Tag Archives: birth control

The Pill: beer goggles for women

18 Nov

 

bitch face

 

According to researchers at Florida State University, women who were on the Pill when they met their husbands experienced a changed view of their relationship once they stopped taking it. Once they ditched the daily Permanent Bitch Hormone, women with hot husbands found them really hot, and women with less than hot husbands were pissed.

 

With men whose faces did not conform to objective measures of attractiveness, the women became less satisfied with their relationship when they stopped using oral contraception.

 

What I find really interesting in this study is that when you ask women what makes a relationship satisfying, or what makes it work he needs to be really fucking hot hardly ever makes the list. According to this study, there are 12 key dimensions that impact how happy and fulfilling and long-term a marriage will be:

 

  1. Positive thoughts about your partner
  2. Thinking about your partner when you’re apart
  3. Can’t think about anything else when you are thinking about your partner
  4. Enjoying novel and challenging activities
  5. Spending time together
  6. Expressing affection
  7. Being turned on by your partner
  8. Having sex
  9. Feeling happy
  10. Wanting to know where your partner is at all times
  11. Obsessively thinking about your partner
  12. Having a passion for life

 

Seriously, it reads like a list put together by 13 year old girls drunk on hot chocolate at a sleepover. Looks like I’m in for a rough ride. I’m not really the jealous, insecure, stalkerish type and I generally have no idea where my husband is or what he is doing when he leaves the house, unless he is doing something specific like taking the kids to dance or picking up groceries. He is either at work, at a meeting, at a site, having lunch with friends, having lunch with colleagues, or …. I don’t know. I don’t really care either, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I care about what he is doing at any specific moment as much as he cares what I am doing. Laundry? Am I at the library? Chatting at the neighbor’s? Who cares?

 

I have very positive thoughts about my husband, but no I don’t think about him obsessively and I can have a generally positive outlook about him and us and our family and our marriage and still manage to have other thoughts in my head, too. I’m pretty sure that is a two way street. I cringe at the thought of obsessive thinking. It doesn’t sound fun at all.

 

6, 7 and 8 seem to be getting closer to the heart of the matter, but they are still very much side-stepping what appears to be an absolutely central component of how happy a woman is with her relationship: being physically attracted is essential.

 

For women.

 

God forbid a man express any unhappiness with his relationship based on his wife’s physical appearance. The shallow, disgusting misogynist pig. Any man that cares about physical attraction clearly hates women and can’t handle normal human diversity! He should be scorned and shunned and it should be illegal to call a woman “fat” or any other disparaging term.

 

Women would never be so shallow as to evaluate an entire relationship based on whether her husband is conventionally attractive. Beauty and the Beast and all that, right? Women love personality and not something as arbitrary and superficial as bone structure.

beauty

Look! Here are 8 Qualities that Define a Great Man

  1. Polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs
  2. Direct
  3. Faithful
  4. Has integrity
  5. Honest
  6. Mature
  7. Confident
  8. Has a positive attitude

See? Handsome is nowhere on the list! Women do not evaluate men based on their physical assets and they certainly don’t perceive relationships differently based on how good-looking a man happens to be.

 

Except, whoops, they do.

 

The findings suggest hormonal contraceptives can interfere with the way women assess male attractiveness and so how satisfied they are with their partner. While relationships are usually built on a range of traits, the researchers warn that contraceptives can have an unexpected influence on what women look for in a partner.

 

The researchers followed 118 newlywed couples over four years, with the women completing regular surveys on their level of satisfaction with their relationship and their use of contraceptives. The researchers, whose work is published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, also used “trained observers” to rate the men’s facial attractiveness.

 

They found that women who had been using the pill when they met their husbands and later stopped taking the contraceptives saw a change in how they rated their relationship. Those with attractive husbands became more satisfied while those with less attractive husbands became less satisfied.

 

Trained observers to rate men’s attractiveness. Hmmm. That sounds like some interesting training. Sign me up!

 

 

I actually don’t really have any problem with this but I do object to the cultural denial that somehow it is only men who evaluate relationship satisfaction based on their partner’s appearance, and that this somehow proves men are shallow, thoughtless creeps deserving of scorn and mockery. This is particularly true of feminist women. How many times has Jezebel mocked and derided and hated on men who are open about specific physical characteristics they desire in partners? See here, here and here for examples.

 

 

And really, which group is pulling the bait and switch? Men who are open about what they want, or women taking powerful hormones that control their personalities and then blowing up their relationships when they ditch the meds?

 

 

And if artificial hormones designed to suppress women’s reproductive capabilities can have this sort of effect on how they evaluate their satisfaction with long term partners, what other effects are they having? We know that the pill affects women’s abilities to detect male pheromones.

 

 

 

How might that play out in the workplace? In a nightclub? In an elevator when a man asks a woman if she would like to have coffee *cough* Rebecca Watson *cough*.

 

 

Feminists have an overwhelming need to deny differences between men and women (it’s all just socialization!) but when differences are ready and apparent, they are almost always trotted out as proof that men suck. And even when it turns out that women are just as likely to engage in objectification of men, they are at the helm to deny it matters in any way.

 

Male objectification isn’t about making men feel bad. It’s about not caring how men feel.

 

 

So writes Kat Stoeffel unapologetically in New York Mag.

 

 

And that, ladies who call yourselves feminists, is the problem.

 

 

Perhaps a solution to all the feminist insanity is to get those ladies off the Pill? Take off the beer goggles. Join the human race.

 

 

It’s kind of cool, seeing the world with your eyes open.

 

goggles

 

 

Feminists should try it.

 

 

Lots of love,

 

 

JB

 

 

 

Look! Another Thought Catalog piece!

31 May

Seems like maybe the mainstream media is ready to start considering some issues we have been discussing for a long time.

 

Better late than never, right?

 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/janet-bloomfield/2014/05/heres-why-men-should-have-the-reproductive-rights-that-women-have/

Five rights feminism delivered for women, but doesn’t want to share with anyone else

22 Jan

greedy

Modern feminism, with its incessant whining and complaining and victim proclamations has quite rightly come under increasing fire not only from sites like this one, but in the mainstream media, too.

The recent brouhaha surrounding Jezebel placing a $10 000 bounty on Lena Dunham’s head, demanding to see the unretouched photos from her recent Vogue shoot, serves as an illustration of just how far feminism has strayed from its original roots.  In a fit of mean-girl spite to make Regina George herself blush, Jezebel was absolutely positive that Vogue had grossly retouched Dunham, because there is no way she is actually that pretty.  Lena is ugly!  Let’s prove how ugly that bitch is!  Someone get me the unretouched photos, stat!  Here’s $10 000 for the favor.

Charming. Turns out Vogue hadn’t retouched Lena all that much, and Jezebel ended up looking like exactly the group of bitter, jealous cunts they are. And “good, it’s about time” is all I can say to that.

With feminism seeming to be on a self-destruct cycle all of its own, I thought this might be a good time to reflect on the good things feminism has accomplished and then ponder just why it is that feminism doesn’t want those gains to be extended to everyone?

Could it be that feminism isn’t about equality at all, but more about power and dominance?

Let’s investigate.

1. The right to reproductive freedom

Margaret Sanger and Otto Bobsein are credited with coining the term “birth control” and were early proponents of the wide spread adoption of family planning.

By the 1960s the birth control pill was available for women and unleashed a social revolution that broke the bonds between sex and reproduction. The ability to choose motherhood yet still have sex offered women a freedom that had never been possible for all of human history, and women took full advantage of that freedom. Freedom given to them by mostly male scientists, by the way.

Women had the children they wanted, when they wanted them.

The 1973 Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court Decision further solidified women’s reproductive rights, allowing them to abort children they did not want before they were born.

Recent attacks on abortion rights are rightly seen as an affront to womankind itself.  The right to choose parenthood is absolutely essential if women are to realize their full human potential.

That is not a statement that is contested with any vigor by feminists.  Planned parenthood.  There can be no other way.

Curious, then, that the push to make parenthood a choice for all humans is resisted by feminists specifically.  Amanda Marcotte, writing for The Raw Story is completely dismissive of that half of humanity which would also like the right to choose parenthood.

There are absolutely writers who question why feminism appears to be concerned only with women’s choice, but few will venture further than curiosity.

What is it about feminism that insists women must have the right to summarily confiscate male assets while retaining the absolute right to choose for themselves whether they will dedicate any resources at all to parenthood?

Equality seems to have gone missing from the argument.

2. The right to have rape taken seriously

Caveat:  let’s keep in mind that raping white women, or even the allegation of having done so, was always a serious crime when the defendant happened to be a black man.  It was generally punishable by death.

In 1793, 17-year-old Lanah Sawyer was pushed into a brothel and raped by a seemingly respectable man who had taken her for a walk in the streets of New York. In court, her assailant’s attorney said she had basically consented to sex when she agreed to go walking with him, and warned the jury against placing “the life of a citizen in the hands of a woman.” The man was acquitted.

By the 1970s, the National Organization for Women was busy drawing attention to the leniency most rapists received and the brutal questioning victims were forced to endure.

The Oscar-winning film The Accused, starring Jody Foster as a drunk woman who was gang-raped on a pool table as bar patrons watched was a watershed moment that convinced Americans that rape was a serious crime and that perpetrators deserved to be punished.

The subsequent rape-hysteria of contemporary feminism is not the topic of this post, but I will remind readers that rape hysteria is utterly out of control. As if you needed such a reminder, right?

What I am interested in is the curious phenomena of feminists dismissing male rape statistics and willfully ignoring the fact that boys are raped more often than girls. Not to mention giggling over actual cases of male rape.

Feminism succeeded in making rape a serious crime.  When the victim is a woman.

Why then is feminism so reluctant to extend the same sympathy and legal protections to male victims that are afforded female victims? And just to be clear, I don’t mean sympathy extended by the courts or the general public.  I mean sympathy extended by feminists, who insist that every woman who claims she has been raped must be believed, no matter how fanciful or spurious the claim.

What is that about? Again, it doesn’t look much like equality from where I sit.

3. The right to have mental health issues taken seriously

Anxiety, depression, despair, hopelessness, traumatic responses to events long passed, anorexia and suicidal thoughts were often thought to be the product of women’s innate hysteria, often relieved through the thoughtful (ahem) application of vibrating machines (double ahem) applied to a woman’s genitals (holy ahem!).

Feminists worked hard to demonstrate that women’s mental health issues were linked inextricably to their life circumstances, and rightly so.  Simply dismissing the despair of some women as inherent to women was grossly insulting and reductionist.

Interestingly enough, our modern feminist sisters have no problem claiming that men’s mental health issues are inherent to men and masculinity:  it is the very concept of “manhood” that creates mental illness. Describing men as “emotionless dickbots”, Anna North proposes that all masculinity needs is a good dose of shame.

But do men need, in addition, “a positive, masculine gender identity?” It’s something of a strange concept — few feminists would ever say that women needed “a positive, feminine gender identity.” While plenty of women take pride in being female, “femininity” is so loaded with patriarchal expectation that, for feminists, it’s kind of a dirty word. This may not be a bad thing — in fact, I’d argue that “masculine” should go the same way.

What is going on here?  Women have genuine, human emotional problems that are most certainly not the simple result of being women, but mental health problems in men is proof of “toxic masculinity”?

Really?

Interesting.

4. The right to NOT be assumed natural caregivers

Feminists have long railed against the stereotype that women are “naturally more loving” than men, and therefore better suited to be caregivers for small children.

Of course, these very same women hire other women to care for their children when they are occupied with something more important, and are reluctant to even contemplate hiring an occasional babysitter who is male, but we’ll ignore the inconsistency for the moment.

If women have no innate advantage over men when it comes to caring for small children, why then are feminist organizations so opposed to shared parenting and automatic joint custody when parental relationships fail?

What’s up with that? Are men and women equally suited to be providers of care, or are they not?

5. The right to genital integrity

Feminism has worked hard to lift the veil on the grotesquely cruel practice of genital mutilation, but only if the genitals in question are of the female variety.

Indeed, some feminist websites openly mock men for being anti-circumcision, claiming the “intactivist” movement arises because men feel the “world revolves around their dicks”.

As opposed to all those mutilated girls who probably think the world revolves around their vaginas?

Circumcision: only cruel when it’s done to girls.

What are we to make of this curious state of modern feminism?

Reproductive rights, but only for women.

Rape awareness, but only when women are victims.

Mental health awareness, but only when women are affected.

Assumption of natural caregiving ability, but only when the option is to have a man care for children.

Genital integrity, but only for girls.

How can anyone possibly see feminism as a movement to achieve equality between men and women when feminist organizations and individuals actively work to ensure that the hard fought rights their older feminist sisters won apply to women, and women only?

I personally think it’s important to separate modern feminists from their historical counterparts. When we critique feminism, I think we should make it clear that we are critiquing modern feminism.  Some might argue that the current state of affairs is not a bug of the feminist system, but a feature:  that feminism intended to end up exactly where we are.  I’m not convinced that is a productive conversation to have.

I think we can celebrate the triumphs of feminism while being wholly and deeply critical of the limitations.  There is no room left to maneuver in modern feminism.

The rights women have gained for women now need to be extended to everyone. Reproductive freedom, the right to make rape accusations and be given a fair trial, the right to have mental health issues taken seriously, the right to be assumed a loving caregiver and the right to genital integrity.

You won’t find those issues championed at NOW or Ms. or feministing or Jezebel or any other mainstream feminist media site.

But you will find them championed here.

Feminists have completed their work and now have nothing to do but circle their wagons and try to keep others from achieving the same rights.

Well, when they’re not busy calling other women ugly and paying $10 000 for proof of just how ugly.

 

Fuck feminism.  It’s over.

The game is now ours.  And we will fight for every last right.

For everyone.

Lots of love,

JB

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