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Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No, dipshit. She should not. Neither should a man in a thong.

22 Aug

Thong alert:  some images may be NSFW

Trigger Warning:  Image of Amanda Marcotte


This is Jessica Rey.  Among other things, she is a swimsuit designer and her website features the catchphrase “Who Says It Has To Be Itty Bitty?”. Her swimsuits look like this:

rey 1

rey 2

rey 3

They’re so cute!  They’re also mostly sold out.

I imagine there are many reasons some women prefer one-piece swimsuits over the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini kind, but Jessica has a pretty specific reason for offering women her stylish and more modest designs.  Jessica, you see, appears to believe that women who dislike being treated like gobs of walking meat should perhaps consider not presenting themselves as gobs of, well, walking meat.

Oh, Jessica, you silly little goose!  I mean really now.  Come on.  That’s too ridiculous! What a riot!  Who believes that?  Who actually thinks there is some sort of relationship between what you wear and how you are perceived?


Not Amanda Marcotte.  Oh, I know. She doesn’t like thongs and yoga pants, but that was AGES ago!  Thongs are out, bikinis are in!  It’s fashion, people.  These things tend to change, and opinions change with them.

Both Jessica and Katelyn Beaty think that if women want to be taken seriously they should consider dressing to reflect that desire.

Here, there is freedom for individual women to practice modesty not primarily to preserve men’s sexual purity, but to preserve their own dignity. To show in outward form the inward truth that they matter to society for their minds, their leadership, their passions, and their talents—talents that have nothing to do with how many heads they can turn. Modesty can become a form of female power.

Rather than debate the efficacy of modesty, which I really don’t care about, let’s talk about how these standards apply to ALL THE HUMANS.  Oh, I can hear you sighing already.  We have to talk about ALL the humans?  Even the boy ones?  Again?


Amanda says:

The mere fact that women’s modesty is constantly being debated is evidence enough that women aren’t yet equal. If we want women “to be taken seriously,” we should, umm, take them seriously, and stop linking dignity to fabric.

Well, props to Amanda for getting at least one thing right.  When it comes to dressing with dignity, women are definitely NOT equal to men.  They are way, way beneath them, and ladies like Amanda would like to keep them there.

Of course, that’s just a generalization.  Men can fail at the whole dignity thing, too, and when they do, feminists will be first in line to mock them.

Pop Quiz for Men: have you ever taken surreptitious shots of women’s assets when you are out and about in public spaces?


You fucking creep.  You’ve probably never been laid.  You live in your mother’s basement, don’t you? You’re a disgusting pervert and you should be arrested for violating…. …. Well, I don’t know what, but SOMETHING!  And one guy actually was.

Thanks to a tip from a group of anonymous Redditors who are sick of seeing the CreepShots community gleefully post teen upskirt photo after teen upskirt photo while telling the “internet morality police” to “fuck off” and stop ruining their fun.

Pop Quiz For Jezebel:  Have you ever published shots of men’s assets, taken without their knowledge or consent, either to drool over them or mock them?



Ha ha ha! You rock, Jezebel!  That is so funny and edgy and cool and look at those two penises!  I love your double standards! They’re so …. hypocritical?


So let’s talk about appropriate attire, double standards and the art of being taken seriously.  I’ll preface everything I am saying with the caveat that I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU WEAR, but I do expect you to own your choices.  You don’t get to dress in a deliberately provocative manner and then scream when you provoke a reaction.  Whatever that reaction happens to be.

You want to wear this?


Go right ahead.  At your all white sorority, it’s probably a screaming riot.  Go out in public, and expect to get your ass whooped, and justifiably so. Boo hoo. Consequences.

There is a very simple reason women are disproportionately treated as sex objects while men are not:  women are far more likely to ACT AND DRESS LIKE SEX OBJECTS. When you dress in a manner that puts your sexuality front and center, expect to be treated as if your sexuality is your defining feature.  YOU ARE THE ONE DEFINING IT.

Sorry, lots of all ALLCAPS screaming today, but whether or not a woman is perceived as being sexual first and foremost depends on what she is wearing and how she presents herself AND THE SAME FUCKING STANDARDS APPLY TO MEN.

Oh hello, doctor!

sexy doctor

Chef Wowza!  How ya doing?

A man in a chefs outfit with a rose in his mouth

Ooh, officer.  Is that a gun in your holster or are you just happy to see me?


You can frame my walls, baby.


Oh, dude.  No.  Just put it away.


Men can show up at work in any of these outfits.  They are incredibly unlikely to do so, and if they do, you can be pretty sure they will be fired on the spot.  In the dubious event they are actually permitted to do their jobs, who thinks they will be treated with gravity, dignity and respect?

Women who go to work wearing this:

women sleeveless

Will get all the same respect as a man wearing this:

men sleeveless

This mechanic can work on my car:


So can this one:

girl mechanic

Both of them will remain in my mind as meat because their chosen attire has requested that I see them as human meat for my viewing pleasure.

This mechanic doesn’t want to viewed as a walking sex toy.

mech 1

Neither does this one:

mech 2

Only one of the four mechanics above is likely to scream and thrash and cry that she is being objectified and denied her humanity and sexualized.

It mystifies me.  It really does.  What is the point of wearing clothing and accessories deliberately designed to enhance your sexuality and then screaming that the only thing anyone ever values you for is your sexuality?

The honest truth is that UNLESS you consciously and knowingly put forth your sexuality as the aspect of yourself you most want people to see and value, they won’t!  Men, for example, notice a woman’s EYES AND SMILE long before they notice her rack.  Unless she’s shoved her puppies into a push-up bra and left her shirt half undone.


Women, too, will notice a man’s EYES AND SMILES before they check out his height and they will almost never notice his package because men TEND NOT TO DISPLAY THEIR DICKS overtly.

You can be sure if crotch cleavage ever becomes popular, women’s eyes will be traveling to the crotch area pretty rapidly.


Crotch cleavage will NOT becoming a trend anytime soon. Know why?  Because it’s ridiculous. Absurd.  Stupid.  It invites people to dismiss the man displaying his MagicJohnson as an idiot.  Someone not really worthy of respect or admiration.  Really?  Your dick?  That’s what you have to offer?  That’s how you want to be defined?

How is it that men seem to get this, while women do not.  If you dress to emphasize your sexuality you are implying that your sexuality is what you have to offer.  Not your skills, or talents or passions or even your conscientiousness.  Put your tits front and center, and you will be valued for your tits AT YOUR OWN REQUEST.


If you want to wear a bikini at the beach, go right ahead.  Wear it anywhere you like.  But understand that walking around virtually naked is not going to lend any help if your goal is to be taken seriously.  As if you have something to contribute other than your ass.  Assuming of course, you DO have something other than that to offer.

Men at the beach wearing this can expect a certain reaction.

Businessman Promote New Mobile Phone Network on The Serpentine

It’s unlikely to involve respect.  Is there a man alive who doesn’t understand that?  Show up at the office pool party wearing this:

man thong

And you have just blown your career straight to hell.  Unless you’re an underwear model. Or a porn star.  And ladies, show up at the office pool party in a string bikini, and expect the exact same response.

The alternative is NOT a burkha.  Bullshit.  Jessica Rey has provided lots of alternatives.  The world is full of alternatives.  All it takes is for women to understand that what you wear CAN and WILL have an effect on those around you.  Not all those effects will be positive.

Sexuality at work is a powerful thing. No doubt about it.  But ladies, if you are going to wield that sword for your benefit, understand the blade cuts both ways.

Now go put some fucking clothes on.

Lots of love,


Men throw better than women, and that can’t be right. Here are fourteen ways women are “better” than men to make the ladies feel superior. Too bad they’re almost all wrong.

17 Jun

In the most astonishing news of the century, researchers at the University of North Texas have discovered that men’s bodies are different from women’s!  I sure hope that was a publicly funded study.  These physical differences mean that almost all men can throw better than almost all women.


The power in an overhand throw — and in a golf swing, a tennis serve or a baseball swing — comes from the separate turning of hips and shoulders. The hips rotate forward and the body opens, and then the shoulders snap around. Women tend to rotate their hips and shoulders together, and even expert women throwers don’t get the differential that men get. “The one-piece rotation is the biggest difference,” says Thomas. “It keeps women from creating speed at the hand.” Even when women learn to rotate hips and shoulders separately, they don’t do it as fast as men.

Well, that’s complete bullshit, obviously, and there is no way ladies are going to admit that men are better than women, ever, under any circumstances.  Declaring that women are better than men?  Oh, that’s fine.  That’s called delusions of supremacy equality.

Let’s take a look at rah-rah you go gurl Cosmopolitan’s list of all the ways that men suck, shall we?

1.  Women learn better than men

Especially really hard subjects like calculus and nuclear physics and writing programming languages that use C-like syntax and keywords to add interactivity to webpages.  One day men will be able to grasp these subjects and the entire STEM universe won’t be so dominated by women.

Oh, wait.

My bad.  Okay.  Aside from actual subjects that require real skills and knowledge, women learn better than men.  What does “learn” mean in this case?  Let’s keep in mind that boys get higher marks on standardized tests, but receive lower grades from teachers.

Why do girls get better grades in elementary school than boys, even when they perform worse on standardized tests?

What we mean by “learn” in this proclamation of superiority is that girls are better able to meet the environmental conditions set by mostly male female teachers.


The researchers say that “approaches to learning” is a rough measure of what a child’s attitude toward school is. It includes six items that rate the child’s attentiveness, task persistence, eagerness to learn, learning independence, flexibility and organization.

When it comes to testing knowledge via standardized tests, boys kick little girl’s asses, but when it comes to sucking up to teacher, girls rule.  Excellent.  And what do girls parlay that advantage in to? Oh right.  Secretarial work. Good job ladies!


So basically girls have mastered the alphabet, how to tell time, the days of the week, the months of the year and the QWERTY keyboard.  Outstanding accomplishments! Good thing we’ve rigged the entire educational system to play to girls strengths.  What ever would we do without someone to fetch coffee and press “print”?

2.  Women are smarter than men

Yeah, no.  In a spectacular misinterpretation of James Flynn’s analysis of gender and IQ, Cosmo claims that women have higher IQs than men.

Flynn looked at IQ scores from ages 14-18 and found 5 modern states where he could get standardization samples with at least 500 people of each gender. The states he looked at were Australia, New Zealand, White South Africa, Estonia, and Argentina. It was important that he used standardization samples, because that means that the IQ researchers made an effort to get as representative a sample as possible.

Analyzing those 5 datasets and throwing away all of the older studies from the prior generation (prior to 1982), he compared men and women on the Raven’s Progressive Matrices test, a test of abstract, logical reasoning. Setting the male score at 100, Flynn found that women scored the lowest in Australia (99.5), but in the other 4 nations Raven’s scores varied from 100.5 to 101.5.

See that part about setting the male score at 100?  That means women have, at best, reached parity with men in terms of raw scores.  And what Cosmo conveniently ignores is the standard deviation.  Most women cluster around average.  Out in the far right tail, where genius lives, men outnumber women by a factor as high as 8:1.

So no, cupcakes, women are not smarter than men.  At best, they’re equal, in terms of raw scores but not equal in ability. Flynn notes that if you try to intentionally create a gender neutral IQ test by throwing out items that favor one gender over the other, you find that you can’t eliminate a female verbal advantage and a male advantage for visual spatial items.

Sex differences Adult Raven Mensa Cutoff

And if you want to look at the population of individuals with IQ scores over 140, women are not even in the ballpark.  Which is probably a good thing, because girls can’t throw anyways.

3. Women are cleaner than men

Hahahahahah!  Guess the ladies have a little more time to take a break from the strenuous task of organizing a calendar to wipe down their desks with hand sanitizer.  Prissy little things.


But seriously, men have 10-20% more bacteria on their work surfaces than women.  Could that be because men are 10-20% bigger than women?  Just a thought.

And why should we worry about all these icky germs?  Are they going to cause the next biblical plague?

Nope.  They’re perfectly normal.

“You shouldn’t be worried in your own office — it’s you; it’s just a reflection of who you are,” said study researcher Scott Kelley, an associate professor of biology at San Diego State University, referring to the bacteria you find on your typical desk or keyboard. These bacteria are “with us all the time, and they don’t make us sick,” he said.

So basically, women are better than men at fussing over pointless shit that won’t hurt you anyways?  Oh, okay.  Well, we can give the ladies that one, no?

4.  Women interview better than men

Now this study is actually very, very interesting.


That anxiety you have about interviewing for your next job may not be such a bad thing after all.  That is the finding of new research by three University of Western Ontario researchers who looked at how men and women handled the stresses of job interviews. Their findings showed that women, although typically more stressed about interviewing, performed better than their male counterparts in interviews thanks in large part to the way in which they coped with stress.

Women performed better in interviews than men, meaning that interviews are actually a pretty poor indicator of good job fit.  The take away from the research is that businesses end up making poor hiring decisions if they use anxiety as a measure of future performance.

You will actually end up making poor hiring decisions as a result of anxiety.

Look at what the researchers are saying.  If you hire the person demonstrating the LEAST amount of anxiety, you just might be making a poor hiring decision. In other words, if you hire the woman because she appears calmer, you might be missing out on the best employee.

The man.

So yeah, maybe women interview better than men, but the problem for business is that they don’t make the best employees.   The rationale for the research was to make sure employers aren’t missing out on the best candidates based on superficial appearances.

No much triumph in talking the talk if you can’t walk the walk, now is there?

5.  Women evolve hotter than men


That doesn’t make women better than men, it makes them more fit to compete FOR men.  Not with them.  For them.

6.  Women survive car accidents more often than men do

And that makes you better?  .

“Men take more risks behind the wheel than women, and so men are more likely to get into serious crashes,” says Anne McCartt. “We don’t have any way of comparing their driving abilities, but on the likelihood of getting into a serious crash in which someone dies, men win handily.”

The fact that men are more willing to engage in risky undertakings is why we exist in a world filled with unparalleled luxuries. It’s why we have antibiotics and automatic braking systems and pictures of our planet taken from space.


That comes with a price.  It’s rather ignorant to gloat over the bodies of men who have given you every extravagance because they have been willing to strive.  Women are inherently more cautious than men, and that’s fine.  It’s one of our key differences from men, but it doesn’t make us better.  It makes us different.

7.  Women are better at seeking comfort than men

A Mind survey of 2,000 people revealed that women are far more likely than men to talk through their problems. Fifty-three percent of women talk to their friends about what’s stressing them out, as opposed to 29 percent of men.


I’m not sure if the writer knows what the word “comfort” means.  She appears to have it confused with “talking”.  Another case of women deciding that they alone get to define what the appropriate strategy is for dealing with stress.  Ladies talk to friends, therefore the only acceptable way to deal with problems is to talk to friends.

Except that is not how most men deal with stress.  The number one thing men do to cope with stress is isolate themselves and consider how to solve the problems.  They seek solutions.  They don’t want to chatter away over cappuccino.  They want to know what they can do about the problem.

8.  Women are more recession proof than men

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 80 percent of those who have lost their jobs since December 2007 have been men.

Nice.  That doesn’t make you better, it just means you have better job protections.  Given that so many women are employed by the government, it’s not surprising they have managed to hang on to their jobs.

We’ll see how long that lasts.  The money doesn’t grow on trees, ladies.  Those unemployed men paid taxes, and without those taxes, you have no job.  Don’t get too gleeful just yet. In the UK, men pay 60% of all the taxes remitted.  Destroy their jobs, and you destroy your own.

9.  Women graduate from college more often than men do.

Yeah, with degrees in what, exactly?  Oh, the humanities.  Excellent.  How that’s doctorate in a STEM field going?


Oh dear.  Looks like it’s men who earn the most valuable college degrees and achieve the highest designations.  Don’t worry though.  There are plenty of Starbucks to go around.  Barista of Arts, summa cum latte.

10.  Women eat healthier than men

Again, the writer appears to have confused “healthy” with “vegetables”.  Men eat red meat and bacon?  Get outta here!

Based on national obesity rates, it doesn’t look like a whole lot of women are choosing “healthy” foods.  Women are better than men at being fat, apparently.  Congratulations.


11.  Women have stronger immune systems than men

No wonder men act like such babies when they have a sniffle — women really do have stronger immune systems than men! If there are little battles going on in our bodies, women have a secret weapon: estrogen. A study done by McGill University indicated that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections. That’s because estrogen confronts a certain enzyme that often hinders the body’s first line of defense against bacteria and viruses.

man sick

Okay, here’s my pet theory about “man sick”.  Thanks to menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and childcare, women have evolved to pretty much ignore small physical discomforts.  They’re such a common feature of our lives, that our brains literally do not register any pain until it gets very severe.  And since we are primarily engaged in low-risk tasks, there is no reason for our brain to respond to a few little aches and pains.

Men, on the other hand, are typically involved in physically strenuous tasks that involve risk-taking and teamwork.

Whether a man is hunting a woolly mammoth or helping his neighbor clean the gutters, there is a risk to failure.  A man who is injured,  even in a small way, endangers the whole team and project.  Men have evolved to respond to pain immediately, because if a man is weakened, the whole team is weakened.

Makes sense to me.  I’m very compassionate to men who have colds.  They really do feel it more than women do.  Again, that doesn’t make one of us better than the other.  It makes us different.

12.  Women live longer than men

Oh please.  We leave all the stressful, shitty, dangerous, demanding jobs to men.  No kidding we live longer.  That’s called being pampered.  The more women that take on stressful work, the smaller that gap will be.  We don’t live longer because we’re better than men.  We live longer because we let men do the dirty work.

13.  Women are better managers than men

“Women are community builders and consensus builders, which is important,” he explains. “So we have what I call the feminization of management.”

We’ve covered this before, but it’s worth saying again.  Women are better at managing to avoid responsibility and they resist making really tough decisions.

It’s all fine and well until your business hits a rough patch, and then you find the ladies boo-hooing their way out of having to make a call.  Fair weather managers may be nice to work with, but they won’t help you when the storm hits.

14.  Women make more on their investments than men

Annnnnd we’re right back at risk aversion.  Women don’t take risks.  They won’t fund that new biotech IPO.  They won’t ruck up seed money for a mining exploration.  They won’t put their money on the table for the next great leap forward in technology.

No way.

Women’s money funds the established, tried and true companies.  Men’s money funds the innovators, the risk-takers, the geniuses, the future.

Women’s money calms the waters.  Men’s money takes us to the stars.


I’d say we need both.

So, in summary, we have found the material facts to be that women are better at men when it comes to fussing over germs that won’t hurt you, and better at being fat.


I think that deserves a round of applause, no?  Or a round of tequila shooters.  I’m so over this women are better, men are better blah blah blah.

We’re different.   And equal.  That does not mean identical.  Trying to measure women against men as interchangeable carbon copies of one another is not just irritating, it’s stupid.  Women will always lose.  And if we measured a man’s worth in terms of his ability to breastfeed and successfully gestate a baby, he would lose.  Notice that most men don’t go around thinking up ways to pretend they are “better” than women.

Cosmo, get over yourself.  And learn to throw a ball for Christ’s sake. It’s not that hard.


You know, if you’re a man.

Lots of love,


Male booksellers unite in a call to end the sexist objectification of men’s bodies on the covers of romance novels. Enough with this six-pack shit!

28 May

In the wake of radical feminist groups in the UK calling for an end to sexist, objectifying “lad mags”, radical masculinist groups have united calling for an end to sexist, objectifying “romance novels”.

cover 1

The Lose the Lady Porn campaign by UK Masculinism and Object is calling on high-street retailers to immediately withdraw romance novels and magazines featuring pornographic front covers from their stores. Each one of these stores is a workplace. Displaying these publications in workplaces, and/or requiring staff to handle them in the course of their jobs, may amount to sex discrimination and sexual harassment contrary to the Equality Act 2010. Similarly, exposing customers to these publications in the process of displaying them is capable of giving rise to breaches of the Equality Act.


High-street retailers are exposing staff and, in some cases, customers to publications whose handling and display may breach equality legislation. Displaying romance novels and pornographic magazines (under the guise of “fitness”) in “mainstream” shops results in the involuntary exposure of staff and, in some cases, customers to pornographic images.

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Every mainstream retailer which stocks romance novels is vulnerable to legal action by staff and, where those publications are visibly on display, by customers. There are, in particular, examples of staff successfully suing employers in respect of exposure to pornographic material at work. Such exposure is actionable where it violates the dignity of individual employees or customers, or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them. We therefore call on such retailers to urgently heed the call to Lose the Ladies Porn.

UK Masculinism director Kurt Banyard said so-called ladies porn fuelled sexist attitudes and behaviour by portraying men as “sex objects”.

cover 3

He told the BBC the images caused “real harm”.

“They promote sexist attitudes and behaviours – attitudes which underpin a view of men as mere utilities that can be used and discarded by women at will,” he said.

cover 7

The British Retail Consortium (BRC) said: “Major retailers understand their responsibilities to staff and customers.

“BRC members don’t sell anything it isn’t legal to sell and they have long followed joint industry guidelines, as well as taking their own independent voluntary action, to make sure that front covers which may concern some people are displayed discreetly.

cover 4

“Our members regard their stores as family-friendly environments which is why conversations with staff and customers about what they believe is appropriate will continue.”

Here at JudgyBitch, we applaud Mr. Banyard and all his followers for their well-guided and well-intentioned demands to censor the lustful, degrading and dehumanizing impulses of female sexuality, and while we understand that women will always hunger for a tall, handsome, partially clad man sporting impressive abdominal muscles, we agree with Masculinism that these images should remain part of women’s interior monologues and the general public should not be forced to look at men’s bodies in a way they may find uncomfortable and disturbing.

Especially all you fat little fuckers.


It’s not fair you chubby little fucks should have to confront images of what real, desirable men look like.  There is no excuse for popping off to the local newsagent to pick up a jumbo bag of Cheetos and two litres of cola and then have to look at the image of a man who clearly eats nothing but egg white and spinach omelets.

cover 2

And what is up with all these “celebrity” magazines with scantily clad men on the covers?


“Fashion” magazines with topless men?  Bullshit.


“Fitness” my ass.  These magazines are nothing more than an excuse to slobber over men’s firm bodies, and quite frankly, it’s disgusting.


Women’s sexual impulses and their demand for men who adhere to a rigid standard of beauty that celebrates strength and power is undermining our entire society by creating a hostile environment for fat, slovenly men who can barely drag themselves off to the chip shop for that final 4000 calorie snack they need to meet the demands of their pointless desk jobs.

Well, except for all those men who don’t have pointless desk jobs.

work crew

At the end of the day, romance novels paint a very damaging portrait of men as heroic, stoic and ridiculously fucking hot, and women’s absurd sense of entitlement to male sexuality must be censored and stamped out, for the benefit of us all.

cover 8

Only when we are all completely neutered and divorced from our most basic pleasures, particularly those pleasures which are visual, will be have a society in which all individuals are considered equal.

Equally boring, uninspiring, dreary, tedious and insipid.  So yay for UK Masculinism!

End visual pleasures!  Crush sexuality!  Destroy beauty!  Kill all of it!

Just remember lads, this can’t be a one-sided battle.  If you want images of hot men gone, you’ll have to give up images of hot women, too.


What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.  You don’t want to come across as a pack of raging hypocrites, now do you?

Good.  I knew you cared about equality.  Fair is fair.


And all is fair in love and war.

Lots of love,


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