Tag Archives: biology wins

Disney Princesses are kind and pretty and that’s bad. Disney Villainesses are evil and cruel and that’s awesome! Disney Princes don’t count for anything at all. Feminist Disney theory is hard!

4 Jun

This is Merida.  She’s an awesome little ass-kicking archer who has one or two ideas about how to save her realm from disaster, and they involve comfortable clothing and a distinct lack of concern over her hair (which is completely fabulous).


Unlike other Disney Princesses, Merida was lauded by the feminist media because she doesn’t give a hoot about icky things like love and romance and boys.  Boys?!?!  Ewwww.  Gross.  We don’t want to be encouraging our own little princesses to think that family and love and children and marriage and men might be a key part of their happiness.  Get married to a man you love and then have children?  How dumb is that?


Jezebel got so horned out over the drawing of an underage girl, they started imagining having sex with her.  Merida could be a lesbian!  Imagine what we could do with a lesbian!  Nothing to see here, folks.  Grown women lusting over an underage cartoon drawing of another woman.




In the movie, Merida is 16 years old, just on the cusp on becoming a woman.  Disney recently issued a new drawing of Merida in which she has aged a bit, and her form has taken on a decidedly more feminine, womanly silhouette.


Cue the outrage!  16 year old girls don’t grow into lovely, shapely women!  That’s bullshit!  She can’t be slender and willowy!  That doesn’t happen.  La la la I can’t hear you biology!


Had they chunked Merida out, made her a fat little sow, and chopped off her hair, I am sure Disney would have been applauded and adored!  Fat acceptance!  Defiance of heteronormativity*! Hooray!

big red

One shivers to think of the lesbian fantasies a fat Merida with short hair would elicit.

*heteronormative means understanding that most people are heterosexual which is obviously a big fat lie

Shamefully, Disney caved and withdrew the new drawing of Merida.  That’s actually very troubling.  At least the executives at Disney pointed out the total hypocrisy of equating Merida with what she wears or how she does her hair.

That image doesn’t represent a ‘new’ Merida replacing an ‘old’ Merida: it’s just another iteration of Merida, who is much, much more than just red curls and a green dress. The gussied up Merida on the coronation invitation is Merida gussied up for one of the most important events of her princess career. That she’s a little more sparkly for the party is not a heresy against her independent and spirited self – I consider myself independent and spirited, and I wore the sparkliest gown that I could find when I got married, because of course I did.


Disney Princesses come in for a whack ton of criticism for caring about men and marriage and love, but the biggest crime the Princesses commit is being thin and pretty.


And it’s true.  The Princesses are slender and beautiful and the features that humans tend to perceive as the most beautiful are greatly exaggerated.



Jasmine’s eyes are huge and her hair is impossibly fluffy and long and her limbs are so slender and her waist is so tiny and oh my!  Real women look nothing like Disney Princesses.

Of course, the Princes are always depicted as normal, proportional, utterly realistic male human beings, right?

No emphasis on strength?


No impossible beauty?


No chiselled jawlines?


No ridiculously broad shoulders and narrow waists?

snow white

No smooth pectorals?


No bulging biceps?


No washboard abs?


And Princes never, ever have great wealth and power and prestige to trade for the Princesses beauty, right?


It’s curious that Jezebel will go to town on the Princesses for being unrealistically beautiful and kind and pretty and thin, but when it comes to the Villainesses, the choir falls silent.

evil queen

The Evil Queen is every bit as slender and beautiful as Snow White.  Why, she’s the second fairest in the land.  How do you deal with being the second prettiest girl in the room?  Well, you murder the prettiest one, obviously.


The live action movie Snow White and the Huntsman failed precisely because Charlize Theron is so much prettier than what’s-her-face.


Cruella deVille?  Scrawny little bitch, ain’t she?  And she turns puppies into coats!


Glenn Close did a marvellous job bringing her to life.  She’s not at all unrealistically beautiful.


Maleficent?  Size zero evil.


And Angelina Jolie is so totally average.


The hypocrisy of all this just drives me mad.  The only difference between the Villainesses and the Princesses is that the Princesses are kind and they love a man.  The feminist outcry over body image is nothing but a smokescreen.  If feminists cared about unrealistic body images, they would care just as much about how the evil women are portrayed and about how the men are portrayed.


Pretty young women who are kind and love a man.  That’s the story feminism hates.  The story they do not want little girls to hear.  They want the heart of that story carved out of every little girl’s chest and brought to them in a  box.


It will never work.  The Huntsman for one, refuses to carry out the Evil Queen’s dirty work.  And the Princess won’t stop loving the Prince. It’s in her nature.


And nature is a difficult force to reckon with.  It hardly ever ends well for those who try.


Biology always wins.  Beauty wins.  Love wins.


Your beauty does not have to be extraordinary.  Just make the most of what you have.  Try.  Beauty and the Boobz anyone?


Disney fairytales are beloved because they are true.  Be kind, be loving, be generous, be as pretty as you can be.  That’s how you capture the heart of the Prince.

naveen & tiana

That’s how you live happily ever after.

Lots of love,


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