Tag Archives: Eminem

Blowing some guy in front of 80 000 people is NOT having “sex”. It’s degrading, humiliating, SLUTTY behaviour and #slanegirl is finding that out the hard way.

20 Aug

slane

The rough and dirty story:  on August 17th, at an Eminem concert held at Slane Castle in Ireland, in front of a huge crowd of people, a 17 year old girl willingly gave blowjobs to two different guys and was filmed in all her glory.  She is now an impromptu pornstar all over social media.

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23slanegirl&mode=relevance&src=typd

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2397841/Schoolgirl-misogyny-storm-web-users-post-explicit-picture-performing-sex-act-Eminem-gig.html#comments

First up, the age of consent in Ireland is 17, so everyone can fuck right off with all the “child-porn” bullshit.  Attempting to cast some slutty 17 year old chick as the “victim” of child-pornographers really pisses me off wickedly.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/slane-girl-police-probe-after-2191718

http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/what-happens-when-hundreds-of-people-retweet-child-porn

There are REAL children being abused and filmed in utterly sickening ways, and all the “who can I blame because I’m a fucking whore” dance accomplishes is to dilute the true horror of what child pornography actually entails.  The link below will take you to a report on the effect exposure to real child pornography has on investigators.  It isn’t pretty.

man

“Employee was crying uncontrollably after viewing multiple images of child pornography the day he found out his wife was pregnant with their first child.”

“In general, everyone seems to be shocked and disgusted at what they have to view. This usually turns into anger at the suspect.”

You can bet your ass these officers aren’t crying uncontrollably at images of horny teenagers willingly engaging in public sexual activity.

http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/Law%20Enforcement%20Work%20Exposure%20to%20CP.pdf

Secondly, this girl is not being shamed for having sexual desire or for having sex.  Willingly blowing some guy she may nor may not have known is NOT having sex.  Oral sex may be a form of sexual activity, but it is NOT having sex.  Sex is something two (or more – whatever turns your crank) people have together.  Having sex is engaging in MUTUALLY pleasurable physical communion.

A culture that hates women for having sex is one that simply hates women.

http://www.newstatesman.com/voices/2013/08/its-different-girls-slut-shaming-digital-age

Oh fuck off. If sex boils down to a dick in a hole, then rape is sex, right?

Bullshit. Whatever this girl was doing, it wasn’t “having sex”.

How fascinating, don’t you think, that most of the media is pixelating or editing out the girl’s image, but has absolutely no problem whatsoever showing the boy’s face? And then heaping abuse on HIM for his shameful crime of letting an eager woman wrap her mouth around his dick. Everyone is up in arms about the #slanegirl hastag and I have yet to hear fucking BOO about #slaneboy.

Sinéad Rose Lavery ‏@rose_sinead 43m

‘Slaneboy’ deserves to be neutered, with no anaesthetic. #slaneboy

E K D ‏@Leeds_Demon 1h

I wonder what #Slaneboy’s Mum hoped he would be when he grew up? A doctor. A plumber? A dentist? Or a disgusting little pervert?

Adam McGinty ‏@DoctorAculaaaa 18 Aug

There’s no point giving #SlaneBoy abuse. He openly flung his cock around at a dogging session. He’s clearly too retarded to know he’s a dick

Loophole ‏@AllTheBadMoves 4m

@langho @LiamGeraldShone I’m pretty sure #slaneboy would be considered a rapist.

What is up with all the reluctance to actually call out what happened?  SlaneGirl degraded herself, humiliated herself, demonstrated zero self-esteem or self-respect and engaged in an utterly mortifying attempt to garner attention from the boys.

shame

Well, she got attention, all right.

Let’s be clear:  there is nothing inherently degrading or humiliating about oral sex.  This whole conversation is NOT about sex.  It’s about a young woman deliberately making herself powerless, behaving in a totally reckless way and doing so in an arena that was absolutely guaranteed to ensure infamy.

She embarrassed and shamed other women by her actions, and it is no surprise that it’s mostly other women calling out #slanegirl.

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23slanegirl&mode=relevance&src=typd

SlaneGirl has just contributed to a culture in which women are seen as powerless, without agency or responsibility, on their knees in service to men they may or may not even know.  She has not just DILUTED the incredible power of intimate physical connections between men and women- she has DESTROYED it. Turned what should be an act of love and caring into something gross and ugly and foul.

And other women are rightfully furious at her.

Think about the reverse.  Actually, don’t think about it:  here’s an image of the reverse.  Totally, 100% NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BSDj8CrCEAAUhR0.jpg

This is every bit as disgusting and degrading and infuriating.  Again, it’s not about sex.  Is that his girlfriend? Does he know her?  Who fucking cares?  Grappling in the dirt outside the toilets in full view of other people is revolting.

The really, really, infuriating thing about the whole SlaneGirl debacle is that she is going to pay and pay and pay for this for a long time.  Because that poor girl bought the lies.  She bought the lie that blowing a couple of guys would make her cool and fun and interesting and empowered and that being a slut is just totally awesome.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/08/06/lets-talk-about-sluts/

Nobody hates SlaneGirl for having or wanting sex.  Bullshit.  They hate SlaneGirl for making sex worthless.  The ability and desire to offer and receive sexual pleasure is one of women’s greatest powers, and always will be.  Women are biologically designed to use sex to bond with another human being.  Sex is inextricably linked with love and affection and caring and closeness.

bed

And not just for women.  For men, too.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201211/oxytocin-fidelity-and-sex

SlaneGirl openly trashed one of the most human, loving activities, and in doing so, helped perpetuate the idea that relationships between men and women boil down to  nothing but crass power relations.  And then she put women in the losing position.

What did SlaneGirl get out of that whole horrible day?  Besides two mouthfuls of cum?  What in the name of god did she think she would gain from doing that?  Who made her believe her place in life is on her knees sucking dick in front of an audience?  Who made her hate herself so much? I actually feel sick with sorrow that such a young woman made such a public, awful mistake. I hope she can at least hold on to the knowledge that soon enough, there will be another young woman to replace her in the public imagination.

joan

Another young woman who has bought all the same lies.

Is anyone the slightest bit surprised that SlaneGirl is now trying to turn her own epically stupid sluttiness into sexual assault?  Pass the blame, honey.  You give it a try.

“The teenager has not been medically fit enough to make a formal statement yet, but when that happens this could turn into a sexual assault investigation.”

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/girl-17-distraught-after-sex-act-pictures-posted-online-29511781.html

What are we doing as a culture when young women actually, genuinely believe that blowjobs amount to sex and that their worth can be measured in oral technique?  SlaneBoy doesn’t get a free pass here.  He demonstrated zero respect for SlaneGirl, and he refused the opportunity to be the White Knight and save SlaneGirl from herself.  And isn’t it just hilarious that Jezebel is the one to take SlaneBoy and everyone else to task for not white knighting the Princess?

Wouldn’t it be cool if we lived in a world where people took care of a their fellow humans in compromised states, rather than taking photos of them to post online?

Oh, I see.  Now you WANT men to help you, do you?

http://jezebel.com/girl-gives-boy-blow-job-at-music-festival-boy-is-hero-1170516814

But why WOULD he respect SlaneGirl, when she clearly has no respect for herself?  Why SHOULD he be a saviour?  Why should he care, one way or another?

glass

The whole social contract is broken, smashed into smithereens.  I seriously wonder if it can be repaired.  One thing for certain is that the feminist media does not WANT it repaired.  The more girls who sacrifice themselves willingly on the altar of sluthood, the better it is to rework society into a collective where meaningful relationships between men and women become all but impossible.

SlaneGirl should have spent more time listening to Eminem.

But I guess that’s just what sluts do, how could it ever be just us two

I’d never love you enough to trust you, we just met and I just fucked you…

On the one hand, I’m very sorry that SlaneGirl is the unwitting poster girl for why slut culture is actually devastating for women and not the tiniest bit empowering.  But I’m also pleased to see so many women react with fury and push back against the idea that the proper place for them is on their knees.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/06/sabrina-if-you-dont-want-to-be-defined-by-your-breasts-youre-doing-it-wrong/

Fuck you, sluts.  I’m no stranger to spending time on my knees.  For the man I love.

In the privacy of my own home.

Having sex used to be called “making love”.  Because it is. Blowing a line of guys outside the toilets in full view of other people is not having sex.

It’s obliterating it.

And that is why SlaneGirl is being shamed.

Lots of love,

JB

If your boyfriend cheats on you, beat the shit out of his car. No, scratch that. Just kill him.

24 Jan

cat

Today I said I was going to write more about the costs of stay at home parenting, but my big, grumpy kitty woke me up at five to go outside for 8 seconds, and I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I would check out my YouTube channel instead.

And hey, looky here!  A new video from Carrie Underwood!  I love Carrie Underwood.  I watched her rise on American Idol and cheered so hard when she won!  Wait, did she win?  I can’t remember. Maybe she didn’t.  I could google it, but who cares.  She’s Carrie Underwood now!

carrie

One of my favourite songs from Carrie is Before He Cheats.  In that song, her boyfriend is stepping out with some bleached-blonde tramp who drinks fruity little drinks because she can’t shoot her whiskey (the whore!), so Carrie gets herself a baseball bat and beats the shit out of his souped-up four wheel drive.  While Mr. JB is not the sort of person who gives a shit about his car (he drives a minivan!), I know plenty of men who DO, and the song is funny because, oh man, I feel your pain!

truck

The rationale behind her violence is that she will be saving some future girl the heartache of knowing her boyfriend is a faithless slut, but every time I hear it, I think to myself “maybe you shouldn’t have carved YOUR NAME in the seats, Carrie, because your cheating little friend might not think thousands of dollars of damage is a reasonable price to pay and you could find yourself in small claims court with a nasty post-smash-up hangover”.

court

What can I say?  I’m practical that way.

All in all, it’s a fun tune for dancing around the kitchen, and there’s something deeply gratifying about imagining beating the crap out of a car. “I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights”.

Here’s the video:

 

The song came out in 2009, and now, fastforward to Carrie’s new song, called Two Black Cadillacs.

And oh my.  Something has changed. Same story – a cheating man – but now it’s not the car who pays.  Carrie plays the mistress, and another woman who looks more or less identical to her plays the wife, and once they figure out what is going on, they hatch a plot to take revenge on the bastard.

By killing him.

Nice and slowly, too.  They want him to know he’s about to die and they terrorize him for a bit before Carrie crushes him against a brick wall with the front end of her Cadillac.  And they don’t even feel bad about it!

And the preacher said he was a good man

And his brother said he was a good friend

But the women in the two black veils didn’t bother to cry

Well, that seems reasonable, no?  At least Carrie doesn’t pretend that she could just take her two-timing boyfriend on by herself.  This is no Lara Croft, I will kill you with my bare hands kind of fantasy, because honestly, beating the tar out of a truck is one thing, but taking on a full grown man is quite another.  Nope, she needs a car to do the deed, and it’s only when he’s lying crumpled and lifeless on the ground that she gets out of her weapon of choice:  her Cadillac.

car

The wife and the mistress, shedding not a tear.

Some of you are probably saying “hold up now – you just posted a video of Eminem strangling his cheating girlfriend and called it a lovesong”, and that’s true.  I did.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/01/13/judgy-bitch-music-critic/

There is a remarkable difference between the two songs, though.  Eminem kills his girlfriend in a moment of frustration and rage, and then he is so overcome with remorse, he blows his own head off!  The narrative of Spacebound frames the murder as something despicable, something so terrible and awful that the only reasonable response is to commit suicide.  Either that or face the consequences.

Two Black Cadillacs frames the murder of a man as a moral victory, and something that was both justified and reasonable.  And the women face no consequences of any kind.  Why should they?  He CHEATED, and we all know that the proper response to infidelity is murder.  Right?

How would that song play if it were two men who decided to crush a cheating woman to death with a car?  Two men who stood over her grave, exchanging knowing looks with one another while the victim’s sister wept?  Would that be a triumph?  A proper comeuppance?  Would anyone think that was an awesome song at all?

I don’t think there are very many people who think infidelity is a really great thing.  The experience of finding out that your boyfriend or girlfriend has been stepping out on you sucks, but that’s life, folks.  People aren’t perfect, and it’s quite possible that if you are the sort of person to crush someone to death with a car, there may be very good reason why your partner has been looking around for someone else!

Here’s my advice:  stick to beating up cars.  Only don’t carve your name in the seats (you need plausible denial, people!), and make sure you have some cash tucked away to cover the new paint job, because that shit isn’t funny!

And life has consequences.  Get used to it.

Lots of love,

JB

Judgy Bitch, music critic!

13 Jan

Ok, let me preface this by saying that pretty much 100% of all my friends and family agree that I have the worst taste in music they have ever come across. And to that I say “fuck all y’all”. Did I not just KILL the barbacoa recipe? Yes? Was the chipotle reduction not to fucking die for? Yes?

Well shut the hell up then. You eat the food and I pick the music.

barbacoa

I remember having this discussion with a group of expats in a bar in China (god, those lovely days before kids!) and we had some lively disagreements but nothing like the explosion that followed my assertion of the BEST ARTIST of the noughts.

bar

Let’s go back to the beginning. Every generation, every decade has a musical artist who simply defines the times. The sine qua non of the zeitgeist. The fifties was an exciting time in music with the emergence of rock’n’roll and there were some truly great artists: Fats Domino, the Everly Brothers, Chuck Berry, Etta James – the times were kicking and alive with truly great music.

But there is one artist who just IS the 50’s.

elvis

Elvis Presley. The King. The man with the pelvis. The rhinestone captain of the drumbeat and bass.

Elvis shocked the American nation out of a complacency they didn’t even know they were in. He was raunchy and sexy and bold and just so, so manly. Elvis heralds the beginning of the sexual revolution and women flocked to him and screamed for him and fainted at his feet.

Elvis was a god.

Then the 60’s came along, and once again, there are a plethora of musicians that spun out webs of gold made of guitar strings: Bob Dylan, the BeachBoys, MOTOWN! Jesus. It was a time of invention and exploration and the inclusion of a variety of artists who had heretofore been silenced.

But once again, one band emerged to define the 60’s.

beatles

You thought the ladies went nuts for Elvis? He had nothing on John, Paul, Ringo and George. They were the panty creamers of Homer’s dreams.

screaming

The Beatles were worrisome to the pearl clutching brigade because they were so squidgy with their long hair and casual sex and druggie habits. If Elvis put women’s sexual desire on the map, the Beatles were the architects of how to exploit that desire, and use it to advantage. Men’s advantage, of course.

Then came the 70’s, and suddenly the world was lost in a chaos of free spirits and sexual liberation and hell yeah! The birth control pill! Pink Floyd decided “we don’t need no education” and Led Zepplin thought the key to happiness was to stagger in a haze of LSD up the stairway to heaven. It was all about flower power and freedom and oh, yeah, being complete and total assholes to war vets.

mick

Unexpectedly, women had freedom, even if it wasn’t coupled with any particular power, as of yet. And men started responding to that, and one band in particular emerged with a considered contempt for women and a disdain for sluts and easy access to what had previously been rarified takings.

The Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger, that scrawny ugly little fuck was suddenly every woman’s wet dream. Yech! And Mick’s response to that seemed to be a hearty “fuck yeah, I’ll take it, but what the hell is wrong with you whores”? He grabbed all the pussy he could, all the while reminding women he had no plans to be anyone’s “beast of burden”.

Women started going to college in droves. The pill liberated them from the work of raising the next generation and they suddenly thought if the uterus was somehow erased, then it must be that a cock and balls had replaced it, so it was full speed ahead competing with men.

Then we get to the 80s and what the fuck? The 80s are a complete mess. Duran Duran? Men in make-up and flouncy shirts with bouncy hair and pouty lips. “Come and fuck us, ladies, we’re harmless”. On the other side was a caricature of edgy masculinity, personified by David Lee Roth and Bon Jovi and Steve Tyler (all great musicians, by the way), but still with ridiculous spandex pants and flouncy hair.

duranduran

For me, the band that captured the 80s was U2. In The Name of Love.

There was no real critical response to U2. They were good. They thought war was bad (who likes it?). They were against child abuse (who is for it?), they were socially aware and earnest and likeable and didn’t wear make-up. They were men on edge, but still at home in the world.

The only musician (and I use the word generously) who got any real attention during the 80s was Madonna. Writhing around on the stage in a wedding dress proclaiming to remember what it felt like to be a virgin.

Madonna is the harbinger of what is to come. She parades a comical, slutty persona that encourages women to use their sexuality as a tool for commercial gain. We’re in this to win, ladies! True blue, baby, I love you. As long as by “you” you mean “me”. Madonna is the first real blatant expression of women’s narcissism. This is now going to be all about me and fuck everyone else. Selfishness as a moral victory.

madonna

And of course, there is a predictable response to that:

nirvana

Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. They’re grungy and angry and disillusioned and anti-social. There’s nothing on top but a bucket a mop and an illustrated books about birds. See a lot up there but don’t be scared. Who needs actions when you’ve got words?

He’s not dumb, but he can pretend. Here we are now! Entertain us! I feel stupid! And contagious!

Nirvana was absolutely perfect for that first generation of children chucked under the bus of women’s personal fulfilment. They’re angry and disillusioned and furious and ultimately just so sad and confused. What happened? Ladies happened, Kurt. And you kids? Get out of our way! Be grateful we didn’t abort you!

Now here is where we get to the “everybody freak the fuck out” part of my critique.

Who follows Madonna and the innocuous U2 and angry Kurt who shot himself in the head rather than face another minute of life?

eminem

Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside.

Yep. Eminem. Marshall Mathers himself. Marshall is poor white trash, competing in a black man’s game, hating his mom, his wife, his life – but loving his daughter and determined to make something of himself, even if every force in the world is against him.

An aside for those of you who don’t like rap music because of its cultural insensitivity and misogyny – if you give Elvis and the Beatles and the Rolling Stones a PASS on those fronts, then I’m pretty sure you’re just a giant fucking racist who has no taste and no capacity to appreciate the future when it kicks you in the face.

Eminem responds to the broader culture with anger and defiance and a stalwart refusal to give in, and for all those reasons, I admire him enormously. My favourite Eminem song is full of threats and rebelliousness and he chokes his girlfriend and then decides to let her live and kills himself instead and it’s a fucking beautiful love song that moves me to tears.

More Iraq war vets have died from suicide than died on the battlefield. It makes me fucking weep.

http://sotu.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/25/more-vets-die-of-suicide-than-in-combat/

Eminem captures the anger of young men so beautifully, so perfectly. He is the voice of an entire generation of children raised by single mothers in poverty, struggling to find a place in the world.

See what hurts me the most is you won’t admit you was wrong

Bitch do your song – keep telling yourself that you was a mom!

But how dare you try to take what you didn’t help me to get

You selfish bitch; I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit

Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?

Well guess what, I am dead – dead to you as can be!

Who follows Eminem?

I’m not sure yet. Personally, I vote for ROBYN! God, I love Robyn. She’s the bomb dickie bomb dickie bomb dickie bomb! She’s indestructible. And she knows that the only way she is indestructible is to love. To love a man. Completely. Once you do that, there is nothing in life you cannot face.

I’m a space-bound rocketship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

You need some Eminem. Tonight. And a little Robyn, too.

Lots of love,

JB

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