Women don’t own sex, the virtues of porn and conscious masculinity – hanging out with author Peter Lloyd

17 Jan

 

Peter Lloyd walks into the newsroom at the Daily Mail and sees Liz Jones (I Stole My Husband’s Sperm And Tried to Trick Him Into Pregnancy), Shona Sibary (I Would Rather Mop Than Have Sex With My Husband), Samantha Brick (Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful) and Esther Walker (I Wish My Baby Wasn’t A Beastly Boy) and remarkably, does not run screaming in the other direction. Instead, Lloyd complains to an editor that one of his female colleagues (he doesn’t say whom) is just a tad sexist against men in her writing.

And thus his first column on men’s issues was born.

Lloyd’s book Stand By Your Manhood takes the same fearless, uncompromising stance against sexism as his regular pieces in the Daily Mail and does so in a way that is both empowering and humorous. Lloyd openly and enthusiastically declares his admiration for men and masculinity, writing “men are bloody brilliant.” The book never descends into self-pitying or shaming tactics as he takes on key issues facing men and manhood. All too often, men’s issues are framed in the mainstream media as something men have done to themselves, or something they could address if they would just “man up,” if they are addressed at all. Lloyd refuses to cast men as pathetic wimps, and his entire book is a call to arms for men to celebrate, acknowledge, and take pride in themselves as men.

A master of the neologism, Lloyd coins some hilarious terms including Gal-qaeda and She-hadists to describe radical feminists. There are several others that left me giggling even as the topics at hand were dead serious. Lloyd backs up his explorations of issues such as pornography and sexuality, parenthood and marriage, body image and double standards with readily understandable data, sources, and interviews with practitioners in the field, many of whom will be known to regular readers of AVfM. I was taken aback by some of his findings, which increased my own knowledge of just how much sexism and control men are subject to. Before reading this book, I was not aware that men need their wives’s written permission to have a vasectomy! “His body, my choice?” Double standards indeed.

When it comes to male sexuality, Lloyd insists that “women do not own sex” and points to the infantilizing assumptions behind things like “ban the lad mags” campaigns. Male sexuality is a force that belongs to men, and men “do not need permission to consume something legal [explicit photos of women in magazines].” Women readers may squirm a bit as Lloyd interviews some of the women who both produced and posed for explicit photographs, as both groups of women identify other women as the main source of sexism and bigotry.

Bitches be jealous, not to put too fine a point on it.

No doubt, Lloyd will be accused of misogyny for writing about women in a less that one hundred percent flattering light. Lloyd is ruthlessly logical when it comes to women’s hypocrisy on certain issues, and pointing out that women have a few flaws is not misogyny. It is very clear that Lloyd is not under any influence and does not seek to appease or appeal to women, but rather demands they act like equals, respected because they have shown themselves worthy of respect. There is an eye-opening exploration of gay men’s sexuality and how it is subject to fewer constraints and rules precisely because it does not seek to appeal to women. Lloyd balances the need to for men to be free of women’s toxic influence, which aligns with Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) quite nicely, but rather than eschew women altogether, he suggests that men embrace themselves as fully human and let women learn to cope with that. Or not.

For me, the most interesting part of Lloyd’s book is his section on marriage, which he calls the Fraud of the Rings. Lloyd details all the ways in which current laws permit the exploitation of men through the marriage contract. Once again, my own knowledge was expanded as I learned that men can be held financially responsible for women through the simple act of becoming engaged to one. The contract need not even be signed to be enforced. The topic of marriage leads naturally into the twin subjects of parenthood and divorce, and Lloyd explores how sexist assumptions about men have led to skewed laws that favor women to a ridiculous degree. He points out that children who grow up without a father figure, both boys and girls, adopt toxic versions of masculinity and femininity in response to the “hole in their soul.”  The chapter is a sobering read and should be required for any man even considering marriage. Lloyd also offers some solid precautions for men who choose to go the marriage way.

In a section appropriately called Bullshit, Lloyd takes on “The Patriarchy,” “independent women,” video games, war, the wage gap, and the concept of being a “real man.” With razor sharp wit, biting sarcasm, and solid evidence, he addresses each topic, encouraging men to take pride in themselves and refuse the demand that they must change to accommodate a “new world order.” He advocates for “conscious masculinity” that interrogates, investigates and ultimately celebrates men and masculinity, in all of its many manifestations. There are indeed many ways to be a man, and the real takeaway from this book is that “fucking up is a human trait, not a male defect.”

Ultimately Lloyd has written a book that celebrates men as human beings, capable of the full range of human emotion and behaviors, both the good and the bad. Being human takes nothing away from being men, and Lloyd’s call to men is to take both comfort and pride in being men. “Men are brilliant,” and it’s time to applaud that openly and energetically.

Stand By Your Manhood is a standing ovation for men.

The book is available for sale here, and has been chosen as the Daily Mail’s Book of the Week.

Please join me on the Suck It Up Buttercup Hangout this Saturday at 3PM EST, where I will be interviewing Peter Lloyd, discussing the book and his ideas in more detail.

 

[Ed. Note: this review originally appeared at AVfM]

7 Responses to “Women don’t own sex, the virtues of porn and conscious masculinity – hanging out with author Peter Lloyd”

  1. that1susan January 17, 2015 at 17:31 #

    This book sounds interesting. Regarding vasectomies and tubal ligations, it seems like in both cases, some doctors require a married person to get permission from their spouse. While it does seem reasonable to me, as a married woman, that neither my husband nor I would ever dream of becoming permanently sterilized without the other’s agreement, I guess there could be some cases where a person feels compelled to stay in a bad marriage (such as if they already have children), but doesn’t want to bring any more children into the situation, even though their spouse does. It does look like both men and women in situations like this may have a hard time getting sterilized.

    Regarding obligations to fiancés or fiancées, I was briefly engaged to another man before meeting my husband, and the engagement ended when I persisted in disagreeing with him over something, and he jerked the ring off my finger, told me to get out of his car (it was at least in front of my home), and then almost knocked me over by speeding off when I was barely out of the car.

    He was rather upset when he came back after cooling down and I decided not to put the ring back on. We did have a couple of conversations following the breakup, and at one point he told me that he had decided not to insist on his legal rights to his share of a gift from my dad. Following our engagement, my dad had mentioned that he’d started a life insurance policy when I was a baby, but it wasn’t drawing as much interest as expected, so he thought it would be a good idea to just cash it in and let me have the money — a few thousand — which could be helpful to us as we started our new life.

    My ex-fiancé reminded me of this and said that it was offered to both of us, so he had a legal right to half of it, but had decided not to pursue it. So maybe an engagement is a sort of legal institution.

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  2. Mark January 17, 2015 at 21:57 #

    In theory, every relationship, even mere friendships, are legal institutions. Friends occasionally go to court (usually after they’ve ceased being friends) over gifts, borrowed things, shared things, joint ventures, etc.

    I don’t think marriage should be any more of a legal institution than friendship or any other kind of relationship. Two people may intermingle their assets contractually if they so choose, make preemptive custody agreements before having children that are contractually binding except in extenuating circumstances like abuse.

    To the extent that one doesn’t see the need to protect oneself with contracts, one may choose to simply trust in one’s partner and assume the marriage won’t fail. But trust is a choice, and the consequences belong to the person who makes it. If the relationship ends one ends up with nothing, one is entitled to nothing.

    So I take what some would call the extreme position that a woman (or a man, but this rarely happens) shouldn’t get any alimony whatsoever, not even as compensation for work she put into the family or work experience forgone or whatever. She should have made an agreement beforehand to procure compensation in the event of divorce. She forgoes that agreement, that’s not her spouse’s fault. I think the same logic could be applied in some measure to child support. If there is not father at the time of pregnancy, then the woman had every option to terminate, chose not to, so it is her choice. If there is a father during pregnancy, she should ask him to agree to pay child support should the relationship end and she gets custody. If he refuses, and she knows she cannot support the child on her own, she should not have it.

    The world would be much better if people bothered to consider the consequences of their choices, took ownership of them, and made the necessary contractual agreements to plan for contingencies. Instead, most people throw everything to fate, assume it will all work out, and when it doesn’t fancy themselves wronged.

    If someone plays the roulette wheel, certain they’ll win and they lose, they have not right to ask the casino to give them their money back.

    None of this is commentary on your engagement or anything, just my own belief regarding relationships as legal institutions.

    Like

  3. FuzzieWuzzie January 18, 2015 at 01:28 #

    I saw the video and enjoyed it. It would have been etter had Peter Lloyd showed up but, what can you do? Keep at it.

    Like

  4. that1susan January 18, 2015 at 19:57 #

    Oops! That engagement was over twenty years ago, and I messed up on at least a couple of minor details. He ordered me out of his car and took off when I was barely out of the car NOT after taking the ring off my finger, but after he’d come back and I refused to put the ring back on, and we were in front of my friend’s home (where I’d gone to cry and he’d found me) NOT my home. Even though they’re minor details, I just want to be really fair, you know, in case he sees this post and tries to take me to court for slander. 🙂

    Like

  5. Hal January 24, 2015 at 06:51 #

    You are one of the only women I respected until you unfriended & blocked me for no reason. Story of my life. Hate me for being a real man & telling the truth.

    Like

  6. judgybitch January 24, 2015 at 14:49 #

    Is this on Facebook? You’re the third person to report this! It’s not me doung this!!! I am not sure what is happening on Facebook but i will find out.

    Like

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