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Well, well, well – look at this. Is the conversation about #rapeculture starting to take on a shade of sanity?

16 Oct

These two articles are only tangentially related to the main story today, but they demonstrate just how schizophrenic mainstream, feminist-influenced media has become.

This is Maria Kang, the mother of three children, who is *gasp* not a lardass, and who feels like other women can make the decision not to be lardasses themselves.

The horror!


She got called all kinds of names by women who feel “fat-shamed” by Maria and her three gorgeous sons and her sculpted abs and Maria is just such a bitch to point out that when it comes to weight, for most of us, it’s “your body, your choice”.

Blah blah blah BEAUTY STANDARDS blah blah blah FAT ACCEPTANCE blah blah blah SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION blah blah blah….

Nothing particularly surprising about that, except when you consider it next to this article about Melissa McCarthy.


Now all of sudden the bitchy whiners are on the opposite side of the fence.





Could you pick a goddamn side here?  Are we sexualizing actresses and forcing them to display their bodies in a totally demeaning way that simply needs to stop, or are we not?  Is it only acceptable when fat women are sexualized? Why would that be?  Do we have an agenda here, whereby fat lumpy women are the only acceptable objects of sexual desire?

The incoherence is turning the conversation about bodies and objectification and sexism into a joke that even the thickest plank can recognize.

And the same thing appears to finally be happening with #rapeculture.  We have the “new Steubenville” all over the news today, with two young teenage girls alleging they were raped by local football stars, one of whom happens to be politically connected.

It’s the same story, all over again.  Daisy liked Matthew and she found his attention flattering.  Daisy and Paige got hammered one night and Daisy texted Matthew and a meeting was arranged.  Everyone drank a whole lot of alcohol and sex happened.  Rather than pledging his undying love for Daisy, Matthew took her home and left her semi-conscious on her front lawn in freezing temperatures.

That was a dick move, for sure.

But what if it hadn’t happened that way?  What if Matthew had tucked her into his bottom bunk and wrapped her up in his favourite flannel sleeping bag and greeted her the next morning with some toast and tea and asked her to go steady?


Would it still be rape? Or just a hilarious story they recounted to the cheerleading squad about how it all began?

Maybe Matthew did rape Daisy.  Maybe it all went down just as the two girls claim it did.  Maybe it was straight up voracious sexual predator takes down innocent prey. The trouble with that story is that the PREY MADE HERSELF VULNERABLE.

Cue the screams of “victim-blaming”…. Don’t fucking bother leaving your comments on this blog, because I won’t publish them.


Wear your seatbelt.  It’s a sensible precaution if you get in an accident.  The accident may not be your fault, but it will be your fault if you get severely injured by failing to take that reasonable precaution.

Wear a helmet when you ride your bike.  It’s a sensible precaution if you get in an accident.  The accident may not be your fault, but it will be your fault if you get severely injured by failing to take that reasonable precaution.


It’s not victim-blaming.  It’s victim-preventing.

And finally, some voices come out of the dark to state the obvious:  Emily Yoffe at Slate earned herself a mountain of hate by writing The best rape prevention: tell college women to stop getting so wasted.


Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue.

As soon as the school year begins, so do reports of female students sexually assaulted by their male classmates. A common denominator in these cases is alcohol, often copious amounts, enough to render the young woman incapacitated. But a misplaced fear of blaming the victim has made it somehow unacceptable to warn inexperienced young women that when they get wasted, they are putting themselves in potential peril.

Emily’s solution to this problem is to try and move the cultural conversation towards attaching shame and stigma to being black-out wasted.

I don’t believe any of these statistics will move in the right direction until binge drinking joins smoking, drunk driving, and domestic abuse as behaviors that were once typical and are now unacceptable. Reducing binge drinking is going to require education, enforcement, and a change in campus social culture. These days the weekend stretches over half the week and front-loading and boot and rally are major extracurricular activities. Puking in your hair, peeing in your pants, and engaging in dangerous behaviors have to stop being considered hilarious escapades or proud war stories and become a source of disgust and embarrassment.

Fair enough.  It really is getting rather nauseating, watching drunk young women act like base animals in the street. This girl is actually shitting on the sidewalk, in full view of pedestrians.


Seriously?  Gross.  Her friend joins her a few minutes later to urinate on the same piece of sidewalk.  Disgusting.

I’m delighted to see Emily at least tackle the problem, but “stop binge drinking” is not going to work anymore than prohibition worked.  The real solution is for both women and men to have a sense of loyalty and solidarity with their friends.

You never leave your man behind.

Or in this case, your woman.

It’s deeply ingrained in male culture.  The Marine who drops back to help a little boy finish his 5K race.  I defy you not to cry.

That feeling used to be part of female culture, too.

You play for a team, and you keep each other safe.  Every person I know who is over the age of 30 greets that idea with “well, duh”.  Why don’t young women do this anymore?  Why don’t they protect each other, not from “ooh scary rapists lurking everywhere”, but from their own impaired judgement?

It must be partly because women simply don’t think they should be held responsible for impaired judgement, but also because the mantra of “strong, independent woman” forecloses the possibility of “stupid, irresponsible girl”.

Daisy and Paige were stupid.  Paige is now coming forward with her story, claiming the boys “separated them and made them drink more”.  Oh really?  So they forcibly dragged you into separate rooms and sat on your chests and poured alcohol down your throats?


I doubt it.

Daisy and Paige let each other down.

Apparently, there is video footage of at least one couple having sex.  Perhaps it really does show an assault.  Perhaps not.  Whatever it shows, that shouldn’t stop us from pointing out that girls like Daisy and Paige and the Steubenville girl and every other girl who wakes up after a night of shit-faced idiocy feeling ashamed and grubby and used played a part in her own degradation.

Thank you, Emily, for bringing the conversation more into the mainstream.  I hope she doesn’t get fired for stating the obvious, but you know, I won’t be surprised if she does.  Wait ‘til Amanda Marcotte reads that piece!


There’s gonna be a storm of cackling witches over at Slate, out for Emily’s blood!  Poor dear.  Take a page from the British Bulldog, and hold fast.

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.

Winston Churchill

Lots of love,


Miley Cyrus may have delivered a brilliant parody of slut culture, but let’s all focus on what a dick Robin Thicke is!

28 Aug

Okay, I did it. I watched Miley Cyrus perform on the VMAs. I was prepared to be cringing and squirming and recoiling from my screen every ten seconds.

Meh. It wasn’t really that racy at all. Miley isn’t exactly the world’s most energetic dancer and she seemed to be having a lot of fun and at the end of the clip, she looks like nothing more than a 20 year old girl doing her damndest to be edgy and sexy without necessarily being all porny about it.

No really.

Her costume is revealing, to be sure, but not in a stereotypical way. I remember the first time I saw Christina Aguilera in her ass chaps, her panties visible under her “skirt” in Dirrty, and that video left me feeling like I needed a shower and an STD test.

Miley strips off to a nude colored latex bathing suit, but it’s very obviously a nude colored bathing suit, and covers far more than the costume Madonna wore on her MDMA tour. Here’s the view from the back.

Madonna sizzles in Miami as her MDNA Tour is filmed for DVD

Click here for a view from the front. NSFW.

Madonna, of course, is a feminist icon whose labia liberates women from hegemonic gender ideals.

Madonna is both a counter-hegemonic force and a feminist for two main reasons: she radically tries to change society by blurring the boundaries that separate different groups of people in society and she urges all people to gain power in their, lives and lift themselves out of subordinate positions

Madonna was the First Slut of slut culture, teaching women and girls that chaining yourself by the neck and lapping milk from the floor was actually totally empowering!

Madonna is the true feminist. She exposes the puritanism and suffocating ideology of American feminism, which is stuck in an adolescent whining mode. Madonna has taught young women to be fully female and sexual while still exercising total control over their lives. She shows girls how to be attractive, sensual, energetic, ambitious, aggressive and funny — all at the same time.


And Miley’s hair! Let’s talk about Miley’s hair. When she chopped it off and bleached it blonde, everyone wanted to know where sweet, adorable Hannah Montana went!


But she never had that hair to begin with. Miley herself explains how it was all smoke and mirrors and 350 hair extensions, and she’s done with that shit now.

So what is it that freaked everybody out about Miley’s VMA performance? Here’s what I think: Miley exposed, either deliberately or inadvertently, that pop culture, and feminist pop culture in particular, uses sexual promiscuity and availability as a barometer to gauge whether a woman is “grown-up” or not.

You aren’t grown up until you’ve fucked your train of guys, or at least look willing to do so.

Britney Spears did the same sort of “coming out”, transforming herself from lollipop sucking high school ingénue into fully fledged sex toy, but she did it in a way that suggested SHE was in charge of the whole process, and found the experience liberating and empowering. And she followed the porn script, as she is required to do. Tousled sexy hair, gaping mouth (insert dick here), strategically placed sparkles to draw attention to her breasts and crotch. She played everything out perfectly.


Which is just the message pop culture WANTS young women to receive: being a slut is totally cool and awesome and a marker that you, young woman, have arrived on the shores of liberty! Of course, being a slut is none of those things, but it is a really effective way to perpetuate “rape culture” and make certain that both young women and young men learn to mistrust their innate, natural desires for meaningful relationships with one another.

For whatever reason, whether consciously or out of total ineptness and naiveté, Miley refused to follow the script. Giant teddy bears and Hildegarde hair buns and granny panty bottoms, – Miley gave slut culture a nice big “fuck you”.

I found myself actually smiling at the end of the show, because I give Miley some credit, which may or may not be due. I feel like she was saying “Oh, I can’t be a grown-up until I prance around in some skimpy costume pretending to fuck some guy on stage? Okay then. Here goes!”

And then she proceeded to prance around in a skimpy costume that was as far from “sexy” as you can get and still be skimpy, she did her required ass-shaking dance moves and turned them into a parody, made the whole simulated sex thing look preposterous, and basically was so NOT hot, it was actually funny.

Miley Cyrus is only 20 years old, but that doesn’t make her stupid, and the woman has been in show business for a long, long time. It’s entirely plausible that she knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and why. In order to even contemplate the idea that Miley might have been making statement about the cultural expectations that mark her out as an adult, we would need to believe that Miley really is intelligent, aware, self-critical and powerful enough to bend her team to her will.

But if intelligent and aware = refusing slut culture, where does that leave feminists?

Well, duh! They’ll find a man to blame! It’s Robin Thicke’s fault!

Cyrus’s performance was shocking, but for reasons not being discussed. It was jarring because, as opposed to the random, half-nude models we’re used to seeing prance around Robin Thicke, we were watching a 20-year-old woman — a household name, someone we “know” — play the object in Thicke’s sexy sex dream. And as was the case during the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Super Bowl fiasco of 2004, the focus has been on Miley’s performance choices and not Thicke’s compliance in them. While criticizing a woman for her actions might imply that she’s being given an agency that has been long denied, it’s not. It’s holding her to a standard not required of her companion, who got to sit back and enjoy the young ass shoved in his face.

I’m really curious: what does Jezebel think Robin should have done when Miley decided to grind on him? He looks a little surprised, so let’s assume it wasn’t scripted.

He should have grabbed her hips and went to town on her?

No way! That’s rapey!

He should have moved away and left her grinding in mid-air?

No way! That would be rejecting her and humiliating her further!

He should have taken her hand and led her off stage back to her keepers?

No way! That’s paternalistic!

He should have reacted in a sort of bemused way, because those are some “Blurred Lines”?

There was no way for Robin to win this one, as is usually the case. It amuses me that Jezebel will go to town on Miley’s “appropriation” of black culture and call her out as having a responsibility to treat black music and culture and dance with respect, but then at the same time, try to blame everyone BUT Miley for her salacious, over the top attempt at sexualizing her own body.

Which is it? Is she an adult responsible for her behaviors and actions and the implications thereof, or is she a pretty little innocent being hopelessly exploited by big mean Robin Thicke?

You can’t have it both ways.

And how fucking ironic is it that a website called JEZEBEL is going to call someone else out for cultural appropriation? Oh, okay then.

The Jezebel stereotype is particularly damaging to black women, but here’s a bunch of mostly white ladies using the word to discuss … Celebrity, Sex and Fashion for Women. Nothing to see here, right? Move along.


Whether or not Miley INTENDED her performance to be a comment on slut culture and the requirement that young women equate adulthood with sexual salaciousness is kind of irrelevant. She subverted the sexy-porny-big hair-sparkly meme whether she meant to or not.

Whatever Miley is, she ain’t Britney Spears. Or Madonna. Or any other female performer who looks bed-ready at all moments. And I kind of like her response to ALL her critics.

It’s our party we can do what we want to

It’s our house we can love who we want to

It’s our song we can sing if we want to

It’s my mouth I can say what I want to


It’s probably a whole lot of wishful thinking on my part to think Miley Cyrus just pulled off some very clever commentary on slut culture, but since I begin with the idea that women are actually intelligent and capable and self-aware, I can easily allow for the possibility.

And even if she didn’t, she made playing at sluttiness look utterly absurd. Slutty Miley is completely embarrassing.

Which is just as it should be.

Lots of love,


Blowing some guy in front of 80 000 people is NOT having “sex”. It’s degrading, humiliating, SLUTTY behaviour and #slanegirl is finding that out the hard way.

20 Aug


The rough and dirty story:  on August 17th, at an Eminem concert held at Slane Castle in Ireland, in front of a huge crowd of people, a 17 year old girl willingly gave blowjobs to two different guys and was filmed in all her glory.  She is now an impromptu pornstar all over social media.

First up, the age of consent in Ireland is 17, so everyone can fuck right off with all the “child-porn” bullshit.  Attempting to cast some slutty 17 year old chick as the “victim” of child-pornographers really pisses me off wickedly.

There are REAL children being abused and filmed in utterly sickening ways, and all the “who can I blame because I’m a fucking whore” dance accomplishes is to dilute the true horror of what child pornography actually entails.  The link below will take you to a report on the effect exposure to real child pornography has on investigators.  It isn’t pretty.


“Employee was crying uncontrollably after viewing multiple images of child pornography the day he found out his wife was pregnant with their first child.”

“In general, everyone seems to be shocked and disgusted at what they have to view. This usually turns into anger at the suspect.”

You can bet your ass these officers aren’t crying uncontrollably at images of horny teenagers willingly engaging in public sexual activity.

Secondly, this girl is not being shamed for having sexual desire or for having sex.  Willingly blowing some guy she may nor may not have known is NOT having sex.  Oral sex may be a form of sexual activity, but it is NOT having sex.  Sex is something two (or more – whatever turns your crank) people have together.  Having sex is engaging in MUTUALLY pleasurable physical communion.

A culture that hates women for having sex is one that simply hates women.

Oh fuck off. If sex boils down to a dick in a hole, then rape is sex, right?

Bullshit. Whatever this girl was doing, it wasn’t “having sex”.

How fascinating, don’t you think, that most of the media is pixelating or editing out the girl’s image, but has absolutely no problem whatsoever showing the boy’s face? And then heaping abuse on HIM for his shameful crime of letting an eager woman wrap her mouth around his dick. Everyone is up in arms about the #slanegirl hastag and I have yet to hear fucking BOO about #slaneboy.

Sinéad Rose Lavery ‏@rose_sinead 43m

‘Slaneboy’ deserves to be neutered, with no anaesthetic. #slaneboy

E K D ‏@Leeds_Demon 1h

I wonder what #Slaneboy’s Mum hoped he would be when he grew up? A doctor. A plumber? A dentist? Or a disgusting little pervert?

Adam McGinty ‏@DoctorAculaaaa 18 Aug

There’s no point giving #SlaneBoy abuse. He openly flung his cock around at a dogging session. He’s clearly too retarded to know he’s a dick

Loophole ‏@AllTheBadMoves 4m

@langho @LiamGeraldShone I’m pretty sure #slaneboy would be considered a rapist.

What is up with all the reluctance to actually call out what happened?  SlaneGirl degraded herself, humiliated herself, demonstrated zero self-esteem or self-respect and engaged in an utterly mortifying attempt to garner attention from the boys.


Well, she got attention, all right.

Let’s be clear:  there is nothing inherently degrading or humiliating about oral sex.  This whole conversation is NOT about sex.  It’s about a young woman deliberately making herself powerless, behaving in a totally reckless way and doing so in an arena that was absolutely guaranteed to ensure infamy.

She embarrassed and shamed other women by her actions, and it is no surprise that it’s mostly other women calling out #slanegirl.

SlaneGirl has just contributed to a culture in which women are seen as powerless, without agency or responsibility, on their knees in service to men they may or may not even know.  She has not just DILUTED the incredible power of intimate physical connections between men and women- she has DESTROYED it. Turned what should be an act of love and caring into something gross and ugly and foul.

And other women are rightfully furious at her.

Think about the reverse.  Actually, don’t think about it:  here’s an image of the reverse.  Totally, 100% NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

This is every bit as disgusting and degrading and infuriating.  Again, it’s not about sex.  Is that his girlfriend? Does he know her?  Who fucking cares?  Grappling in the dirt outside the toilets in full view of other people is revolting.

The really, really, infuriating thing about the whole SlaneGirl debacle is that she is going to pay and pay and pay for this for a long time.  Because that poor girl bought the lies.  She bought the lie that blowing a couple of guys would make her cool and fun and interesting and empowered and that being a slut is just totally awesome.

Nobody hates SlaneGirl for having or wanting sex.  Bullshit.  They hate SlaneGirl for making sex worthless.  The ability and desire to offer and receive sexual pleasure is one of women’s greatest powers, and always will be.  Women are biologically designed to use sex to bond with another human being.  Sex is inextricably linked with love and affection and caring and closeness.


And not just for women.  For men, too.

SlaneGirl openly trashed one of the most human, loving activities, and in doing so, helped perpetuate the idea that relationships between men and women boil down to  nothing but crass power relations.  And then she put women in the losing position.

What did SlaneGirl get out of that whole horrible day?  Besides two mouthfuls of cum?  What in the name of god did she think she would gain from doing that?  Who made her believe her place in life is on her knees sucking dick in front of an audience?  Who made her hate herself so much? I actually feel sick with sorrow that such a young woman made such a public, awful mistake. I hope she can at least hold on to the knowledge that soon enough, there will be another young woman to replace her in the public imagination.


Another young woman who has bought all the same lies.

Is anyone the slightest bit surprised that SlaneGirl is now trying to turn her own epically stupid sluttiness into sexual assault?  Pass the blame, honey.  You give it a try.

“The teenager has not been medically fit enough to make a formal statement yet, but when that happens this could turn into a sexual assault investigation.”

What are we doing as a culture when young women actually, genuinely believe that blowjobs amount to sex and that their worth can be measured in oral technique?  SlaneBoy doesn’t get a free pass here.  He demonstrated zero respect for SlaneGirl, and he refused the opportunity to be the White Knight and save SlaneGirl from herself.  And isn’t it just hilarious that Jezebel is the one to take SlaneBoy and everyone else to task for not white knighting the Princess?

Wouldn’t it be cool if we lived in a world where people took care of a their fellow humans in compromised states, rather than taking photos of them to post online?

Oh, I see.  Now you WANT men to help you, do you?

But why WOULD he respect SlaneGirl, when she clearly has no respect for herself?  Why SHOULD he be a saviour?  Why should he care, one way or another?


The whole social contract is broken, smashed into smithereens.  I seriously wonder if it can be repaired.  One thing for certain is that the feminist media does not WANT it repaired.  The more girls who sacrifice themselves willingly on the altar of sluthood, the better it is to rework society into a collective where meaningful relationships between men and women become all but impossible.

SlaneGirl should have spent more time listening to Eminem.

But I guess that’s just what sluts do, how could it ever be just us two

I’d never love you enough to trust you, we just met and I just fucked you…

On the one hand, I’m very sorry that SlaneGirl is the unwitting poster girl for why slut culture is actually devastating for women and not the tiniest bit empowering.  But I’m also pleased to see so many women react with fury and push back against the idea that the proper place for them is on their knees.

Fuck you, sluts.  I’m no stranger to spending time on my knees.  For the man I love.

In the privacy of my own home.

Having sex used to be called “making love”.  Because it is. Blowing a line of guys outside the toilets in full view of other people is not having sex.

It’s obliterating it.

And that is why SlaneGirl is being shamed.

Lots of love,


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