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The Slutty Selfies Mom is Right: sexually aggressive teenage girls posting provocative pictures on boy’s social media feeds need to be shut down before those girls make a mistake and blame it on someone else. Guess who that will be?

12 Sep

Kimberley Hall has come under some fire recently for daring to inform girls who post pictures of themselves pouting and braless in their bedrooms on her sons’ Facebook wall that they WILL be blocked for those actions.

We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your skimpy pj’s this summer!  Your bedrooms are so cute! Our eight-year-old daughter brought this to our attention, because with three older brothers who have rooms that smell like stinky cheese, she notices girly details like that.

I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.

I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout.  What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.

If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains.

http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/

I know!  What a slut-shaming killjoy, huh?

no fun

Kimberley is a Christian, so she frames the debate in terms of modesty, which makes me blanche a bit.  And it makes me feel like we have a lot of work to do, if Kimberley is worried about the social impropriety of flashing some cleavage, which is inappropriate to be sure, but not even close to representing the real danger boys face from the sexy selfie girls.

We’ll get to those dangers in a bit, but first I want to look at two reactions from feminist media.  The first is from Jezebel.  They have two main critiques of what they deem “Biblical Sexism”.

The first is straight up idiotic, as we have come to expect from Jezebel.

Kimberley’s stance is hypocritical because she herself posted TOPLESS pictures of her sons!  Flexing their MUSCLES!  Carrying their little sister on big manly shoulders!  Goofing off in a way totally designed provoke a sexual reaction!

boys 1

They were at the beach, wearing normal bathing trunks and doing the normal things boys do at the beach, which everyone knows is EXACTLY THE SAME as arching your back with a pouty expression half-clad on your bed, right?

This:

boys 2

Is totally the same as this:

girl

Or this:

girl 2

These are not images, as far as I know, that appeared on the Hall’s Facebook wall, but I googled “teenage girls sexy selfie pajamas” and there was no shortage of pictures to choose from, and from the mother’s description, they look about right.

It is completely ridiculous to equate boys goofing off at beach with their little sister with sexy selfies.

Jezebel’s second critique is that Christianity seems to take a poor view of girls acting slutty, and since sluts are awesome and girls will inevitably find meaning and fulfilment in sluthood, that’s unacceptable.

Instead of addressing a letter to unnamed teenage girls, Hall could’ve had a (shirt-optional) chat with her sons called “FYI (If you’ve been brainwashed by Biblical sexism).”

“Respect everyone regardless of their gender/sexuality/appearance,” she might’ve said. “Don’t worry! It’s okay if you have sexual feelings! You’re a sexual being! Girls are too. That doesn’t mean you can treat them like objects. You and you alone are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Get over this Madonna-whore complex while you still can.”

http://jezebel.com/concerned-mom-slutty-girls-selfies-are-tempting-my-pe-1251831479

Same old, same old.  Girls can act in any way they deem fit, and boys are the ones held responsible for that.  Boys, you and you alone are responsible for your thoughts and actions.  Girls, carry on being sexy.

Nothing to see here.  No double standards at all.  Move along.

flag

It’s beyond hypocritical that the same website WILL hold girls responsible for the reactions they provoke in other when it comes to wearing racist t-shirts, but give girls a pass when it comes to provoking others by wearing skimpy t-shirts.

The claim that Confederate flags are just innocent symbols of “Southern heritage” is a common one, but the fact is that for many people, they represent slavery. Students and staff should be able to attend school without having a graphical reminder of the mass subjugation of human beings thrown in their faces, and if West thinks her daughter’s right to show Virginia pride trumps that, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for her position.

http://jezebel.com/5860455/mom-defends-daughters-inalienable-right-to-wear-racist-shirt-to-school

Provoke racist thoughts = no sympathy

Provoke sexual thoughts = fuck you boys, you’re responsible for your own reactions so deal with it

And here is how that contradictory message gets processed by teenage girls.  Tuesday Cain is 14 years old and lives in Texas, too.

Almost every other picture on Facebook is some girl doing “duckface.” I do it in the picture for this post because someone told me to do it because it would be funny. It’s on my Facebook. So far it hasn’t hurt anyone.

1tuesdaycain

I actually agree parents should censor things that might somehow be taboo, but what you are describing is not taboo.

I’m constantly hearing messages — like what you wrote — that parts of my body are not to be seen in public because it is not socially accepted. Women are expected to cover up more than men. People try to make us feel bad. That we are “asking for it” or that we have somehow lost our character because we took a picture with our lips pursed? That’s crazy and rude.

http://www.xojane.com/issues/tuesday-cain-open-letter-to-the-mom-who-posted-rules-for-teenage-girls-on-facebook

This poor little girl.  Where are her parents?

Oh, wait.  They’re helping her hold up provocative signs outside the Texas legislature and then boo-hooing their way across social media when cupcake gets the reaction she intended.  Good job!

dick

http://www.xojane.com/issues/billy-cain-tuesday-cain-jesus-isnt-a-dick-so-keep-him-out-of-my-vagina

The pouty selfie she posted isn’t all that bad, but it exists on a continuum that gets bad very, very fast.  She seems to have zero awareness what the half-open mouth and lowered gaze signals. The fact that lips signal sexual attraction seems to have by-passed her altogether.  Instead, she succumbed to peer pressure because someone thought it would be funny.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1332709/Men-drawn-womans-lips-facial-feature.html

Tuesday thinks 14 year olds signalling their sexuality with pouty shots posted on the Internet is not taboo, and shouldn’t be.

I’m guessing that is because Tuesday has no real awareness of the fact that she is using her face and her mouth and her expression to signal her sexuality, and she has no real comprehension of what that means.  And obviously, no one willing to explain it to her.

mouth

She absolutely believes that she should be able to provoke any reaction she likes, face no consequences for that, and ultimately blame others for how they react.

Message received, Houston.

The bodies of young girls are not dangerous.

But you know what is? Teaching young women they should be ashamed of their bodies.

Here is where the story gets interesting.  First of all, deploying your sexuality with some measure of accountability and some regard for those around you is not “shaming”, Tuesday.  It’s basic civility.  Manners.  Dignity.

And secondly, the bodies of young girls most certainly ARE dangerous, although that is because your older sisters have created a culture and influenced the law to back that culture up, in which girls CAN visit real harm on boys.

The bodies of young girls are dangerous because they can be used to criminalize consensual sexual activity if the man is X years of age.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/05/09/should-13-year-olds-be-having-sex-probably-not-they-shouldnt-be-fame-whores-either/

The bodies of young girls are dangerous because they can be used to enforce fatherhood on boys.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/07/10/legal-parental-surrender-is-not-morally-equivalent-to-an-abortion-and-no-amount-of-bitchy-sarcasm-will-make-it-so-yeah-amanda-marcotte-im-talking-to-you/

The bodies of young girls are dangerous because they can ingest any amount of intoxicants, participate in any activity and then still hold their male partners legally liable, no matter how enthusiastically consent was given at the time.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/08/21/drunk-sex-is-not-rape/

There is nothing inherently wrong with anyone’s sexuality, but the sexuality of women, and only women, has been harnessed to some very real consequences.

That only men face.

Only men are rapists.

Only men can be forced into parenthood.

Only men can be held legally responsible for sex while intoxicated.

Kimberley is right to ban sexy selfies from her sons’ social media.  It’s the first step towards making them understand just how vulnerable they are.  If Kimberley does nothing but ban the selfies, and never takes the conversation any further, she hasn’t achieved much in terms of keeping her sons safe.

shots

It’s the opening salvo in a conversation that I suspect is about to get very intense in our culture.

The sooner, the better, if you ask me.

Lots of love,

JB

Ladies, are you short a little cash? Here’s a quick and easy way to beef up your bank account and it’s filled with LOL, too. Fun for everyone!

3 Sep

plan B

So, you’re a responsible girl, right?  A totally modern woman, down with premarital sex and physical pleasure and you know all the right moves when it comes to preventing pregnancy.  You’ve been on birth control for most of your adult life and you have Plan B in your medicine chest just in case some catastrophic failure happens and the fruits of your loom decide to weave you up a darling little bundle of joy.

You have the abortion clinic on speed-dial.

Good for you!  Yay!  Abortion is dirty, nasty business that it’s best to avoid if possible.

visa

But all the responsibility in the world won’t prevent those moments when the Visa bill comes and you find yourself financially screwed once again.  Damn those credit card companies, giving you so much free money!

Courage, my love!  There is a solution.

There are two ways to go about this little money-making scheme – one for amateurs and one for the more experienced ladies.  Both require that you have a boyfriend with some assets (or the ability to acquire them), and the first step will be to accurately evaluate what resources your sweetie can come up with.

guitar

Is he a shiftless musician playing in dirty dives most weekends and delivering some pizza on the side?

Well, he can sell his guitar and his car, right?

Is he a staff accountant at a prestigious firm?  Not rolling in the dough quite yet, but chances are he can qualify for a nice tidy line of credit at the corner bank.

Is he a stockbroker lining up for a wicked Christmas bonus?  Oooh.  Jackpot!

jackpot

Let’s get the moral quandary out of the way right off the bat, shall we?  Men rule the world.  They have all the money, all the power, all the opportunities and all the privilege.

So fuck them.

My plan for profiteering is not only perfectly moral, it’s pretty much REQUIRED just as means to get the balance a little more right.  Men have had it too easy for too long and it’s time for a little comeuppance.

People only feel guilty for doing the WRONG thing, right?  So don’t feel guilty, because none of this is wrong.  It’s fairness.  Justice.  Follow my advice and know you are acting with integrity and walking the path of righteousness, redressing centuries of wrong with one cool trick.

righteous

Let’s go the amateur route first.  What you are going to do is get a positive pregnancy test and then inform your astonished boyfriend that you will need money for the abortion.  Based on your calculations of his available resources, select a clinic with a fee set as close to that number as possible.  Screen cap the payment info and have it close at hand for the conversation.

Practice looking wretched.  Rub a tiny bit of Vicks or Tiger Balm on your eyes for the full flood effect.  Weep your little heart out.  Let him know you never, ever wanted this to happen and you can’t bear the thought of ruining his life.  Cast him as the hero who alone can save you from the terrible fate of bearing his child.

weeping

Make sure you get cash.

And set a calendar alert for the day you are having the “abortion” so that you don’t accidentally forget and get caught out shopping with your new moola!  Spend two days on the sofa clutching your tummy and a teddy bear, and ask him to order in all your favorite foods, which you can freeze for lunches for the next week!

See?

How clever.

You’re very welcome.

Now, let’s move on to the more professional ladies.  You’re not in it for a couple hundred bucks.  Fuck that.  All of this rests on the assumption that your boyfriend has some serious resources, which you are entitled to because he only has those assets in the first place because he’s a man and the world happens to consider his Masters in Finance oh so much more important than your Barista of Arts degree.  Obviously bullshit.

You will not need any Vick’s or wretched looks. Oh no. You need to be excited!  Cautiously excited, but excited nonetheless.  Your boyfriend, you see, will not just be paying for the abortion, he will be paying you TO CHOOSE abortion.

Wonder out loud, as you giggle about how surprised your mother will be, just how much child support you will be able to count on.  Throw out a wicked number for the nursery and preschool fees.  What you want to do is get him to think about just how expensive this little bundle is going to be, and then the negotiations begin.

nursery

Maybe the baby isn’t a good idea.  Maybe you want to pursue your dreams of creating a felt installation that will get you into the MOMA.  Give him an opening.  Let him talk you into a settlement.  If the money he is offering isn’t quite what you want, switch back to enthusiasm until he gets it up near what you deserve.

Again, cash only please.

See how easy this is?

All you need is positive pregnancy test without actually being pregnant.

Well, fuck me.  Guess I didn’t think this one through very well.  How are you going to get a positive pregnancy test?  I guess you could follow a pregnant woman home and search her garbage, but by the time you can SEE she’s pregnant, the testing period has long passed by.

thinking(2)

If only you could BUY positive pregnancy tests from women who really are pregnant.  If only it were possible to purchase a stick covered in some other woman’s pee containing those knocked-up hormones.  If only there were women brave and dedicated enough to offer such an item for sale to help redress all those many wrongs that have accumulated over the centuries.

Oh, look!

test

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/pregnant-women-selling-positive-pregnancy-tests-online-article-1.1443432

And only $25.

Sweet!

All right, ladies.  Get to it!  Bundles all around!

cash

Of cash, of course.

Not babies.

Ewww. Ick.

baby

Who wants those?

Lots of love,

JB

Is Dear Prudence going through menopause? What a fucking cunt!

29 Aug

prudie

I have a weakness for Emily Yoffe who writes as Dear Prudence over at Slate, and I usually find something to disagree with in her “advice”, but she really takes the cake in today’s column!  Seems like Prudie has been hitting the haterade a little hard these days.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/01/manners-i-wish-this-bitch-would-get-some/

Here’s the first letter:

toddlers

I’m a 28-year-old male and have a 4-year-old daughter with my partner of nine years (we’re not married but completely committed). My daughter was not planned and I had serious reservations about having a child at such a young age, but there’s a lot of love in our family and everything has worked out. But since taking a new job several months ago, I’ve started feeling differently. All of my co-workers are young and I’ve made a few good friends, but I often have to decline invitations to events I’d really like to attend because of my family obligations, or because I can’t afford it. I’m the only one with a full plate of adult responsibilities, including supporting my partner, who is an artist and doesn’t bring home a paycheck every week. So I have to say no to joining them on road trips or at exclusive restaurants, because my weekend consists of toddler birthday parties and visits to the playground. It’s making me rueful that I’ve missed my 20s and worried I will wind up bitter no matter how much I love my family. How do I get out of this funk and regain happiness with my circumstances, and how do I face my co-workers every day when they’re a constant reminder of what I’m missing?

-Longing for Lost Youth

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/08/dear_prudence_i_missed_out_on_everything_by_having_a_kid.html

Okay, so Prudie starts off her answer by pointing out that while the letter writer has jumped the gun on the having kids stage of life, sooner or later most of his co-workers will catch up with him, and he can have a good chuckle at their bleary eyed shock when they find out babies aren’t really fond of the whole “sleep for eight hours on a corporate schedule” thing and then blissfully enjoy sleeping through the night.

sleep

Fair enough.  That’s what I would have answered, too.  You get your twenties or your forties, and quite frankly, there’s something rather nice about having the energy to take care of your children because you had them young enough, and knowing that by the time they are off to college, you yourself will still be young enough to do all those things you missed out on when you were younger.

Not to mention that couples who have their children while still relatively young are unlikely to find themselves facing the utter heartbreak of “Oops!  We left it too long and the eggs done flew the coop!” Infertility is a brutal sorrow, and the couples we know who decided that material possessions and fabulous experiences were far more important than children are now left with the bitterness of an album full of great vacation pics and a nursery that will never hold anything more than dreams.

cradle

But rather than point out all that, Prudie goes off onto a rant about how his lazy-ass partner better ruck up and start earning some cash, mostly to protect herself from the inevitable day when the letter writer decides to leave his child to starve in the gutters.

Now that you have a child, you two need to be more deliberate about what you want out of life. It’s fine if your child is an only, but if you want to expand your family, that’s a discussion you should be having. Being an artist can be a dream career, but since your partner is not make a living at it, it’s time she applied her skills to more remunerative endeavors, especially as your daughter gets ready for full-time schooling. If something happens to you, your partner will be completely financially vulnerable.

Oh, it’s time she applied her skills to more remunerative endeavors, is it?

Fuck you, Prudie.

And if by “something might happen to you” Prudie meant the letter writer might die or become disabled, she might have suggested the precaution of some insurance policies.  The implication is that the woman is vulnerable simply by virtue of being dependent on a man.  Because you know men, right? There’s nothing they enjoy more than walking off into the sunset and leaving a beloved child to suffer wretched poverty and a broken heart.

Rather than expressing gratitude for a man who is supporting his family and allowing the woman to whom he is committed to pursue her artistic dreams, Prudie instead insults both of them by casting her as a leech and him as someone not to be relied on.

Nice.

And it gets better!

Here is another letter:

My husband’s friend is a perpetual bachelor. He dates a girl for a few months, introduces her around, brings her to group functions, etc., and then dumps her once it has gotten too serious. Because the friend and my husband are close, I become the new best friend for the girlfriend du jour during camping trips, double dates, sports games, and happy hours with our group. The bachelor is charming and has the women believing everything is perfect until the breakup blindside. Then they are devastated and I end up having to deal with tearful phone calls and get-togethers while they ask me what went wrong. The most recent breakup involved a fragile woman with no close friends or family in town. I felt rude for not returning all the frantic calls and texts of this woman, but I’m frustrated that this draining duty always seems to fall on me. I’ve talked to the bachelor about it, and he says no one is forcing me to become friends with his girlfriends. That’s true, but it’s hard not to act like a decent human being to these women. How can I avoid this pitfall in the future?

—Sick of the Bachelor

A charming man dates women, introduces them to his social circle and has a habit of NOT stringing them along endlessly when he discovers they are not The One.  If the ladies in question are “blindsided” by the breakup, that strongly suggests that no lengthy period of playing games and putting up with squabbles and quarrels simply to get as much sex out of each relationship as possible is going on.

Bachelor dates women, and the minute he realizes he’s not with the right one, he breaks it off.

break up

I dunno.  Seems to me to be EXACTLY how dating should happen.  When you know the relationship is not going to work out, put an end to it and move on.

What does Prudie think?

As was said of one character on King of the Hill, “He’s going to make some woman very happy. Until he makes her very sad.” You’ve talked to the bachelor about this problem, but I think you should bring this up with your husband. I hope by this point he’s getting a little squeamish about his friend’s manipulative and even sadistic pattern, and is willing to have a frank discussion. Whatever happens, you could also request your husband see the bachelor alone for lunch more often, for example, and have fewer group outings with him and his latest. But if inevitably there will be occasions when you’re with the new Patsy, I think you should give it to her straight. Do that thing where women go off to the bathroom in pairs. While there, as soon as she makes some noises about what a great guy Dick is, let her know he’s a cad. Explain you’ve been through this with endless women. He charms and misleads them and when they think things are going somewhere, he dumps them. That’s how he gets his thrills. Say you’re being so blunt because you just can’t stand to nurse anyone else through the inevitable. She’ll probably dismiss you because she knows this time it’s different. She might even report what you said back to Dick. If he brings it up with you, just tell him you look forward to being proven wrong.

Let’s take this apart, shall we?

king

As was said of one character on King of the Hill, “He’s going to make some woman very happy. Until he makes her very sad.”

Oh goodie.  Let’s begin with a reference to a very popular, very funny show about god-fearin’ ‘Murrican trash! We know what Prudie thinks of this whole crew right off the bat.

You’ve talked to the bachelor about this problem, but I think you should bring this up with your husband. I hope by this point he’s getting a little squeamish about his friend’s manipulative and even sadistic pattern, and is willing to have a frank discussion.

Manipulative and sadistic.  Manipulative and sadistic?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Nope, nope, nope.  Stringing women you have ZERO intention of pursuing a serious relationship with is manipulative and sadistic.  Keeping the booty call on stand-by while you scout for new talent is manipulative and sadistic.  Letting someone believe there is potential when there is NOT is manipulative and sadistic.

Finding a long series of women inadequate is neither of those things, but it sure pisses Prudie off, doesn’t it?  It’s almost like the Bachelor is working his way through some women who suck, and he refuses to settle.

What an asshole!

Whatever happens, you could also request your husband see the bachelor alone for lunch more often, for example, and have fewer group outings with him and his latest.

Oh, yes.  Interfere with your husband’s relationship with his friends.  Make him really uncomfortable and start determining where, when and under what circumstances he is allowed to see his friend. And if hubby doesn’t agree, you can always ground him or take away his phone privileges.

grounded

Excellent advice, Prudie.  I’m sure her husband will be thrilled.

But if inevitably there will be occasions when you’re with the new Patsy, I think you should give it to her straight. Do that thing where women go off to the bathroom in pairs. While there, as soon as she makes some noises about what a great guy Dick is, let her know he’s a cad. Explain you’ve been through this with endless women. He charms and misleads them and when they think things are going somewhere, he dumps them. That’s how he gets his thrills. Say you’re being so blunt because you just can’t stand to nurse anyone else through the inevitable.

Wow.

No.

Just no.

Do not do this.

First of all, you are betraying your husband by betraying his friend.  Why the fuck should you care what happens to the Bachelor’s women?  Where do your loyalties lie?  With other women deemed unacceptable?  You will stab your both your husband and his friend in the back to protect some woman that means nothing to you in the long run?

I can’t believe Prudie would suggest this.  And how does she know that the Bachelor gets his thrills by dumping women?  How does she know he is a cad?  And what is a cad anyways?

cad

cad 

/kad/

Noun

A man who behaves dishonorably, esp. toward a woman.

Synonyms

scoundrel – boor – scamp

Again, how is it dishonorable to dump women you are no longer interested in?  Prudie just can’t wrap her mind around the fact that lots of women are simply not worth a man’s time.

I wonder what the Bachelor does for a living?  How exactly does he find all these women?  Who wants to bet he has a fairly high social status in his group?  A good income?  A bit of nice property?  Speculation, but no amount of screaming in the world is going to change the fact that men tend to value beauty and women value status.  If Bachelor has women lined up, it’s a pretty safe bet that he has something that women value.

rich

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2402851/A-womans-beauty-really-IS-important-thing-man–women-social-status.html

And who is behaving dishonorably here, again?

She’ll probably dismiss you because she knows this time it’s different. She might even report what you said back to Dick. If he brings it up with you, just tell him you look forward to being proven wrong.

She MIGHT report what you said back to Dick?  Oh, honey, she most certainly WILL.  And no, you should not respond with some smug cunty statement like “I look forward to being proven wrong”.  All you are doing is making it clear that YOU think Dick the Bachelor IS a dick, and again, you are not going to please your husband or Dick by insulting him to his face.

You might just get your husband wondering why HE wasn’t a little more picky.

Here is what Prudie should have said:

Dick’s romantic life is really none of your business, and as an adult, you should assume he knows what he is doing and is perfectly happy with how his relationships work. If and when discarded ladies text or call you, you respond with this:

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

 

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out, but I am not the person you should be talking to.

Repeat until she gets it.  Refuse to comment on anyone’s love life but your own.  And as an aside, you should make a special effort to welcome any woman Dick decides to introduce you to.  It’s actually a compliment.  He wants to see how the women he dates interact with the people he loves most, and whose company he values.

Couple In Front of Campfire

I hope Sick of the Bachelor ignores Prudie and decides that Bachelor really is capable of handling his own affairs.  She will be making a big mistake to interfere with her husband’s friendship and the Bachelor’s love life.

You know, even if I have this dead wrong, and the Bachelor IS the kind of guy who is thrilled by the chase and loses all interest once it is over, the letter writer should STILL back the Bachelor.  You never takes side against your husband’s friends.  Not ever.

The people we marry come to us in a web of relationships, and it is not up to us to decide on our partner’s behalf which friends are acceptable and which are not.  I wouldn’t necessarily pick all my husband’s friends as my own, and some of my friends grate on his nerves, too.

I have, in fact, let friendships lapse because I could see that Mr. JB wasn’t particularly enamored of the friend in question. But that was MY decision. I am the one who stopped to consider if his dislike was grounded in any facts, and when I discovered that he had a REASON to dislike the person, I chose to let them go.

Because I know where my loyalties lie.

loyal

And that’s what it comes down to. Be loyal. Anything less is hard to forgive.

I place an enormous premium on loyalty. If someone betrays me, I can forgive them rationally, but emotionally I have found it impossible to do so.

Richard E. Grant

And don’t listen to Dear Prudence.  Her advice sucks.

Lots of love,

JB

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