Being a mother isn’t a job? Bullshit. Is it the toughest job? Hahahahahahah! Nope. But it’s definitely a job.

 

 

 

Lots of interesting commentary around the recent Parents survey that reveals 92% of all mothers agree with the statement “There’s no tougher job than being a mom”.

 

http://www.parents.com/parenting/moms/do-mommy-wars-exist/?page=2

 

There are a number of different factors at play when we talk about “mothering” and what constitutes a “job” and what makes a job “tough” – let’s tackle them one by one.

 

Predictably, Jezebel begins with the old Simone de Beauvior “being a stay at home mother and wife should be banned” bullshit.

 

 

No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”

– “Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma,” Saturday Review, June 14, 1975.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Simone_de_Beauvoir

 

Feminism: giving women choices. Except the one they would most prefer.

 

Jezebel has a long history of slagging on women who do their work outside the formal economic structure of the marketplace, and it’s not the JOB they hate, so much as the women who do the job for their OWN families rather than for strangers.

 

Is working in daycare center a job?

Is running a housekeeping service a job?

Is owning a catering business a job?

 

 

Of course it is, but only if you are selling your services in the formal marketplace. Provide those services for the family you love, and you are a pitiable dupe of the patriarchy. Because someone has to the earn the living, right? And if Mommy is at home, it must be Daddy doing the productive economic labor.

 

Oh, dear. Too much power for Daddy. Out there every day slogging in some job he may or may not enjoy so he can have the pleasure of lording it over the woman who gets to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, all day long.

 

I find it interesting that when a family has TWO Daddies, they are more likely to embrace the traditional division of family labor, and have one Daddy at home full time.

 

 

In his seminal book A Treatise on the Family, published in 1981, the Nobel Prize–winning economist Gary Becker argued that “specialization,” whereby one parent stays home and the other does the earning, is the most efficient way of running a household, because the at-home spouse enables the at-work spouse to earn more.

Guess who is most likely to specialize? Gay dads.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/06/the-gay-guide-to-wedded-bliss/309317/2/

 

When you take the ideology of gender and feminism out of the equation and ask a couple raising children to make the most sensible economic choice, the traditional family wins out. If the debate were really about what makes the most financial sense, then having a parent at home would be a no-brainer.

 

But that is not what the debate is about. It’s about giving women the power to game a system that ensures that no matter how hard a man works, his wife will always be able to control the family assets and access to the children.

 

 

And that conversation starts with denying that the at-home parent is even doing an economically productive job at all.

 

But the thing is, being a mom is not a job—if it were, you’d get time off, maybe some health insurance, and most importantly, paid for all your hard work.

http://jezebel.com/being-a-mom-is-not-a-job-747142586

 

Naturally, what Jezebel refuses to consider is Becker’s evidence that having one parent at home allows the other parent to be more productive, earning a premium, and that premium is the income the at-home parent contributes. Even if you are going to hold fast to the idea that cooking dinner every night only counts if you sell the dinner to your neighbor, not feed your own family, you can STILL measure a wage increase attributable to the at home parent.

 

Hey, the Nobel Prize committee thought it was pretty compelling evidence for specialization, but what do they know, right?

 

 

If millions of women decided “fuck this cubicle shit, I’m going home”, and millions more young women decided “screw $50 000 worth of student debt so I can work minimum wage, I’m getting married”, it would have a dramatic impact on both the marketplace and marriage.

 

Not very men want the pleasure of supporting a fat, nagging hag with a permanent bitch face. Creating a union in which one person is dependent upon another requires some slightly different attributes than a union in which two people compete for resources rather than cooperate.

 

http://jezebel.com/why-i-love-my-bitchy-resting-face-514067148

 

 

Remember the Princeton mom who encouraged women to look for husbands at university? She was roundly spanked in the media, but she has a book deal! I can’t wait for that book. Publishers know there is a market for a book like that.

 

http://www.today.com/books/princeton-mom-who-advised-students-find-husband-campus-scores-book-6C10584675

 

http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/30/hey-ivy-league-ladies-if-you-want-to-marry-up-you-need-to-marry-young-so-get-out-there-and-nail-down-a-freshman/

 

Personally, I think the market is growing, too. Young women especially are seeing that the whole housewife gig is a far cry from oppressive and dreary. It’s actually the best damn job any woman could have!

 

 

That brings us to our second point: being a mother is the toughest job in the world.

 

Excuse while I laugh hysterically for a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do all these jobs have in common? They are physically and/or intellectually demanding, some are highly dangerous and the vast majority of the workforce in these occupations are men.

 

http://www.globalpost.com/series/depth-worlds-most-dangerous-jobs

 

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but so far, mothering has not included any dynamite, out of control flames, chemical spills or crude oil. Hell, I don’t even deal with clogged toilets or drains.

 

 

I text my husband for that shit.

 

 

I will add the caveat that having a newborn in the house is physically EXHAUSTING labor, but it’s not physically demanding in the way that construction or roofing is. Not even close.

 

So why is it that so many mothers agree that being a mom is not just a tough job, it’s THE toughest job?

 

Because most of them are shit mothers. That’s my theory. I’d like to see how many stay at home moms agree with that statement. Those of us who spend our days making cake pops for the kids dance troupe fundraiser (I have to make TWO THOUSAND by September 1^st!), ignoring the housework and blogging in our spare time might have a thing or two to relate about how “tough” our lives are.

 

 

Women who leave the house every day, dragging sleepy, sobbing children off to the day orphanage, trying to get one modicum of “work” done in their cubicles then racing to the grocery store to pick up some shitty processed food to microwave for dinner might find mothering a “tough” job because it’s hard to cram in around all the other “priorities”.

 

Some of those women have so many other “priorities” that they completely forget they are supposed to drop off the baby for some other woman to raise, and they leave the baby to cook to death in the back seat of a hot car.

 

 

20 children have already died in hot cars in 2013. You know what kills me? What just kills me? The advice to avoid doing this to your own baby is to put your mobile phone in the baby’s seat or your purse on the floor near the baby. You know, something important. Something you would never forget. Something that has top priority in your life.

 

 

YOUR FUCKING PHONE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR BABY?

 

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/07/07/hot.car.parenting/index.html

 

And it makes me rage when I hear sanctimonious commenters say “it could happen to anyone”. Like fuck it can. I do not mentally check out of my baby’s life for eight hours a day, expecting someone else to be responsible. The odds that I would “forget” my baby in the car are ZERO!

 

IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

 

Failing to make mothering your primary job means that babies die. And the ones that don’t die are still miserable and unpleasant and angry and unsettled and really, really hard to take care of. They’re not being cared for in the way every neuron in their brain tells them is necessary. They need an attachment to a primary caregiver, and when they don’t get it, bad things happen.

 

‘No one can deny that daycare increases aggressiveness of toddlers. A toddler raised at home with a single carer is six times less likely to be aggressive than one enduring more than 45 hours a week daycare and the more daycare a child has, the greater the aggression. This aggression is sustained and predicts greater problems in primary schools.’

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2275962/A-generation-little-savages-raised-nurseries-daycare-linked-aggression-toddlers.html

 

That Parenting survey was missing a word: Being a SHITTY mother is the toughest job in the world.

 

Yep.

 

Now I have to go and get started on those cake pops. I need to make around 80 a day (weekends off) to hit 2000 by September 1^st. This is the first year I am in charge of fundraising. I figure we’ll clear $4000 our first event. That’s quadruple the amount the squad made last year for the WHOLE year.

 

Oh, but don’t worry. I won’t consider it work. And I sure won’t delude myself into thinking making cake pops is “tough”. It’s actually a lot of fun! Look at the things you can do with a cake pop!

 

 

 

 

Beats being a garbage collector any day. I wonder if the garbage crew would enjoy a cake pop the next time they swing down our street?

 

I think I’ll find out.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

Dating single mothers? Just say NO! A note for all the single dudes.

First up, let’s clarify our terms.  A widow is NOT a single mother.  Her husband died!  Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children.  So don’t even think of doing it.  Especially war widows.  If you ever find yourself referring to a woman whose husband died on a battlefield as a single mother, you should immediately pour Tabasco sauce into your eyes, because you deserve to weep all the tears I’m certain she has.

Divorced mothers are also NOT single mothers, although a huge flashing PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign is definitely in order.  We’ll get to these charming ladies later.

A single mother is a woman who had a child outside of any established relationship, or a relationship so fragile the thickest retard in the world ought to have been able to see bringing a child on board was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.  Single mothers are bona fide idiots and here is why you should never even consider dating one:

First, this is a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about her child’s well-being and future prospects.  Children of single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale:  they have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents.  Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.

http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articleid=107&sectionid=692

Ladies, this is why abortion exists!  If you screw up and get pregnant, don’t screw up even more and bring an innocent child along with you!  The rest of us who have to LIVE with your fucked up, emotionally scarred children will PAY you to have a fucking abortion.  Be sensible, for the love of god.

Second, single mothers are clearly really, really shitty at making life decisions.  Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to fuck up your life.  You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. All of those things can be fixed.  You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards.  But once you have a child, you cannot take it back.  It’s done.

Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men.  There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring.  Remember the Cinderella Effect? (http://judgybitch.com/2012/10/27/of-course-gay-people-should-get-married-and-have-children-its-the-most-natural-thing-in-the-world/)

It’s real.  A modern man doesn’t turn up his nose at a woman with some sexual experience who might have learned a trick or two from previous lovers about what men REALLY like, or more likely, she learned how to FIND OUT, but the majority of men would like to see a NEW sign on her uterus.  No previous occupants.  When a man picks a wife, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him.

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Decided-Not-To-Date-Single-Mothers/2017652

A woman who cares so little about her children, her own prospects, and her future husband is NOT going to make a great wife.  Sorry.  It’s just not going to happen.  A great wife and mother places the needs and happiness of her husband and children ABOVE her own needs, and in doing so, finds her greatest happiness.  So politically incorrect to say so, I know.  But a woman who makes YOU the center of her life is going to be a great wife.  Oh, and in return, you have to make HER the center of your life.

See how that works?  Yeah.  Not really a huge mystery.  You live for one another.  You both put each other’s happiness above your own.  Exactly what single mothers do NOT do.

Now divorced mothers, who are a breed of single mothers, MIGHT  be a little different, but whenever you approach one, sing this little song in your head:  it takes two to tango.

Never, ever assume a divorced woman is some innocent blushing maid cruelly abused by some terrible man.  Oh, that’s the story she’ll spin for you, because really, what women is going to sit there and say “I’m an unbearably controlling and irrational cunt who made my husband’s life such hell he decided he would rather be a weekend Dad than spend one more second with me”.

When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw.  It’s something big.  Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit.  I’m outta here”. Stand firmly on guard.  Scan the horizon, dude.  Something wicked this way comes.  Or it soon will.

Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either.  Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that?  What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is  good idea?  What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen?  Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage.  You might not be the FIRST man she blames all her problems on, but you sure as hell can be NEXT.

Don’t be.

On the whole, give single and divorced mothers a pass.  And for the love of god, if you decide to give one a spin, STAY AWAY FROM THE CHILD.  That child is aching for a man to call his or her own.  Every child of a single mother lies awake at night in bed, longing for the Daddy he sees on TV, in books, in the lives of the other kids at school.  He wants you so badly.  Don’t let him fall in love.  You’ll break his heart.  Or hers.  Little girls long for daddies as much as little boys.

That’s the real danger.  The children of single mothers have already been wounded so deeply by the lack of a father.  To give them some hope that it might be YOU, and then leave them is unspeakably cruel.  It’s the worst thing you can do.  You can’t save those little innocents, but you can save them from hurting even more.

Don’t date single mothers.  It’s just not worth it.

Lots of love,

JB

Women don’t build, invent or produce anything of real economic, social or political value BUT WE SHOVE HUMANS OUT OUR VAGINAS, and that is the most important contribution of all. So pay me, motherfuckers.

In How To Be A Woman, Caitlin Moran notes, with refreshing honesty, that women really have not created or invented very much throughout history.  Her theory is that we’ve been held down too long, and whew!  That is exhausting.  Nice try.

Here’s what we have created:  OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.  And for some reason, the effort it takes to create another human being and then do a decent job raising him or her to adulthood is not even considered work! We’re supposed to do that shit for free, and then accept the theory that WE DON’T CREATE ANYTHING.

What the everloving fuck is up with that shit?

This is the main reason I do not consider myself a feminist.  I am not joining any team that thinks my life’s work A) isn’t work and B) some sort of treason against all women. Hey, Simone de Beauvoir?  Fuck you with your “no woman should be authorized to stay home and raise children” bullshit.  Who the fuck are you, bitch?  Oh yeah, a childless spinster chasing a married man around the globe.  Thanks for your input, slag.

http://conservapedia.com/Simone_de_Beauvoir

Princess Pointless has a very sick little munchkin and she left her job to care for him.  She regularly does 72 hours shifts at his bedside!  72 hours!  And guess what she gets paid to do that work?  ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!  Where is the sisterhood now?  Where are all the politically aware feminists in arms?  Where are the PAY ME MOTHERFUCKER protesters?  Where are the politicians and leaders and activists?

Feminism has thrown women like me and Princess Pointless under the bus and our children, too.  Worse, feminists throw their OWN children under the bus by choosing a career over family. And what do they spend that money on? Walk into any supermarket and look at the products.  Look at them carefully.  95% of the shit you can buy at any WalMart or Tesco is fucking rubbish aimed at assuaging the guilty consciences of women who get up every day and leave the baby at the day orphanage while they go off to their “job” which is incredibly unlikely to involve A) curing cancer, B) creating technologies that improve the world or C) anything useful at all.

Yeah my kid spends 60 hours a week in institutional care while I plan strategies for marketing nail polish!  Yay for me!  What a great contribution.

The truth is that women don’t give a fuck about other women.  There are no women rallying around me and the Princess.  It’s the men in our lives who care.  Who value us.  Who pay the bills.  Who love us for what we CREATE and PRODUCE and who are prepared to pay for that.

Feminist?  Not a fucking chance.  Not until I hear the voices of a million women screaming for our contributions to humanity to be acknowledged, respected, admired and PAID FOR!  And what are those contributions to humanity.  Oh nothing, except for HUMAN BEINGS.

Lots of Love

JB