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Men’s Activists Say Divorce Courts Are Biased Against Fathers. They’re wrong? No, Hanna Rosin. They’re right. Let’s do the math.

14 May

 

barbie-math1

 

Here’s another laughable piece from Hanna Rosin – surely you remember her – the lady sitting in her comfortable home designed, built, sourced, maintained, heated and powered by men – wondering if men have become obsolete.

 

I don’t know why I even bother with this delusional witch, but let’s look at her new article about how father’s totally don’t get fucked in family courts even though mothers get equal or superior custody arrangements 91.1% of the time.  When you’re looking at percentages in the 90 range, you know you’re dealing with equality.  #feministequality.  Lean In, ladies!  How is it that you are allowing those sneaky bastard men to prevent you from getting equal or better custody arrangements 100% of the time?

 

Last week the actor Jason Patric went to court to “fight ’til I’m dead,” as he put it, to see his 4-year-old son. Patric and his girlfriend conceived the child through in vitro fertilization, and a judge earlier denied Patric any paternal rights. Since then, Patric has become a hero to frustrated fathers everywhere who are alienated from their ex-wives and girlfriends. Patric is part of a movement of vigilante fathers who challenge the assumption that mothers should have any more rights than they do. Skier Bode Miller famously challenged a girlfriend’s right to move to New York after she got pregnant with his child, and earlier this year a group of Utah fathers sued the state over a law allowing mothers to give up their babies for adoption without their consent. The courts, argued one of the Utah plaintiffs, treat men “like they’re scum—like they don’t have rights at all as far as having a relationship with their children.”

 

A few comments here.  First of all, vigilante means a member of a self-appointed group of citizens who undertake law enforcement in their community without legal authority, typically because the legal agencies are thought to be inadequate.

 

Fighting for parental rights through the court system is the exact opposite of vigilante.

 

Secondly, the fact that Patric didn’t literally fuck his son’s mother, and used IVF instead has little bearing beyond legal loopholing in this particular case.  Patric is not only the child’s biological father, he was present in his son’s life from birth up until the courts decided that his failure to actually put his penis in his child’s mother and ejaculate to cause her pregnancy invalidates his right to be his child’s father. Patric presented plenty of evidence to demonstrate his involvement in his little boy’s life.  His son calls him “Dada”. Case fucking closed, in my opinion.

 

It used to be that women had to worry about men disappearing after they got pregnant or divorced. Now, some women have the opposite problem.

 

 

The opposite problem?  Problem?  Fathers wanting to be in their children’s lives in a meaningful way is a fucking problem?  So basically,  Hanna, children are the personal property of women and any attempt by fathers to define their own relationships is a problem needing to be addressed?

 

A growing fathers’ rights movement is aggressively challenging what it sees as the courts’ assumption that the mother is the only real parent.  Men’s rights activists air their grievances about unfair child custody laws on sites such as A Voice for Men and on subreddits like Men’s Rights and The Red Pill. Last year, Ken Cuccinelli was tied to a men’s rights group advocating for divorced fathers. “Men are angry at losing their kids in the divorce court and taking their dream of raising them and reducing it to a child support payment and every other weekend,” writes one men’s rights blogger quoted in Michael Kimmel’s 2013 book Angry White Men. And that view is shared by the broader public. One recent study showed that people are generally in favor of joint custody, but they believe that divorce courts are seriously slanted toward mothers.

 

….aggressively

….grievances

….unfair

….angry

….white

….men

No axe to grind here, Hanna, right?  You’re just being objective and looking at the facts?  No engagement of any caricatures or stereotypes at all.  Nothing to see here, move along.

 

It’s so cute how hoi polloi think they understand the world they live in.  Darling little plebes who actually believe they are capable of parsing and comprehending the reality around them.  Oh broader public, you’re so adorable. Shush now and let the smart ladies tell you how things really are.

 

But is this actually true? “There’s a real perception—even women share it—that courts are unfair to fathers,” says Ira Ellman, a custody expert at Arizona State University. But in fact the great revolution in family court over the past 40 years or so has been the movement away from the presumption that mothers should be the main, or even sole, caretakers for their children. Individual cases like Patric’s may raise novel legal issues, but on the whole, courts are fair to men, particularly men who can afford a decent lawyer.

 

Hold up, now.  Men who can afford a decent lawyer is not most men.  And the very fact that a good lawyer is needed strongly implies the laws are anything but fair.  If they were fair, and applied with true equality and generosity, why would a fancy lawyer be needed?  And how is it that women can manage to face the courts over custody matters and not need a good lawyer?

 

Perhaps because the courts are biased in the women’s favor?  Just think for one goddamn second about what you are saying, Hanna.  Black defendants get treated very fairly by the courts if they can afford a good lawyer.  Therefore systemic discrimination against blacks in the courts doesn’t exist?

 

Cases like Patric’s and Miller’s, which involve fathers who never married the mothers, are relatively new to the courts, but divorce courts have a long history of trying to keep up with changing gender dynamics. In the 1970s, family courts began to move away from assuming a model of breadwinner husband and dependent wife. Instead, courts assumed interdependence, meaning that husband and wife shared assets and domestic duties. Pretty rapidly, Naomi Cahn and June Carbone explain in their new book, Marriage Markets: How Inequality Is Remaking the American Family, the rules became more “gender neutral.” As the image of an abandoned, innocent wife faded, alimony declined. The maternal presumption that mothers should automatically get custody of children in the “tender years”—meaning younger than 7—also faded. And the vast majority of states moved toward an assumption of joint custody. In 2000, for example, a new law in Wisconsin directed courts to maximize the time children spent with both parents.

 

The “rules” may be more gender neutral, but nice dodge, Hanna.  We are not talking about the “rules”.  We are talking about how they are applied.  Rules mean jack shit if they are not actually being enforced.

 

Men’s rights activists complain that despite the legal changes, mother preference still lingers, and studies have shown that through the 1980s sole mother custody still prevailed. But more recently judges have been catching up to the law.

….complain

 

Yeah, just shut up already all you fathers who actually love and want to be with your children.  Mommy has spoken. The children are hers.  Stop complaining.

 

According to one of the most thorough surveys of child custody outcomes, which looked at Wisconsin between 1996 and 2007, the percentage of divorce cases in which the mother got sole custody dropped from 60.4 to 45.7 percent while the percentage of equal shared custody cases, in just that decade, doubled from 15.8 to 30.5. And a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows a rapid increase in mothers paying child support.

 

Oh dear, Barbie.  Here comes the math, from the actual study.

 

 

Sole custody goes to the mother 45.7% of the time

Primary custody goes to the mother 13.0% of the time

Shared custody is agreed to 32.4% of the time

45.7 + 13 = 58.7

58.7% of the time, mothers are awarded sole or primary custody

45.7 + 13 + 32.4 = 91.1

91.1% of the time, mothers are awarded equal or more custody

 

Sole custody goes to the father 7.0% of the time

Primary custody goes to the father 1.9% of the time

Shared custody is the same as women, obviously – 32.4% of the time

7 + 1.9 = 8.9

So fathers are the sole or primary custodians of their children in 8.9% of all cases, versus 58.7% of the time for women.

7 + 1.9 + 32.4 = 41.3

Fathers get equal or better custody 41.3% of the time, compared to 91.1% for mothers.

8.9% vs 58.7%

41.3% vs 91.1%

Not only are fathers nowhere close to equal treatment, they are not even halfway.

I’m beginning to think my joke about #feministequality isn’t a joke at all.

Berkeley law professor Mary Ann Mason tracked the changing priorities of divorce courts over three decades. The biggest recent change, she writes, is the courts’ preference for the “friendly parent,” meaning the one who can get along with the other parent. Mothers who get in the way of a father’s involvement can in fact be penalized by the courts. In their book, Cahn and Carbone tell the story of the Renauds, a divorcing Vermont couple whose case was resolved in 2004. Before the divorce, the couple shared child care. The mother took Fridays off to be with the children, and the father took them to and from day care and was an involved dad. The marriage ended when the father told the mother that he was having an affair with a colleague. In another era, the mother would have gotten sole custody of the children and alimony, but not much child support. Now, “the mother’s ability to retain custody depends on her willingness to support the father’s involvement,” Cahn and Carbone write. In this case, the mother accused the father of abuse and neglect. When the investigators could not confirm the charges, the court awarded the father 50 percent custody and made the mother’s custody contingent on her working to repair the relationship with the father.

That’s nice, Hanna.  You cherry picked a single court case in which the mother’s custody is contingent on her being a decent fucking human being to her children’s father. Go back to the very beginning and look at Jason Patric again.  His child’s mother, supported by courts that give not one single fuck about either the father or the child, is denying him any access to his son at all.  Do you have any idea how much that vindictive shrew is hurting her own child?  Where does he think Daddy went?  Is Daddy dead?  Why can’t I see my Daddy anymore.

The real inequality in family courts these days is not based on gender, but on income. Wealthy men have successfully fought against proposed reforms that would have forced them to pay more child support. With elite, college educated men, “it’s outrageous how little they can end up paying in child support in some cases,” says Ellman, the Arizona State professor. But poor men are in a different predicament. Welfare reform in the 1990s included an effort to track down fathers who weren’t paying child support. As the economy sank, those fathers fell behind on their payments and often wound up in jail or permanent debt, as Elaine Sorensen of the Urban Institute has documented.

How dare those wealthy men refuse to shell out to their gold-digging ex-wives?  The bastards!  Of course, if the wives were truly concerned about the welfare of their children, wanting to provide them with all the resources their wealthy father offers, they would have stayed married.

Poor men put in jail because they were dumb enough to become unemployed?  Yeah, let’s throw them in jail and make them beholden to the women who gave birth to their children for the rest of their natural lives.  Make sure those sorry bastards turn every penny over to the children mother.

Rock.  Hard place.  Pick one, please, but only if you’re male.

 

A father who never married the mother of his child has a much shakier legal status. Petitioning the courts for paternal rights as a father who had a child out of wedlock is complicated to do and much less likely to be successful. A legal system that has evolved to recognize equal, interdependent parents doesn’t really apply. As Cahn and Carbone have written, in this social class the women are generally better off and choose not to marry the fathers, precisely because they want to avoid future legal disputes over children. If that father is Jason Patric or Bode Miller, he can probably afford a lawyer and get sympathetic publicity. But if he’s not, the best a poor father can hope for if he wants to impact his child is to be a steady paycheck.

So, the moral of the whole story is that courts are totally fair to men as long as they are rich and married. Unmarried men have virtually no chance of obtaining custody of their own children and women would be wise to never get married because …duh…then no man will ever be ever take her personal property children.

…the best a poor father can hope for if he wants to impact his child is to be a steady paycheck.

 

This sentence is why the MHRM exists in the first place.

 

Keep talking, Hanna.  You make our work easier with every stupid word you write.

 

So thanks?

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

Attention high school girls: please don’t fall in love with a boy because that is an excellent way to get abused. Just give blowjobs instead.

19 Aug

Hook-up culture is STILL getting all the proper lady writers in a tizzy, and it seems like the blame for this sad state of affairs has not been laid squarely enough. It really looks an awful lot like a whole bunch of ladies are just sluts, but then again maybe the whole thing is a figment of everyone’s imagination?

pearls

Hanna Roisin at least takes a stab at trying to understand what it all means, and remarkably, she suggests that “people” have a fraught relationship with sex in general.

Maybe it means that people don’t take sex as seriously as they used to. Maybe it means women are less afraid of it than they used to be. Maybe it means that young people have learned to incorporate sex into their definition of friendship. Maybe it means sex isn’t so loaded, and doesn’t put you on a path to marriage or a real relationship anymore.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/15/hookup_culture_doesn_t_exist_new_study_shows.html?wpisrc=flyouts

Well, Hannah clearly needs to be spending more time with her fellow Double XX bloggers, because hook-up culture is far more than just “sex”, my pretty. Hook-up culture is actually a very clever strategy designed to allow vulnerable young women the opportunity to escape the inevitable abuse that comes with having a relationship with an icky, violent, cootie-ridden BOY.

Yuck.

Boys.

First they infect you with their childish crudeness, then they beat the hell out of you because once you admit you like a boy, everyone knows it’s punching bag city from there on out.

bag

Right?

According to Amanda Hess, that’s exactly the risk young women run when they think in terms of anything OTHER than fly-by blowjobs after gym class.

Women in their teens and 20s still face an elevated risk of abuse and assault. But confining their relationships to casual sexts instead of jumping into intense relationships could actually help girls avoid violence from their partners now and later in life.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/16/nbc_sexting_story_the_today_show_takes_on_teen_hook_up_culture_internet.html

Hess, who apparently has a sliver of conscience left when it comes to perpetuating deeply hateful stereotypes against boys in particular, admits that rape and domestic violence in the population at large are declining at precipitous rates.

…when it comes to real crimes, modern American relationships have actually become a lot less “extreme” in recent decades. Incidents of rape have declined by as much as 85 percent since the 1970s (and when they do happen, victims are more likely to report the crime). Domestic violence incidents have also dropped precipitously since the ‘90s.

But those menacing boys tipping from adolescence into fully realized adult manhood still scare the bejeebus out of her. Even though women can and will chuck a few head shots themselves, and plenty won’t hesitate to settle their disagreements with a little bloodshed, Amanda is still deeply concerned the poor duckies might find themselves trapped in an abusive relationship with an intimate partner.

During the past two ­and-a-half decades, official statistics suggest that female delinquency has undergone substantial changes compared with male delinquency. Between 1980 and 2005, arrests of girls increased nationwide, while arrests of boys decreased (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2006)

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/218905.pdf

Facts don’t bother Amanda, though.

[Boys] are seen as predators, and girls, their prey.

Boys trapped in abusive relationships with their highschool sweethearts are shit out of luck. Man up, you pussies! Who lets a girl hit them?

http://www.examiner.com/article/male-victims-of-domestic-violence-live-pain-fear-and-quiet-shame

What’s a girl to do? Well, concentrate on school, of course. Give yourself alternatives to endless beatings at the hands of your teenage Romeo! What Juliet needs to do is shift the balance of power into HER corner.

power

…intimate partner violence also drops “as women’s alternatives outside their relationships improve,” they found. As women secure higher educations and increase their earning potential, they’re “able to achieve self-sufficiency in the long-run.” When “battered women can support themselves, they are both more likely to leave and have more power within their relationships if they stay.”

And see how brilliantly hook-up culture fits into that?

Sexting is not “something that creates a very secure relationship,” child development specialist Dr. Robyn Silverman tells Lauer. Kids tell her that “hook up culture makes it so they can get a competitive edge in college and high school. They’re not worried about the relationship. They’re focused on school and the things that matter to them.”

And what things matter to kids, anyways? According to her own article, it’s not the pleasures of random sex with people you barely know.

love

…boys “often expressed a desire for a deeper connection with girls, but felt confused about how to make it happen.”

…when the boy sent her another message telling her that “he liked her,” she became “intrigued” by the possibility of a real relationship with him.

Let’s keep in mind that these are HIGH SCHOOL boys and girls we are talking about. Despite their own stated interests in actually exploring intimate, connected, meaningful, emotional relationships with one another – something BOTH boys and girls aspire to – Hess and her ilk continue to insist that boys really ARE predators, and girls really ARE prey. No matter how ardently, or clumsily the aspiration for a deeper connection is expressed, girls need to always keep in mind that BOYS ARE DANGEROUS.

threat

A disgusting text from a boy is bad, but a serious commitment with the sender could be a lot more dangerous.

Some young ladies, of course, are simply not going to buy into the myth that a relationship with a boy is pretty much asking to be regularly back-handed, and the name we have for those girls is STUPID. No matter. We’ll do our best to help them choose the least rotten apple!

First up, try and avoid the 50% of young men who volunteer and give back to their communities. I mean, sure, philanthropy is nice and all that, but when boys volunteer they still have to be all BOY about it, taking on physically demanding and challenging activities, and helping people younger than themselves learn about fair play and rules and winning and losing and all that sort of nonsense.

coach

Boys were more likely to undertake physical activities such as environmental cleanup or working with younger children in sports, while girls were more likely to help the homeless and other needy people or to work with arts groups.

Boys are just practicing for the inevitable moment they will get to overpower and abuse the girls silly enough to think they are, oh, lovely, caring human beings. Don’t buy the lie, ladies!

http://philanthropy.com/article/Half-of-American-Teenagers/135278/

Stay away from all those boys involved in extracurricular activities, especially sports and student governance, which lead to high self-esteem and the development of leadership qualities! High self-esteem in boys can only mean they feel free to beat the crap out of their girlfriends. Predator/prey, remember?

council

A considerable difference was observed between males and females in athletics and sports team participation in both school- and community-based activities. School-based extracurricular activities were appraised as most beneficial to the development of self-esteem and leadership role development.

http://lin.ca/Uploads/cclr10/CCLR10-112.pdf

And for heaven’s sake, steer way clear of those young entrepreneurial men who are increasingly one of the driving forces of innovation and development, not just in the modern economies, but around the world! Ladies have good reasons not to dirty their pretty mitts with tough and scrabble, live or die BUSINESS.

start up

In other words, in contrast to young men, young women are less likely to see opportunities, have a higher fear of failure and therefore, less likely to engage in entrepreneurship.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/babson/2012/12/05/closing-the-gender-gap-for-women-entrepreneurs/

Those boys are just trying to get money and power so they can abuse their girlfriends.

Teenage boys: more likely to get involved with their communities and schools, volunteer with children, create meaningful business ventures and do the dirty work we need as a culture to survive.

electro

Data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics for all workers suggests that male workers are much more at risk than female. In 2009, 93 percent of the workers in America who died in the job were men.

• Also in July, 17-year-old plumber Benjamin Graham died in Albany, Georgia after being electrocuted while working under a home on a water pipe.

• In August, 16-year-old Damon Springer of Osgood, Ohio was struck by a bobcat frontend loader while working with his father in a family tree service company. Springer’s father did not see the boy and accidentally backed into him, crushing him.

• In September, 17-year-old Stephen N. Tiller was killed when crushed by a garbage truck while working for a family-owned sanitation company. Tiller was riding in the front of a front-loading garbage truck when the truck hit some bumps and sent the boy and another worker flying in front of the truck, which then ran him over.

• In October, 16-year-old Armando Ramirez died in Lamont, California after inhaling hydrogen sulfide in a drainage tunnel at Community Recycling and Resource recycling company

http://www.travelingsalescrews.info/pdf/2012_worst_jobs.pdf

Amanda Hess is rather audacious to draw an analogy between prey and predator in her writing. Does she honestly think that some of us, especially the mothers of sons, won’t see the truth? These grown women who sit in air-conditioned offices with their high heels and manicures, chastising their younger counterparts not to trust or love young men are the predators.

woman

And both young men and women are the prey.

When a grown women who presumably has a modicum of sense and humanity and understanding tells young women that random blowjobs are a good idea because hey, at least you will avoid being abused by that evil boy, it’s time to question who is speaking in our culture, and what damage is being done.

The TODAY show panel talks about that like it’s a bad thing, but “real relationships” don’t erase the potential for abuse; in some cases, they leave girls more vulnerable to repeat offenders.

The repeat offender here isn’t the hapless boy sending poorly worded texts to a girl he likes. The repeat offender is Amanda herself. The need to spin stories ever more crassly, to point blank treat young women as if they are stupid and young men as if they are monsters is telling in itself.

The cracks are beginning to show. The rhetoric of hate is becoming so amplified, it can only lead to one outcome: revolution.

rev

The sadness of the women’s movement is that they don’t allow the necessity of love. See, I don’t personally trust any revolution where love is not allowed.

Maya Angelou

Me either, Maya. And one revolution always follows the next.

Sooner or later.

I’m betting on sooner.

Lots of love,

JB

Are you having sex with a fertile woman? Would you like to avoid a little bundle of puking joy? Are you trusting her with birth control? Well I’m sorry, but you sir, are an idiot.

8 Jul

whisper

It’s an age old question:  how do I trick my boyfriend/husband into getting me pregnant.  Well, thank the lord for Google.  It’s no longer necessary to try and figure out which of your slag friends has the secret and then try to wrestle it out of her.  No need to navigate that tricky territory that allows some women to think that ethics and fairness and morality and honesty are worthy goals.  No need to tiptoe around women who think men ought to have some say in whether they wish to be fathers.

All hail Google!

Let’s take a walk on the wild side, shall we?

From Yahoo answers:

How do you trick your boy friend into ejaculating inside your vagina if he wont cause he knows you want a baby?

needle

Alisonn

I got 2 ways.

1. Poke your arm with a needle or something and tell him you got a birth control shot, and then if he wants proof show him the poke…

2. Buy some birth control or get some from planned parenthood, then pretend to take them but dont really take them…

Queenbee

just tell him you started taking Birth control wait a month and then he can go inside of you….

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090209193212AAWHBdJ

Here’s another lady with the same conundrum:

How can I trick my boyfriend into getting me pregnant?

Laura

okay this is what i did. well first pock holes on all of his condoms and GET OFF BIRTH CONTROL

if that doesn’t work try and convince that your on the pill and to not use a condom. also whenever having sex do it missionary position. that should do the trick.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100106115143AAbNoGA

To be fair, most of the commenters think a trick like this one is dastardly, immature, awful, terrible, horrible….. and then they go ahead and give their best suggestions.

Here’s calli21.

ou really shouldnt, if your not ready, your not ready.

But one trick i saw on eastenders ( haahaa, i no ) is to poke some pin holes in the condomn. you could get prenant like that!

EDIT: Cassie, no normally i dont enocourge behaviour thats wrong but im telling you, people with the urge to get pregnant WANT to and WILL find a way of going about it. its human nature(:

she would have found a way anyway, im sure theres many websites on google

These all sound like illiterate teenagers, right?  Do they teach fucking spelling anymore? Grown women don’t do this, now do they?

Oh dear.

garbage

Upon my arrival in Florida, I contacted Alex and he agreed to see me. I think he was honestly a bit confused as to how and why I came to be in town. It was a miserable weekend. I cried on his bathroom floor. We had miserable break-up sex….and I purposely stopped taking my birth control pills.

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-me-i-tried-trick-my-ex-getting-me-pregnant

Here’s another fine example of mature ladies being really mature:

Okay Ladies, here I am again, much older, more mature as well im sure(:

Well, my boyfriend and I have been having sex with a condom, my estimated ovulation date was on July 31st, gave him a hand job on the 29th, he finished and my hand semi-dry of semen, i inserted my fingers in me, had sex on the 30th with about 10-15 needle size holes in the condom(new condom) and he finished in me like 5 minutes into it, it was a quickie, no worries   unprotected sex today aug. 2nd.

http://ehealthforum.com/health/pregnant-by-pin-holes-in-condom-t243294-a1.html

And one more:

I am 33 years old, single & would like to have a baby – the traditional way.

I have decided I will pick up a man when I am out one night and take him home for sex. I am not on the pill, but do not want to lie and say I am on the pill. So i want to use a condom, but poke holes or damage it in some other way before hand, so that I can be impregnated. I understand that my chances of getting pregnant are lower this way.

Surely, surely NO ONE is going to help this lady, are they?

knight

Here is Antonio, White Knight extraordinaire, chastising her and helping her all at the same time:

wow i did’t know women like you exist ok, ummm go and get a condom for him a cut a small hole at the tip of the comdom with nail scissors, and i think what you are doing is crual as he has to know he is going to be a father, also it is extremely cruel for the child as he needs to know that he has a father.

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080710045306AA2QK9w

Let’s do our part to help the young ladies in search of stolen sperm out, and create a cheat sheet of techniques:

Lie about being on birth control

Poke yourself in the arm and claim you had a birth control shot

Stop taking birth control and lie about that

Give a handjob and insert your hand into your vagina when it’s covered in sperm

Poke or cut condoms

Seriously though, these girls are amateurs.  The advanced ladies have a totally different technique:  buy fake birth control pills off the Internet and wash them down right in front of him!  Who could fail to trust when you took the pills right in front of him!

Genius.

There are actually a number of fake birth control pills out there, going by different brand names.

evital

Evital

http://features.rr.com/article/0cZbbxJ9lje4V?q=Food+and+Drug+Administration

ovulen

Ovulen 21

http://www.nytimes.com/1987/02/18/us/fake-birth-control-pills-lead-to-indictment-of-6.html

diane

Diane 35

http://lajeunepolitique.com/2013/02/05/diane-35-the-fake-birth-control-pill/

If you Google “birth control sabotage”, you will get a first page of results that refers only to MEN sabotaging women’s birth control as a means of controlling them.

male

From poking holes in condoms to stealing birth control pills, doctors are working to identify ‘reproductive coercion,’ which is more widespread than previously thought. About 16% of women — of all levels of society — have experienced it in some form.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/men-sabotaging-women-birth-control-article-1.1361932

Jezebel denies that women participate in birth control sabotage at anything approaching the rates of men.

“Increasingly,” The Cut reports, “birth-control sabotage is viewed as a tool not for baby-crazed female stalkers, but for a class of predominantly male abusers who want to exercise control over their partner’s body, make her dependent upon them, or secure a long-term presence in her life.”

http://jezebel.com/power-hungry-men-sabotaging-womens-birth-control-is-a-510465235

Here’s Policy Mic at least admitting that women play the sabotage game, too.

While birth control sabotage is generally more of a problem for women, men are affected as well. Like any other form of intimate violence, reproductive coercion is usually used to assert power over an individual. While it may be rare, in some cases, some women may lie about being on birth control in order to stay in a relationship.

http://www.policymic.com/articles/24443/why-in-the-world-is-birth-control-sabotage-happening

While it may be rare?!?!?!?!

Google says it’s as rare as oxygen in the atmosphere.

liar

Jody (not her real name), a 32-year-old account manager for a major New York ad firm, decided to speed things along with her boyfriend two years ago by getting pregnant without telling him. “It’s not about trapping the guy,” Jody says. “That’s kind of old-fashioned. Yeah, you want him to be into it, but there are other ways to get a guy to commit. If you’re smart and in a good relationship, it’s just about the fact that you want a kid.” Even in her circle of young, urban, and gainfully employed friends, Jody says, this particular brand of subterfuge isn’t exactly condemned the way one might expect. In fact, it’s sort of, well, normal. “I see and hear people talk about it, and I understand. I get it,” she says, “and I don’t even think it’s that manipulative. It’s more like, ‘Hey, the timing is right for me. I got pregnant—oops! Well, it’s here, let’s have it.’ I think that’s more the way it is now than it was back in the day when you had to marry someone before you got pregnant. Marriage doesn’t matter now.”

http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/marriage-and-kids/200610/did-your-girlfriend-trick-you-into-fatherhood

In fact, it’s sort of, well, normal.

In fact, it’s sort of, well, normal

In fact, it’s sort of, well, normal.

In fact, it’s sort of, well, normal.

 

Jesus.  I’m shocked.  I am officially shocked.  I don’t know why I should be, though.  One of my friends did exactly this:  she was 39, no husband in sight, she wanted a baby, she picked up a guy in a bar and lied about birth control and she has her baby.

It happened long before I met her, and our kids are very close, so as distasteful as I find her actions, we are still friends.  I guess I’m guilty of thinking it’s “normal”, too.  What an unpleasant insight.

Feminist, liberal websites like to make fun of the “sperm-stealing” lady trope, but it’s far, far more common than it seems anyone wants to admit.

http://jezebel.com/5862929/man-accuses-girlfriend-of-stealing-his-sperm-to-get-pregnant

We even rock out to the idea in song:

We already know that men have no reproductive rights, but just how extensively men are abused is still a topic that no one wants to discuss.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/06/15/feminists-agree-at-least-in-theory-that-women-must-face-the-consequences-of-deciding-to-have-sex-no-abortion-no-adoption-no-safe-havens-and-if-you-dont-like-it-then-close-your-legs/

What options do men have given that reproductive coercion is not just common, it’s NORMAL?  From where I’m sitting, it looks utterly INSANE for any man to trust any woman when it comes to birth control.

Women can and will lie to you.  It’s normal.

Did she pop her pill right in front of you?  Better check what brand.

Does she make sure to always have condoms on hand?  Better hold them up to the light, and check the tip, too.  Nail scissors on the nightstand are a definite red flag.

I don’t even know how to end this post today.

baby

What the fuck?

It’s all I can come up with.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Lots of love,

JB

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