Tag Archives: fat shaming

Peter Lloyd is wrong to oppose women’s only gym time. I go to the gym to check out other women’s asses and that’s easier when all the pesky men are gone.

23 Apr


Ladies, you all know by now that I am one judgy bitch, but I’ll bet you didn’t know just how fast I can slap you into a box.




You have 20 seconds to impress me, and then your time is up.


Here are the main things I will be evaluating about you:


How fat are you?

Fat is good.

How much make-up are you wearing?

Four dollar hooker is good.

Do you have any sense of fashion at all?

Slovenly is good.

What is up with your hair?

Rat’s nest is good.

Do you have a nice smile?

Crooked teeth, grimace and halitosis is good.

Is your skin clear?

Age spots, wrinkles and pimples are good

How tall are you?

Freakishly tall or small, either is good.

Touched up your highlights recently?

Four inches of grey regrowth is very good.

How’s that fake tan?

Orange with the texture of a leather handbag is good.

How’s that eyeshadow?

Pink glitter liner and purple eyeshadow is great!

What’s on your feet?

Tattered, smelly gym shoes are good. Or useless, precarious stilettos.

How big are your boobs?

Bazongas or pancakes, either will do.

Do you have a tattoo?

Tramp stamp is excellent.

How short is your skirt?

Visible underwear is good.

How straight are your teeth?

Bucktoothed overbite is good.

Are your teeth white?

Coffee, tobacco and wine stained preferred.

Is your jewelry tasteful?

Rhinestones are perfect. Plastic pearls are good.

How’s your manicure?

She-devil talons or chewed to the bloody nubs, either is good.

How’s your personality?

Ha ha! Just kidding. Who gives a fuck about your personality?




WHY am I checking other women out in such exquisite detail?


threat level


Well, duh. I’m trying to assess the level of competitive threat. I’ve already contributed to the gene pool by having three children, and I’m not interested in having any more, but you might be. That could dilute the resources coming my way, and I’m obviously going to guard against that.


It’s rather selfish of me, in the long, long term, as refusing to share my husband’s DNA freely is probably impeding our development as a species, but too fucking bad. The Scientific American reports that a past willingness to breed fairly freely, even with other humanlike species, is probably what gave homo sapiens the upper edge against those other species and allowed us to become the triumphant victors in the DNA wars.






That’s all good and well, and I’m glad our ancestors were getting down with as many and as varied a number of people as possible, but the wars are over, we have won and I’m not feeling very generous when it comes to sharing my husband’s DNA.






It therefore makes me rather relieved to know that in England, where Peter Lloyd lives, the hourglass figure is becoming a thing of the past. Ladies have packed SEVEN extra inches around their waists since 1951, and a full 38% of them are overweight.




Not coincidentally, 35% of British women would rather be thin than earn more money. A further 8% would actually give UP £1000 to be thin.




Hmmm. That’s curious. I wonder why? If women’s value is primarily in how much money they earn, why should they care more about being thin?


Ha ha, don’t be silly. It’s because of the patriarchy, twisting women’s fragile little minds into believing that the entire point of their existence is to reproduce, and that the best reproductive strategy is to attract the very best DNA you can to ensure healthy, happy offspring.


And clearly, that’s not true. That’s obviously just a big lie based on millions of years of evolution concocted by some horrible men in lab coats who hate women.


Men’s preference for a slender woman with a small waist, and pronounced hips and breasts is simply a way of oppressing women, and the cult of thinness is a way to get women to focus on their bodies rather than their minds, which keeps them out of the upper echelons of society.




“Our culture pressures women to tend to their bodies. But if you don’t tend to your mind, how can you ascend into other levels of society?”




Because everybody knows thin women are also stupid, right?

Yeah, wrong.

The hourglass figure is strongly correlated with women’s fertility, and no amount of screaming that fat is beautiful is going to change that, or men’s preferences.




No matter what you actually do all day, or what your personal preferences towards reproduction happen to be, your brain and your body and your DNA just want to get the mini-me factory rolling, and that means you are constantly, and often unconsciously, evaluating the fitness and fertility status of the people around you, even if you have ZERO intention of smashing up your DNA into a little bundle of snuggly joy.




The minute an egg makes the leap from ovary to fallopian tube and heads for a sperm party in the uterus, a woman’s brain will prefer the smell of men oozing with testosterone, men who have features associated with masculinity such as a deep voice and a strong jawline.




It’s not a CONSCIOUS partiality, it’s a relic from our past that still has an impact on our instinctive preferences today.




Men have a similar instinctive preference: they like a high hip to waist ratio, because it DOES in fact, signal fertility.


It is now verboten to say that, because it makes the chubby ladies feel bad. Captain Capitalism has a few thoughts on this new prohibition against men openly declaring their preferences for women’s bodies, and I’ll just leave it right here for you.




Let’s get back to Peter Lloyd. What the hell does any of this have to do with Peter Lloyd?


Well, the fact is that ladies police each other in this competition to capture the best DNA, whether they understand it as that, or not. Indeed, it seems that even smart ladies with PhD’s can’t quite grasp what policing and evaluating other women’s appearances is all about. There’s no question that we DO, it’s just a matter of the WHY.


What’s going on in the minds of women? Have we become so vigilant about how we look in general — and our aging appearance specifically — that we’ve lost sight of the fact that we’re all in this together? Do we question and critique others because of our own fears and ambivalence about how we will deal as our looks change? Remember, by comparing, competing and then devaluing others in order to boost our own shaky sense of self, we join forces with the very culture that has created the need to do just that!



Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? We’re not all in this together.


And we keep an eye on each other. 20 seconds. That’s how long it will take me to assess your threat as a competitor. I will observe all your features, particularly those that signal health and fertility and measure them against my own and settle on a judgement.


And it’s not just me. I’ve posted this study before, but I’ll put it up against, because it’s just so telling.




Results showed that almost all women were aggressive toward the attractive female whose only indiscretion was to dress in a sexually provocative manner. The women in this situation were more likely to roll their eyes at their peer, stare her up and down and show anger while she was in the room. When she left the room, many of them laughed at her, ridiculed her appearance, and/or suggested that she was sexually available. By contrast, when the same attractive peer was dressed conservatively, the group of women assigned to this second scenario barely noticed her, and none of them discussed her when she left the room.


Vaillancourt, T.& Sharma, A. (2011). Intolerance of sexy peers: Intrasexual competition among women. Aggressive Behavior, 37, 569-577. doi: 10.1002/ab.20413


Personally, I have no problem with other women taking me apart visually. Go for it. Three kids and I still have a 26 inch waist, topped with some pretty awesome C-Cups. I weigh the exact same as I did when I met my husband. I don’t mind other women scanning me and rolling their eyes or snarking quietly.


Because I’m still competitive. Check out my ass all you want, ladies. I’ll bet it’s better than yours.




Plenty of women who don’t quite measure up aren’t so confident. They don’t like how they look when they’re working out. They hate being stared at and objectified. They feel intimidated by eyes that are assessing, measuring, calculating, evaluating and ultimately judging them.




At the same time, gyms can be incredibly patriarchal places where women often feel intimidated, harassed, out of place, and unwelcome. Also, the ads for gyms and the primary motivation for many women going to one is focused on (often unattainable) patriarchal standards of beauty.



What they seem to have forgotten is that it’s OTHER WOMEN who are doing the looking. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will behave aggressively if you’re a bit too sexy. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will notice that you actually look like shit.


Ladies who don’t like being objectified and stared at should probably stick to working out with lots of men present. I’ll go to the women’s only workouts.


And you can bet your ass I’m going to judge you.


Lots of love,



Slut-shaming, part two. Yes, humiliation works.

20 Jan

JudgyBitch was recently on a radio panel discussing slut-shaming, and while the show has yet to air, I think it will be interesting.  It was a lovely set-up – four feminist panellists against me, but I like to think of myself as the lone voice of reason in a sea of straight up craziness.


One of the topics that came up was whether or not shaming even works as a strategy to change behaviour.  The idea is that even if we can agree that young girls should not be walking around dressed like mini-hos, calling them out for that behaviour, and subjecting them to public ridicule isn’t going to work in terms of affecting any change.

That’s an interesting idea.  Does shaming work?

There has been one huge public health triumph in the western world over the past 20 years that strongly suggests shame, combined with information and useful strategies for affecting change does indeed work:


Smoking used to be the hallmark of coolness.  James Dean smoked. Madonna smoked (still does, I think). When Sandra Dee wanted to ditch her good girl image and hook up with the cool boy, the first thing she did was light up a smoke.


So what happened?

Well, first of all, the very real harm that smoking can do a human body became increasingly evident. For years, the tobacco lobby refused to admit that smoking was in any way dangerous.  Why, even doctors smoked!


Despite mountains of evidence, it took decades for the public health organizations in developed nations to acknowledge that there was a problem with smoking.  Smoking was framed as just a choice, with no real consequences.  Sound familiar?

Eventually, reality kicked in, and campaigns began to encourage people who DID smoke to quit, and to prevent people (especially young people, who tend to lack the maturity or experience to truly consider the implications of their choices) from taking up smoking.  What did those campaigns look like?

Smoking is ugly.


Smoking will make your dick limp (if you have one, that is).


Smoking makes you look old and wrinkly.


Smoking makes you lame.


And hey, all of those things are true.  By making people feel ugly and stupid and sexually inadequate and wrinkly and just plain old GROSS!, smoking rates have declined dramatically across virtually all western cultures.


Shame works.  Public health officials are now trying to tackle obesity with the same tactics, much to the chagrin of the Fat Acceptance movement.  Does shame work to reduce obesity?  These people think so:




The simple reality is that shame is a powerful motivator to adjust human behaviour.



“Slut-shaming” is a way of making young girls and women feel socially unacceptable, based on their clothing choices.  Slut-shamers are resisting the idea that it is OK, or socially normal, for women’s bodies to be displayed in overtly, inappropriately sexual ways.  They resist the idea that their value is some function of their bra size and fuckability.  Slut-shamers are sick and tired of their worth being equated with their physical assets.

Do slut-shamers always engage in appropriate shaming tactics?  Nope.  They don’t.  They will often engage in total character assassinations, be relentlessly critical even after a girl has succumbed to their shaming tactics, cross the line from shaming into straight up bullying.

Know why?  Because they’re teenagers and they lack experience and maturity and emotional development to constructively and appropriately critique their peers.  And that is exactly WHY they shouldn’t be wandering around dressed as hookers.  Because they lack the experience and maturity and emotional development to understand what messages they are conveying and what the consequences of early sexualisation will be.



The fact that teenagers feel the need to slut-shame one another is a testament to the fact that there are no reasonable, rational, sane adults offering guidance to young people who simply don’t know any better.  No girl should get slut-shamed, because no girl should be leaving her parent’s house dressed like this:


Girls who have to live in slut culture WILL fight back.  One of the most effective weapons they have is peer pressure, and they will use it.  The fact that they have to because all the grown-ups have pissed off and just left them to fend for themselves?

Now that is a fucking shame.

Lots of love,


Man-shaming. It should be a word.

7 Jan

Call out someone for being an overweight slovenly pig, and you’re fat-shaming. Call out someone for dressing like a whore and wandering completely shit-faced drunk down a dark alley where – surprise! she gets raped! – and you’re slut-shaming. Call out someone for expressing contempt and straight up hatred for men and masculinity, and you’re …. well, now. We don’t have a word for that, do we?




Let’s make one: man-shaming.


Man-shaming is not the same as emasculating. Emasculation means to literally remove a man’s genitals (castration is to remove the testicles), and in a more colloquial sense, it means to humiliate a man by denying him the qualities that define masculinity – strength, vigor, confidence, courage, boldness and virility. Not a definitive list, obviously.




Man-shaming is something different: it’s an effort to cause men to feel shame for their very natural feelings. To make them feel as if being a man, or being masculine is somehow wrong and disgraceful. And it starts very early, in our culture. Our current school system is rigged to benefit girls at the expense of boys, and students are graded and evaluated “objectively” on how well ALL students can imitate a typical girl’s behaviour. At six years of age, students are expected to sit quietly, follow instructions and read and write and cut and paste and color and cover everything in glitter and always remember to use your words! They are NOT expected, or in some cases even ALLOWED, to track the trajectory of objects in motion, disassemble and reassemble physical structures, learn rules and fairness and victory and defeat, interact with the world and other people physically, display confidence or boldness or courage, and if they do, they will be diagnosed with some sort of bullshit “condition” and drugged into submission with a glue stick in one hand and a ribbon just for showing up in the other. I use the word “they” because girls who quite naturally display characteristically male traits will be forced into submission as well, but the fact is that most Ritalin prescriptions are filled for BOYS.




Assuming a boy survives the near continuous man-shaming of schooling, he goes out into a wider culture that paints men and masculinity in an equally harsh and derisive light. He confronts himself as violent, stupid, arrogant, ruthless and cruel. The alternative is apathetic, aimless, unmotivated, uncivilized and still really, really stupid. He sees men discarded like used Kleenex by the women around him and may even have grown up without a man in his own life. He meets head-on, the message that he is superfluous, easily sacrificed, unnecessary and possibly even dangerous.




And yet, men still account for almost all of the engineers, scientists, mathematicians and computer programmers in the world. Men are the engine that drive our modern, high technology society further ahead at speeds that astonish and delight. As Camille Paglia once said, without men, we’d all be living in grass huts.




Mike Buchanan calls for a renewed interest from the MRM in activism: stop debating and start taking on specific issues, one at a time. He wants to see naming, shaming and ridicule heaped on feminists, and this is where women like myself can help. Building awareness starts by pointing out, in very specific ways, when the people around you are engaging in man-shaming.




Here’s an example:


Mr. JB has three close friends, all male and all single. JudgyAsshole, an accountant, CleverBoy, an engineer and PrinceCharming, a senior manager in the healthcare field and an adjunct professor at the local university. They are all accomplished, intelligent and worthy men. A fourth man, PansyAss, had joined the guys one day and the conversation turned to women and the men’s physical preferences for how women should look. PansyAss was adamant that a woman’s worth was only properly taken by evaluating her MIND and nothing else mattered. He argued that focusing on a woman’s looks was superficial and objectifying and dehumanizing and all the usual feminist blah blah blah. PansyAss was raised, of course, by a strong single mother who had him in daycare from day one and who proudly raised her son to be a feminist and a friend to women everywhere.




Here’s the thing: teaching women that it does not matter how they look, and teaching men to feel ashamed of caring how women look is doing no one any favors. Biology always wins. Men have a very strong preference for women who look lush and fertile and strong and fit, and the waist to hip ratio on a woman communicates all those things. Ladies who bury their waists under 60 extra pounds of lard are deeply unappealing to most men, and when men are made to feel that it is some flaw in their fundamental character that revolts at the idea of stroking those fat rolls, that is man-shaming. Stand a slender woman with breasts and hips and a small waist next to an overweight woman solid from neck to cankles, and most men will prefer the slender woman. The entire Fat Acceptance Movement is an attempt to shame men for a very natural preference for slim women, because the alternative would be to lose some goddamn weight, and that puts the onus and responsibility on women, and we all know how much women like being held responsible for anything at all. Yeah, not a whole lot.


I entered the conversation with the guys and pointed out that their desire for a healthy, fit, strong body (in addition to all the other qualities a sane man wants in a woman) was not some personality flaw and that PansyAss was attempting to shame them for being normal, healthy men. Asshole, Charming and Clever can’t wake up one morning and just magically find fat chicks appealing, and trying to make them feel bad for that is man-shaming.


Don’t feel bad, guys. The shame belongs to the women stuffing cupcakes down their gullets and ordering bigger stretchy pants on the internet because regular stores don’t carry their size. PansyAss and his ilk can have those women. Have fun!


I find that men are so much more open to seeing when they are being subjected to man-shaming and much more willing to change than women are. Even when shaming techniques are pointed out to women, most women have an attitude of “So what? Who gives a shit?”. It’s not that women can’t see that they are deliberately and openly mocking or discrediting or ignoring men and masculinity – they can. They just don’t care. Masculinity has become a set of qualities that feminism is determined to stamp out, which is obviously completely absurd given that our entire society and economy functions as a result of a group of hypermasculine men who are on the cutting edges of science and mathematics and engineering and programming. Those men create the world we live in, and they do it by being bold, fearless, confident and taking risks that would make the rest of us blanche. Of course, there are a FEW women who participate, but they are outliers. The majority of women don’t produce anything particularly useful, except other human beings of course, and that is just as it should be.




Popular media, swallowing feminist dogma hook line and sinker, likes to try and make stay at home wives and mothers feel shame, too. We aren’t contributing anything, apparently. Just making a productive man even more productive, raising happy children, creating safe communities and making life worth living, but NOTHING ELSE. Well, fuck that nonsense!


I won’t accept any shaming of my life. Being a wife and mother is the highest manifestation of a psychology and set of needs and desires that has evolved over millennia to ensure the survival of humanity. And no man should ever accept that his psychology and set of needs and desires, similarly evolved, is shameworthy. There is honor in the feminine and in the masculine. It’s time to call out everyone, men and women alike, who refuse to acknowledge the value of both.




Honor and shame from no condition rise;

Act well your part, there all the honor lies.



Lots of love,







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