Tag Archives: fathers for justice

Look! Another Thought Catalog piece!

31 May

Seems like maybe the mainstream media is ready to start considering some issues we have been discussing for a long time.


Better late than never, right?



You don’t need to care about men to care about men’s rights. You just need to be fucking human!

8 Feb



Here’s an interesting study out of Baylor University In Texas.




Researchers set up two groups of people with some “resources”. Let’s imagine those resources are M&Ms. The first group got together and had to decide how much of their resources to donate to other people, and a few “planted” participants led the giving round: they gave around 65% of their M&Ms away. What did the other people in the group do? They followed suit, and also gave around 65% of their M&Ms away.


A second group did the same thing, except that the planted participants only gave 25% of their M&Ms away. What did the other participants do? Yep, they followed suit and gave 25% of their M&Ms away.




Now here is where the study gets interesting: all the participants were given M&Ms and asked to make an anonymous donation that no one else would be able to scrutinize or know about. The participants in the group who gave away 65% of their M&Ms continued to do so, even though their contributions were anonymous. Same for the participants who gave away 25%. Even with no one looking, they held onto the group norms and were cheap-ass M&M donators.


Why did they do this? The researchers at Baylor asked all the participants, after the experiment was over, to fill out surveys exploring their attachment to the group and how they felt about the other group members and themselves. And it turns out that adhering to group norms, no matter what that norm is, makes people feel happy and contented and accepted and powerfully attached to their own group.




Even if an individual participant felt that giving away 25% of your M&Ms was a pretty stingy thing to do, they went ahead and violated their own internal sense of right and wrong for the pleasure of feeling that they belonged to a group and adhered to the norms of that group.


What does this have to do with men’s rights? It’s a pretty strong indicator that what the movement needs right now is to get people to feel part of a group, even if the ideas the group promotes are unpopular, unpleasant or unfamiliar. Feminism benefits hugely from this tendency to go along with the group, even when the norms of the group are demonstrably, objectively destructive and deeply hypocritical.




The feeling of “wanting to belong” is simply human, and humans will attach themselves to a group to achieve that, without considering the implications. It’s a rare man or woman who can stand up and challenge the herd.


be this guy


The past 20 years have seen the challengers take up the gauntlet and bring the issue of human rights for men into the mainstream conversation. It’s now time for the rest of us to start expanding the group and welcoming members who might not even understand the conversation, but who want to belong.


We can do that by articulating, very clearly, what some basic human rights for men should be:


The right to bodily integrity




No person, male or female, should have a part of their body cut away without their full and informed consent. That’s an inalienable human right. No one’s imaginary friend gets any say in this. Mutilating infant genitals is part of the dark ages and we have no room in our society for that kind of medieval cruelty.




The idea that is it a criminal act to cut a girl’s genitals, an act of despicable immorality, but acceptable to cut a boy’s genitals plays into an incredibly damaging stereotype: that males, from birth, can be subjected to pain and torture and they must accept this as part of their existence. Male feelings can be ignored, overridden, denied and eradicated. Little boys are disposable. They can be hurt with impunity and their only choice is to suck it up and accept their fate.


Wrong. Circumcision of infants – ALL INFANTS – must be abolished immediately. This is ground zero in the human rights movement for men, and even people who can’t accept any other precept of a human right’s movement for men can get behind that sentiment.


They will join the group and quite likely begin to understand and identify with the entire movement, lending support, just to belong.


It’s a start, and one that should be exploited fully.


Planned Parenthood


Men deserve the right to absolve themselves morally, ethically, legally and financially of all responsibility towards children they did not intend and do not want, just as women can. A woman can abort a child, surrender it to authorities under safe haven laws or place it for adoption, absolving herself of any further obligations. Men should have the same right.


safe haven


Assumed Custody


When a marriage or partnership breaks down, men should have the same rights as women to custody of the children. Automatic 50% and any other arrangement must be agreed to in advance or supported with evidence for why one or the other parent should not have 50% custody.


Children have a right to be cared for by BOTH their mothers and fathers.




There are many more basic rights (healthcare, social services, disproportionate sentencing in criminal courts) that are also on the table, for the very good reason that men are being punished or denied vital services BECAUSE they are men, and expected to just “man-up” and deal with their shit in a way that women aren’t.


But the first three items are pretty much no-brainers. They open a dialogue with people who might not otherwise identify, or who even actively resist the idea that men need some basic human rights protections.




Group affiliation is a powerful motivator. Time to hand out some M&Ms. Just a few at a time.


That’s all it takes.


Lots of love,



%d bloggers like this: