Tag Archives: I like big butts with a teeny little waist

Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No, dipshit. She should not. Neither should a man in a thong.

22 Aug

Thong alert:  some images may be NSFW

Trigger Warning:  Image of Amanda Marcotte

jessica

This is Jessica Rey.  Among other things, she is a swimsuit designer and her website features the catchphrase “Who Says It Has To Be Itty Bitty?”. Her swimsuits look like this:

rey 1

rey 2

rey 3

They’re so cute!  They’re also mostly sold out.

http://www.reyswimwear.com/

I imagine there are many reasons some women prefer one-piece swimsuits over the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini kind, but Jessica has a pretty specific reason for offering women her stylish and more modest designs.  Jessica, you see, appears to believe that women who dislike being treated like gobs of walking meat should perhaps consider not presenting themselves as gobs of, well, walking meat.
laugh

Oh, Jessica, you silly little goose!  I mean really now.  Come on.  That’s too ridiculous! What a riot!  Who believes that?  Who actually thinks there is some sort of relationship between what you wear and how you are perceived?

amanda

Not Amanda Marcotte.  Oh, I know. She doesn’t like thongs and yoga pants, but that was AGES ago!  Thongs are out, bikinis are in!  It’s fashion, people.  These things tend to change, and opinions change with them.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/27/%EF%BB%BFladies-you-can-wear-anything-you-like-except-yoga-pants-and-quit-with-the-thongs-you-porny-whores/

Both Jessica and Katelyn Beaty think that if women want to be taken seriously they should consider dressing to reflect that desire.

Here, there is freedom for individual women to practice modesty not primarily to preserve men’s sexual purity, but to preserve their own dignity. To show in outward form the inward truth that they matter to society for their minds, their leadership, their passions, and their talents—talents that have nothing to do with how many heads they can turn. Modesty can become a form of female power.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/21/modesty_and_female_power_the_one_piece_bathing_suit_isn_t_going_to_get_women.html?wpisrc=flyouts

Rather than debate the efficacy of modesty, which I really don’t care about, let’s talk about how these standards apply to ALL THE HUMANS.  Oh, I can hear you sighing already.  We have to talk about ALL the humans?  Even the boy ones?  Again?

Ugh.

Amanda says:

The mere fact that women’s modesty is constantly being debated is evidence enough that women aren’t yet equal. If we want women “to be taken seriously,” we should, umm, take them seriously, and stop linking dignity to fabric.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/21/modesty_and_female_power_the_one_piece_bathing_suit_isn_t_going_to_get_women.html?wpisrc=flyouts

Well, props to Amanda for getting at least one thing right.  When it comes to dressing with dignity, women are definitely NOT equal to men.  They are way, way beneath them, and ladies like Amanda would like to keep them there.

Of course, that’s just a generalization.  Men can fail at the whole dignity thing, too, and when they do, feminists will be first in line to mock them.

Pop Quiz for Men: have you ever taken surreptitious shots of women’s assets when you are out and about in public spaces?

ass

You fucking creep.  You’ve probably never been laid.  You live in your mother’s basement, don’t you? You’re a disgusting pervert and you should be arrested for violating…. …. Well, I don’t know what, but SOMETHING!  And one guy actually was.

Thanks to a tip from a group of anonymous Redditors who are sick of seeing the CreepShots community gleefully post teen upskirt photo after teen upskirt photo while telling the “internet morality police” to “fuck off” and stop ruining their fun.

http://jezebel.com/5949379/naming-names-is-this-the-solution-to-combat-reddits-creepshots

Pop Quiz For Jezebel:  Have you ever published shots of men’s assets, taken without their knowledge or consent, either to drool over them or mock them?

jeggings-for-men

http://jezebel.com/photographic-evidence-of-why-men-should-never-wear-jegg-1053182772

hammer

http://jezebel.com/5992630/ten-questions-for-jon-hamms-penis

Ha ha ha! You rock, Jezebel!  That is so funny and edgy and cool and look at those two penises!  I love your double standards! They’re so …. hypocritical?

angry

So let’s talk about appropriate attire, double standards and the art of being taken seriously.  I’ll preface everything I am saying with the caveat that I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU WEAR, but I do expect you to own your choices.  You don’t get to dress in a deliberately provocative manner and then scream when you provoke a reaction.  Whatever that reaction happens to be.

You want to wear this?

racist-lincoln-tee_design

Go right ahead.  At your all white sorority, it’s probably a screaming riot.  Go out in public, and expect to get your ass whooped, and justifiably so. Boo hoo. Consequences.

There is a very simple reason women are disproportionately treated as sex objects while men are not:  women are far more likely to ACT AND DRESS LIKE SEX OBJECTS. When you dress in a manner that puts your sexuality front and center, expect to be treated as if your sexuality is your defining feature.  YOU ARE THE ONE DEFINING IT.

Sorry, lots of all ALLCAPS screaming today, but whether or not a woman is perceived as being sexual first and foremost depends on what she is wearing and how she presents herself AND THE SAME FUCKING STANDARDS APPLY TO MEN.

Oh hello, doctor!

sexy doctor

Chef Wowza!  How ya doing?

A man in a chefs outfit with a rose in his mouth

Ooh, officer.  Is that a gun in your holster or are you just happy to see me?

cop

You can frame my walls, baby.

sexy-construction-worker

Oh, dude.  No.  Just put it away.

thong

Men can show up at work in any of these outfits.  They are incredibly unlikely to do so, and if they do, you can be pretty sure they will be fired on the spot.  In the dubious event they are actually permitted to do their jobs, who thinks they will be treated with gravity, dignity and respect?

Women who go to work wearing this:

women sleeveless

Will get all the same respect as a man wearing this:

men sleeveless

This mechanic can work on my car:

mechanic

So can this one:

girl mechanic

Both of them will remain in my mind as meat because their chosen attire has requested that I see them as human meat for my viewing pleasure.

This mechanic doesn’t want to viewed as a walking sex toy.

mech 1

Neither does this one:

mech 2

Only one of the four mechanics above is likely to scream and thrash and cry that she is being objectified and denied her humanity and sexualized.

It mystifies me.  It really does.  What is the point of wearing clothing and accessories deliberately designed to enhance your sexuality and then screaming that the only thing anyone ever values you for is your sexuality?

The honest truth is that UNLESS you consciously and knowingly put forth your sexuality as the aspect of yourself you most want people to see and value, they won’t!  Men, for example, notice a woman’s EYES AND SMILE long before they notice her rack.  Unless she’s shoved her puppies into a push-up bra and left her shirt half undone.

secretary

Women, too, will notice a man’s EYES AND SMILES before they check out his height and they will almost never notice his package because men TEND NOT TO DISPLAY THEIR DICKS overtly.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2398812/Men-notice-womans-eyes-smile-breasts-according-research-Murine.html

You can be sure if crotch cleavage ever becomes popular, women’s eyes will be traveling to the crotch area pretty rapidly.

man-cleavage

Crotch cleavage will NOT becoming a trend anytime soon. Know why?  Because it’s ridiculous. Absurd.  Stupid.  It invites people to dismiss the man displaying his MagicJohnson as an idiot.  Someone not really worthy of respect or admiration.  Really?  Your dick?  That’s what you have to offer?  That’s how you want to be defined?

How is it that men seem to get this, while women do not.  If you dress to emphasize your sexuality you are implying that your sexuality is what you have to offer.  Not your skills, or talents or passions or even your conscientiousness.  Put your tits front and center, and you will be valued for your tits AT YOUR OWN REQUEST.

bikini

If you want to wear a bikini at the beach, go right ahead.  Wear it anywhere you like.  But understand that walking around virtually naked is not going to lend any help if your goal is to be taken seriously.  As if you have something to contribute other than your ass.  Assuming of course, you DO have something other than that to offer.

Men at the beach wearing this can expect a certain reaction.

Businessman Promote New Mobile Phone Network on The Serpentine

It’s unlikely to involve respect.  Is there a man alive who doesn’t understand that?  Show up at the office pool party wearing this:

man thong

And you have just blown your career straight to hell.  Unless you’re an underwear model. Or a porn star.  And ladies, show up at the office pool party in a string bikini, and expect the exact same response.

The alternative is NOT a burkha.  Bullshit.  Jessica Rey has provided lots of alternatives.  The world is full of alternatives.  All it takes is for women to understand that what you wear CAN and WILL have an effect on those around you.  Not all those effects will be positive.

Sexuality at work is a powerful thing. No doubt about it.  But ladies, if you are going to wield that sword for your benefit, understand the blade cuts both ways.

http://judgybitch.com/2012/12/06/hey-career-ladies-sex-your-way-to-the-top-and-if-that-doesnt-work-sue-the-bastards-for-sexual-harassment-2/

Now go put some fucking clothes on.

Lots of love,

JB

Peter Lloyd is wrong to oppose women’s only gym time. I go to the gym to check out other women’s asses and that’s easier when all the pesky men are gone.

23 Apr

 

Ladies, you all know by now that I am one judgy bitch, but I’ll bet you didn’t know just how fast I can slap you into a box.

 

stopwatch

 

You have 20 seconds to impress me, and then your time is up.

 

Here are the main things I will be evaluating about you:

 

How fat are you?

Fat is good.

How much make-up are you wearing?

Four dollar hooker is good.

Do you have any sense of fashion at all?

Slovenly is good.

What is up with your hair?

Rat’s nest is good.

Do you have a nice smile?

Crooked teeth, grimace and halitosis is good.

Is your skin clear?

Age spots, wrinkles and pimples are good

How tall are you?

Freakishly tall or small, either is good.

Touched up your highlights recently?

Four inches of grey regrowth is very good.

How’s that fake tan?

Orange with the texture of a leather handbag is good.

How’s that eyeshadow?

Pink glitter liner and purple eyeshadow is great!

What’s on your feet?

Tattered, smelly gym shoes are good. Or useless, precarious stilettos.

How big are your boobs?

Bazongas or pancakes, either will do.

Do you have a tattoo?

Tramp stamp is excellent.

How short is your skirt?

Visible underwear is good.

How straight are your teeth?

Bucktoothed overbite is good.

Are your teeth white?

Coffee, tobacco and wine stained preferred.

Is your jewelry tasteful?

Rhinestones are perfect. Plastic pearls are good.

How’s your manicure?

She-devil talons or chewed to the bloody nubs, either is good.

How’s your personality?

Ha ha! Just kidding. Who gives a fuck about your personality?

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1391477/Women-pass-judgement-20-seconds-meeting-them.html

 

WHY am I checking other women out in such exquisite detail?

 

threat level

 

Well, duh. I’m trying to assess the level of competitive threat. I’ve already contributed to the gene pool by having three children, and I’m not interested in having any more, but you might be. That could dilute the resources coming my way, and I’m obviously going to guard against that.

 

It’s rather selfish of me, in the long, long term, as refusing to share my husband’s DNA freely is probably impeding our development as a species, but too fucking bad. The Scientific American reports that a past willingness to breed fairly freely, even with other humanlike species, is probably what gave homo sapiens the upper edge against those other species and allowed us to become the triumphant victors in the DNA wars.

 

neanderthal

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=sex-with-other-human-species-might-have-been-secret-homo-sapiens

 

That’s all good and well, and I’m glad our ancestors were getting down with as many and as varied a number of people as possible, but the wars are over, we have won and I’m not feeling very generous when it comes to sharing my husband’s DNA.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2312932/Was-sleeping-secret-evolution-Researchers-claim-interbreeeding-key-homo-sapien-human-standing.html

 

hourglass

 

It therefore makes me rather relieved to know that in England, where Peter Lloyd lives, the hourglass figure is becoming a thing of the past. Ladies have packed SEVEN extra inches around their waists since 1951, and a full 38% of them are overweight.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2312861/Times-Mad-Men-hourglass-figures-Womens-waists-7-INCHES-bigger-1950s-weight-risen-7-5lbs.html

 

Not coincidentally, 35% of British women would rather be thin than earn more money. A further 8% would actually give UP £1000 to be thin.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2312941/British-women-admit-THIN-earn-money.html

 

Hmmm. That’s curious. I wonder why? If women’s value is primarily in how much money they earn, why should they care more about being thin?

 

Ha ha, don’t be silly. It’s because of the patriarchy, twisting women’s fragile little minds into believing that the entire point of their existence is to reproduce, and that the best reproductive strategy is to attract the very best DNA you can to ensure healthy, happy offspring.

 

And clearly, that’s not true. That’s obviously just a big lie based on millions of years of evolution concocted by some horrible men in lab coats who hate women.

 

Men’s preference for a slender woman with a small waist, and pronounced hips and breasts is simply a way of oppressing women, and the cult of thinness is a way to get women to focus on their bodies rather than their minds, which keeps them out of the upper echelons of society.

 

book

 

“Our culture pressures women to tend to their bodies. But if you don’t tend to your mind, how can you ascend into other levels of society?”

 

http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/rvp/pubaf/chronicle/v4/O5/HESSE-BIBER.html

 

Because everybody knows thin women are also stupid, right?

Yeah, wrong.

The hourglass figure is strongly correlated with women’s fertility, and no amount of screaming that fat is beautiful is going to change that, or men’s preferences.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3682657.stm

 

No matter what you actually do all day, or what your personal preferences towards reproduction happen to be, your brain and your body and your DNA just want to get the mini-me factory rolling, and that means you are constantly, and often unconsciously, evaluating the fitness and fertility status of the people around you, even if you have ZERO intention of smashing up your DNA into a little bundle of snuggly joy.

 

baby

 

The minute an egg makes the leap from ovary to fallopian tube and heads for a sperm party in the uterus, a woman’s brain will prefer the smell of men oozing with testosterone, men who have features associated with masculinity such as a deep voice and a strong jawline.

 

rupert

 

It’s not a CONSCIOUS partiality, it’s a relic from our past that still has an impact on our instinctive preferences today.

 

http://www.livescience.com/28812-women-prefer-smell-of-manly-guys.html

 

Men have a similar instinctive preference: they like a high hip to waist ratio, because it DOES in fact, signal fertility.

 

It is now verboten to say that, because it makes the chubby ladies feel bad. Captain Capitalism has a few thoughts on this new prohibition against men openly declaring their preferences for women’s bodies, and I’ll just leave it right here for you.

 

http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.ca/2013/04/inducing-shock-in-matriarchy.html

 

Let’s get back to Peter Lloyd. What the hell does any of this have to do with Peter Lloyd?

 

Well, the fact is that ladies police each other in this competition to capture the best DNA, whether they understand it as that, or not. Indeed, it seems that even smart ladies with PhD’s can’t quite grasp what policing and evaluating other women’s appearances is all about. There’s no question that we DO, it’s just a matter of the WHY.

 

What’s going on in the minds of women? Have we become so vigilant about how we look in general — and our aging appearance specifically — that we’ve lost sight of the fact that we’re all in this together? Do we question and critique others because of our own fears and ambivalence about how we will deal as our looks change? Remember, by comparing, competing and then devaluing others in order to boost our own shaky sense of self, we join forces with the very culture that has created the need to do just that!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/body-image_b_1678184.html

 

Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? We’re not all in this together.

 

And we keep an eye on each other. 20 seconds. That’s how long it will take me to assess your threat as a competitor. I will observe all your features, particularly those that signal health and fertility and measure them against my own and settle on a judgement.

 

And it’s not just me. I’ve posted this study before, but I’ll put it up against, because it’s just so telling.

 

jealous

 

Results showed that almost all women were aggressive toward the attractive female whose only indiscretion was to dress in a sexually provocative manner. The women in this situation were more likely to roll their eyes at their peer, stare her up and down and show anger while she was in the room. When she left the room, many of them laughed at her, ridiculed her appearance, and/or suggested that she was sexually available. By contrast, when the same attractive peer was dressed conservatively, the group of women assigned to this second scenario barely noticed her, and none of them discussed her when she left the room.

 

Vaillancourt, T.& Sharma, A. (2011). Intolerance of sexy peers: Intrasexual competition among women. Aggressive Behavior, 37, 569-577. doi: 10.1002/ab.20413

 

Personally, I have no problem with other women taking me apart visually. Go for it. Three kids and I still have a 26 inch waist, topped with some pretty awesome C-Cups. I weigh the exact same as I did when I met my husband. I don’t mind other women scanning me and rolling their eyes or snarking quietly.

 

Because I’m still competitive. Check out my ass all you want, ladies. I’ll bet it’s better than yours.

 

ass

 

Plenty of women who don’t quite measure up aren’t so confident. They don’t like how they look when they’re working out. They hate being stared at and objectified. They feel intimidated by eyes that are assessing, measuring, calculating, evaluating and ultimately judging them.

 

fat

 

At the same time, gyms can be incredibly patriarchal places where women often feel intimidated, harassed, out of place, and unwelcome. Also, the ads for gyms and the primary motivation for many women going to one is focused on (often unattainable) patriarchal standards of beauty.

http://www.balancingjane.com/2013/02/women-in-gyms-working-out-in-safe-spaces.html

 

What they seem to have forgotten is that it’s OTHER WOMEN who are doing the looking. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will behave aggressively if you’re a bit too sexy. It’s OTHER WOMEN who will notice that you actually look like shit.

 

Ladies who don’t like being objectified and stared at should probably stick to working out with lots of men present. I’ll go to the women’s only workouts.

 

And you can bet your ass I’m going to judge you.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

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