5+ hours of video all about me? Yeah, no thanks.

Some YouTuber who goes by the name RazorBladeKandy has thus far dedicated more than 5 hours of his life to examining whether I am a lying, filthy whore who hates men and only wants them for money and sperm.

Guess I haven’t been obvious enough? I wish that were a joke, but it’s not. I have not watched the videos, nor do I have any plans to. What I did do was offer to talk to RBK and answer any questions he might have. I was planning on agreeing with everything he said, as a flummoxing technique to highlight the absurdity of his apparent arguments.

RBK: Is it true that you are a whore who fucks your husband so he will buy you things?

JB: Yes

RBK: Is it true that you only value men for money?

JB: Yes

RBK: Is it true that you think men should die in filthy sewers so women can lead lives of luxury?

JB: Yes

And so forth….it had the potential to be rather hilarious, I think. Alas, RBK had a hissy fit because I had no idea who he was and was thus unaware of the fact he has a health issue that prevents him from speaking. I suggested adapting a platform so that he could use text and I would use spoken words. He sent me an email that scrolled over pages and pages and pages and once I passed the “you’re a bully and a cunt” part of the message, I was less than inspired to give this person any more of my time.

The MGTOW wars have been going on for some time now and I mostly pay them no attention, despite the fact that I appear to have achieved some sort of status as the personification of TEH EVIL WIMMINZ! The MGTOWs I work with at AVfM and elsewhere are of the rational, risk assessment mindset, and not of the all women are evil whores variety. I don’t disagree with MGTOW as a rational response to family laws that are deeply biased against fathers. Why would any sane man agree to give away half of his stuff when a surrogate mother can be purchased for $20K? Inherent in the whole MGTOW philosophy though is that a man makes his own decisions about his own life, and does not serve an ideology at the expense of his own well-being.

A man who makes the decision to marry after assessing the risks and the probabilities specific to his own situation is still going his own way. I find it kind of amusingly ironic that the Men Going Their Own Way philosophy espoused by the radical MGTOW sect includes sanctions against which ways men are allowed to go. Men, go your own way, unless it’s a way we don’t approve of! Lol! Sound familiar?

A separate conversation over at AVfM led in an unexpected direction, and I think this is the key issue.

For the vast majority of people, just average, common, normal people, the ideal marriage and family (let’s assume men and women are treated equally under the law at this point) would look something like this, I think: both men and women have the flexibility to earn money and be with their families to the extent that each wish to do so. A breastfeeding baby with a tiny tummy, who eats every two hours around the clock will need mommy around. An older baby or a baby who eats less frequently allows for a more equitable sharing of time between mommy and daddy, depending on what mommy and daddy want. The conversation that we don’t have with either men or women is one that encourages both to really think about how they want their families structured. An ambitious parent, male or female, who lusts for the corner office above all else, needs to consider who will be doing the daily slog work of raising children, assuming that couple wants children.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with ambition, but there is something very wrong with adding children to that life without thinking through the impact on those children. Most humans, like it or not, are pretty predictable. Most women want to be at home with their young children, and most men take great pride in providing for their families and there is nothing wrong with that. Enforcing that as an immutable social requirement is not acceptable to anyone, one hopes. There are plenty of women who are perfectly happy to spend an hour with their children on an average day, and plenty of men who would love nothing more than to be at home with their little ones, making mud pies and doing laundry. Those men and women should find each other.

What happens in our current reality is that women are taught that earning an income is the only measure of their worth, and it’s only when they have children they realize how very wrong that is. Men are also taught that earning an income is the only measure of their worth, and when they have children, that is generally confirmed for them. The most important thing a man with children can do is protect them. We don’t live on the savannah in grass huts anymore, so hunting down predatory lions isn’t on the daily calendar for most men. Modern life requires a man to hunt down money. Radical MGTOWs scream blue murder about this because they hate that a great many men take an enormous pride in providing and protecting their families. They are hysterically opposed to any definition of masculinity that centers on men providing for and protecting their loved ones, because they take that to mean men are “disposable” to their loved ones.

Their loved ones, no doubt, tell a very different story.

Radical feminism hates femininity, and despises women who would rather stay home and raise happy, healthy families, and radical MGTOW hates masculinity, and despises men who would rather work to provide for their happy, healthy families being raised at home.

Isn’t that just a match made in heaven?

I suspect a great many of the radical MGTOWs do not have children, and many of the normal MGTOWs do, and have experienced first hand the brutality of the family courts. A good friend introduced me to the term neotraditional, and I think it’s a great concept. It describes people who take the good parts of traditional gender roles and adapt them to their own circumstances, personalities and situations. In practice it means that while women contribute to the family financially, and while men contribute to the family in terms of childcare and housework, the central ideal of man as breadwinner doesn’t change. And it appears that most men and women prefer their lives this way.

I personally would like to see our culture change, not to rigidly adhere to any particular family structure (it’s none of my business who scrubs the toilet in your house) but to openly, honestly and without any kind of shame talk about what we as individuals want from our families. Women who prefer to spend most of their waking hours at work should not be shamed, any more than a man who loves and wants to work long hours should be shamed. Both, however, should be shamed for demanding a partner who shares the same mindset and then having children. In simple terms, ambitious workaholics of either gender should not marry one another if they plan on having children. Dentists should marry one of their hygienists, not another dentist.

This, to me, is what MGTOW hysteria comes down to. I am extremely happy taking a backseat to my husband’s career and he is very happy that he does not have to negotiate with a working wife over who makes dinner every night. We have a traditional marriage. He earns a living, I make the living worthwhile. MGTOWs screeching about what a lazy whore I am, and how much I clearly hate men and think they are cash dispensers are, in fact, insulting my husband and his choices. Fairly profoundly. As our children are getting older, I am very much interested in rejoining the labor market, although never in a way that eclipses my husband.

This whole MGTOW Janet is a whore who hates men “debate” has actually prompted a very interesting decision in my personal life. As many of you know, I am in a PhD program in Entrepreneurship and Innovation and I have completed my literature review, which is now published. I took a year’s leave of absence and must now decide whether I want to enter the data collection phase of the dissertation. During this same time period, my husband has completed a very complicated accreditation process for his organization that opens up a number of other job possibilities for him, and looking over the preliminary offers, it occurred to both of us that if I pursue the PhD, his options are instantly limited. Over the course of several days, we have discussed what that really means to both of us. Mr. JB cannot hide his disappointment that certain opportunities will be impossible for him to pursue if he must take a job for me into consideration. I have no burning desire to continue my research into biotechnology clusters, trust me.

I am already being offered positions, with starting salaries coming in around $100K. That’s a significant amount of money. I chose my specialization knowing I would be in high demand. I have no particular interest in my subject area. It’s just hot in business schools right now. Innovation, entrepreneurship, biotechnology, cluster theory, Big Data analytics, monetizing intellectual properties, incubators – I can earn some very nice money going down this path.

And in doing so, I will prevent my husband from doing the job he actually loves doing and I will keep him from realizing the full financial potential of his skillset, built up over the past twenty years.

For what?

So we can pat ourselves on the back for rejecting traditional gender roles? So we can enjoy meeting the ideological conditions of our brave new world while I do a job I have no interest in and he watches other candidates take the positions he would love to have?

Hang on to your little hats, radical MGTOWs. I’m quitting the PhD. I will stand happily on the sidelines and cheer my husband onwards and we will both have exactly what we want.

RBK: Is it true you have refused a job for $100K/yr so you can continue to exploit your husband?

JB: Yes

RBK: Is it true you have no real interest in ever being independent?

JB: Yes

RBK: Is it true you plan to leech, like the vile parasite you are, off this innocent man until you die?

JB: Yes

Til death do us part, baby.

Til death do us part.

Lots of love,

JB