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Peter Lloyd is wrong to oppose women’s only gym time. I go to the gym to check out other women’s asses and that’s easier when all the pesky men are gone.

23 Apr

 

Ladies, you all know by now that I am one judgy bitch, but I’ll bet you didn’t know just how fast I can slap you into a box.

 

stopwatch

 

You have 20 seconds to impress me, and then your time is up.

 

Here are the main things I will be evaluating about you:

 

How fat are you?

Fat is good.

How much make-up are you wearing?

Four dollar hooker is good.

Do you have any sense of fashion at all?

Slovenly is good.

What is up with your hair?

Rat’s nest is good.

Do you have a nice smile?

Crooked teeth, grimace and halitosis is good.

Is your skin clear?

Age spots, wrinkles and pimples are good

How tall are you?

Freakishly tall or small, either is good.

Touched up your highlights recently?

Four inches of grey regrowth is very good.

How’s that fake tan?

Orange with the texture of a leather handbag is good.

How’s that eyeshadow?

Pink glitter liner and purple eyeshadow is great!

What’s on your feet?

Tattered, smelly gym shoes are good. Or useless, precarious stilettos.

How big are your boobs?

Bazongas or pancakes, either will do.

Do you have a tattoo?

Tramp stamp is excellent.

How short is your skirt?

Visible underwear is good.

How straight are your teeth?

Bucktoothed overbite is good.

Are your teeth white?

Coffee, tobacco and wine stained preferred.

Is your jewelry tasteful?

Rhinestones are perfect. Plastic pearls are good.

How’s your manicure?

She-devil talons or chewed to the bloody nubs, either is good.

How’s your personality?

Ha ha! Just kidding. Who gives a fuck about your personality?

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1391477/Women-pass-judgement-20-seconds-meeting-them.html

 

WHY am I checking other women out in such exquisite detail?

 

threat level

 

Well, duh. I’m trying to assess the level of competitive threat. I’ve already contributed to the gene pool by having three children, and I’m not interested in having any more, but you might be. That could dilute the resources coming my way, and I’m obviously going to guard against that.

 

It’s rather selfish of me, in the long, long term, as refusing to share my husband’s DNA freely is probably impeding our development as a species, but too fucking bad. The Scientific American reports that a past willingness to breed fairly freely, even with other humanlike species, is probably what gave homo sapiens the upper edge against those other species and allowed us to become the triumphant victors in the DNA wars.

 

neanderthal

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=sex-with-other-human-species-might-have-been-secret-homo-sapiens

 

That’s all good and well, and I’m glad our ancestors were getting down with as many and as varied a number of people as possible, but the wars are over, we have won and I’m not feeling very generous when it comes to sharing my husband’s DNA.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2312932/Was-sleeping-secret-evolution-Researchers-claim-interbreeeding-key-homo-sapien-human-standing.html

 

hourglass

 

It therefore makes me rather relieved to know that in England, where Peter Lloyd lives, the hourglass figure is becoming a thing of the past. Ladies have packed SEVEN extra inches around their waists since 1951, and a full 38% of them are overweight.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2312861/Times-Mad-Men-hourglass-figures-Womens-waists-7-INCHES-bigger-1950s-weight-risen-7-5lbs.html

 

Not coincidentally, 35% of British women would rather be thin than earn more money. A further 8% would actually give UP £1000 to be thin.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2312941/British-women-admit-THIN-earn-money.html

 

Hmmm. That’s curious. I wonder why? If women’s value is primarily in how much money they earn, why should they care more about being thin?

 

Ha ha, don’t be silly. It’s because of the patriarchy, twisting women’s fragile little minds into believing that the entire point of their existence is to reproduce, and that the best reproductive strategy is to attract the very best DNA you can to ensure healthy, happy offspring.

 

And clearly, that’s not true. That’s obviously just a big lie based on millions of years of evolution concocted by some horrible men in lab coats who hate women.

 

Men’s preference for a slender woman with a small waist, and pronounced hips and breasts is simply a way of oppressing women, and the cult of thinness is a way to get women to focus on their bodies rather than their minds, which keeps them out of the upper echelons of society.

 

book

 

“Our culture pressures women to tend to their bodies. But if you don’t tend to your mind, how can you ascend into other levels of society?”

 

http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/rvp/pubaf/chronicle/v4/O5/HESSE-BIBER.html

 

Because everybody knows thin women are also stupid, right?

Yeah, wrong.

The hourglass figure is strongly correlated with women’s fertility, and no amount of screaming that fat is beautiful is going to change that, or men’s preferences.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3682657.stm

 

No matter what you actually do all day, or what your personal preferences towards reproduction happen to be, your brain and your body and your DNA just want to get the mini-me factory rolling, and that means you are constantly, and often unconsciously, evaluating the fitness and fertility status of the people around you, even if you have ZERO intention of smashing up your DNA into a little bundle of snuggly joy.

 

baby

 

The minute an egg makes the leap from ovary to fallopian tube and heads for a sperm party in the uterus, a woman’s brain will prefer the smell of men oozing with testosterone, men who have features associated with masculinity such as a deep voice and a strong jawline.

 

rupert

 

It’s not a CONSCIOUS partiality, it’s a relic from our past that still has an impact on our instinctive preferences today.

 

http://www.livescience.com/28812-women-prefer-smell-of-manly-guys.html

 

Men have a similar instinctive preference: they like a high hip to waist ratio, because it DOES in fact, signal fertility.

 

It is now verboten to say that, because it makes the chubby ladies feel bad. Captain Capitalism has a few thoughts on this new prohibition against men openly declaring their preferences for women’s bodies, and I’ll just leave it right here for you.

 

http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.ca/2013/04/inducing-shock-in-matriarchy.html

 

Let’s get back to Peter Lloyd. What the hell does any of this have to do with Peter Lloyd?

 

Well, the fact is that ladies police each other in this competition to capture the best DNA, whether they understand it as that, or not. Indeed, it seems that even smart ladies with PhD’s can’t quite grasp what policing and evaluating other women’s appearances is all about. There’s no question that we DO, it’s just a matter of the WHY.

 

What’s going on in the minds of women? Have we become so vigilant about how we look in general — and our aging appearance specifically — that we’ve lost sight of the fact that we’re all in this together? Do we question and critique others because of our own fears and ambivalence about how we will deal as our looks change? Remember, by comparing, competing and then devaluing others in order to boost our own shaky sense of self, we join forces with the very culture that has created the need to do just that!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/body-image_b_1678184.html

 

Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? We’re not all in this together.

 

And we keep an eye on each other. 20 seconds. That’s how long it will take me to assess your threat as a competitor. I will observe all your features, particularly those that signal health and fertility and measure them against my own and settle on a judgement.

 

And it’s not just me. I’ve posted this study before, but I’ll put it up against, because it’s just so telling.

 

jealous

 

Results showed that almost all women were aggressive toward the attractive female whose only indiscretion was to dress in a sexually provocative manner. The women in this situation were more likely to roll their eyes at their peer, stare her up and down and show anger while she was in the room. When she left the room, many of them laughed at her, ridiculed her appearance, and/or suggested that she was sexually available. By contrast, when the same attractive peer was dressed conservatively, the group of women assigned to this second scenario barely noticed her, and none of them discussed her when she left the room.

 

Vaillancourt, T.& Sharma, A. (2011). Intolerance of sexy peers: Intrasexual competition among women. Aggressive Behavior, 37, 569-577. doi: 10.1002/ab.20413

 

Personally, I have no problem with other women taking me apart visually. Go for it. Three kids and I still have a 26 inch waist, topped with some pretty awesome C-Cups. I weigh the exact same as I did when I met my husband. I don’t mind other women scanning me and rolling their eyes or snarking quietly.

 

Because I’m still competitive. Check out my ass all you want, ladies. I’ll bet it’s better than yours.

 

ass

 

Plenty of women who don’t quite measure up aren’t so confident. They don’t like how they look when they’re working out. They hate being stared at and objectified. They feel intimidated by eyes that are assessing, measuring, calculating, evaluating and ultimately judging them.

 

fat

 

At the same time, gyms can be incredibly patriarchal places where women often feel intimidated, harassed, out of place, and unwelcome. Also, the ads for gyms and the primary motivation for many women going to one is focused on (often unattainable) patriarchal standards of beauty.

http://www.balancingjane.com/2013/02/women-in-gyms-working-out-in-safe-spaces.html

 

What they seem to have forgotten is that it’s OTHER WOMEN who are doing the looking. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will behave aggressively if you’re a bit too sexy. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will notice that you actually look like shit.

 

Ladies who don’t like being objectified and stared at should probably stick to working out with lots of men present. I’ll go to the women’s only workouts.

 

And you can bet your ass I’m going to judge you.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

Breaking news: Mr. JB is an oppressive, sexist asshole who only likes me for my boobs!

8 Mar

This study is actually pretty hilarious!

Men’s Oppressive Beliefs Predict Their Breast Size Preferences in Women

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-013-0081-5#

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/01/sexist-men-big-boobs-breast-size-study_n_2792287.html?utm_hp_ref=canada&ir=Canada

Lads! Come on now! Enough with the oppression! Stop liking my boobs so much!

marilyn

You know, it always make me laugh when people claim Marilyn Monroe was “plus size”. What the fuck? Here are her measurements from her dressmaker. You know, the lady who actually made her clothes:

Weight: 118-140 pounds

Bust: 35-37 inches

Waist: 22-23 inches

Hips: 35-36 inches

Bra size: 36D

http://www.marilynmonroepages.com/facts/

Marilyn had a beautiful hourglass figure, with ample hips and an impressively tiny waist and oh, that rack!

marilyn 2

JudgyBitch also rocks an hourglass figure, although mine is not quite as dramatic as Marilyn’s.

36C-26-36

I was a late-bloomer, and didn’t grow into my curves until I was well over 16 years old, and during my teenage years, my figure was a source of great embarrassment to me. It attracted attention I was in no way prepared to deal with from men much older than myself. I was totally a big sweaters and jeans kind of girl.

sweater

Wait, you mean I didn’t shove my boobs into a bustier and prance around and then complain about all the men staring at me?

bustier

Nope. Never got on that train. Well, not in high school. University was a whole different ballgame, but I was ready by that time to deal with the reactions. My experience has been that men like my figure and my breasts very much. Little did I know that only SOME men like large breasts:

Sexist, Oppressive Assholes

You fuckers!

Sadly, all the men I dated were experts at hiding their oppressive beliefs and sexism and treated me like, oh, I don’t know… a lovely, desirable woman. That in itself is oppressive and sexist, though.

The researchers found that the largest percentage of participants (32.7 percent) rated medium-sized breasts as “most attractive,” followed by large (24.4 percent), very large (19.1 percent), small (15.5 percent) and very small (8.3 percent). However, a preference for large and very large breasts was significantly correlated with overt sexism, benevolent sexism, female objectification and hostile attitudes toward women. This connection was strongest when it came to benevolent sexism. In other words, men who tend to idealize “traditional” femininity and perceive women as meek and weak, are also the most likely to prefer big boobs. “It is arguable that benevolently sexist men perceived larger female breasts as attractive because larger breast size on a woman is associated with perceived femininity,” wrote the researchers.

Well now. Let’s start to unpack all this, shall we?

First of all, what is benevolent sexism?

sexist

Benevolent sexism is when men treat women nicely. ANY special treatment, like opening a car door, or giving up your subway seat, when done for a woman, by a man, constitutes sexism. Differential treatment on the basis of gender is always, ipso facto, sexist.

Unless it’s women treating men differently on the basis of gender. That’s okay then. No opening doors, you sexist, condescending pig! But I will totally let you carry that heavy box for me.

box

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/2011-07-26-men-women-feminism-sexism_n.htm

Gosh, how surprising! Another utterly hypocritical and just plain old fucking stupid idea from feminism.

Now how about that traditional femininity notion the researchers are operating with? Weak and meek.

WEAK AND MEEK?!?!

Are you fucking kidding me? Well, clearly, I’m doing femininity wrong. Perhaps I should change my blog to WeakMeekBitch? Okay, so the takeaway from all this is that men who like feminine women also tend to like breasts? Gee, I hope the taxpayers funded this study. Because the association between breasts and femininity has long been obscure, right? Thank goodness we finally have that mystery cleared up.

facepalm

Let’s assume that the researchers define femininity as being weak and meek because they’re cunts. I think it’s pretty reasonable to assume the male research subjects were using the more accepted definition, like this one from Wikipedia:

Gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, nurturance, deference, and succorance are behaviors generally considered feminine.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity

There’s one word in particular that pretty much sums up femininity: pleasant. Feminine women are pleasant. They are warm and friendly and just generally nice to be around. I’m a fucking bitch on this blog, but in real life, I’m actually a very pleasant person. And I think everyone who knows me would define me as feminine.

Here’s a secret most women appear to have forgotten: when you are pleasant, people, especially men, but absolutely other women too, will return your pleasantry.

No! I swear! It’s totally true. I live in a small town, where people are just generally pleasant to one another as a matter of course, but I recently had an opportunity to travel to one of the largest, most ethnically diverse city on the planet, and guess what?

Everybody was pleasant to me.

Number of times I took a subway ride without chatting with someone? Zero

Number of times I had to stand on the subway while surrounded by sitting men? Zero

Number of times I had to carry my own suitcase from one subway platform to another? Zero

Amount of money I had to pay when I fucked up reading my boarding pass and missed my flight? Zero

http://judgybitch.com/2012/11/18/why-are-you-so-goddamn-fat-part-two/

Look at this shirt the ladies at Jezebel are all in a squee over:

smile

http://jezebel.com/5988938/we-need-this-dont-tell-me-to-smile-sweatshirt

This shirt is for ladies who go storming about with their permanent bitch-face on and from the size of it, permanent lard-ass, too. Just imagine it: a scowling, pissy woman trucking along at whatever speed her heft will allow and she needs a shirt to tell people to basically fuck-off and who wants to guess whether she gets treated like shit a whole lot?

 

fat bitch

But that’s because patriarchy. And oppression. And objectification. And unreasonable beauty standards. Not because, you know, she’s a miserable cow to everyone around her. I’m guessing it doesn’t matter what size her breasts are – she’s not likely to get much positive male attention.

I really don’t understand the rationale behind wanting to live in a world in which people are not pleasant to one another and do not notice one another’s physical attributes. What is to be gained by defining men’s tendency to be polite and cordial to women as OPPRESSION? There is so much to be lost, obviously, but what is gained? What do we gain when we refuse to see one another as fully human, including aspects of our gender and sexuality?

Is it a question of all the fat miserable bitches making sure no one is treated with kindness because they themselves are not? There is another solution to that, you know: lose some weight and try smiling.

If a man wanting to open the door for me, or let me go first, or offer me his seat or carry my suitcase is oppression, then gentlemen, by all means, please oppress me. My feeling is that men aren’t nice to me BECAUSE I’m a woman. They’re nice to me because I’m nice to them. They respond positively to me because I’m pleasant. Kindness and warmth is returned with kindness and warmth.

door

In my experience.

Well, it’s either that, or just that I have really great tits!

tits3

Lots of love,

JB

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