Tag Archives: Helicopter Parenting

This mom is nuts! Peanut-free everything isn’t about the kids, it’s about the mom, trying to make EVERYONE else responsible for her kids. Go climb a tree, lady!

14 Nov

I robbed the Woods –

The trusting Woods.

The unsuspecting Trees

Brought out their Burs and mosses

My fantasy to please.

I scanned their trinkets curious –

I grasped – I bore away –

What will the solemn Hemlock –

What will the Oak tree say?

– Emily Dickinson


Nut allergies are real and can kill kids.  Got it.  They have become fairly common place, and the standard response has been to make places where children congregate nut-free, which has a couple of important implications.


First of all, it teaches children who DO have allergies that everyone else is responsible for their well-being, which probably makes sense for the really little ones who don’t quite understand what they must live with.  But older children who have life threatening conditions SHOULD NOT be taught that their welfare depends upon the kindness of strangers.  That’s very foolish. Kids with allergies need to be extremely proactive about their own health.  It’s lesson in personal responsibility to have an allergy, and also in observing the rights of other people to exist.  Those aren’t popular lessons for children to be taught these days, but maybe they should be?


Enforcing a nut free arena also disproportionately affects the health of poor children.  A peanut butter and jam sandwich on whole wheat bread is probably one of the most nutritionally sound meals a child can have, and it’s very inexpensive, too.  And most kids like them!  Well off parents can afford cheese and deli meats and tuna wraps and hummus stuffed pitas (most of which will end up in the garbage because kids hate that shit), but poor children are left with processed cheese and mock chicken loaf (which also ends up in the garbage because it’s disgusting).  Eliminating peanut-butter as a food source leaves the majority of children (who do NOT have allergies) nutritionally deprived for the protection of the very few students who DO have allergies. And we wonder why we have an obesity crisis?




Nut free zones enforced zealously by Gestapo school administrators teach kids with allergies that they are special, special snowflakes and the world should bend to them.  Not that they should treat the world as a potentially threatening and dangerous place and react accordingly.  No, just go skipping la-dee-dah through life assuming everyone else gives a shit about your health problems.  Guess what?  They don’t.  That’s life, boys and girls.




A reasonable response to kids with nut allergies would be to have them sit at a nut-free table together, and to teach them to never share their food with anyone else (a shitty lesson for any kid to learn, but unavoidable for kids with allergies).  Let the rest of the world get on with their lunch and learn to protect yourself!  But, no.  One kid has an allergy and the whole damn school goes on peanut-butter lock down.  It’s ridiculous.



But this lady takes the fucking cake:  she wants to cut down OAK trees because acorns “might” be dangerous to kids with nut allergies.  Despite the fact that acorns don’t cause allergic reactions.  “I’m not aware of any reports of children having an anaphylactic reaction upon contact with acorns, so I’m not sure what the risk really is,” said Maria Asper, a pediatric allergist at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children.






The risk, according to psycho-mommy, is that children with allergies might experience “anxiety” at the sight of an acorn.  So chop down those trees!  That’s the heart of the issue right there, isn’t it?  Except it,  isn’t the KIDS experiencing anxiety – it’s the parents.  And especially the mothers of these kids.  Having a child with a life-threatening medical condition is no picnic, and it’s just the kind of scenario that makes it sparkling clear that children are the responsibility of the parents.  A kid who can die from eating peanuts needs a parent there FULL TIME to watch out for them.  That’s life in the big city, folks.





And that’s just what Crazy Oak Tree Lady DOES NOT want to do.  She doesn’t want the responsibility of her own child.  She has probably hired other people to take over her responsibilities for her children since day one.  Kids!  So annoying and needy.  Who can I hire to do the job for me?  Lady, if you’re so damn worried about acorns triggering your kid’s allergies, here’s a suggestion:  show them what an acorn looks like and tell them not to eat them.  It won’t take a whole lot of time out of your busy day of filing your nails in a cubicle while someone else takes care of your kid.



Just don’t count on it being me.  And leave the fucking oak trees alone.  Oak trees are special.  Your kids aren’t.  To anyone but you.


Lots of love,


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