that involves reading or analyzing baseball games or volunteering at the animal shelter, it means she has some capacity to consider the needs of others.  There’s a clue there, dudes.  If you’re actively looking for women who read/analyze/volunteer, you should spend some time at the bookstore/arena/shelter. Become a familiar face and you might find a willing conversational partner and then take it from there.

 

 

Does she like children?

 

That’s a deal breaker.  A woman who doesn’t like children is a woman who doesn’t like vulnerability, chaos, responsibility, obligation, patience or cheer.  Lots of women will say “oh, I would love my OWN children, I just can’t stand other people’s children.”  That is a woman who considers children personal property and you are in for a hot mess of hurt and a lifetime of child support if you fall for one of those ladies.  The slightest hint of not liking children should send you running for the hills.  The failure to see children everywhere as little people deserving of love and guidance and patience and tolerance is fatal flaw.  Run, lads!

 

Does she want a big wedding?

 

In certain cultures, big weddings are an expectation and par for the course. JudgyBitch’s youngest brother UPSGuy, married into a huge Italian family, and the wedding was insane, but necessary.  Mrs.UPSGuy would have been happy to elope, but her 285 cousins would have killed her.  So a big wedding it was, but in general, the desire for a big wedding is a hint that you have found a Princess, and not in a good way.  A Princess is an entitled narcissist who thinks everything and everyone should be about HER and her Big Day!  You are an accessory and not much more. That’s not a good thing.  Princesses expect life to treat them royally simply by virtue of being born and they have little concept of what their duties and responsibilities are in relation to the kingdom.  Ditch the Princess and look for a Queen.  A Queen is different.  She understands that she has obligations and that her privilege comes with a price, which she is more than willing to pay.  A Princess will see you as a Daddy, who ought to take care of her and indulge her every whim.  A Queen knows you are the King, and commands alongside you.

 

A word about the dress, though.  The Dress lives in every woman’s imagination and it will cost a lot for something that only gets worn once (although I wear mine every anniversary).  But there is a LOT and then A WHOLE FUCKING LOT.  A big creamy taffeta and silk confection can be had for a couple hundred dollars and that is a lot of money, but if you can afford it, it will melt her heart and make her feel like she is living in a dream.  With you.

 

 

Does she wear sensible shoes?

 

Ok, this one is a personal peeve.  I just think a girl in sensible shoes has her head on straight and knows that sometimes life will throw you a curveball and you need have your feet on the ground, solidly and be ready to catch or get the hell out of the way.  Sensible shoes doesn’t mean ugly shoes.  It means practical, comfortable and affordable. Just what your wife should be.

 

So there you have it.  What to look for in a wife.  Where to find her?  Hell if I know.  But she’s out there.  Don’t settle for anything less.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

68 Responses to “Reposting this because I love it! How To Pick A Wife”

  1. That_Susan December 12, 2014 at 22:36 #

    That’s great advice. I hope lots of single guys take it — especially the part about hanging out in places where they’re likely to find someone with an interior life.

    Like

  2. paulvzo December 12, 2014 at 23:09 #

    As usual, so insightful and correct.

    I would add look at your potential spouse’s family, the one she grew up with, parents and siblings. How was their love, if any? Drug, gambling, or alcohol problems? Violence, even mental?

    This need not be a deal killer, but if the family had/has issues, proceed with caution! As I got to understand my father’s upbringing and my grandparents as a middle aged adult, I was amazed at what a wonderful father and family man he turned out to be. He knew what he wanted and although he had his stumbles, he kept his eye on the prize.

    Thank you, Dad!

    Of course, things aren’t always predictable. Using my own advice, as I got to know my last gf, I thought I had a green light to get more deeply involved. Little did I know that, long story short, she was unable to return love. She feared it and built barriers when she felt herself being cornered. Her family was professional and solid middle class, none of the issues I mentioned above.

    Ya never know…………but you can turn the odds in your favor.

    Like

  3. insanitybytes22 December 12, 2014 at 23:25 #

    LOL! That was fun to read. The closet thing and obsession with clothes, if they still have price tags on them, run! There are women who spend a fortune on clothing and shoes they don’t ever intend to wear.

    Like

  4. Noor December 12, 2014 at 23:36 #

    “I don’t like hanging out with women. They’re so bitchy/catty/dramatic/blah blah. I prefer the company of men.”

    Yeah, that rules me out completely. It has nothing to do with a lack of male attention, at least for me. It’s that women are either…that, or they end up forgetting all about you in a month. Also, the political/philosophical circles I’ve hung around in are almost exclusively male.

    But then again, the very idea of marriage and kids weirds me out like all hell, and I’m in a good relationship anyway.

    Like

  5. TheSharpeful December 13, 2014 at 00:12 #

    I’ve had my share of girlfriends so far… and still you’ve managed to describe some sort of alien species JB…

    Like

  6. FuzzieWuzzie December 13, 2014 at 00:14 #

    I did thoroughly enjoy reading this the first time round. While it isn’t all of it, it does offer some excellent pointers. I wish there were an opportunity to apply them.

    Like

  7. BB753 December 13, 2014 at 00:20 #

    Sound advice! It’s nice to hear tips from the other side, so to speak. I’m a divorced man and looking back, I made a very bad choice in the woman I chose. Some of the defects you point out were there: the clothes obsession ( in her case, shoes, she couldn’t have enough of them), her not liking children, a lack of inner life.
    From my point of view I would add: avoid a woman who has not had a healthy relationship with her dad. That includes both spoiled princesses and women who hate their father. Both extremes are bad. Also, avoid women from broken divorced homes, particularly if the mother cheated on her husband and/ or initiated the divorce. Even if your prospective wife comes from an intact family, check out your potential mother-in- law. If you don’t get along, she will end up ruining your marriage. That’s what mothers-in – law do.
    Briefly, here are some other clues you should ditch a girl: she smokes, does drugs, drinks too much. A man should try to marry a virgin if available. If not, no more than one previous boyfriend, and no more than two men total inside her.
    Girls to get away from: artsy types, hipsters, single moms, career women, evangelical/ born-again types, etc.
    That narrows it down considerably, doesn’t it?
    Lastly, my advice for young lads is to never marry in your twenties. Wait till you’re 30 or even 35.And marry younger: she should be between 5 and 12 years younger than you are.

    Like

  8. paulvzo December 13, 2014 at 00:50 #

    You had me until the virgin thing. No way would I ever marry a woman who I’d not have had sex with, nor inexperienced. Only insecure men think in those terms.

    My rather extensive data base tells me that probably no more than half of the women out there I would want to spend the rest of my sex life with.

    Like

  9. Mark December 13, 2014 at 01:11 #

    I was thinking I’d just try the mail order bride thing. Any personality flaws will hopefully be made up by how grateful she’ll be to get out of Chechnya.

    /joke

    Like

  10. BB753 December 13, 2014 at 01:13 #

    I said virgins are better for marriage. Not for sex, of course. Why? Because a man who’ s ridden a hundred cocks can no longer bond sexually and intimately with anyone. It has nothing to do with being better or worse in bed than previous lovers. It’s got to do with being spoiled for the experience of bonding with a single man.
    I didn’t really understand your last sentence. I take it as meaning: 99% of women aren’t with marrying to. And I agree.

    Like

  11. TheSharpeful December 13, 2014 at 01:28 #

    I have never been married, but I was in a long term relationship with someone that almost mirrors the warning signs you wrote in your post.

    Broken home, mother cheater on father, hated her father, clothes (shoes) obsession, she liked children as long as they were family, and lacked inner life.
    Admittedly I was young and stupid, but after 8 years… it ended really badly.
    In the end, despite all the great times, she turned out to be a vengeful, spiteful bitch.

    Like

  12. BB753 December 13, 2014 at 01:31 #

    Type: a woman who’s riddden… LOL! Sorry!

    Like

  13. paulvzo December 13, 2014 at 01:59 #

    “A man who’s ridden a hundred cocks….” You must have me confused with some gay guy pretending he’s me.

    I’ve had well over 100 female partners. A good data base, as I said. Not shabby for the era I came of age in.

    Lots of women are worth marrying. Many have fucked many men. The criteria you propose has little or nothing to do with the marriage working.

    When it was expected a woman would be a virgin it had to do with the man’s DNA, not being cuckholded. OK, probably some level of insecurity, too.

    I can’t imagine the horror of finding that I’m going to spend my life with a flat backer.

    Like

  14. Mac December 13, 2014 at 02:17 #

    It may sound odd, but friendship is very important, I married my best friend, and it gives you both something to fall back on when the going gets rough. If you don’t have friendship you don’t have much. Sensible shoes eh? In my humble opinion there is nothing more feminine than heels….

    Like

  15. shewantsmyblood December 13, 2014 at 02:35 #

    Reblogged this on SHE WANTS MY BLOOD.

    Like

  16. Dave December 13, 2014 at 02:59 #

    Can she play classical music? That’s an excellent test because it demonstrates intelligence, diligence, and manual dexterity. And it doesn’t take one to know one — any fool can recognize a good classical pianist.

    There are several IQ-influencing genes on the X chromosome, which makes IQ more variant in males than females. It also means that boys inherit IQ more from their mothers than their fathers. So choose wisely, if you don’t want your kids riding the short bus to school.

    Like

  17. FuzzieWuzzie December 13, 2014 at 03:01 #

    Mark, you’re close to being on point. Somebody else put it this way. “if you come from somewhere poor, you’re not going to put a whole lot into things that you can buy with money. You’ll be more likely to treasure relationships.”
    Food for thought.

    Like

  18. Jack Strawb December 13, 2014 at 03:10 #

    Actually, JB, there’s nothing wrong with big weddings. It’s expensive weddings that should raise red flags. I’m guessing you agree w that refinement. Especially in the country, if you can’t throw a wedding for 300 for $10 a plate and tents, you’re not trying.

    Like

  19. worleyf December 13, 2014 at 03:11 #

    Absolutely … brilliant.

    Like

  20. judgybitch December 13, 2014 at 03:36 #

    Very good refinement!

    Like

  21. b g December 13, 2014 at 05:15 #

    Well, my late wife and myself were married for almost 45 years, but my mother in law was always a bit of a dubious pain in the arse. Until we gave her my wife’s final ceremony and I played “Amazing Grace” on the pipes for the church. It took more than 40 years for her Mom to finally grasp that we kind of liked each other a lot ;-D

    Like

  22. judgybitch December 13, 2014 at 05:18 #

    I’m doing well then. It’s only taken my husband’s mother 16 years to grasp that.

    Like

  23. b g December 13, 2014 at 05:32 #

    Yes, Interestingly, my late wife’s father offered me the monetary difference between a wedding and eloping, I told her that not only would my wife despise me forever, but so would every female on both sides of our family. It was thousands of dollars when we didn’t own much anything but a bloody bunch my books, but it was the correct choice.

    Like

  24. The Real Peterman December 13, 2014 at 05:51 #

    What’s weird about bringing a tiny human into your home who screams and yells, pees whenever they want, and only eats weird-smelling goop?

    Like

  25. Noor December 13, 2014 at 06:05 #

    To quote a friend who disliked children probably more than I do, “They’re like people, only dumber.”

    Like

  26. Dean Carder December 13, 2014 at 06:18 #

    Whoops! Too late! After 30 years the one I loved walked out and only now do I find that she had several of your Do Not’s! 51 and looking again with much trepidation!

    Like

  27. Renny December 13, 2014 at 10:58 #

    So, if I don’t want to have children I should find myself a woman that does? Quite stupid.

    When will “regular people” understand that the need of procreating is only compulsory for animals and a choice for humans?

    Like

  28. paulvzo December 13, 2014 at 12:42 #

    As someone implied above, but didn’t wrap up, what was her relationship with her father like? Hopefully, it was close and loving, he giving her lots of respect and support in her early life.

    Beware the father “loving” his daughter by confusing money and gifts with time. My ex-sister-in-law believed she was a princess, after all, Daddy gave her everything she wanted and more. When Bro hit some hard times years ago, wow! What a bitch! No wonder he divorced her. She’s still mad at him 25 years later.

    Like

  29. Rebecca December 13, 2014 at 13:00 #

    Yeah that’s weird. But is collecting clothes different from any other hobby? Some hobbies are expensive. Men similarly collect electronics and other toys. How much should one spend on a hobby before it’s a problem?

    I’m on the other end of the spectrum about the clothes. People have told me I should care more about my appearance. The other day my beloved lamented that I don’t wear tight pants for him any more. A man likes for his lady to look good.

    Like

  30. insanitybytes22 December 13, 2014 at 13:27 #

    “But is collecting clothes different from any other hobby?”

    No, clothes are great, it’s just the people who obsessively shop for them and spend so much money on things they never even plan to wear. That speaks to being wasteful, but also to having some unfulfilled need you’re trying to compensate for.

    Looking good is important, but I think the male standard for looking good is way different then how women perceive it. Perhaps some men care about brand names, fashion, and quality of clothing, but I suspect most just want to see something that fits well and us feeling good about ourselves.

    Like

  31. insanitybytes22 December 13, 2014 at 13:35 #

    I think that’s a really good point. Relationships with fathers have a huge impact on how you perceive all other men.

    Like

  32. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 13:54 #

    “But is collecting clothes different from any other hobby? Some hobbies are expensive. Men similarly collect electronics and other toys. How much should one spend on a hobby before it’s a problem?”

    I agree that collecting electronics and other male toys can be just as expensive as the clothes thing. One of my friends — a single mom, so I guess not someone JB would advise a guy to date anyway — briefly dated a guy who made it clear that he intended to stay accustomed to his current habit of always having top-of-the-line entertainment centers, etcetera. He said, “You’re used to making do, but I don’t have to.”

    Which is true — but even if I’d been single and with no kids dating a guy like that, that attitude would have been a red flag that this would be a guy who’d whine when feeding and providing for OUR family interfered with his ability to avail himself of the latest gadget.

    I also gave a ride once to a guy who was dating another one of my friends who was also a single mom, and he was whining to me about how he was used to his nice perfect apartment and all his nice new stuff, and he was afraid her kids would mess that up — and I was like, yeah, they will, so just decide whether this is really what you want. I mean, duh.

    And at that time, I was a single woman with no kids. I’d just gotten serious with my future husband, and he (my friend’s “sort of” boyfriend) was telling me that he thought we were moving too fast. It was almost like he was tentatively trying to make a move on me — but even if I’d been available, the stuff he’d just told me about not wanting kids to wreck his perfect life was enough for me to know that he wasn’t husband and father material.

    I mean, it works both ways. There are both men and women who are so attached to their need to feel in control that they can’t welcome kids who are going to come in and turn everything topsy-turvy. It’s not so bad if they just decide that they don’t want kids, and are honest about this in their relationships and actually do something to prevent an “oops.” But some of these control freaks do end up having kids, which is no fun for the kids.

    As far as how much is acceptable to spend on a hobby, it varies based on income and other responsibilities. If you’re dating someone who seems to be spending a disproportionate amount on a hobby, and you’re getting serious, I’d ask them how willing they’d be to reduce that spending in order to prioritize a family — possibly even see if they’d be willing to sit down together and work out a budget in which you were BOTH totally honest about income and spending habits (I don’t mean just focusing on THEIR spending, obviously), and see if you can agree together on a budget and follow it together. This is especially useful if you’re planning on one of you quitting work or reducing hours once children are in the picture.

    Like

  33. paulvzo December 13, 2014 at 15:17 #

    Dean, some advice, if I may?

    Unless you are a man with a fat wallet living a luxury life style, or a very charismatic and/or powerful man, the deck is stacked against you.

    Based on my own experiences and those of a number of men older than you, it becomes really, really hard to find a good companion. Or, even just to get laid. Again, exceptions noted above.

    As per biology, both you and the women will be, generally, less attractive, less hormonally meeting ancient, DNA breeding goals. Then you have what a social worker friend once taught me, “The ruts get deeper.” Meaning, as we go through life, we start having strong preferences about values and the way we do things. Think hanging the toilet paper times twenty. Much harder to mesh the gears than decades ago.

    Money starts rearing it’s head. Not just the classic woman looking for a provider meme, but what if the woman has money and you don’t? Not just a mismatch, but perhaps she has her guard up, seeing you as a leech. In our younger years, not many women were doing better than men, financially. Now, quite common. Either professionally or inherited from Dead Husband.

    Ooooo…..and let’s not forget menopause. Sure, some women remain at least reasonably horny and want sex, but I’d say half of them just lose interest. Zip, nada, whaddya think you’re doing with that?

    Let’s not forget, too, that if you are a typical recent divorcee, you are damaged goods. You may have your own guard up, I did for many years. Or, appear needy. Neither good for a stable relationship.

    Not saying don’t keep your eyes open. In fact, I hope you find everything I wrote to be a total, inapplicable crock for you. I’d be jealous!

    Like

  34. lelnet December 13, 2014 at 15:41 #

    Yeah, I’d stick this one in the “guideposts” pile, rather than the “rules” pile, myself. (Does it say anything relevant, that every point of (minor) disagreement with this list corresponds precisely to where it reccomends that I not have married my wife? 🙂 )

    “No female friends” _might_ signal an inordinate craving for attention. Or it might just mean that she’s spent her life to date fishing for friends in the wrong waters. In the latter case, a woman who sees a choice only between friends drawn from the typical run of modern women, and no female friends at all, and chooses the latter…well, I’d call that a move demonstrating exactly the sort of prudence you want. More functional social circles can always be added later.

    Truth is, there’s nothing on this list that, by itself, should be a total deal-breaker. But they’re all red flags that require very close examination.

    Like

  35. comslave (@comslave) December 13, 2014 at 16:23 #

    The article is a few decades too late. While there are women out there worth marrying, the laws involved in marriage aren’t worth using, and it doesn’t take too many loser women for a guy to give up on the idea.

    The few women who are worth marrying have been heavily screwed over by the much more common women who have made the idea of marriage repulsive to men. These selfish narcissistic women got to the men first, wrung them out and left them bitter. The sisterhood of the oppressed created a generation of men who now simply want to be left alone.

    Like

  36. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 17:58 #

    “These selfish narcissistic women got to the men first, wrung them out and left them bitter.”

    So where would you say that the unselfish and loving women can be found? If they’re not the ones who “get to” the men first, could it be that there’s something about the selfish ones that stands out and appeals more to a young man? Could it be a good idea for men to look for the kind of woman who doesn’t instantly attract his attention?

    Like

  37. Mark December 13, 2014 at 18:15 #

    A woman who can play classical music would be hard for me to resist. Even if she just likes classical music, still a rare find.

    But I’ll be sure to give any dates from now on a printed out IQ test before going out.

    Like

  38. Jason Wexler December 13, 2014 at 19:32 #

    Isn’t a lot of the things on this list both more generalizable and in many respects applicable to any or all people in relationships?

    Have shared values.

    Have both shared interests and individual interests.

    Be able to care for yourself.

    Have empathy for others, so you can care for them.

    Avoid partners with compulsions you neither like nor understand.

    Avoid codependency, have outside “relationships”.

    And finally I think the biggest thing our culture currently fails at, know yourself well enough to know what you really want, so you can have realistic expectations.

    Like

  39. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 20:25 #

    LOL, when I was young, there was still this old saying going around about girls who were really smart using their brains to cover up how smart they really were.

    But actually, being a good and active listener is one of the best “IQ tests” a person can pass. A person who doesn’t feel compelled to demonstrate his or her smartness, but instead shows more of an interest in the other person’s dreams, goals, and accomplishments, is secure enough to accept that most people are more interested in how smart they are than in how smart you are.

    At least, this has worked out well for me in my own relationships. I don’t mean that I never talk too much about myself, because sometimes I do — I just mean that my relationships are better during those times when I can forget myself enough to be an active listener.

    Like

  40. Spaniard December 13, 2014 at 20:45 #

    Ok, you marry a vocational housewive, slim, stylish, who loves children, with inner life and then?

    Then you have to earn money for you and another adult.

    Then she can divorce and rape you in court, anyways…

    The only sensible marriage I know is Guy Ritchie´s with Madonna.

    Like

  41. Spaniard December 13, 2014 at 20:45 #

    LOL 🙂
    Agree 100%.

    Like

  42. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 20:47 #

    I agree! And I think that for every stereotypically female shortcoming, there’s a corresponding shortcoming that men are more likely to exhibit. For example, one poster here already pointed out the correlation between women collecting clothes and men collecting electronics.

    I guess the idea is that society currently puts women on a pedestal, and presents us as being so self-sacrificing and so incapable of realizing that we are worthy of great things, that there are already plenty of voices urging women not to “settle.”

    So J.B. is urging men to realize how much they are worth so that they won’t settle either.

    Of course, we are all in different little corners of the universe. In my little corner, living in a racially diverse and primarily lower-income neighborhood in the inner city, I see both men and women dealing with various kinds of abuse and discrimination.

    But I imagine that in more white, middle or upper middle-class corners, there are more men who actually have the emotional and financial reserves to invest themselves in figuring out exactly what women want and trying to give it to them.

    It’s like Maslow’s needs hierarchy. Those of us who have to expend so much energy every day trying to hang on to our homes and feed our kids just don’t have the luxury to fret so much about higher fulfillment for ourselves or our spouses. We still care about our spouses and want them to be happy, but it’s kind of like we’re a team of soldiers, or swimmers, just trying to fight the good fight and stay above water. Let’s win the war and then maybe we can go paint that painting or whatever.

    Okay, I’m probably exaggerating a bit After all, I obviously have the time and energy to write long blog posts. 🙂

    Like

  43. M.S. December 13, 2014 at 21:35 #

    You must never lie to make a point, or a joke. Details will stick around and destroy your credibility. Moderate this.

    Like

  44. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 22:03 #

    You mean you doubt the idyllic picture of a lonely single male having his feet warmed by Feline JudgyBitch, while he enjoys warm delicious food and fortifying drink and watches the amusing antics of the children?

    Like

  45. That_Susan December 13, 2014 at 22:05 #

    I mean JudgyBitch’s feline, I’m not saying that J.B. becomes a feline in order to warm the feet of Mr. J.B.’s lonely single friends.

    Like

  46. M.S. December 13, 2014 at 22:37 #

    Susan and Ms. Less Credible (yet still judgy…), you are hurting the MGTOWs with your inaccurate article. Cars to us are very important, O just watch an F1 Race alone and you will understand why such mistake, so brutal 🙂

    Like

  47. Jason Wexler December 13, 2014 at 23:55 #

    There is a lot of really important stuff in your comment, and it largely reminds me of why I take JB’s recommendations with a grain of salt. For too many families with working women (regardless of whether they’d rather be at home), she isn’t working because she is pushing a feminist agenda, but because her family couldn’t survive financially without her doing so. These families live in different corners of the universe than JB does, they lack the Canadian social safety nets that JB has access to, as well as a marketplace which isn’t suffering the over corrections of price for high demand created by over population. Many people aren’t aware or conveniently gloss over the fact that nearly 70% of Americans live in one of 150 high population density CBA’s/CBSA’s (metropolitan areas) most of which only barely are affordable to live in based on real wages, with the remaining dozen being completely outrageous in their lack of affordability. For instance I live in one of the dozen overpriced metro areas, Denver, which is on the low end of overpriced, and my brother and his wife are house hunting, they have a combined salary which puts them just over the US median household income, yet the most expensive houses they can responsibly afford are too small, not move-in ready levels of dilapidation (Colorado law prohibits taking possession/moving into houses which are unsafely dilapidated, but permits the sale of such houses) and are in unsafe high crime areas. As I understand it our local food prices are 20% higher than most places in the US, except the other dozen over priced metro areas. So the idea of my sister-in-law not working just can’t happen, even if they moved some place cheaper, because my brother would have to change his field and sacrifice his management level job.

    However beyond economics there are other differences that can exist, such as preferences for different family structures (polyamorus, multigenerational, communal etc…), with or without children. Different roles they want to assume, I for instance don’t want to allow anyone else to have access to the kitchen even when I’m working full time; and I know of an increasing number of men who are willing to take on househusband roles with working wives.

    Like

  48. Joe December 14, 2014 at 08:44 #

    This post must be immortalized!

    Like

  49. Jack Strawb December 14, 2014 at 08:51 #

    “But is collecting clothes different from any other hobby?”

    Well, in many cases it’s no different than a lot of other silly hobbies. There’s a difference between hobbies that require creativity, and those that rely only on collection. I’ve never had a good relationship with a woman who didn’t make art of some kind. A disinterest in doing that often signals a disinterest in art, generally. And that usually means a dull mind.

    Like

  50. Jack Strawb December 14, 2014 at 08:54 #

    It’s not cheap to have a big wedding, but it doesn’t have to be expensive, was my point. And if you’re sociable, it’s a great time for the bride and groom to meet each other’s extended family. Hope “correct choice” also means you enjoyed it!

    Like

  51. Jack Strawb December 14, 2014 at 08:57 #

    There’s also weight and looks, since we’re being honest. As a fit, middle-aged man living in the country, I can tell you it’s not uncommon for a week to go by without my meeting a woman over 40 who doesn’t outweigh me by thirty pounds.

    Like

  52. Tiramer December 14, 2014 at 15:18 #

    As much as I understand the main points I would like to add something. People should not act like as if they are buying groceries from bazaar. People can have different thoughts for different reasons and it’s best to evaluate these reasons. For example if you don’t want to have children why should you look especially for a spouse that likes children? Doesn’t make sense. Procreating is only compulsory for animals and a choice for humans.
    If a woman works that’s not necessary because she only values cash. Maybe she really likes what her job entails, very good reason to consider someone as your spouse. Having ones own interests is attractive. There are plenty of housewives who are golddiggers too. Having divorced parents is a different thing altogether, while no one chooses how his/her family ends up, there can be effects on children. Some good some bad. If we say someone is “like that” because of divorce(common theme in pop psychology), we could also say “Dahmer killed 17 men because of his misogyny, his hatred for women which stems from his mother” (I actually saw some article like that!) Hell, this man killed 17 MEN and it’s said “misogyny”. Likewise it wouldn’t be wise to consider a person solely based on his/her parents’ divorce. Not every divorced woman is a man hating indoctrinater and not every divorced man is a “deadbeat dad”.
    Other points about caring about spouses’ needs are spot on.

    Like

  53. Jon (Carchamp1) December 14, 2014 at 20:05 #

    So, the girl who is driving around in a $50k BMW is imploring men to watch out for the ladies who like nice clothes? Just sayin…

    See Spaniard’s comment above re: marriage to one of these women. I can’t say it any better than that.

    Like

  54. Jon (Carchamp1) December 14, 2014 at 20:10 #

    Yep. The idea of picking the right girl is for fools.

    Like

  55. judgybitch December 14, 2014 at 21:33 #

    You know that’s a joke right? I dont drive at all. We have a KIA minivan 🙂

    Like

  56. Jon December 15, 2014 at 15:51 #

    Sorry. My bad. I promise I’ll read through the entire post next time!

    Like

  57. Goober December 15, 2014 at 18:17 #

    Cares if you’re hungry?

    How about just simplify that and say “cares about you at all?”

    I can’t count the number of women my friends have dated that didn’t seem to care one whit about how he felt, how he was doing, how his day was, etc. It was always about her. What he could do for her. How her day was. How she felt.

    Any attempt by the man to change the topic of discussion to be about him, or to do something that he wanted to do, ended up with him being accused of being selfish and not paying enough attention to her needs.

    I don’t know who is raising these entitled princesses, but for fuck’s sake men, grow a set and teach your daughters how to be human.

    Like

  58. Southern Man December 16, 2014 at 00:51 #

    I can tell you a place where these women can NOT be found, and that’s a modern (postmodern?) feminized megachurch. I love my church and how I learn and grow and am renewed there but the women in my Bible study and small groups are just flat un-datable. It almost makes me want to go bar-hopping again, even at my age, just to see a friendly smile and a flirtatious wink again.

    Like

  59. machinetrooper December 16, 2014 at 12:12 #

    I bet your second most frequent comment is “Where were you with all this advice 15 years ago?” Possibly the best post on women I’ve ever read.

    Like

  60. Matty December 17, 2014 at 00:53 #

    Deary me… I’ve so stumbled into the right place. I’d love to share my own stories as part of your blog.

    Like

  61. John Hedlenssonn December 17, 2014 at 01:12 #

    A woman who wears ” flats ” is an instant deal killer. Basically those shoes say ” hey im still 5 years old and like to wear ballerina slippers around all day ” Never mind how bad their feet must stink once those things come off

    Like

  62. judgybitch December 17, 2014 at 01:34 #

    Dude I only wear flats and my feet smell like Japanese Cherry Blossoms. It’s called lotion. They’re very soft, too.

    Like

  63. Kiran04 December 19, 2014 at 20:46 #

    Should have read this before I started dating my last girl friend. She didn’t give a damn about if I was hungry or not, let alone anything else about me, but she sure did love to babble on and on about her day and what was going on in her life. Should have known better.

    Like

  64. Mark Currie Waldie December 21, 2014 at 05:29 #

    Dear JB:

    Reading so much of what wells from your heart gives one cause to recall a Scripture which reads to the effect, that the words of a certain person in Scripture were as if they had come from God.

    JB, thank you for being who you are.

    Mark Waldie, Winnipeg, MB, Canada. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Wayne December 31, 2014 at 01:29 #

    I can’t believe how unarmed I have been sent out into the world. My only advice about women I was given was to make sure they were happy or you’ll get screwed….well…youre screwed anyways if you want to be a doormat. I am very fortunate…very! Thank you for sound advice….you have no idea how many people you have have saved. I just may dip my toe back into the dating arena after 15 years. No single moms for me!

    Like

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